Life Scripting
John O. Andersen
Here is an essay I wrote a few months back. It's topic ties in with the
practice of unschooling.
I hope you don't mind my posting essays in this forum. In the past, people
either love me for it or hate me. If you're one of the latter, may I
invite you to use your delete key should my messages offend.
John Andersen
Life Scripting
If the sameness of habits, opinions, and goals is any indication, more
than a few people in our society have absolved themselves of the
responsibility to script their own lives. Instead they opt for the
convenience of pre-packaged scripts derived through popular opinion.
Of course, popular opinion can sometimes be logical, and prudent.
However, those who unquestioningly accept too much of it risk losing their
individuality. In the long run, such people risk losing their capacity to
be creative, entertain themselves, or engage in rigorous independent
thinking--all essential aspects of a rich and meaningful life.
While many may agree that nurturing individuality is essential to
happiness, too few adults have the time or inclination to do that. Perhaps
this is because of heavy pressure to conform not only on the job, but also
during much of their leisure time. Or perhaps as children they didn't get
enough time to daydream, to imagine, or to play. Maybe they grew up
depending on others to entertain them and never fully learned to create
their own fun. Whatever the reason, far too many adults exchange their
prerogative to act independently for the convenience of following popular
scripts.
Popular scripts and their antidotes
College is for nearly everyone
Our nation's university system is the largest, and most respected in the
world. As it has grown, so has its overhead. Its continued financial
survival and growth depends on widespread acceptance of the "fact" that a
college degree is a necessary goal for virtually everyone. If too many
people were to turn their backs on the idea of college, the higher
education industry would be doomed. Hence, popular opinion, spawned by
monied interests predictably supports the status quo.
There are other options, however. More young people could learn trades.
They could take jobs and work their way up using common sense,
determination, and self-education. They could start their own businesses.
These aren't just consolation prizes for those who can't afford a
university education. Rather, for the right person, they are superior
options to merely following the crowd to college.
Recently I had a chat with a man who is a world-renowned voice trainer and
former professional opera singer, and also happens to be one of my carpet
cleaning customers. He originally broke into the opera world not through
earning a degree, but by winning a song contest. As he honed his craft,
word spread about his talent. This was the beginning of his lifetime
career.
He pointed out how many parents shell out tens of thousands of dollars to
send their children to big-name universities and music schools to learn to
sing in the opera. According to him, university graduates may have a
textbook knowledge of the mechanics, but frequently lack the feel, the
fire, and the ear which opera singers need. He finds that recent
graduates, if they are to have any shot at success, often need to "start
all over again" with a good voice teacher. When I hear things like this, I
have to wonder who really benefits from all of the money parents spend on
"prestigious" degrees.
Encouraging young people to think independently and listen to their hearts
more than popular opinion can go a long way in counteracting the
everyone-goes-to-college mind-set. There are many ways to do this. Mini
apprenticeships, wide exposure to different careers through frequent field
trips, museum visits, travels, reading, and even dinner table discussions
can open young minds to possibilities far beyond just the college option.
Become a homeowner as soon as humanly possible
This is supposedly one of the first goals for which a young working adult
should strive. Sometimes though it makes more sense to put off
homeownership for a few years or even a decade or more. Many people view
their first home purchase as a success, a step up in the world. In terms
of individual growth, however, it could be a failure if it's achieved at
the expense of suppressed creativity or missed mind-broadening
opportunities.
During my four year stint as a young Air Force officer in England I was
repeatedly pressured by peers to buy a home. There I was, just one hour's
drive away from London, one of the most culturally fascinating cities in
the world, and here are these people telling me I should take on the duties
and worries of homeownership. For crying out loud, I wasn't about to
exchange the comparative freedom to take weekly day trips to places like
St. Paul's Cathedral, Covent Garden, or Trafalgar Square for weekends
filled up with cleaning, lawn-mowing, and honey-do-lists!
A simple way to counter the pressure for premature homeownership is to
discover your bliss and shamelessly immerse yourself in it. Travel, sample
and dabble with various careers, create, compose, or just sit and observe.
If you have extra money, spend it on things near to your heart. Become a
homeowner when the time is right; when it won't detract from more
meaningful things.
