Need opinions
[email protected]
Hey all! I want to share a NEW situation I was in today and would like
feedback on how to handle this in the future...I'm very open to any
ideas...thanks in advance:
My dh, son (1yo) and 3 yo dd were standing in line at a restaurant waiting to
be seated for lunch. The door opened and a woman was helping her teenaged
daughter get in the door -- the daughter had some type of disorder/disease
that prevented her from walking "normal" and her mouth was sorta tight so
when she spoke it was obvious somethig was wrong with her. Needless to say
my daughter was GAWKING like I've never seen her do before. I glanced in the
direction of the mom/daughter, smiled and said hello. I looked at my
daughter and said "would you like to say "hi" and she sorta hid behind me
(still gawking) and shook her head no.
When we left the restaurant I explained to my daughter that not all people
walk and talk like us but they are still like us -- they like to eat out with
their family, talk with new people, eat fun food, etc. I guess my question
is should I do more to get her to stop staring? I assume this young woman
was probably used to young children staring but it seems as though she (and
others) would get tired of it. I have successfully (I think!) explained
walkers, cains, and wheelchairs and why people use them and my daughter
understands and will easily greet people who use them. This situation was
very different...I was especially worried because my daughter did NOT ask me
a ton of questions like normal. Hmmm.
I guess I'm starting to ramble...I just don't know what I should do (if
anything) differently the next time something like this takes place.
Would love to hear what others have to say on this. Thanks.
Michelle in DE
feedback on how to handle this in the future...I'm very open to any
ideas...thanks in advance:
My dh, son (1yo) and 3 yo dd were standing in line at a restaurant waiting to
be seated for lunch. The door opened and a woman was helping her teenaged
daughter get in the door -- the daughter had some type of disorder/disease
that prevented her from walking "normal" and her mouth was sorta tight so
when she spoke it was obvious somethig was wrong with her. Needless to say
my daughter was GAWKING like I've never seen her do before. I glanced in the
direction of the mom/daughter, smiled and said hello. I looked at my
daughter and said "would you like to say "hi" and she sorta hid behind me
(still gawking) and shook her head no.
When we left the restaurant I explained to my daughter that not all people
walk and talk like us but they are still like us -- they like to eat out with
their family, talk with new people, eat fun food, etc. I guess my question
is should I do more to get her to stop staring? I assume this young woman
was probably used to young children staring but it seems as though she (and
others) would get tired of it. I have successfully (I think!) explained
walkers, cains, and wheelchairs and why people use them and my daughter
understands and will easily greet people who use them. This situation was
very different...I was especially worried because my daughter did NOT ask me
a ton of questions like normal. Hmmm.
I guess I'm starting to ramble...I just don't know what I should do (if
anything) differently the next time something like this takes place.
Would love to hear what others have to say on this. Thanks.
Michelle in DE
[email protected]
I've talked to my kids and said "It would make you feel bad if people just
stared at you, wouldn't it?
Each of these came up as they came up--as we'd see someone who was
handicapped and they'd ask questions. The whole etiquette of not pointing
and not talking loud enough for others to hear you ties in.
A friend of mine who's a quadraplegic doesn't mind if kids ask her why she's
in a wheelchair. She said she'd rather them ask than to just ignore her or
act really weird. But then she's talkative and neither a bitter person, nor
mean, and she's able to respond. Some people can't carry on a conversation,
or wouldn't want to. It's hard to guess.
I volunteer information to my kids even when they haven't notices someone. I
pointed out an anacephalic teen or young adult at the hardware store. They
were looking at something else. But I figured to describe the condition and
tell them they'd see more in their lives (which they have) and to say that
some babies are born with heads too big, and some with heads too small, and
that could have happened when I had babies but I was glad it didn't. I
hugged them and made it an opportunity for learning AND reassurance and
social advisement.
Sandra
stared at you, wouldn't it?
Each of these came up as they came up--as we'd see someone who was
handicapped and they'd ask questions. The whole etiquette of not pointing
and not talking loud enough for others to hear you ties in.
