Differences with DH
Corallyn
Okay so DH and I have very different veiws on how to handle certain
situations with the children. He thinks that we need to use more
corporal punishment in the form of a switch, that the hand isn't
enough. Not that I use my hand often, but I do believe there is a
time and a place for it and it is always a last resort. The last time
and only time that I seriously used my hand on either of the children
was when DS ran off in the mall and I couldn't find him. He was
almost 4 at the time. Anyway, to make a long story short, I had
security looking for him for 15-20 min. When they found him I bawled
like a baby, held him in my arms then took him to the bathroom and
spanked his bare bum till my hand hurt, not out of anger but out of
love. I wanted him to understand how serious it is that he not run
off like that. Then I explained to him how scared I was and how much
I loved him and sat there in the stall just holding him close for a
while. Needless to say he has never run off in any store again.
As far as DH and I go I have always believed more in the lines of
Love and Logic and DH believes more along the lines of coersion and
force much like the ps uses. So my question is does anyone have any
suggestions as to how to handle situations that arrise when DH is
dealing with the children in a manner that I totally disagree with
and the children aren't used to, simply because they are use to the
way I handle things since I am the one who is home all day and night
and DH works all day and all night? Corallyn
situations with the children. He thinks that we need to use more
corporal punishment in the form of a switch, that the hand isn't
enough. Not that I use my hand often, but I do believe there is a
time and a place for it and it is always a last resort. The last time
and only time that I seriously used my hand on either of the children
was when DS ran off in the mall and I couldn't find him. He was
almost 4 at the time. Anyway, to make a long story short, I had
security looking for him for 15-20 min. When they found him I bawled
like a baby, held him in my arms then took him to the bathroom and
spanked his bare bum till my hand hurt, not out of anger but out of
love. I wanted him to understand how serious it is that he not run
off like that. Then I explained to him how scared I was and how much
I loved him and sat there in the stall just holding him close for a
while. Needless to say he has never run off in any store again.
As far as DH and I go I have always believed more in the lines of
Love and Logic and DH believes more along the lines of coersion and
force much like the ps uses. So my question is does anyone have any
suggestions as to how to handle situations that arrise when DH is
dealing with the children in a manner that I totally disagree with
and the children aren't used to, simply because they are use to the
way I handle things since I am the one who is home all day and night
and DH works all day and all night? Corallyn
Shannon Nicoletta Manns
> With all this said I do respect each person's right to theirThat's right, Corallyn.
> oppinion. That doesn't mean I do/have to agree/like that opinion.
> Corallyn
BTW I did some spanking when my girls where younger, before I knew about
Aletha Solter's work and before I joined a Self-Healing Circle.
I wasn't judging you personally. However I still believe that spanking is
abusive. Therefore I have to admit that "I used to abuse my children". I
have changed. But I could only begin to change once I realized what I was
doing and acknowledging it openly, while at the same time being gentle with
myself, not beating myself up or judging myself. Corporal punishment is not
the only type of child abuse - a lot of emotional abuse goes unnoticed. I
have been "guilty" of that, too. Realizing that my behaviours originated in
my own childhood is not an excuse or a reason to blame my upbringing, but a
place to begin changing. I am working on it every day.
So I would like to join someone else here who said "try not to take it
personally". I know that is not easy sometimes, and I see every day how
'taking things personally and getting defensive' gets in way more than
anything when it comes to opening up to change.
I thank you, Corallyn, for posting you original message. In my emotionality
I was maybe too quick to react by sending all the Aletha Solter info (I
still think everyone could benefit from knowing her stuff), without
acknowledging that I have been where you are, Corallyn, and I do have
sympathy for you and your situation.
My husband and I recently joined a Couples' Self-Healing Circle. It has been
most valuable in helping us deal with some of our issues - differences in
childrearing being one, especially since we are blended family (I have two
girls from a previous marriage, he has a son and a daughter from two
previous marriages and together we have Benjamin who is three).
Anyway, I apologize for not being more sensitive to begin with. That doesn't
mean I feel any different or less passionate about the subject of spanking
or other forms of punishment.