Income is the most important factor in the choice of careers
A few years ago a dentist whose office carpet I cleaned, admitted that the
chance to make a lot of money was the main reason he chose dentistry. With
hindsight, perhaps he wished other values would have played a larger role
in that decision. I detected a twinge of regret in his confession.
Too many people make the same mistake. They choose careers by what's hot
at the time or what can bring them a lot of money. In the long run, many
regret having had such uninspired motives. True, they might earn a lot of
money and status. However, as they mature, more than a few of them
discover that their "hot career" brings them little in the way of inner
satisfaction or sense of providing a necessary and appreciated service.
Though it enriches them in material things, it impoverishes their souls.
Recently I got a letter from a former tenured professor who at the age of
50 turned her back on an excellent salary, and a secure career highlighted
by a coveted teaching award. She now does freelance consulting. Living
on significantly less income, she drives a 22 year old car, and makes other
financial sacrifices as necessary. Her new lifestyle however, allows her
time she never had before to do meaningful things like giving service to
HIV positive children, and assisting in animal rescue. By diminishing the
importance of income in her life, she has actually increased her
non-financial wealth (peace of mind, sharper focus, etc.) many times over.
Money is important, and so are opportunities for advancement. Far more
critical than those, however, is to find work in which you believe; work
which feeds your soul; work which truly challenges all of your faculties.
That's the sort of work which will not only meet your physical needs, but
help to make your life meaningful. Down the road, that last bit may prove
to be the more significant.
Shop 'til you drop
Shopping seems to be the number one leisure activity in our culture. For
many people it's not just about getting the things they need, rather, it
occupies in inordinate amount of their free time, not to mention their
thoughts.
I'm not saying that shopping is necessarily bad. The point is that it's
just one way of spending leisure time out of a universe of other
activities. How boring to get stuck on just one option. Why not try a
different hobby, or if you're a diehard shopper, approach it from an
unconventional angle?
Sometimes taking the frugal route (thrift stores, garage sales, etc.) can
make shopping into a challengingly creative and educational pastime.
Consider my younger sister, the "garage-sailor" extraordinaire. Over the
past decade she has gone to garage sales nearly every Saturday. That has
enabled my sister and her husband to fill their home with quality
furniture, give their children many toys, and pack their closets with
clothes. And all of this cost them a mere fraction (frequently 10% or
less) of what they would have paid in stores. If that isn't enough, from
those experiences she has acquired a sharp eye for quality, a keen sense
for value, and an amazing store of knowledge about antiques. Regularly
finding deals like $4 for a bundle of hardly used name-brand children's
clothes, or $50 for an antique oak drop-leaf table worth $900, enables her
to afford all of the things they need, and many of the things they want.
That sort of shopping differs sharply from the mainstream script and is
something which could provide entertainment for life!
Conclusion: Be your own scriptwriter
Just because you live in the suburbs and have a six-year-old son doesn't
mean you're required to enroll him in a soccer league. Just because you're
climbing the corporate ladder doesn't mean golf has to be your sport, or
you have to make your wife a football widow. Permit yourself the freedom
to break the rules. Follow your heart wherever it leads. Some of the
things you enjoy may be mainstream, and some not. The crucial point is to
do what you love; what feels right.
Be your own scriptwriter. In the long run, you'll be happier being
yourself than being a conformist because you think it's required to
maintain or enhance your status. And your reward may very well be a life
overflowing with intellectual stimulation, interesting experiences, and
creative ideas.
John Andersen is a self-employed carpet cleaner in Portland, Oregon. In
his leisure time he assists his wife with the homeschooling of their two
young children and tutors high school students in math and German. He is a
former Air Force captain who supervised flightline aircraft maintenance in
England for four years.
practice of unschooling.
I hope you don't mind my posting essays in this forum. In the past, people
either love me for it or hate me. If you're one of the latter, may I
invite you to use your delete key should my messages offend.
John Andersen
Life Scripting
If the sameness of habits, opinions, and goals is any indication, more
than a few people in our society have absolved themselves of the
responsibility to script their own lives. Instead they opt for the
convenience of pre-packaged scripts derived through popular opinion.
