Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Nervous about unschooling
Elizabeth Hill
>Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. My wholeI always like to recommend Frank Smith's book, The Book of Learning and
>adult life has been devoted to teaching. So yes, my world has been
>shaken. But I'm very open-minded and I love my son very much. I want
>him to have the best "education" - what ever that may be. But I'm
>extremely nervous about unschooling. It's against my instincts, or
>should I say "conditioning."
Forgetting. The full text of it used to be available on line.
Unfortunately, I don't have the link any more.
Betsy
[email protected]
Thanks to everyone for their advice on helping my son learn Spanish.
Now I'd like some advice on unschooling specifically. I decided to
homeschool my seven year old son because he was learning very little
in school. His a very bright child - learned to read at home when he
was five, loves science, constantly makes up stories. I've always
provided him with learning materials and encouraged all his
interests.
I almost feel I've been homeschooling him since he was born. School
was just somewhere he went when I was at work. It's safe to say he
did
virtually nothing in school. And it was very hard to convince his
teachers that my son was not the child they had in class. One even
wanted him to be tested for ADD. I'm no expert, but a child who can
sit and read a book for hours and teach himself to play chess does
not
have an attention problem. My husband likes to say that he doesn't
have ADD, just BORED.
I never considered unschooling. I'm a certified teacher. I spent 4
years in college and 2 years in graduate school being told how to
teach and the past 5 actually teaching. Everyone in my family expects
me to "teach" my son. My brother-in-law likes to joke that my son
will
be in college by the time he's 10. This wouldn't have bothered me so
much a few months ago. I had every intention of "teaching" my son.
But
over the past few weeks, I've been doing a lot of reading (mostly
John
Holt) and thinking because my attempts to teach my son have failed.
It
is becoming clear to me that simply switching the environment in
which
he is "taught" won't change how he learns. It's been so exasperating
because I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
that he just doesn't like to be taught.
Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. My whole
adult life has been devoted to teaching. So yes, my world has been
shaken. But I'm very open-minded and I love my son very much. I want
him to have the best "education" - what ever that may be. But I'm
extremely nervous about unschooling. It's against my instincts, or
should I say "conditioning." And to make things more difficult, my
entire family expects me to take control and make my son learn. I've
been feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused. My head is saying, "sit
him down and make him learn," while my heart is saying, "let him do
what he has always done and just be there to help."
How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry that you're
doing something that will be harmful to your child? How do you get
past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I really want
to
try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a plane.
Now I'd like some advice on unschooling specifically. I decided to
homeschool my seven year old son because he was learning very little
in school. His a very bright child - learned to read at home when he
was five, loves science, constantly makes up stories. I've always
provided him with learning materials and encouraged all his
interests.
I almost feel I've been homeschooling him since he was born. School
was just somewhere he went when I was at work. It's safe to say he
did
virtually nothing in school. And it was very hard to convince his
teachers that my son was not the child they had in class. One even
wanted him to be tested for ADD. I'm no expert, but a child who can
sit and read a book for hours and teach himself to play chess does
not
have an attention problem. My husband likes to say that he doesn't
have ADD, just BORED.
I never considered unschooling. I'm a certified teacher. I spent 4
years in college and 2 years in graduate school being told how to
teach and the past 5 actually teaching. Everyone in my family expects
me to "teach" my son. My brother-in-law likes to joke that my son
will
be in college by the time he's 10. This wouldn't have bothered me so
much a few months ago. I had every intention of "teaching" my son.
But
over the past few weeks, I've been doing a lot of reading (mostly
John
Holt) and thinking because my attempts to teach my son have failed.
It
is becoming clear to me that simply switching the environment in
which
he is "taught" won't change how he learns. It's been so exasperating
because I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
that he just doesn't like to be taught.
Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. My whole
adult life has been devoted to teaching. So yes, my world has been
shaken. But I'm very open-minded and I love my son very much. I want
him to have the best "education" - what ever that may be. But I'm
extremely nervous about unschooling. It's against my instincts, or
should I say "conditioning." And to make things more difficult, my
entire family expects me to take control and make my son learn. I've
been feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused. My head is saying, "sit
him down and make him learn," while my heart is saying, "let him do
what he has always done and just be there to help."
How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry that you're
doing something that will be harmful to your child? How do you get
past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I really want
to
try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a plane.