A friend of mine who's a quadraplegic doesn't mind if kids ask her why she's
in a wheelchair. She said she'd rather them ask than to just ignore her or
act really weird. But then she's talkative and neither a bitter person, nor
mean, and she's able to respond. Some people can't carry on a conversation,
or wouldn't want to. It's hard to guess.
I volunteer information to my kids even when they haven't notices someone. I
pointed out an anacephalic teen or young adult at the hardware store. They
were looking at something else. But I figured to describe the condition and
tell them they'd see more in their lives (which they have) and to say that
some babies are born with heads too big, and some with heads too small, and
that could have happened when I had babies but I was glad it didn't. I
hugged them and made it an opportunity for learning AND reassurance and
social advisement.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 02/19/2001 7:38:29 PM !!!First Boot!!!, mommiesapp@...
writes:
Well, that's what I would expect a 3 yo to do. She hasn't ever seen this
before. If it was anything new she would gawk. And it's kind of scary.
Then you had a few good comments for her to store away and now when this
happens again, with you there to guide her, maybe her composure will be a
little better. But I think it takes a few times -- thinking here about the
MANY elderly people we see in wheelchairs and having to ride the motorized
carts shopping and needing assistance (can you tell I live in Florida?? :) )
. At 6 and 7, my 2 kids are pretty unfazed by the whole thing but it was NEW
at one point and needed to be talked about. I'm sure we will continue to
fine-tune our manners and widen our worldview as the kids and I see more and
different kinds of people.
Nance
writes:
Needless to say
my daughter was GAWKING like I've never seen her do before. I glanced in
the
direction of the mom/daughter, smiled and said hello. I looked at my
daughter and said "would you like to say "hi" and she sorta hid behind me
(still gawking) and shook her head no.
Well, that's what I would expect a 3 yo to do. She hasn't ever seen this
before. If it was anything new she would gawk. And it's kind of scary.
Then you had a few good comments for her to store away and now when this
happens again, with you there to guide her, maybe her composure will be a
little better. But I think it takes a few times -- thinking here about the
MANY elderly people we see in wheelchairs and having to ride the motorized
carts shopping and needing assistance (can you tell I live in Florida?? :) )
. At 6 and 7, my 2 kids are pretty unfazed by the whole thing but it was NEW
at one point and needed to be talked about. I'm sure we will continue to
fine-tune our manners and widen our worldview as the kids and I see more and
different kinds of people.
Nance
Vicki A. Dennis
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, February 19, 2001 1:51 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Need opinions
I
> pointed out an anacephalic teen or young adult at the hardware store.
**** Surely you m eant hydrocephalic or microcephalic. An anencephalic
would not survive to either teen or young adulthood. Or toddlerhood for that
matt.
Vicki
[email protected]
-=-
**** Surely you m eant hydrocephalic or microcephalic. -=
Microcephalic. SORRY.
You're right. Thanks.
We had a neighbor at the old house, before we had kids, and their baby was
anecephalic--born with just a brainstem, basically. Poor folks.
There's a group here of several adults who are all microcephalic and I see
them being taken out and about a fair amount--to the amusement park and the
dollar flicks. So my kids have since had other occasions to see them since
they saw the first with his family.
Sandra
**** Surely you m eant hydrocephalic or microcephalic. -=
Microcephalic. SORRY.
You're right. Thanks.
We had a neighbor at the old house, before we had kids, and their baby was
anecephalic--born with just a brainstem, basically. Poor folks.
There's a group here of several adults who are all microcephalic and I see
them being taken out and about a fair amount--to the amusement park and the
dollar flicks. So my kids have since had other occasions to see them since
they saw the first with his family.
Sandra
Dennis/Laurie Brown
I'll take a stab at this one! I have
health problems which are causing an increased need for me to use a wheelchair
in my day to day activities. It has been a major hurdle to get used to my
new abilities (or lack of same). And don't even get me started on how the
insurance and medical establishment treats me! But that's not the
topic...back to the topic.