Nicoletta
[email protected]
> A four year old is a child and if the child got away from an adult,it is the ADULT's responsibility! Period!
>You are absulutely right. It is my responsibility. I am responsible
for how I teach my children and at preasant the choices they make and
how I deal with those choices.
I think Lynda was trying to say (correct me if I'm wrong Lynda)... that you
as the adult were responsible for your child running away and punishing the
child for your lack of responsibility doesn't seem to make any sense... There
is no judgement in that... It's just a fact... If you are the responsible one
for a situation and something happens in that situations, then I would be
apologizing to my son for not watching him well enough that he could get away
from me, not hitting him for something that children do... They don't
understand at 4 yrs old they could get lost or someone could hurt them...
They just see things that they like and off they go, which is why it's our
job as adults to not let that happen. But why should your son suffer
consequences for your inability to take care of him? It's just a thought...
and one I only just thought off....
It doesn't make you a bad parent, just a typical reaction to the thought that
you are not perfect and chose to take an action that wasn't appropriate given
the situation. Why is it so difficult to admit a mistake. Spanking a child
because they ran away when it was the responsibility of the adult to make
sure they didn't run away doesn't make any logical sense to me and it
certainly wouldn't make any to a child.
Just thinking out loud...
Dawn
Corallyn
To be very open and honest Nicoletta, I am from an abusive family as
well. There was abuse left and right and I was the one who received
the brunt of the abuse mostly in the form of emotional and some
physical by my father when I was a teenager. By physical I mean that
he would taunt me till I was fuming mad and then walk away laughing.
This was something that he did to me starting when I was very young.
When I became a teenager I learned that I had a right to not be
treated this way. The years of emotional abuse came out physically
when he would do this. He was good at knowing when I had reached the
point of physical anger and when I would walk away he would dare me
to come back and fight him. And I did. And although my mother is from
an abusive family as well, she was my advocate. With the problems I
had in ps she was the one who stood up for me when I wasn't able to
stand up for myself. In the end it was my mother who was able to
acknowledge that she wasn't perfect and admit to me when she made a
mistake in her parenting, and there were many mistakes, however, none
that were as bad as what my father inflicted on me. He, by the way,
to this day admits nothing wrong. He sees himself as infalable in
every aspect of his life. The point I am wanting make here and
getting off the subject of is that although I come from a family of
abuse, somehow, someway I was able to look at what was happening to
me and realize that it was wrong. That this isn't the way it is
supposed to be. And then figure out how to do it better, I will even
say right. That isn't to say that I am always right but that the
environment that I have been able to provide for my children is
happy, loving and not abusive. Meaning, they will never know what it
is like to grow up with anything close to what I did. I have been
able to figure out how to give them the type of environment I wanted
to and deserved to grow up in. How do I know I am doing this with the
background I just described? I used to wonder that myself. I began
looking at what the "experts" say and suggest and found that I was
already doing the majority of it. This isn't to say that I am perfect
in my parenting skills. It is to say that I don't have the problems
of parenting my children that most survivors of abuse do.
I do apreciate your openness and your opinion. And thank you for your
sensitivity in you last post. To be very honest I was extremely
offended by the email you had sent.: ) however, all is forgotten. : )
I am curious as to some of the things you have learned in your class
with DH. How have you come to terms and found common ground with the
differences you have in your childrenrearing techniques?
Corallyn
--- In [email protected], "Shannon Nicoletta Manns"
<snmanns@a...> wrote:
I wasn't judging you personally. However I still believe that
spanking is abusive. Therefore I have to admit that "I used to abuse
my children". I have changed. But I could only begin to change once I
realized what I was doing and acknowledging it openly, while at the
same time being gentle with myself, not beating myself up or judging
myself. Corporal punishment is not the only type of child abuse - a
lot of emotional abuse goes unnoticed. I have been "guilty" of that,
too. Realizing that my behaviours originated in my own childhood is
not an excuse or a reason to blame my upbringing, but a place to
begin changing. I am working on it every day. So I would like to join
someone else here who said "try not to take it personally". I know
that is not easy sometimes, and I see every day how 'taking things
personally and getting defensive' gets in way more than anything when
it comes to opening up to change. I thank you, Corallyn, for posting
you original message. In my emotionality I was maybe too quick to
react by sending all the Aletha Solter info (I still think everyone
could benefit from knowing her stuff), without acknowledging that I
have been where you are, Corallyn, and I do hav sympathy for you and
your situation. My husband and I recently joined a Couples' Self-
Healing Circle. It has been most valuable in helping us deal with
some of our issues - differences in childrearing being one,
especially since we are blended family (I have two girls from a
previous marriage, he has a son and a daughter from two previous
marriages and together we have Benjamin who is three). Anyway, I
apologize for not being more sensitive to begin with. That doesn't
mean I feel any different or less passionate about the subject of
spanking or other forms of punishment.
well. There was abuse left and right and I was the one who received
the brunt of the abuse mostly in the form of emotional and some
physical by my father when I was a teenager. By physical I mean that
he would taunt me till I was fuming mad and then walk away laughing.
This was something that he did to me starting when I was very young.
When I became a teenager I learned that I had a right to not be
treated this way. The years of emotional abuse came out physically
when he would do this. He was good at knowing when I had reached the
point of physical anger and when I would walk away he would dare me
to come back and fight him. And I did. And although my mother is from
an abusive family as well, she was my advocate. With the problems I
had in ps she was the one who stood up for me when I wasn't able to
stand up for myself. In the end it was my mother who was able to
acknowledge that she wasn't perfect and admit to me when she made a
mistake in her parenting, and there were many mistakes, however, none
that were as bad as what my father inflicted on me. He, by the way,
to this day admits nothing wrong. He sees himself as infalable in
every aspect of his life. The point I am wanting make here and
getting off the subject of is that although I come from a family of
abuse, somehow, someway I was able to look at what was happening to
me and realize that it was wrong. That this isn't the way it is
supposed to be. And then figure out how to do it better, I will even
say right. That isn't to say that I am always right but that the
environment that I have been able to provide for my children is
happy, loving and not abusive. Meaning, they will never know what it
is like to grow up with anything close to what I did. I have been
able to figure out how to give them the type of environment I wanted
to and deserved to grow up in. How do I know I am doing this with the
background I just described? I used to wonder that myself. I began
looking at what the "experts" say and suggest and found that I was
already doing the majority of it. This isn't to say that I am perfect
in my parenting skills. It is to say that I don't have the problems
of parenting my children that most survivors of abuse do.
I do apreciate your openness and your opinion. And thank you for your
sensitivity in you last post. To be very honest I was extremely
offended by the email you had sent.: ) however, all is forgotten. : )
I am curious as to some of the things you have learned in your class
with DH. How have you come to terms and found common ground with the
differences you have in your childrenrearing techniques?
Corallyn
--- In [email protected], "Shannon Nicoletta Manns"
<snmanns@a...> wrote:
>about Aletha Solter's work and before I joined a Self-Healing Circle.
> BTW I did some spanking when my girls where younger, before I knew
I wasn't judging you personally. However I still believe that
spanking is abusive. Therefore I have to admit that "I used to abuse
my children". I have changed. But I could only begin to change once I
realized what I was doing and acknowledging it openly, while at the
same time being gentle with myself, not beating myself up or judging
myself. Corporal punishment is not the only type of child abuse - a
lot of emotional abuse goes unnoticed. I have been "guilty" of that,
too. Realizing that my behaviours originated in my own childhood is
not an excuse or a reason to blame my upbringing, but a place to
begin changing. I am working on it every day. So I would like to join
someone else here who said "try not to take it personally". I know
that is not easy sometimes, and I see every day how 'taking things
personally and getting defensive' gets in way more than anything when
it comes to opening up to change. I thank you, Corallyn, for posting
you original message. In my emotionality I was maybe too quick to
react by sending all the Aletha Solter info (I still think everyone
could benefit from knowing her stuff), without acknowledging that I
have been where you are, Corallyn, and I do hav sympathy for you and
your situation. My husband and I recently joined a Couples' Self-
Healing Circle. It has been most valuable in helping us deal with
some of our issues - differences in childrearing being one,
especially since we are blended family (I have two girls from a
previous marriage, he has a son and a daughter from two previous
marriages and together we have Benjamin who is three). Anyway, I
apologize for not being more sensitive to begin with. That doesn't
mean I feel any different or less passionate about the subject of
spanking or other forms of punishment.
>
> Nicoletta
Corallyn
I can see that it is your opinion that it doesn't matter what the
situation was. There is absolutely no good reason for spanking your
child. I can respect that opinion and I don't agree with it. I am not
going to defend myself any further because it is pointless. I agree
to disagree, as my mother tells me. And I can accept that. No hard
feelings. Corallyn : )
situation was. There is absolutely no good reason for spanking your
child. I can respect that opinion and I don't agree with it. I am not
going to defend myself any further because it is pointless. I agree
to disagree, as my mother tells me. And I can accept that. No hard
feelings. Corallyn : )
--- In [email protected], NumoAstro@a... wrote:
> > A four year old is a child and if the child got away from an
adult,
> it is the ADULT's responsibility! Period!
> >
>
> You are absulutely right. It is my responsibility. I am responsible
> for how I teach my children and at preasant the choices they make
and how I deal with those choices.
>
> I think Lynda was trying to say (correct me if I'm wrong
Lynda)...that you as the adult were responsible for your child
running away and punishing the child for your lack of responsibility
doesn't seem to make any sense... There is no judgement in that...
It's just a fact... If you are the responsible one for a situation
and something happens in that situations, then I would be apologizing
to my son for not watching him well enough that he could get away
from me, not hitting him for something that children do... They don't
understand at 4 yrs old they could get lost or someone could hurt
them...They just see things that they like and off they go, which is
why it's our job as adults to not let that happen. But why should
your son suffer consequences for your inability to take care of him?
It's just a thought...and one I only just thought off....It doesn't
make you a bad parent, just a typical reaction to the thought that
you are not perfect and chose to take an action that wasn't
appropriate given the situation. Why is it so difficult to admit a
mistake. Spanking a child because they ran away when it was the
responsibility of the adult to make sure they didn't run away doesn't
make any logical sense to me and it certainly wouldn't make any to a
child. Just thinking out loud...
>
> Dawn
Valerie
I just want to state that corporal punishment isn't always considered abuse,
or "extreme discipline", even by the ones on the receiving end. And that
all spanking is not the same.
My fil was whipped by his father with a razor strap. He, in turn, whipped
his eldest son with his belt, but not my husband, the younger son. He also
never raised his hand once to his daughter. And his father never whipped any
of my fil's sisters. My bil is strict with his children but he has never
spanked them with anything, to my knowledge. None of them decry spanking,
but they also at some point decided against continuing what their own
fathers did. None say they felt humiliated or fearful at being punished this
way. They love and respect their fathers. Not fear, sincerely love.
My own father was whipped only once as far as I know. He and his brother
were around 10 years of age...they had the idea to see what would happen if
they put a large shotgun shell in a vice and beat it with a hammer. When
their father walked in the barn and saw that he "lost it"....started yelling
in Norwegian and whipped the both of them at once. A panic moment, no doubt.
They could have blinded themselves of who knows what. My dad realized that
his "pa" was scared to death. This wasn't a control freak or an abuser. My
dad has no ill will towards him for it. And my dad never spanked any of us.
With one brother, he could have beaten him within an inch of his life (and
then about another foot) and it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. With
some kids, there's just no answer.
I was spanked by my mother only a few times. It wasn't simply a punishment,
it was to bring me back to reality. One time I was hysterical because my
finger was profusely bleeding. I wouldn't stop screaming and flinging blood
all over the bathroom. She spanked me sharply and I immediately calmed down.
I was glad she did it.
When I spank my kids it's with my own hand....a simple "stinger" to get
their attention and let them know I mean business. When they're out of
control it works wonders. Of course, after a certain age, it doesn't work.
With us, it's around age 7. (starting in toddlerhood when they first start
getting into trouble) It's never a beating. I'm not screaming and scaring
them. I don't tell them it's all their fault, etc, etc. I know it isn't
abuse. I don't have a problem with parents who choose not to spank. Whatever
other method works for them is fine by me....And I would never condone
actual abuse as "discipline". I can understand how people who've worked
closely with abused children (or were one themselves) would need to
completely distance themselves from any form or spanking, but spanking
doesn't not always mean abuse.
----valerie
or "extreme discipline", even by the ones on the receiving end. And that
all spanking is not the same.
My fil was whipped by his father with a razor strap. He, in turn, whipped
his eldest son with his belt, but not my husband, the younger son. He also
never raised his hand once to his daughter. And his father never whipped any
of my fil's sisters. My bil is strict with his children but he has never
spanked them with anything, to my knowledge. None of them decry spanking,
but they also at some point decided against continuing what their own
fathers did. None say they felt humiliated or fearful at being punished this
way. They love and respect their fathers. Not fear, sincerely love.
My own father was whipped only once as far as I know. He and his brother
were around 10 years of age...they had the idea to see what would happen if
they put a large shotgun shell in a vice and beat it with a hammer. When
their father walked in the barn and saw that he "lost it"....started yelling
in Norwegian and whipped the both of them at once. A panic moment, no doubt.
They could have blinded themselves of who knows what. My dad realized that
his "pa" was scared to death. This wasn't a control freak or an abuser. My
dad has no ill will towards him for it. And my dad never spanked any of us.
With one brother, he could have beaten him within an inch of his life (and
then about another foot) and it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. With
some kids, there's just no answer.
I was spanked by my mother only a few times. It wasn't simply a punishment,
it was to bring me back to reality. One time I was hysterical because my
finger was profusely bleeding. I wouldn't stop screaming and flinging blood
all over the bathroom. She spanked me sharply and I immediately calmed down.
I was glad she did it.
When I spank my kids it's with my own hand....a simple "stinger" to get
their attention and let them know I mean business. When they're out of
control it works wonders. Of course, after a certain age, it doesn't work.
With us, it's around age 7. (starting in toddlerhood when they first start
getting into trouble) It's never a beating. I'm not screaming and scaring
them. I don't tell them it's all their fault, etc, etc. I know it isn't
abuse. I don't have a problem with parents who choose not to spank. Whatever
other method works for them is fine by me....And I would never condone
actual abuse as "discipline". I can understand how people who've worked
closely with abused children (or were one themselves) would need to
completely distance themselves from any form or spanking, but spanking
doesn't not always mean abuse.
----valerie
Corallyn
Valerie, a huge THANK YOU. Someone finally stepped in and agrees with
me that just because I spank my children does not make me abusive.
What Valerie just described as the form of spanking she uses is the
same form that I normally use. It is not abuse. A big sigh of relief
for Valerie's post.
Corallyn
--- In [email protected], "Valerie" <valeries@w...>
wrote:
me that just because I spank my children does not make me abusive.
What Valerie just described as the form of spanking she uses is the
same form that I normally use. It is not abuse. A big sigh of relief
for Valerie's post.
Corallyn
--- In [email protected], "Valerie" <valeries@w...>
wrote:
> I just want to state that corporal punishment isn't alwaysconsidered abuse,
> or "extreme discipline", even by the ones on the receiving end.And that
> all spanking is not the same.whipped
>
> My fil was whipped by his father with a razor strap. He, in turn,
> his eldest son with his belt, but not my husband, the younger son.He also
> never raised his hand once to his daughter. And his father neverwhipped any
> of my fil's sisters. My bil is strict with his children but he hasnever
> spanked them with anything, to my knowledge. None of them decryspanking,
> but they also at some point decided against continuing what theirown
> fathers did. None say they felt humiliated or fearful at beingpunished this
> way. They love and respect their fathers. Not fear, sincerely love.brother
>
> My own father was whipped only once as far as I know. He and his
> were around 10 years of age...they had the idea to see what wouldhappen if
> they put a large shotgun shell in a vice and beat it with a hammer.When
> their father walked in the barn and saw that he "lostit"....started yelling
> in Norwegian and whipped the both of them at once. A panic moment,no doubt.
