Sonia Ulan

Some breastfeeding humour...



Breastfeeding 101: A Definition of Terms:

1. Boob-Lift = The unconscious lifting of ones breasts to check which
is
fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom
you're talking to, grocery sackers and priests not withstanding.

2. Nursing Flip = The action of adjusting you and your baby to make
ready for nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt,
doing
the "boob-lift", putting the baby in the crook of your arm and
unlatching your bra, all in about 15 seconds with no attention taken
away from your previous task.

3. Wet-Nurse Syndrome = The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy baby
you
happen to be holding: You may be engaged in casual conversation while
holding your neighbor's baby, she fusses and you do the "nursing flip",
your neighbor looks at you shocked "oh my, she must be hungry" you
mumble as you pass her infant back. *A side-effect of this is the
"breastmilk fixes everything" philosophy. You may find yourself using
breastmilk for your family's various wounds: "got a sore, earache or
zit? Put some breastmilk on it, that'll fix it" (least that's what they
say, can't hurt)

4. Tittie Wrangling = The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing,
including but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffy-pulls, all
while
surrounded by relatives who believe that baby should have been weaned
months ago. The benefit of this exercise is that you can now nurse your
kid while each of you lie on you backs, side-by-side.

5. Twiddling = What happens if everyone fails to mention that your baby
caressing your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never
let
your baby know that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time.
Always keep the unused breast covered lest you want your little
nursling
to use it as her favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our
warning.

6. The Steal = The act of removing your nipple from your
already-sleeping baby's mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of
bed for some midnight internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to
succeeded.

7. Just a Sip = When your now-walking baby comes to you, lifts your
shirt and grabs a drink to refuel him/her for 10 more minutes of play.
This helping themselves is a show of independence for them and a show
of
breast for everyone else in the room.

8. Car Surfing = what you are doing when you strategically hover your
breast over the baby's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate
ignoring your butt in the rearview mirror.

9. *Ecstasy Eyes* = Picture this, baby is screaming at your feet while
you
are talking on the phone, cooking dinner and getting a band-aid for
your
toddler. You finally sit and pick up the baby to nurse and she goes
from
screaming to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in ecstasy in
only
a few seconds. (Don't you just love it?)

10. Kneading = the act of damn near maiming your breast tissue while
your adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in
your breast looking like you've just nursed a baby kitten.

Kathy Sullivan

Sonia,
Thanks for sharing this. It was great, and oh so
true.. lol

Kathy

--- Sonia Ulan <sulan@...> wrote:
> Some breastfeeding humour...
>
>
>
> Breastfeeding 101: A Definition of Terms:
>
> 1. Boob-Lift = The unconscious lifting of ones
> breasts to check which
> is
> fuller. May be done at any time regardless of
> where you are or whom
> you're talking to, grocery sackers and priests not
> withstanding.
>
> 2. Nursing Flip = The action of adjusting you and
> your baby to make
> ready for nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt
> off your butt,
> doing
> the "boob-lift", putting the baby in the crook of
> your arm and
> unlatching your bra, all in about 15 seconds with
> no attention taken
> away from your previous task.
>
> 3. Wet-Nurse Syndrome = The unconscious urge to
> nurse any fussy baby
> you
> happen to be holding: You may be engaged in casual
> conversation while
> holding your neighbor's baby, she fusses and you do
> the "nursing flip",
> your neighbor looks at you shocked "oh my, she must
> be hungry" you
> mumble as you pass her infant back. *A
> side-effect of this is the
> "breastmilk fixes everything" philosophy. You may
> find yourself using
> breastmilk for your family's various wounds: "got a
> sore, earache or
> zit? Put some breastmilk on it, that'll fix it"
> (least that's what they
> say, can't hurt)
>
> 4. Tittie Wrangling = The acrobatics your toddler
> does while nursing,
> including but not limited to flips, headstands, &
> taffy-pulls, all
> while
> surrounded by relatives who believe that baby
> should have been weaned
> months ago. The benefit of this exercise is that
> you can now nurse your
> kid while each of you lie on you backs,
> side-by-side.
>
> 5. Twiddling = What happens if everyone fails to
> mention that your baby
> caressing your other breast while nursing is NOT
> sweet. Never, never
> let
> your baby know that you can possibly have two
> breasts at the same time.
> Always keep the unused breast covered lest you want
> your little
> nursling
> to use it as her favorite toy. This becomes a habit
> quick, heed our
> warning.
>
> 6. The Steal = The act of removing your nipple from
> your
> already-sleeping baby's mouth so that you may roll
> over or sneak out of
> bed for some midnight internet use. Typically takes
> 2 or 3 tries to
> succeeded.
>
> 7. Just a Sip = When your now-walking baby comes to
> you, lifts your
> shirt and grabs a drink to refuel him/her for 10
> more minutes of play.
> This helping themselves is a show of independence
> for them and a show
> of
> breast for everyone else in the room.
>
> 8. Car Surfing = what you are doing when you
> strategically hover your
> breast over the baby's car seat while daddy drives
> down the interstate
> ignoring your butt in the rearview mirror.
>
> 9. *Ecstasy Eyes* = Picture this, baby is screaming
> at your feet while
> you
> are talking on the phone, cooking dinner and
> getting a band-aid for
> your
> toddler. You finally sit and pick up the baby to
> nurse and she goes
> from
> screaming to rolling her eyes to the back of her
> head in ecstasy in
> only
> a few seconds. (Don't you just love it?)
>
> 10. Kneading = the act of damn near maiming your
> breast tissue while
> your adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses.
> This can result in
> your breast looking like you've just nursed a baby
> kitten.
>


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