Our Day
A.Y.
Have to tell someone about our very unusual day.
First let me tell you that we live on a farm, and have many animals.
Today we had to put one of horses down. He was over 30 yrs. old, and
was mostly blind and deaf.
It made me very sad. I cry very easily.
My kids wanted to watch the vet put him down. Since their Grandma was
going to be there, I thought that would be fine. Then they wanted to
watch the man bury him. This is not a pleasant process. They use a
backhoe. There was no way that I could handle watching this.
I did agree to let the kids watch the whole process. I was very
surprised. They had no problem with this whole thing. I guess since
they are growing up with the possibility of death, and being exposed to
it, they are not as traumatized by it.
This is defiantly unschooling!! (My style anyway)
Ann
First let me tell you that we live on a farm, and have many animals.
Today we had to put one of horses down. He was over 30 yrs. old, and
was mostly blind and deaf.
It made me very sad. I cry very easily.
My kids wanted to watch the vet put him down. Since their Grandma was
going to be there, I thought that would be fine. Then they wanted to
watch the man bury him. This is not a pleasant process. They use a
backhoe. There was no way that I could handle watching this.
I did agree to let the kids watch the whole process. I was very
surprised. They had no problem with this whole thing. I guess since
they are growing up with the possibility of death, and being exposed to
it, they are not as traumatized by it.
This is defiantly unschooling!! (My style anyway)
Ann
[email protected]
All this will, of course, bring up all kinds of questions about life and
death and fertilizer and who knows what, which will lead to some very
informative topics in your home!
It amazes me how well kids deal with death, if we give them the chance. I
was recently responsible for the funeral arrangements for a friend that died
of cancer. I also had custody of her 10 yr old daughter. I have a 10 yr old
son. My friend's daughter and I were both with my friend when she passed
away. (I got some flack from well-meaning people about having the kids so
involved, but it seemed the right thing to do and I don't regret it)
The kids were very involved in the funeral arrangements. There was, of
course, the trauma of losing someone we loved. But, what surprised me is how
interested the kids were in everything that happened! They wanted to know
what happens to bodies at death and afterwards. They weren't squeamish about
it and I think exploring the questions really helped them deal with an
overwhelming situation.
At the funeral, the kids wanted my friend to have flowers in her hand and not
just on top of the casket. Gulp! There wasn't anyone else around and the
task fell to me...very spur of the moment, I might add. I almost laughed out
loud when I saw the funeral director's face as I reached in to position the
flowers so they were within her grasp!
Helping the kids deal with all of it in such a kind and forthright way was
very enlightening for all of us! Well worth any moments of discomfort it
brought to me.
Sounds like you did a good job with your kids. Should be an interesting next
couple of weeks in your house...BG
Eiraul
In a message dated 7/8/1999 11:11:05 PM EST, hooperck@... writes:
death and fertilizer and who knows what, which will lead to some very
informative topics in your home!
It amazes me how well kids deal with death, if we give them the chance. I
was recently responsible for the funeral arrangements for a friend that died
of cancer. I also had custody of her 10 yr old daughter. I have a 10 yr old
son. My friend's daughter and I were both with my friend when she passed
away. (I got some flack from well-meaning people about having the kids so
involved, but it seemed the right thing to do and I don't regret it)
The kids were very involved in the funeral arrangements. There was, of
course, the trauma of losing someone we loved. But, what surprised me is how
interested the kids were in everything that happened! They wanted to know
what happens to bodies at death and afterwards. They weren't squeamish about
it and I think exploring the questions really helped them deal with an
overwhelming situation.
At the funeral, the kids wanted my friend to have flowers in her hand and not
just on top of the casket. Gulp! There wasn't anyone else around and the
task fell to me...very spur of the moment, I might add. I almost laughed out
loud when I saw the funeral director's face as I reached in to position the
flowers so they were within her grasp!
Helping the kids deal with all of it in such a kind and forthright way was
very enlightening for all of us! Well worth any moments of discomfort it
brought to me.
Sounds like you did a good job with your kids. Should be an interesting next
couple of weeks in your house...BG
Eiraul
In a message dated 7/8/1999 11:11:05 PM EST, hooperck@... writes:
> Have to tell someone about our very unusual day.
> First let me tell you that we live on a farm, and have many animals.
> Today we had to put one of horses down. He was over 30 yrs. old, and
> was mostly blind and deaf.
> It made me very sad. I cry very easily.
> My kids wanted to watch the vet put him down. Since their Grandma was
> going to be there, I thought that would be fine. Then they wanted to
> watch the man bury him. This is not a pleasant process. They use a
> backhoe. There was no way that I could handle watching this.
> I did agree to let the kids watch the whole process. I was very
> surprised. They had no problem with this whole thing. I guess since
> they are growing up with the possibility of death, and being exposed to
> it, they are not as traumatized by it.
> This is defiantly unschooling!! (My style anyway)
> Ann
>
Andi Kaufman
I agree that kids handle death much differently then we, adults, do. I have
always had a hard time with death and I am working on that. but isaac just
accepts it. probably cus i explained that it is and it is part of our
lives. we havent had to deal with it much with him. the only thing that
freaks him out is creamation.
when our cat died, I was afraid but went to have her put down and held her
and it was so peaceful and calming that i began to see death differently. i
feel better about it and I am glad that isaac is able to handle it.
on a tangent here, i take a jewish religious school teachers class cus i
teach 8th grade. we had a funeral director come and talk to us and it was
very eye opening. he said that kids could visit funeral home and learn when
not presented with an immediate death situation. and this fall i plan on
setting up a tour for some hs kids.
Andi...domestic goddess and active volunteer
mom to Isaac
tl2b@...
Never Underestimate the Power of This Woman!
always had a hard time with death and I am working on that. but isaac just
accepts it. probably cus i explained that it is and it is part of our
lives. we havent had to deal with it much with him. the only thing that
freaks him out is creamation.
when our cat died, I was afraid but went to have her put down and held her
and it was so peaceful and calming that i began to see death differently. i
feel better about it and I am glad that isaac is able to handle it.
on a tangent here, i take a jewish religious school teachers class cus i
teach 8th grade. we had a funeral director come and talk to us and it was
very eye opening. he said that kids could visit funeral home and learn when
not presented with an immediate death situation. and this fall i plan on
setting up a tour for some hs kids.
Andi...domestic goddess and active volunteer
mom to Isaac
tl2b@...
Never Underestimate the Power of This Woman!
[email protected]
In a message dated 07/09/1999 3:30:12 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
Braunville@... writes:
<< It amazes me how well kids deal with death, if we give them the chance >>
This is so true. I lost my grandmother and my mother a year ago( they died 5
weeks apart). My girls were both there when my mom died. It had been a cloudy
day, and the moment she died the clouds opened up and the sun shone--the sky
was golden. It really was awesome. At my mom's funeral we were putting
flowers on the casket--my then 6yo dd had brought Tootsie Rolls and put them
on because"Grandma loves candy more than flowers!"
we spent a lot of time talking about what had happened and different
customs. We still do.
Debra
Braunville@... writes:
<< It amazes me how well kids deal with death, if we give them the chance >>
This is so true. I lost my grandmother and my mother a year ago( they died 5
weeks apart). My girls were both there when my mom died. It had been a cloudy
day, and the moment she died the clouds opened up and the sun shone--the sky
was golden. It really was awesome. At my mom's funeral we were putting
flowers on the casket--my then 6yo dd had brought Tootsie Rolls and put them
on because"Grandma loves candy more than flowers!"
we spent a lot of time talking about what had happened and different
customs. We still do.
Debra
A.Y.
> he said that kids could visit funeral home and learn whenI think that is such a great idea. I never would have thought of doing that.
> not presented with an immediate death situation.
My kids (particularly my 6 yr. old) ask alot of questions about death, and talk
about it often. I think this is the age of processing that. I think it would
be very interesting to them.
A part of me thinks it might be difficult, but then that's why I have more
problems with it then my kids.
I guess growing up, we were always not hidden, but "protected" for death and
all that it entails. No one ever talked about the detail....They were always a
mystery.
My kids have not mentioned a bit about the horse being gone or shown any
sadness. I was surprised. I do miss him when I'm in the barn, and I told them
that, but they don't seem to. I think the whole experience was wonderful and
learning for all of us.
I just wish I wasn't so wimpy. While they were down there watching him be put
down, I'm in the house crying. Seems backward somehow :)
But, I guess we are all different.
Ann
Andi Kaufman
>My kids have not mentioned a bit about the horse being gone or shown anyann, of course we are all different. the kids dont have the baggage we do
>sadness. I was surprised. I do miss him when I'm in the barn, and I told
>them
>that, but they don't seem to. I think the whole experience was wonderful and
>learning for all of us.
>
>I just wish I wasn't so wimpy. While they were down there watching him be put
>down, I'm in the house crying. Seems backward somehow :)
>But, I guess we are all different.
about death. and they probably miss him too but not in the same way. they
are more likely to take it as a okay , this is life. I think that is
because they ahve the support and unconditional love of a good parent. I
didnt and that ade it harder.
Andi...domestic goddess and active volunteer
mom to Isaac
tl2b@...
Never Underestimate the Power of This Woman!
A.Y.
I had lots of support as a kid, but have always been SO emotional. I can stand in
an airport and watch people leaving each other....people I don't know...and cry!
Then aren't even crying, but I do.
Parting has always been trauma for me :) I can hardly do still. And I still cry
and cry. I think I inherited this emotional stuff from my Dad...he was like this,
except not quite to bad. You should have seen the two of us at my wedding. What a
mess we were! Hee.... Hee.....
Ann
an airport and watch people leaving each other....people I don't know...and cry!
Then aren't even crying, but I do.
Parting has always been trauma for me :) I can hardly do still. And I still cry
and cry. I think I inherited this emotional stuff from my Dad...he was like this,
except not quite to bad. You should have seen the two of us at my wedding. What a
mess we were! Hee.... Hee.....
Ann
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/9/1999 10:59:12 AM EST, hooperck@... writes:
understand even more about what life and death mean and put it into the
perspective of people also die. (how was that for a run-on sentence?!)
I'd have done the same thing.
Eiraul
> I just wish I wasn't so wimpy. While they were down there watching him beNot wimpy at all...You're the mommy and have more life experience to
> put
> down, I'm in the house crying. Seems backward somehow :)
> But, I guess we are all different.
>
> Ann
understand even more about what life and death mean and put it into the
perspective of people also die. (how was that for a run-on sentence?!)
I'd have done the same thing.
Eiraul