I think you handled it great! You have
your DD an opportunity to say 'hello', after giving a greeting yourself.
This is the absolute best example you could have set (IMO). It was
courteous, but not overbearing, it helped your children know how to act when
confronted with this situation in the future and was a kind response to the
other people, showing general courtesy and patience.
A couple of tips from someone new to using a
wheelchair. For starters, loneliness can be a
devastating condition to cope with. I have noticed that some people are
not at all sure how to approach me or whether I want to be bothered by their
presence. I am sooo appreciative of the people who are able to greet ME,
rather than worry about my chair. It is physically very difficult for me
to 'work' a room and get around to meet other people. However, that
doesn't mean I don't want to know them.
I know it is frustrating for others who are
hurrying on their way when they have to wait for me to cross a street or get
through a doorway. A smile and a small greeting goes a long way to let me
know not to take it personally. (By the same token, I try to make eye
contact and greet others when they have wait around for me.)
Holding doors open or other small gestures of
assistance are welcome. At least for me, so are the questions asked by
young children. I've had a couple of situations where the parents were
mortified because their young child was 'getting in my way'. While I
appreciate their consideration, I also love children and welcome their open
curiosity. I would rather that the parent get down closer to the child's
level and assist the child in talking with me or asking questions outright about
my chair and/or my circumstances than to have them pulled away and have the
parents wrestling to keep the young child under control. It amazes me what
interests the children about my chair...judging from the curiosity of children,
I'm sure I've met a lot of budding engineers! Sure, it takes a few extra
minutes to teach your children, but I think it's worth it.
Of course, it would not be appropriate to
stop every handicapped/blind/less-abled person on the street and burden them
with a lot of questions! But to take a moment to allow your child to
become more comfortable with the situation. I say, way to go,
mom!
I have an aunt who has down's syndrome.
We get some of the same reactions when we are out with her. It is obvious
she has a disability of some sort and people are not sure how to react, often
choosing to ignore her/us, rather than be bothered with
conversation.
Now I'm starting to ramble and that was not my
point. I think you did a good job in this situation.
FWIW,
Eiraul
----- Original Message -----From: mommiesapp@...Sent: February 19, 2001 11:38 AMSubject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Need opinionsMy dh, son (1yo) and 3 yo dd were standing in line at a restaurant waiting to
be seated for lunch. The door opened and a woman was helping her teenaged
daughter get in the door -- the daughter had some type of disorder/disease
that prevented her from walking "normal" and her mouth was sorta tight so
when she spoke it was obvious somethig was wrong with her. Needless to say
my daughter was GAWKING like I've never seen her do before. I glanced in the
direction of the mom/daughter, smiled and said hello. I looked at my
daughter and said "would you like to say "hi" and she sorta hid behind me
(still gawking) and shook her head no.
When we left the restaurant I explained to my daughter that not all people
walk and talk like us but they are still like us -- they like to eat out with
their family, talk with new people, eat fun food, etc. I guess my question
is should I do more to get her to stop staring? I assume this young woman
was probably used to young children staring but it seems as though she (and
others) would get tired of it. I have successfully (I think!) explained
walkers, cains, and wheelchairs and why people use them and my daughter
understands and will easily greet people who use them. This situation was
very different...I was especially worried because my daughter did NOT ask me
a ton of questions like normal. Hmmm.
I guess I'm starting to ramble...I just don't know what I should do (if
anything) differently the next time something like this takes place.
mywheel
Hi, I am new on this list. J I have been homeschooling for 4 years now. I have 5 boys, ages 9, 8, 6, 4, and 1. I have had a situation come up that I had wanted some advice on. My 8 year old is currently in testing to see if he has cancer. So far the tests are pointing more and more to that end. I was wondering if anyone had some ideas on things I could be doing with my son that I can use to meet his minimum requirements for the district this year and still take into account that he is not feeling too good and is likely to have more trouble this year, not less. I know, that is a big thing to drop out here. J I am new to unschooling and quite unsure where to go with things. Pennsylvania law, for anyone familiar with them.
