Job Description for Mom
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SOMETHING EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO:
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term team players needed for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24
hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in faraway cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily until someone needs $5 to go skating.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,
this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just
crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such
as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck
zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for
clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and handle embarrassment the
next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half
million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality
of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered
on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest
thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually
enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the MOM's you know, in appreciation for
everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated.
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term team players needed for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24
hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in faraway cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily until someone needs $5 to go skating.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be
able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,
this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just
crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such
as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck
zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for
clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and handle embarrassment the
next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half
million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality
of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered
on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest
thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually
enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the MOM's you know, in appreciation for
everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated.