uebinger robyn

Thanks Bobbie for sharing your story. It was truly generous of you to let us
learn from your experience.


>From: Bobbie <insomniaaks@...>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Homeschooling and social handicaps (long)
>Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2001 14:34:34 -0800 (PST)
>
> The only time my son is singled
> > out,
> > its by adults , ignorant, rude adults. When hes
> > grown,
> > in whatever job he chooses, I sincerely doubt that
> > his
> > coworkers will know, or care if he was homeschooled.
> > The big picture for me is his happiness and
> > security,
> > 2 things he never felt during the 2 years I allowed
> > ps
> > to undermine everything I believe in. Never again.
>
>
>I have to reply here, cuz that is so true about adults
>and their close mindedness. I am the 5th of 6
>children, the first four are 12-17 yrs older than me
>(quite a gap), and of them ONE graduated from ps. (Of
>her own choice). The rest my dad had to fight to be
>able to "homeschool" (which ended up being
>unschooling) them, and so by the time I was old enough
>to put in school, he knew he didn't really want to,
>but he had had so much negative thoughts on
>homeschooling thrown his way (that his kids wouldnt'
>learn as much, that they would be socially and
>academically handicapped, that their lives would be
>too sheltered, etc, etc, AND that the kids actually
>LIKED school and he was depriving them)
>that I remember after I had turned 5, he, very
>reluctantly sighed and asked me "do you WANT to go to
>school? If you WANT to I guess you can." and I
>remember thinking, I am soooo cool. I can decide
>whether or not to go to school. and I said no, (to his
>delight)and stayed at home all that year, learning at
>home in absolutely no structured way, just my mom
>creatively teaching me in play that my friends never
>dreamt of having, both my parents and older siblings
>reading to me several times a day and ALWAYS before
>bed. Then the next year my "best friend" started first
>grade and all the other kids that I knew from my
>religion were starting school too, so I decided I
>wanted to go. And to tell the truth in first grade I
>had a blast. But only becuz I happened to have a
>smaller class and the coolest teacher there, who
>didn't believe in traditional school methods and
>pacing. and thought if we wanted to learn cursive in
>first grade then she would teach us, if I wanted to
>use three pages and three days worth of story in my
>squiggle book, as opposed to the assigned one
>page/day, then 'go for it, you'll be a great writer',
>and if we still needed to count on our fingers to
>figure things out, then we were allowed to. And here's
>the cool part. I was further advanced in reading than
>the other kids who had faithfully gone to kindergarten
>to learn their abc's like good little "normal" kids,
>so I got to go a different grade and classroom for a
>special reading time and sometimes read to the younger
>kids. I stayed in ps thru 3rd grade, (in 2nd, I saw my
>actual teacher about a third of the year cuz of
>horrible health problems, and we had substitutes for
>most of the year and a huge class, so needless to say
>I was pretty bored, and just went to see my friends
>and play for those blessed 15 minute recesses of
>playing freedom), in 3rd grade, the only thing I
>really enjoyed was going to "gifted class", where we
>were encouraged to do our own thing and learn at our
>own pace. Oh, and since I was raised as a Jehovah's
>Witness and didn't celebrate a lot of the holidays, I
>was sent to the Library while the rest of the enormous
>class did holiday activities, which was just fine with
>me, cuz reading was what I really enjoyed, --other
>than daydreaming, which was considered something "bad"
>(ex: "Bobbie's a really great student, has lots and
>lots of potential, BUT daydreams a bit too much"),--
>and that way I didn't have to stay and be made to feel
>bad about my beliefs by the TEACHER, who wanted sooo
>bad to prove that I really truly did WANT so bad to
>celebrate them and my parents were just being mean to
>me. The kids, being naturally unbiased and open minded
>never said a thing more to me about it than asking
>questions cuz it was something different to them. On
>the other end of it, I obviously wasn't getting math,
>I NEVER did my math or social studies types of
>homework and would therefore end up having to stay in
>during recess and write "I will do my math homework. I
>will do my math homework. I will do my math homework."