On another note, I have MS and use a wheelchair off and on myself. (This is to the person that was just speaking about that topic.) I understand how that works. The funny thing with us is, when I am not in my wheelchair I tend to drag my kids out of other people’s way (when they are also using some type of walking aid.) The reason I do that though is not because they are staring or curious, they see this all the time with me, but because they don’t get out of the way and I have run over them several times myself. J
Anyway, thanks for any suggestions you may have,
Faith
Elizabeth Hill
**I was wondering if anyone had some ideas on things I could be doing with
my son that I can use to meet his minimum requirements for the district
this year and still take into account that he is not feeling too good and
is likely to have more trouble this year, not less.**
Hi --
If you have time, one pleasant way to cover some requirements (for your
particular district) is to find some good books and read them aloud to him
while he is resting. You can find books with a historical setting and
count this relaxed time as a history "lesson". There are also interesting
books available about nature and science topics. I retain everything
better when it's told like a story, so I assume this works for other
people, too. If your time is tight, you could get books on tape and
"educational" videos from your library.
I like playing games like Yahtzee and computer games if I want to put a
little math into their schedule.
(Yes, I know this isn't strictly unschooling.)
Betsy
my son that I can use to meet his minimum requirements for the district
this year and still take into account that he is not feeling too good and
is likely to have more trouble this year, not less.**
Hi --
If you have time, one pleasant way to cover some requirements (for your
particular district) is to find some good books and read them aloud to him
while he is resting. You can find books with a historical setting and
count this relaxed time as a history "lesson". There are also interesting
books available about nature and science topics. I retain everything
better when it's told like a story, so I assume this works for other
people, too. If your time is tight, you could get books on tape and
"educational" videos from your library.
I like playing games like Yahtzee and computer games if I want to put a
little math into their schedule.
(Yes, I know this isn't strictly unschooling.)
Betsy
[email protected]
>>>>I like playing games like Yahtzee and computer games if I want to puta little math into their schedule.
(Yes, I know this isn't strictly unschooling.)>>>>
Why not? If a child enjoys playing a game, and happens to be picking up
or reinforcing a skill, why would that no longer be unschooling? Now if
you forced them to play board games when they don't want to, that would
be a different story.
Mary Ellen
alarm clock - n. a device for waking up people
who don't have small children.
Jon and Rue Kream
For us unschooling is letting go of thinking about things in terms of math,
or science, or history, or whatever other subject. This is one of the
things that makes it so difficult (morally and actually) to fill out
progress reports for the school system. When we play a game, it's only
because we feel like playing a game. I can honestly say I never think about
whether the kids have done enough math this week, or this year, or ever.
So, from our point of view, it is not "strictly unschooling" to put math
into our child's schedule. For me it would feel like a violation of trust
to let my child think I am just playing with them, while really I was hoping
to teach them something without their noticing. And to combat the inherent
email communication problems, I'll just tell you now that I'm not judging
anyone, I'm just sharing our viewpoint, and what unschooling means to
s:). -Rue
-----Original Message-----
From: megates@... [mailto:megates@...]
Sent: Wednesday, February 21, 2001 10:30 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Need opinions
(Yes, I know this isn't strictly unschooling.)>>>>
Why not? If a child enjoys playing a game, and happens to be picking up
or reinforcing a skill, why would that no longer be unschooling? Now if
you forced them to play board games when they don't want to, that would
be a different story.
Mary Ellen
alarm clock - n. a device for waking up people
who don't have small children.
Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
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or science, or history, or whatever other subject. This is one of the
things that makes it so difficult (morally and actually) to fill out
progress reports for the school system. When we play a game, it's only
because we feel like playing a game. I can honestly say I never think about
whether the kids have done enough math this week, or this year, or ever.
