RENEE WALLACE-MAYER

Hi Nicoletta,
I'd like to email you privately, if I could.
Could you email me with your address at your convenience.
Thanks, Renee
I'm at floscean203@...
----- Original Message -----
From: "Shannon Nicoletta Manns" <snmanns@...>
To: <[email protected]>; <floscean203@...>
Sent: Monday, September 04, 2000 10:59 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] self-healing circles


>
> Thank you for your response to my long post, Renee.
>
> When you go looking for a self-healing circle, please be sure you look for
a
> place that allows for full expression of all emotions, especially the
> so-called negative ones (rage, sadness, etc). I am not talking about a
> circle of people sitting around talking about how they feel or what they
> have experienced, but rather people actually feeling and fully expressing
> their feelings. This can be done without blaming someone else for our
> feelings. Sometimes if a person just can't seem to get past blaming we set
> up what we call a 'container'. Then the person can vent and rage and blame
> until they are finished, without anyone interrupting at all. Then the
> process of 'cleaning up' needs to happen, especially if the intensity is
> between two people within the circle, say a husband and wife. We need to
> sometimes be allowed to just vent, but the person receiving the 'vent'
needs
> to have enough substance to NOT TAKE ON THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE OTHER
> PERSON'S FEELINGS (not take things personally).
>
> Say a wife really needs to express some strong anger at her husband,
doesn't
> quite know how to do it without sounding like she is blaming him, she can
> ask him to be a container for her. If he feels strong enough to handle her
> rage without taking it on and then getting defensive - great. If he
doesn't
> feel strong enough to do that, the wife may have to pick someone else to
> take his place and he may be present as witness. In the end, whatever the
> wife is feeling towards her husband has at the core very little to do with
> her husband, but most likely originated within her own first family. The
> purpose of circle is to get to the core of things and deal with them at
that
> level.
>
> I have come to believe that we choose our partners and draw out of our
> partners the very things we need to heal in ourselves the most. That to me
> is the main purpose for intimate relationships. The more intimate you get,
> the greater the potential for healing for both partners.
>
> If you have trouble finding a self-healing circle where you are I could
give
> you some more info about exactly what we do and the tools we use and maybe
> you could start your own self-healing circle. To begin with here is a
> sample:
>
>
> BEING IN CIRCLE by Sedonia Camu and Joshua Halpen
>
> Angeles Arrien says that we need to do four things to make our lives work
> and they apply to being authentic in the circle as She says we must
> show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and not be attached to the
outcome.
> A circling community allows many opportunities to practice these skills by
> teaching us to be fully present, to pay attention to our deepest impulses
> and to be alert and aware of others. We learn to tell the truth so that we
> can be deeply known just as we are while discovering more about our-
selves.
> Our commitment needs to be so great to these principles that we do them
> regardless of the outcome. This means that we "give away" from the very
best
> of ourselves. What makes a circle safe for practising this radically
> authentic behaviour, for going through public transformation is the unique
> quality that arises when there is harmony between the personal and the
> transpersonal.
> This state of awareness, contained within a circle, generates an energy
that
> cannot come from any other place. This is what has been called in -many
> traditions "the Witness". To be an effective witness requires that we pay
> attention, not project, interpret, judge, or try to "Fix" the other. There
> is no room for interference in another's process. The witness is asked to
> sit in his or her own circle of Power, pay attention, take responsibility
> for what he or she is feeling, and not project his or her experience onto
> the other. The only way to really see someone else is to fully own our
> emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
> The need to be really seen is as great as the need for food and shelter,
yet
> most of us go though life starving for reflection. We al I need to be seen
> with eyes filled with love, acceptance, and adoration. There is terrible
> loneliness and alienation when we feel no one sees, hears, or understands
> us. This loneliness lingers in circles unless the quality of witnessing is
> present.
> Sometimes as part of witnessing, people go through a stage in which they
> seem to know what they are feeling and they take the certainty that
affords
> them and assume they know what others are feeling. This is not witnessing.
> For instance, sometimes when people feel afraid of another's pain they
will
> immediately reach out to hug or stroke them, which stops the process, or
> they might come up with a solution to the other person's dilemma or
discount
> the other's feelings by saying it's not really so bad.
> All these are the reactions of someone who is afraid of his or her own
pain,
> or someone who is not being in circle.
> Learning how to witness is essential because we live in a time when great
> numbers of people am beginning to tell their truths. Some of these truths
> are hard to hear, some involve terrible childhood abuse and betrayal, yet
> they must be told and heard. When they are not heard properly the telling
is
> undermined and damage, rather than healing, may result. It can take a long
> time to regain the courage to tell the story again.
> In the circle process, when people sit and speak from the deepest part of
> themselves, no matter how wounded, how much anguish or how many tears,
they
> then, at that moment, are sitting in their circle of power. They need to
be
> witnessed, that is, to be respected for their willingness to go so deep
and
> be so vulnerable. What is required of us as witnesses is to sit in our own
> circle of power, owning our own pain and fear, fully being with those
> feelings and not projecting them outward.
> Our stories need to be heard, not fixed. Nobody needs fixing, we are not
> machines. All we need is to be heard. We need someone else to know- how
hard
> it was, to know, that we have survived with dignity and that we are not
> afraid to feel. We as human beings need more than any- thing else to be
> seen, known, felt, accepted, and loved.
> When people are real in the circle we love them for their process of
> becoming whole. We love each other for being who we are, with all our
> perfections and imperfections. The essence of the process is to validate
> that we are living, breathing, dancing, real people who feel pain and fear
> and make mistakes, while living and caring about each other. The circle
form
> creates a place for everyone to work, pray, be real and feel at one with
> each other, all together.
> Being in a circle teaches us to respect ourselves and one another. When
this
> happens we are brought into an experience of immanence and sacredness,
> making us better able to honour the beauty and integrity of the earth. If
> enough people gather in circle and grapple with their identities within
this
> context, it enhances the possibilities for us all. Creative group dynamic
is
> essential if we are going to mobilize healing and create an ecological
> environment for ourselves.
>
> Let me know how it goes. There are a lot more books that I would
recommend,
> such as "Getting The Love You Want" or "Conscious Loving", and others. If
> you want I will send you a list.
>
> All the best,
> Nicoletta
>
>
>
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>
>

Cathie _

>Let me know how it goes. There are a lot more books that I would recommend,
>such as "Getting The Love You Want" or "Conscious Loving", and others. If
>you want I will send you a list.
>
>All the best,
>Nicoletta
>
I would like a list. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Cathie
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