Nicoletta Manns

Hi,

I am coming in on this thread rather late, I know. And I would like
to offer something which may be very unpopular here (as it was on a
couple of other lists): actually it's two sources I want to mention -
one is Aletha Solter and her books "The Aware Baby" and "Tears and
Tantrums", the other is Martha Welch and her book "Holding Time".

I am not interested in starting a major debate about the "dangers of
holing therapy" and on and on and on..... been there already.

I just think that you might want to check these books out, Amy, and
decide for yourself if this might work for you.

Aletha Solter says that even young babies experience stress, toddlers
even more so. I don't think we can argue that point. She goes on to
say, however, and this is where some people cringe, that
babies/toddlers/children need to be allowed to cry and rage to
release these stresses from their bodies. She says that babies who
have not released stress may use nursing as a "control pattern" to
suppress their upset feelings and that it can lead to further control
pattern later in life, in other words: addictive behaviours like
smoking, drinking, over eating, watching too much TV, being on the
computer too much :-) etc....

Anyway this is just a suggestion for those open to something
different. It is NOT an invitation to start a heated discussion about
the subject.

I am sorry, to be sounding like this, but it has happened before and
I'ver heard it all before (the negative stuff about holding, I mean).

Martha Welch's approach is more intense than that of Aletha Solter,
but still fascinating to read.

Their web sites are:

www.awareparenting,com and www.marthawelch.com


~ Nicoletta
**************************
"It is paradoxical, yet true: children are the most in need
of loving attention when they act the least deserving of it!"
by Aletha Solter, 1998, from the article: "Why children misbehave"
www.awareparenting.com
**************************

[email protected]

Interesting ideas. Certainly children should be allowed to express
whatever their emotions are and we can help them find ways to do this
that don't harm themselves or others. It also makes sense to let them
know we love them (by holding, etc), especially when they are so upset.

I clearly remember when dd#1 was a newborn that at first I would put her
to the breast in response to just about anything from her. But if she
didn't want to nurse, she wouldn't. As she grew, I learned to interact
with her in more varied ways. I think that people who never quite got
their needs met are always searching, which can also lead to addictive
behaviors.

Mary Ellen
We just pretended to be ourselves
riding on the train.
"How Children Learn"

>>>>>>>>>She says that babies who have not released stress may use
nursing as a "control pattern" to suppress their upset feelings and that
it can lead to further control pattern later in life, in other words:
addictive behaviours like smoking, drinking, over eating, watching too
much TV, being on the computer too much :-) etc....