Of course, popular opinion can sometimes be logical, and prudent.
However, those who unquestioningly accept too much of it risk losing their
individuality. In the long run, such people risk losing their capacity to
be creative, entertain themselves, or engage in rigorous independent
thinking--all essential aspects of a rich and meaningful life.
While many may agree that nurturing individuality is essential to
happiness, too few adults have the time or inclination to do that. Perhaps
this is because of heavy pressure to conform not only on the job, but also
during much of their leisure time. Or perhaps as children they didn't get
enough time to daydream, to imagine, or to play. Maybe they grew up
depending on others to entertain them and never fully learned to create
their own fun. Whatever the reason, far too many adults exchange their
prerogative to act independently for the convenience of following popular
scripts.
Popular scripts and their antidotes
College is for nearly everyone
Our nation's university system is the largest, and most respected in the
world. As it has grown, so has its overhead. Its continued financial
survival and growth depends on widespread acceptance of the "fact" that a
college degree is a necessary goal for virtually everyone. If too many
people were to turn their backs on the idea of college, the higher
education industry would be doomed. Hence, popular opinion, spawned by
monied interests predictably supports the status quo.
There are other options, however. More young people could learn trades.
They could take jobs and work their way up using common sense,
determination, and self-education. They could start their own businesses.
These aren't just consolation prizes for those who can't afford a
university education. Rather, for the right person, they are superior
options to merely following the crowd to college.
Recently I had a chat with a man who is a world-renowned voice trainer and
former professional opera singer, and also happens to be one of my carpet
cleaning customers. He originally broke into the opera world not through
earning a degree, but by winning a song contest. As he honed his craft,
word spread about his talent. This was the beginning of his lifetime
career.
He pointed out how many parents shell out tens of thousands of dollars to
send their children to big-name universities and music schools to learn to
sing in the opera. According to him, university graduates may have a
textbook knowledge of the mechanics, but frequently lack the feel, the
fire, and the ear which opera singers need. He finds that recent
graduates, if they are to have any shot at success, often need to "start
all over again" with a good voice teacher. When I hear things like this, I
have to wonder who really benefits from all of the money parents spend on
"prestigious" degrees.
Encouraging young people to think independently and listen to their hearts
more than popular opinion can go a long way in counteracting the
everyone-goes-to-college mind-set. There are many ways to do this. Mini
apprenticeships, wide exposure to different careers through frequent field
trips, museum visits, travels, reading, and even dinner table discussions
can open young minds to possibilities far beyond just the college option.
Become a homeowner as soon as humanly possible
This is supposedly one of the first goals for which a young working adult
should strive. Sometimes though it makes more sense to put off
homeownership for a few years or even a decade or more. Many people view
their first home purchase as a success, a step up in the world. In terms
of individual growth, however, it could be a failure if it's achieved at
the expense of suppressed creativity or missed mind-broadening
opportunities.
During my four year stint as a young Air Force officer in England I was
repeatedly pressured by peers to buy a home. There I was, just one hour's
drive away from London, one of the most culturally fascinating cities in
the world, and here are these people telling me I should take on the duties
and worries of homeownership. For crying out loud, I wasn't about to
exchange the comparative freedom to take weekly day trips to places like
St. Paul's Cathedral, Covent Garden, or Trafalgar Square for weekends
filled up with cleaning, lawn-mowing, and honey-do-lists!
A simple way to counter the pressure for premature homeownership is to
discover your bliss and shamelessly immerse yourself in it. Travel, sample
and dabble with various careers, create, compose, or just sit and observe.
If you have extra money, spend it on things near to your heart. Become a
homeowner when the time is right; when it won't detract from more
meaningful things.
Income is the most important factor in the choice of careers
A few years ago a dentist whose office carpet I cleaned, admitted that the
chance to make a lot of money was the main reason he chose dentistry. With
hindsight, perhaps he wished other values would have played a larger role
in that decision. I detected a twinge of regret in his confession.
Too many people make the same mistake. They choose careers by what's hot
at the time or what can bring them a lot of money. In the long run, many
regret having had such uninspired motives. True, they might earn a lot of
money and status. However, as they mature, more than a few of them
discover that their "hot career" brings them little in the way of inner
satisfaction or sense of providing a necessary and appreciated service.
