Lynda

Today's political humor <g.

Lynda
----- Original Message -----
>
> Subject: News Flash
> >
> > > WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Wednesday
> > > morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the
> > > United States of America.
> > >
> > > The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in
> > > the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000
> > > Presidential election.
> > >
> > > "This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First
> > > Elian Gonzales, now this."
> > >
> > > Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long
> > > time in coming.
> > >
> > > "We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative
> > > Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarrassment for too
> > > long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but
> > > what have they done lately? Oh that's right, screw up our
> > > entire democracy. I forgot."
> > >
> > > In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted
> > > Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly
> > > population will free up billions of dollars in social security
> > > funds. "These are valuable funds which can now be redirected
> > > toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized,
> > > weakened military," said the Senator to roaring applause.
> > >
> > > As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed
> > > a new election will take place in early December. This time,
> > > ballots in each state will be tabulated by robots. "It is clear
> > > that our human vote-counting system is too inherently flawed,"
> > > said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. "The presence of these
> > > new, superior robot mast- err, I mean - tabulators will ensure
> > > 100% accuracy."
> > >
> > > "Remember," said Hastert, "every vote counts, especially if it's
> > > counted by robots."
> > >
> > > Dynamiting will begin along the Florida border next Wednesday,
> > > after which the state will be completely geographically separated
> > > from the United States.
> > >
> > > "After that, they're on their own," said Hastert. "I hope they
> > > sink."