So, from our point of view, it is not "strictly unschooling" to put math
into our child's schedule. For me it would feel like a violation of trust
to let my child think I am just playing with them, while really I was hoping
to teach them something without their noticing. And to combat the inherent
email communication problems, I'll just tell you now that I'm not judging
anyone, I'm just sharing our viewpoint, and what unschooling means to
s:). -Rue
-----Original Message-----
From: megates@... [mailto:megates@...]
Sent: Wednesday, February 21, 2001 10:30 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Need opinions
>>>>I like playing games like Yahtzee and computer games if I want to puta little math into their schedule.
(Yes, I know this isn't strictly unschooling.)>>>>
Why not? If a child enjoys playing a game, and happens to be picking up
or reinforcing a skill, why would that no longer be unschooling? Now if
you forced them to play board games when they don't want to, that would
be a different story.
Mary Ellen
alarm clock - n. a device for waking up people
who don't have small children.
Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
Addresses:
Post message: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
List owner: [email protected]
List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/21/01 1:56:28 PM, megates@... writes:
<< Why not? If a child enjoys playing a game, and happens to be picking up
or reinforcing a skill, why would that no longer be unschooling? >>
We play lots of games that are educational, and we go places where kids learn
about history. But if I scheduled a yahtzee game because somewhere I had a
chart that said "Math, 2/21/2001, 45 minutes" I think I'd be going out of
bounds (for me) of trusting that learning comes. But it would be
reactionary if the kids said "I'm bored" and I thought "We could play
yahtzee" but then checked myself and said "No, that is educational and
therefor manipulative, so let's play something which I believe is LESS
valuable, intellectually." Reaction to and avoidance of educational
activities would be as wrong, to me, as requirement and scheduling of them.
We have Zoombinis and Treasure Math Storm and Holly plays them a fair amount.
if she wanted to turn one off and play with a stuffed animal instead, or
play a game the skills of which are too easy for her (she still enjoys some
of the baby games which are not much more than practice with a mouse), I
won't look at the clock or say, "Can't you play Treasure Math Storm maybe
fifteen more minutes?"
Last night Holly and I played Mastermind Jr. for a long time. This morning
it was still on the table and her brother played it with her. Nobody said
"This is deductive reasoning, an important skill useful in mathematics,
science, engineering, police work and in critical thinking of all sorts."
It's Mastermind! It's fun!
Sandra
<< Why not? If a child enjoys playing a game, and happens to be picking up
or reinforcing a skill, why would that no longer be unschooling? >>
We play lots of games that are educational, and we go places where kids learn
about history. But if I scheduled a yahtzee game because somewhere I had a
chart that said "Math, 2/21/2001, 45 minutes" I think I'd be going out of
bounds (for me) of trusting that learning comes. But it would be
reactionary if the kids said "I'm bored" and I thought "We could play
yahtzee" but then checked myself and said "No, that is educational and
therefor manipulative, so let's play something which I believe is LESS
valuable, intellectually." Reaction to and avoidance of educational
activities would be as wrong, to me, as requirement and scheduling of them.
We have Zoombinis and Treasure Math Storm and Holly plays them a fair amount.
if she wanted to turn one off and play with a stuffed animal instead, or
play a game the skills of which are too easy for her (she still enjoys some
of the baby games which are not much more than practice with a mouse), I
won't look at the clock or say, "Can't you play Treasure Math Storm maybe
fifteen more minutes?"
Last night Holly and I played Mastermind Jr. for a long time. This morning
it was still on the table and her brother played it with her. Nobody said
"This is deductive reasoning, an important skill useful in mathematics,
science, engineering, police work and in critical thinking of all sorts."
It's Mastermind! It's fun!
Sandra
mywheel
Thanks so much for listening the other day. We have found out that our son has mono, not cancer as they originally thought. So we are studying that. J Thank you again. J
Faith
Kerry Kibort
Yahoo!!!!!! With a name like Faith, what else but
Mono?
Kerry
Mono?
Kerry
[email protected]
Of what wonderful news! -Amalia-
[email protected]
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., adarl52357@a... wrote:
> Of what wonderful news! -Amalia-Of=Oh sorry