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<<I would love to spend

some time alone with my hubby, I am not will to sacrafice my childrens

happiness or security to do it. My dh and I have aired out our feeling and

we understand how each other feels (this has taken us awhile to do. we just

needed effective communication) now we are in a problems solving mode>>

julie,
i, too was not willing to sacrifice my childrens feelings of security by
leaving them before they were ready. i think it is a great place to be
coming from and your children are very lucky. wouldnt you agree that the
stability of our marriages is soo important to that security that our
children feel? so the spousal relationship becomes the higher priority --
not that both needs cant be satisfied. in my experience, we have been able
to BOTH not leave the kids before we were comfortable, AND make special time
for ourselves. it is work, but it is worth it! our marriage partners will
be around long after our children are grown and gone! and i believe our
children will benefit from seeing our relationship flourish. i encourage you
to make this a high priority, which it sounds like you already are trying to
do! good luck!
erin
ps i remember a plaque in my parents home that read: the best thing a father
can do for his children is to love their mother.