The English Language??!!
Kim Baker
This was posted on another list I belong to! I
thought you might enjoy it!
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it
that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth
beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call
it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form
by filling it out and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity
of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at
all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights
are out, they are invisible
=====
Kim - Missouri MOM of Dylan(10) Jacob(10) Noah(20 mos)
__________________________________________________
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Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
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thought you might enjoy it!
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it
that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth
beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call
it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form
by filling it out and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity
of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at
all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights
are out, they are invisible
=====
Kim - Missouri MOM of Dylan(10) Jacob(10) Noah(20 mos)
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
Samantha Stopple
LOL! If anyone wants a read more about the pesky
English language and just as funny and serious at
times(wars have been fought just about what language
one spoke). Read Bill Bryson's The Mother Tongue:
English and How it Got That Way.
Samantha
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
English language and just as funny and serious at
times(wars have been fought just about what language
one spoke). Read Bill Bryson's The Mother Tongue:
English and How it Got That Way.
Samantha
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/