>and THEN if I didn't finish that (due to daydreaming,
>most likely) I had to write more sentences. And in my
>school, at 3rd grade there was already horrible social
>circles and cliques to try and fit into. I was in
>neither the cool nor nerd group, cuz my cool friends
>liked me but didn't like that I also liked and hung
>out with weird and nerdy kids, and my weird and nerdy
>friends thought I must be kinda stuck up to hang out
>and like the cool kids. I lived in constant fear of
>going to the principal's office for anything and was
>so scared riding the bus, cuz I lived in a rural area
>and was dropped off at the end of my "driveway", which
>was really a dirt road that seemed millions of miles
>long to a little easily frightened girl. In the middle
>of third grade, our house burned down, and my dad's
>brother was living in Phoenix, where he had heard of
>this "private school" (which was what I like to call a
>"homemade school", just started by a few like-minded
>parents who wanted to be in charge of their kids and
>their learning activities and associations and still
>let them have a "school" with friends to go to.) So me
>and my little sister (2yrs younger) went there, and my
>mom and oldest sister became teachers there, and I had
>a great time. I went thru 5th, (my mom taught
>5th..there was only one class per grade) and I loved
>it, but mostly becuz it was sooo unstructured, and
>huge amounts of personal attention. The teachers were
>like extended family, who respected your strengths and
>weaknesses and beliefs and my dad was almost the
>principal at one point. Then we decided to move back
>to New Mexico and I said there was no way on God's
>green earth I was going to go to middle school. So I
>took Calvert homeschool. Or at least ordered the
>course and did some work out of it every once and
>awhile. Then ordered American school, and still like
>to study in those just for the sake of refreshing my
>brain cells sometimes. All of my friends have always
>been older than me. Not becuz I was socially
>handicapped with kids my age, but becuz frankly, they
>bored me. And irritated me with their pettiness in
>always trying to be "cool" and fit in. My best friend
>for a long time was 6 years older than me and people
>always thought she must be babysitting me. :) My
>point? oh yeah. (I promise there is one)
>Homeschooling kids ARE different. They haven't been
>corrupted with the need to conform in every way of
>their being, right down to the way they think and how
>long they think on each subject, and HEAVEN FORBID
>they use their imaginations to their full potential.
>And the reason I got started on this whole tangent
>(THANKYOU BOBBIE PLEEEEZE FINISH UP HERE) is that as
>an adult, by nature, I suppose, I deal with a lot of
>social phobia (in myself) and there was a point in my
>life where it was really bad, and in general have
>dealt with phobias and stuff like that my whole life.
>I don't like dealing with public figures and dread
>having confrontations of any sort sometimes. My POINT
>though, is, that when other ADULTS hear this about me,
>they have the nerve to say "Oh yeah, weren't you
>homeschooled?" And I have heard the argument soooooo
>many times that the homeschooled kids they know either
>grow up to be way dumber than most kids or way
>smarter, but either way are socially handicapped and
>don't know how to interact with others at all in their
>adult life. I maintain that PUBLIC School started
>planting the seeds of social phobia and handicapping
>in me, cuz I was "different" and didn't fit the mold
>of a "normal" all American apple pie sort of girl, so
>I was made to feel as though I needed to change.
>Fortunately, thanks to my parents teaching me at home
>BEFORE first grade, I had that one thing going for me,
>that I loved to read, and was at a middle school level
>in 3rd grade, and the "gifted class" teachers loved
>that. But kids who are just thrown into school feet
>first and aren't considered "gifted" don't even have
>THAT advantage. One ounce of "different" and they are
>either in need of Ritalin or "poor students". I think
>unschooling PREVENTS social handicaps and helps heal
>already planted ones, especially if we do expose our
>children to other people and situations. My son is the
>only kid at McDonald's playlands and parks who
>actually takes the initiative and says in his most
>friendly voice "Hi. I'm my name is Satori. Wanna play
>with me?" Sometimes he meets no answer at all, cuz,
>following in the footsteps of his mom he is by no
>means "normal" and sadly a lot of these kids are
>already behaving like biased adults. THAT, to me, is a
>social handicap.
>-Bobbie
>
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