Tracy Oldfield
Tammy, that's a tricky situation you have there. I
don't know what that would be like. I have complete
confidence in my children, and the fact that their
upbringing is 'different.' Dh once asked me if I were
making them different on purpose, I asked him what was
wrong with being different... Me, on the other hand, I
don't know which way's up sometimes, I don't know why I
can't seem to regain the confidence in my parenting as
I ahd a couple of years ago. I just don't know where
it went. But that's not your problem, is it? It seems
to me that your problem is your family, they expect a
great deal from you. Hang on, slow down, who's problem
is this? 'They' expect from 'you.' Hmm. Sounds like
it could be their problem.
Apart from that, you have years of experience in your
career telling you one thing, and years (7 of them) of
experience as a parent teling you the total opposite.
The question is, which are you going to listen to? I
can't tell you that. I can reassure you that
unschooling does work, I've met them :-) and that you
already know the answer, it's just going to take some
adjusting to.
Hope this helps a little :-)
Tracy
PS he has been an autonomous learner since before he
was born, my dear.
Thanks to everyone for their advice on helping my son
learn Spanish.
Now I'd like some advice on unschooling specifically. I
decided to
homeschool my seven year old son because he was
learning very little
in school. His a very bright child - learned to read at
home when he
was five, loves science, constantly makes up stories.
I've always
provided him with learning materials and encouraged all
his
interests.
I almost feel I've been homeschooling him since he was
born.
How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry
that you're
doing something that will be harmful to your child? How
do you get
past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I
really want
to
try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a
plane.
don't know what that would be like. I have complete
confidence in my children, and the fact that their
upbringing is 'different.' Dh once asked me if I were
making them different on purpose, I asked him what was
wrong with being different... Me, on the other hand, I
don't know which way's up sometimes, I don't know why I
can't seem to regain the confidence in my parenting as
I ahd a couple of years ago. I just don't know where
it went. But that's not your problem, is it? It seems
to me that your problem is your family, they expect a
great deal from you. Hang on, slow down, who's problem
is this? 'They' expect from 'you.' Hmm. Sounds like
it could be their problem.
Apart from that, you have years of experience in your
career telling you one thing, and years (7 of them) of
experience as a parent teling you the total opposite.
The question is, which are you going to listen to? I
can't tell you that. I can reassure you that
unschooling does work, I've met them :-) and that you
already know the answer, it's just going to take some
adjusting to.
Hope this helps a little :-)
Tracy
PS he has been an autonomous learner since before he
was born, my dear.
Thanks to everyone for their advice on helping my son
learn Spanish.
Now I'd like some advice on unschooling specifically. I
decided to
homeschool my seven year old son because he was
learning very little
in school. His a very bright child - learned to read at
home when he
was five, loves science, constantly makes up stories.
I've always
provided him with learning materials and encouraged all
his
interests.
I almost feel I've been homeschooling him since he was
born.
How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry
that you're
doing something that will be harmful to your child? How
do you get
past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I
really want
to
try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a
plane.
LisaKK
Do you ever have doubts or worry that you're
experience of full of the most profound silence you will ever hear. ;)
After your chute opens you are treated to a gentle float surrounded by
complete silence. It's heavenly. An unschooling is just like that... one
you leap out the door, slide past the engine backblast, you are treated to
life as it flows along. Of course every so often you can hit an air thermal
or some rough winds, and you have to watch out for power lines, but for the
most part it's the most awesome ride. <g>
No, I happen to be one that never worries I'm harming my child. I've
parented long enough to know that without a doubt I'll harm my child. I'll
say things that hurt. I'll screw up by not doing something they consider
very important. There's just all kind of ways to screw up when you are a
parent. The reason I quit worrying about it is that I've spent a great deal
of time working on staying aware of our family life. I've worked on
creating a home where folks speak up and speak truthfully to one another,
where shame and fear have no permanent resting place. It's hard work and
never-ending, but it beats worrying by a mile.
I'm no expert, but a child who can
with him.
at
6ish? Whoo boy, no wonder this is scary for you.
Everyone in my family expects
brother in law sees that this child soaks up material like a sponge and they
*expect* you to nurture this.
And of course at some point you have to not care what they think.
