Lynda

SPEW ALERT!!!!!!!!! Do not sit at the computer and read these while
drinking anything it will end up on the screen!

Lynda
----- Original Message ----- >

Subject: IDIOTS IN EVERYDAY LIFE:

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:

This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the
telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00
p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window the pleasant
gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied
that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't
working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR
email work without a telephone line?).

IDIOTS AT WORK:

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me
that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in
front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just
signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she
didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To
which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She
smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING #2:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectectually-challenged coworker of mine when she
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?!"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the
company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun.
We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at
each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that
side."

NOW DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?