Though it enriches them in material things, it impoverishes their souls.
Recently I got a letter from a former tenured professor who at the age of
50 turned her back on an excellent salary, and a secure career highlighted
by a coveted teaching award. She now does freelance consulting. Living
on significantly less income, she drives a 22 year old car, and makes other
financial sacrifices as necessary. Her new lifestyle however, allows her
time she never had before to do meaningful things like giving service to
HIV positive children, and assisting in animal rescue. By diminishing the
importance of income in her life, she has actually increased her
non-financial wealth (peace of mind, sharper focus, etc.) many times over.
Money is important, and so are opportunities for advancement. Far more
critical than those, however, is to find work in which you believe; work
which feeds your soul; work which truly challenges all of your faculties.
That's the sort of work which will not only meet your physical needs, but
help to make your life meaningful. Down the road, that last bit may prove
to be the more significant.
Shop 'til you drop
Shopping seems to be the number one leisure activity in our culture. For
many people it's not just about getting the things they need, rather, it
occupies in inordinate amount of their free time, not to mention their
thoughts.
I'm not saying that shopping is necessarily bad. The point is that it's
just one way of spending leisure time out of a universe of other
activities. How boring to get stuck on just one option. Why not try a
different hobby, or if you're a diehard shopper, approach it from an
unconventional angle?
Sometimes taking the frugal route (thrift stores, garage sales, etc.) can
make shopping into a challengingly creative and educational pastime.
Consider my younger sister, the "garage-sailor" extraordinaire. Over the
past decade she has gone to garage sales nearly every Saturday. That has
enabled my sister and her husband to fill their home with quality
furniture, give their children many toys, and pack their closets with
clothes. And all of this cost them a mere fraction (frequently 10% or
less) of what they would have paid in stores. If that isn't enough, from
those experiences she has acquired a sharp eye for quality, a keen sense
for value, and an amazing store of knowledge about antiques. Regularly
finding deals like $4 for a bundle of hardly used name-brand children's
clothes, or $50 for an antique oak drop-leaf table worth $900, enables her
to afford all of the things they need, and many of the things they want.
That sort of shopping differs sharply from the mainstream script and is
something which could provide entertainment for life!
Conclusion: Be your own scriptwriter
Just because you live in the suburbs and have a six-year-old son doesn't
mean you're required to enroll him in a soccer league. Just because you're
climbing the corporate ladder doesn't mean golf has to be your sport, or
you have to make your wife a football widow. Permit yourself the freedom
to break the rules. Follow your heart wherever it leads. Some of the
things you enjoy may be mainstream, and some not. The crucial point is to
do what you love; what feels right.
Be your own scriptwriter. In the long run, you'll be happier being
yourself than being a conformist because you think it's required to
maintain or enhance your status. And your reward may very well be a life
overflowing with intellectual stimulation, interesting experiences, and
creative ideas.
John Andersen is a self-employed carpet cleaner in Portland, Oregon. In
his leisure time he assists his wife with the homeschooling of their two
young children and tutors high school students in math and German. He is a
former Air Force captain who supervised flightline aircraft maintenance in
England for four years.
[email protected]
John...
May I pass this article on? I loved it... Wanted to ask before I spread it
on..
Kathie
May I pass this article on? I loved it... Wanted to ask before I spread it
on..
Kathie
[email protected]
John,
I surely don't mind your essays and enjoyed the last one immensely (I am
replying before reading this one) I am just wondering if you mind anyone
posting your essays on other lists?
Mary in Idaho
I surely don't mind your essays and enjoyed the last one immensely (I am
replying before reading this one) I am just wondering if you mind anyone
posting your essays on other lists?
Mary in Idaho
A.Y.
Also,
Kids need to know that they don't "have" to get married at all. I know
many people I thought that should have stayed single, or maybe been married
but not had kids.
In our society that is looked at a bit funny.
Ann
"J
Kids need to know that they don't "have" to get married at all. I know
many people I thought that should have stayed single, or maybe been married
but not had kids.
In our society that is looked at a bit funny.
Ann
"J