I had every intention of "teaching" my son.
because my attempts to teach my son have failed.
thing?? When was the last time you felt free to learn and think on your
own? and not have it graded and stamped with approval? I'm gong to tell you
a secret. :::looking both ways:::: the kids are fine, they will even be
fine if you fight over doing math every so often. They will even be fine if
you insist they have to learn cursive, though goodness knows in the 21st
Century no one is going to use it. Unschooling is about us, the old ones,
learning to trust again. The synergy created by us creating breathing room
for academic freedom, and the kids actually being able to grow within that
freedom is what will heal our educational system/ culture. It's the model
others can draw on to stop the high stakes testing, rigid tracking system
and other attributes of system stuck in fear. The more courage you model
for your son, the more we all benefit
should
on keep doing this???
while my heart is saying, "let him do
> doing something that will be harmful to your child? How do you getWell, as one who has jumped out of an airplane, I can tell you the
> past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I really want
> to
> try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a plane
experience of full of the most profound silence you will ever hear. ;)
After your chute opens you are treated to a gentle float surrounded by
complete silence. It's heavenly. An unschooling is just like that... one
you leap out the door, slide past the engine backblast, you are treated to
life as it flows along. Of course every so often you can hit an air thermal
or some rough winds, and you have to watch out for power lines, but for the
most part it's the most awesome ride. <g>
No, I happen to be one that never worries I'm harming my child. I've
parented long enough to know that without a doubt I'll harm my child. I'll
say things that hurt. I'll screw up by not doing something they consider
very important. There's just all kind of ways to screw up when you are a
parent. The reason I quit worrying about it is that I've spent a great deal
of time working on staying aware of our family life. I've worked on
creating a home where folks speak up and speak truthfully to one another,
where shame and fear have no permanent resting place. It's hard work and
never-ending, but it beats worrying by a mile.
>His a very bright child - learned to read at home when he
> was five, loves science, constantly makes up stories. I've alwaysNo, he's been learning since he was born. ;)
> provided him with learning materials and encouraged all his
> interests.
> I almost feel I've been homeschooling him since he was born.>>
I'm no expert, but a child who can
> sit and read a book for hours and teach himself to play chess doesWell, he couldn't pay attention to THEM, therefore there must be a problem
> not
> have an attention problem. My husband likes to say that he doesn't
> have ADD, just BORED.
with him.
>So basically you are saying you've done nothing else since entering school
> I never considered unschooling. I'm a certified teacher. I spent 4
> years in college and 2 years in graduate school being told how to
> teach and the past 5 actually teaching.
at
6ish? Whoo boy, no wonder this is scary for you.
Everyone in my family expects
> me to "teach" my son. My brother-in-law likes to joke that my sonThe juxtaposition of these sentences should show you a great deal Your
> will
> be in college by the time he's 10.
brother in law sees that this child soaks up material like a sponge and they
*expect* you to nurture this.
And of course at some point you have to not care what they think.
I had every intention of "teaching" my son.
> ButI have a question.. did you read Holt in all of those years of training??
> over the past few weeks, I've been doing a lot of reading (mostly
> John
> Holt) and thinking
because my attempts to teach my son have failed.
> ItThink back to your childhood, did you enjoy being taught every little
> is becoming clear to me that simply switching the environment in
> which
> he is "taught" won't change how he learns. It's been so exasperating
> because I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
> I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
> that he just doesn't like to be taught.
thing?? When was the last time you felt free to learn and think on your
own? and not have it graded and stamped with approval? I'm gong to tell you
a secret. :::looking both ways:::: the kids are fine, they will even be
fine if you fight over doing math every so often. They will even be fine if
you insist they have to learn cursive, though goodness knows in the 21st
Century no one is going to use it. Unschooling is about us, the old ones,
learning to trust again. The synergy created by us creating breathing room
for academic freedom, and the kids actually being able to grow within that
freedom is what will heal our educational system/ culture. It's the model
others can draw on to stop the high stakes testing, rigid tracking system
and other attributes of system stuck in fear. The more courage you model
for your son, the more we all benefit
>. My head is saying, "sit
> him down and make him learn,"Which you have learned if fraught with tension and frustration, So you
should
on keep doing this???
while my heart is saying, "let him do
> what he has always done and just be there to help."And there are good reasons are there not to listen to your heart??
>
dawn
>I have more to say on this subject, but until I get time to thin it all
> I have a question.. did you read Holt in all of those years of training??
>
>
through carefully, I just want to add here that when I was doing my
teacher training, I was exposed to Holt and other "radical" pedagogists,
but I wonder if others are. I read Holt and others, but I also had
professors who had been active int he free school movement. When I've had
classes full of mostly education majors, I make sure they read Holt and
others. I try to fit Holt into my classes whenever I can. This coming
semester, I'm doing a unit on the relationship between grades and learning
and I was just thinking tonight whether I should stick with the 4 essays
my partner found or if I should dig up some Holt to add. This semester
I'll have a mixed bag...a few ed majors mixed in with the rest.
dawn h-s
Valerie Stewart
"Everyone in my family expects me to "teach" my son."
Hi there. This reminded me of Christmas dinner at my in-law's. We're the
only ones in the family who homeschool (they don't even know what "unschool"
means). Everyone else is big into ps or Montessori. Somehow it came up to my
7 yo niece that my kids don't go to school. This was beyond her
comprehension. Her mother teaches at the same Montessori she attended and
they are completely entrenched in conventional educational ideas. So the
girl's grandmother says "Their mommy teaches them." To which I stupidly (aka
honestly) reply "Oh, I don't teach them. They just learn on their own."
Stunned silence. Then they decide I'm kidding and laugh and we all have more
dinner. I figure, why get into it?
"I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
that he just doesn't like to be taught."
There you go. My husband and I realized at some point (while still in high
school) that we learned more on our own than we ever learned in school. So
unschooling came rather naturally.
"Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. My whole
adult life has been devoted to teaching. So yes, my world has been
shaken...How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry that you're
doing something that will be harmful to your child? How do you get
past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I really want
to try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a plane."
(I've always wanted to skydive.) You sound like an ideal unschooling parent:
You love your son and wants what's best for him. You know he learns very
well on his own. You know "teaching" just spoils the process. But there's
those pesky relatives and those ingrained ideas. Well, reading Holt and
others will help you deschool. (Do you subscribe to Home Education Magazine?
I highly recommend it.) As for the relatives...do they need to know
everything? There's very creative ways to get around the "what did you do
for school today?" questions. When someone asks my kids that, they always
come up with an avalanche of things they've been doing, completely unaided
by me. Just take it day by day. Hang out on these lists. Have fun with your
son. If he's interested in something, get him materials. Enjoy.
--Valerie in Tacoma
Hi there. This reminded me of Christmas dinner at my in-law's. We're the
only ones in the family who homeschool (they don't even know what "unschool"
means). Everyone else is big into ps or Montessori. Somehow it came up to my
7 yo niece that my kids don't go to school. This was beyond her
comprehension. Her mother teaches at the same Montessori she attended and
they are completely entrenched in conventional educational ideas. So the
girl's grandmother says "Their mommy teaches them." To which I stupidly (aka
honestly) reply "Oh, I don't teach them. They just learn on their own."
Stunned silence. Then they decide I'm kidding and laugh and we all have more
dinner. I figure, why get into it?
"I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
that he just doesn't like to be taught."
There you go. My husband and I realized at some point (while still in high
school) that we learned more on our own than we ever learned in school. So
unschooling came rather naturally.
"Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. My whole
adult life has been devoted to teaching. So yes, my world has been
shaken...How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry that you're
doing something that will be harmful to your child? How do you get
past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I really want
to try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a plane."
(I've always wanted to skydive.) You sound like an ideal unschooling parent:
You love your son and wants what's best for him. You know he learns very
well on his own. You know "teaching" just spoils the process. But there's
those pesky relatives and those ingrained ideas. Well, reading Holt and
others will help you deschool. (Do you subscribe to Home Education Magazine?
I highly recommend it.) As for the relatives...do they need to know
everything? There's very creative ways to get around the "what did you do
for school today?" questions. When someone asks my kids that, they always
come up with an avalanche of things they've been doing, completely unaided
by me. Just take it day by day. Hang out on these lists. Have fun with your
son. If he's interested in something, get him materials. Enjoy.
--Valerie in Tacoma
[email protected]
In a message dated 01/06/2001 6:40:41 PM Pacific Standard Time,
LisaBugg@... writes:
<< No, I happen to be one that never worries I'm harming my child. I've
parented long enough to know that without a doubt I'll harm my child. I'll
say things that hurt. I'll screw up by not doing something they consider
very important. There's just all kind of ways to screw up when you are a
parent. >>
I loved this, Lisa! Hadn't thought about it, but you are right. In fact I
loved your entire post... I hope it made Tammie feel better... cause it sure
did me!!!!
Teri
Co-author of <A HREF="http://www.championpress.com/unschoolingmain.html">
Christian Unschooling: growing your child in the freedom of Christ</A>
Pre-order's available now!
Assistant Editor of <A HREF="http://www.egroups.com/group/Seedling">eGroups :
Seedling</A>
<A HREF="http://www.inspirit.com.au/unschooling/default.htm">Homeschooling -
Christian Unschooling - Natural Learning</A>
LisaBugg@... writes:
<< No, I happen to be one that never worries I'm harming my child. I've
parented long enough to know that without a doubt I'll harm my child. I'll
say things that hurt. I'll screw up by not doing something they consider
very important. There's just all kind of ways to screw up when you are a
parent. >>
I loved this, Lisa! Hadn't thought about it, but you are right. In fact I
loved your entire post... I hope it made Tammie feel better... cause it sure
did me!!!!
Teri
Co-author of <A HREF="http://www.championpress.com/unschoolingmain.html">
Christian Unschooling: growing your child in the freedom of Christ</A>
Pre-order's available now!
Assistant Editor of <A HREF="http://www.egroups.com/group/Seedling">eGroups :
Seedling</A>
<A HREF="http://www.inspirit.com.au/unschooling/default.htm">Homeschooling -
Christian Unschooling - Natural Learning</A>
Have A Nice Day!
It
is becoming clear to me that simply switching the environment in
which
he is "taught" won't change how he learns. It's been so exasperating
because I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
that he just doesn't like to be taught.<<<
is becoming clear to me that simply switching the environment in
which
he is "taught" won't change how he learns. It's been so exasperating
because I know he is incredibly smart and interested in the world.
I've witnessed this his whole life. So I've come to the conclusion
that he just doesn't like to be taught.<<<
You just described my son LOL. He is 12 now. He
spent several years in public school, which wasn't so bad. We had good
teachers and it was overall a positive experience. But he *hated* school
more than I thought he did!
He doesn't like to be taught. He likes to learn on his
own terms. He is interested in the world, he absorbs Discovery Channel
like a sponge, has an immense vocabulary that started when he was 2. He
is wonderfully intelligent. And his sense of humor is way mature for
someone his age, which puts most adults off. (you either really enjoy him,
or you think he's a "problem").
Unschooling is perfect for these kinds of kids if you ask
me. That leadership ability will take them through whatever they need to
learn later. But they won't decide to "learn" until they see for
themselves the importance of it. They won't decide to "learn" something
unless their importance is internalized first. And until then it is just
one big power struggle. Unschooling eliminates the power
struggle.
Now, do I worry that he won't get what he needs? I
do. I cannot completely unschool, I'm just not totally comfortable with
it. I alternate structure with unschooling....several weeks of
structure/several weeks of unschooling. And I do ask for basics:
Math, copywork (for grammar, spelling, and penmanship), and
reading.
If you are not completely comfortable with unschooling, I
suggest you check out Charlotte Mason. She has an interesting approach to
education that includes very short lessons and plenty of play.
Kristen
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/6/01 8:09:09 PM Pacific Standard Time,
unschoolr2@... writes:
<< There's just all kind of ways to screw up when you are a
parent. >>
So true, and it can still all work out gloriously. I made the most "mistakes"
with my oldest,(just turned 20, born when I was 23 and still living with my
parents) and she's doing fine now. We had a couple of rough years beween 15
and now but she's on track with herself now. A lot of what I have had to give
my kids is what we didn't do...like school. Also open communication and a
willingness to admit mistakes and to hear their feedback has helped.
-Amalia-.
unschoolr2@... writes:
<< There's just all kind of ways to screw up when you are a
parent. >>
So true, and it can still all work out gloriously. I made the most "mistakes"
with my oldest,(just turned 20, born when I was 23 and still living with my
parents) and she's doing fine now. We had a couple of rough years beween 15
and now but she's on track with herself now. A lot of what I have had to give
my kids is what we didn't do...like school. Also open communication and a
willingness to admit mistakes and to hear their feedback has helped.
-Amalia-.
Samantha Stopple
Consider reading Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace
Lewellyn. I found it an I opener for me. Also find
articles on line about deschooling. We as parents are
most in need to get the school out of oureslves so we
get out of our children's way. There is also a book
out there called Deschooling.
Unschooling/Deschooling Mother of two,
Samantha
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos - Share your holiday photos online!
http://photos.yahoo.com/
Lewellyn. I found it an I opener for me. Also find
articles on line about deschooling. We as parents are
most in need to get the school out of oureslves so we
get out of our children's way. There is also a book
out there called Deschooling.
Unschooling/Deschooling Mother of two,
Samantha
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos - Share your holiday photos online!
http://photos.yahoo.com/
Samantha Stopple
>I have a suggestion if you really want to make a go of
> . My head is saying, "sit
> > him down and make him learn,"
>
> Which you have learned if fraught with tension and
> frustration, So you
> should
> on keep doing this???
>
> while my heart is saying, "let him do
> > what he has always done and just be there to
> help."
> >
> And there are good reasons are there not to listen
> to your heart??
unschooling/ leting your child be in charge of his
eduacation. Yet you are having a hard time letting go
of teacing..Figure out what you want to do now. FInd
things to do in the meantime until maybe you logic
mind is saying the samethings as your heart.
What I have found is helpful for unschooling parents
is to return focus on their lives rather than focus in
their children's lives. What do you feel like learning
right now?
All I know is after you read enough Holt and other
homeschooling books it changes your view on learning
so much you will never go back. At least that's my
experience.
Peace,
Samantha
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos - Share your holiday photos online!
http://photos.yahoo.com/
Tracy Oldfield
I can empathise, here, I know how hard it is to listen
to my heart when my head is saying the opposite, and
vice versa, even though I know which one makes most
sense. Like parenting, I know I can act differently to
how I act around my children, the knowledge and
information is there in my head, but something stops me
using it (my heart? or my cultural training...
whichever, the info in my head isn't in my heart, or
I'd have much less trouble with it)
I don't worry about my children's academic
acheivements, that's their problem. I do worry about
harming them, because I haven't as yet been able to
work on creating the atmosphere you describe. I hold
you up as my model! *grin*
Tracy
frustration, So you
should
on keep doing this???
while my heart is saying, "let him do
your heart??
to my heart when my head is saying the opposite, and
vice versa, even though I know which one makes most
sense. Like parenting, I know I can act differently to
how I act around my children, the knowledge and
information is there in my head, but something stops me
using it (my heart? or my cultural training...
whichever, the info in my head isn't in my heart, or
I'd have much less trouble with it)
I don't worry about my children's academic
acheivements, that's their problem. I do worry about
harming them, because I haven't as yet been able to
work on creating the atmosphere you describe. I hold
you up as my model! *grin*
Tracy
>. My head is saying, "sit
> him down and make him learn,"Which you have learned if fraught with tension and
frustration, So you
should
on keep doing this???
while my heart is saying, "let him do
> what he has always done and just be there to help."And there are good reasons are there not to listen to
>
your heart??
Susan (mother to 5 in Fla)
Here's a site http://hale.pepperdine.edu/~dbeveret/bklfintro.htm
Julie
Tammy I know you have lots of responses already so I hope I don't say
something redundant. What struck me most was when you said
enough. I have since realized that when I insist on "work" it isn't because
I am worried anymore, it is a control issue. If I feel that I am not able
to do things that I want to do, I often start telling others what to do.
Keep in mind that you do have a lot of conditioning to overcome. I always
remember that if I can do it, then my children won't have to when they are
grown. :) They will have had the wonderful experience of learning in their
own way, enjoying life in the present and not experience childhood as some
training station for adulthood. I have many times found myself in the
position of saying, "That won't work, do it this way" only to be proven
wrong. I realize it is my creativity which has suffered from being taught,
not they who are suffering from not being taught. Life is not formulaic, so
we can't have a formula for wht everybody should know, should not know. We
can only listen to our children's needs and desires and help them acomplish
their own goals. After a while, you will have watched your son accomplish
some amazing things, make the od statement, or suddenly jump in some area of
interest, and then you will know why so many are devoted to unschooling.
I know that you will be thinking about this constanly and trying to work it
out in your head. It is a hard shift to make, but once it is made, once you
see children who have grown in this way (and it can take months or years to
see any outcome), there is no going back. It is so liberating and wonderful,
for parents as well as children. Good luck on your unschooling journey!
Peace
Julie
PS A friend said to me recently, everybody we know has started out
structured and gotten less so. SOme people do school at home and stay
there, but NOBODY starts out with child-led learning in mind and gets more
structured. IME this is true.
something redundant. What struck me most was when you said
> Now you must understand, this is very difficult for me. My wholeYes it is "conditioning." I used to get worried that we weren't doing
> adult life has been devoted to teaching. So yes, my world has been
> shaken. But I'm very open-minded and I love my son very much. I want
> him to have the best "education" - what ever that may be. But I'm
> extremely nervous about unschooling. It's against my instincts, or
> should I say "conditioning." And to make things more difficult, my
> entire family expects me to take control and make my son learn. I've
> been feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused. My head is saying, "sit
> him down and make him learn," while my heart is saying, "let him do
> what he has always done and just be there to help."
enough. I have since realized that when I insist on "work" it isn't because
I am worried anymore, it is a control issue. If I feel that I am not able
to do things that I want to do, I often start telling others what to do.
Keep in mind that you do have a lot of conditioning to overcome. I always
remember that if I can do it, then my children won't have to when they are
grown. :) They will have had the wonderful experience of learning in their
own way, enjoying life in the present and not experience childhood as some
training station for adulthood. I have many times found myself in the
position of saying, "That won't work, do it this way" only to be proven
wrong. I realize it is my creativity which has suffered from being taught,
not they who are suffering from not being taught. Life is not formulaic, so
we can't have a formula for wht everybody should know, should not know. We
can only listen to our children's needs and desires and help them acomplish
their own goals. After a while, you will have watched your son accomplish
some amazing things, make the od statement, or suddenly jump in some area of
interest, and then you will know why so many are devoted to unschooling.
I know that you will be thinking about this constanly and trying to work it
out in your head. It is a hard shift to make, but once it is made, once you
see children who have grown in this way (and it can take months or years to
see any outcome), there is no going back. It is so liberating and wonderful,
for parents as well as children. Good luck on your unschooling journey!
Peace
Julie
PS A friend said to me recently, everybody we know has started out
structured and gotten less so. SOme people do school at home and stay
there, but NOBODY starts out with child-led learning in mind and gets more
structured. IME this is true.
>
> How do you handle it? Do you ever have doubts or worry that you're
> doing something that will be harmful to your child? How do you get
> past the conditioning that society has imposed on us? I really want
> to
> try unschooling, but it's a bit like jumping out of a plane.
>
>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
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>
>
Carolyn
Samantha Stopple wrote:
my 10 year old daughter takes each and almost every one and pursues it
herself. I buy a new computer game -- it's her new favorite. I start
weaving again and she stays up half the night weaving. If I were
"teaching" these things, I'd have a hard time getting her in the same
room. It's fascinating to watch. Not to mention a whole lot of fun!
Carolyn
> >What I have found so funny is that as I am pursuing my own interests,
> What I have found is helpful for unschooling parents
> is to return focus on their lives rather than focus in
> their children's lives. What do you feel like learning
> right now?
>
my 10 year old daughter takes each and almost every one and pursues it
herself. I buy a new computer game -- it's her new favorite. I start
weaving again and she stays up half the night weaving. If I were
"teaching" these things, I'd have a hard time getting her in the same
room. It's fascinating to watch. Not to mention a whole lot of fun!
Carolyn
Tracy Oldfield
I'd get really fed-up if I bought a new game for myself
that I couldn't play cos the kids were always using it!
LOL
Tracy
What I have found so funny is that as I am pursuing my
own interests,
my 10 year old daughter takes each and almost every one
and pursues it
herself. I buy a new computer game -- it's her new
favorite. I start
weaving again and she stays up half the night weaving.
If I were
"teaching" these things, I'd have a hard time getting
her in the same
room. It's fascinating to watch. Not to mention a
whole lot of fun!
Carolyn
that I couldn't play cos the kids were always using it!
LOL
Tracy
What I have found so funny is that as I am pursuing my
own interests,
my 10 year old daughter takes each and almost every one
and pursues it
herself. I buy a new computer game -- it's her new
favorite. I start
weaving again and she stays up half the night weaving.
If I were
"teaching" these things, I'd have a hard time getting
her in the same
room. It's fascinating to watch. Not to mention a
whole lot of fun!
Carolyn
Samantha Stopple
> What I have found so funny is that as I am pursuingBut if you had taken up those things because you
> my own interests,
> my 10 year old daughter takes each and almost every
> one and pursues it
> herself. I buy a new computer game -- it's her new
> favorite. I start
> weaving again and she stays up half the night
> weaving. If I were
> "teaching" these things, I'd have a hard time
> getting her in the same
> room. It's fascinating to watch. Not to mention a
> whole lot of fun!
wanted to teach them to her she would smell it a mile
a way. At least my dd would.
Peace,
Samantha
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