> They could have blinded themselves of who knows what. My dadrealized that
> his "pa" was scared to death. This wasn't a control freak or anabuser. My
> dad has no ill will towards him for it. And my dad never spankedany of us.
> With one brother, he could have beaten him within an inch of hislife (and
> then about another foot) and it wouldn't have made a bit ofdifference. With
> some kids, there's just no answer.punishment,
>
> I was spanked by my mother only a few times. It wasn't simply a
> it was to bring me back to reality. One time I was hystericalbecause my
> finger was profusely bleeding. I wouldn't stop screaming andflinging blood
> all over the bathroom. She spanked me sharply and I immediatelycalmed down.
> I was glad she did it.get
>
> When I spank my kids it's with my own hand....a simple "stinger" to
> their attention and let them know I mean business. When they'reout of
> control it works wonders. Of course, after a certain age, itdoesn't work.
> With us, it's around age 7. (starting in toddlerhood when theyfirst start
> getting into trouble) It's never a beating. I'm not screaming andscaring
> them. I don't tell them it's all their fault, etc, etc. I know itisn't
> abuse. I don't have a problem with parents who choose not to spank.Whatever
> other method works for them is fine by me....And I would nevercondone
> actual abuse as "discipline". I can understand how people who'veworked
> closely with abused children (or were one themselves) would need tospanking
> completely distance themselves from any form or spanking, but
> doesn't not always mean abuse.
>
>
> ----valerie
Dawn Falbe
Have to say it as it's on my mind... But I must assume you and
Valerie live in the backwaters of Tennessee, or some hick mountain
top in West Virginia and not in the modern world where people don't
treat their children as objects to be controlled. Hubby just
said "and these kind of people unschool?" My husband just said if he
saw someone spanking a child he'd go over and intervene, whether the
other parent liked it or not, and he's actually done that once before
when someone was yanking on their child's arm when they were getting
them out of a car... I guess it's a personal preference this spanking
thing... but for the life of me I cannot see any logic in it, it's
all emotion based and based on how the parent is feeling at the time,
which is rageful. If it wasn't based on emotion a parent could make
an appointment with their child at say 5pm to be spanked and everyone
would be happy... That's never the case so therefore it must be done
out of rage... How would you like it, if you did something that I
didn't like and I grabbed you and spanked you? You would be utterly
humiliated and appalled by my behavior. So what's the difference?
If I could see some logic in this whole spanking issue, then I might
agree with it... But it doesn't matter what way you say it, how you
present an argument for it, it's not logical and if it's not logical
for an adult then it's certainly doesn't make any sense to a child.
Again my HO and now I'll go and put on an even bigger suit of armour
and try and calm down over this issue, which I actually thought was
dead until I read this post.
Dawn F
Valerie live in the backwaters of Tennessee, or some hick mountain
top in West Virginia and not in the modern world where people don't
treat their children as objects to be controlled. Hubby just
said "and these kind of people unschool?" My husband just said if he
saw someone spanking a child he'd go over and intervene, whether the
other parent liked it or not, and he's actually done that once before
when someone was yanking on their child's arm when they were getting
them out of a car... I guess it's a personal preference this spanking
thing... but for the life of me I cannot see any logic in it, it's
all emotion based and based on how the parent is feeling at the time,
which is rageful. If it wasn't based on emotion a parent could make
an appointment with their child at say 5pm to be spanked and everyone
would be happy... That's never the case so therefore it must be done
out of rage... How would you like it, if you did something that I
didn't like and I grabbed you and spanked you? You would be utterly
humiliated and appalled by my behavior. So what's the difference?
If I could see some logic in this whole spanking issue, then I might
agree with it... But it doesn't matter what way you say it, how you
present an argument for it, it's not logical and if it's not logical
for an adult then it's certainly doesn't make any sense to a child.
Again my HO and now I'll go and put on an even bigger suit of armour
and try and calm down over this issue, which I actually thought was
dead until I read this post.
Dawn F
> Valerie, a huge THANK YOU. Someone finally stepped in and agreeswith
> me that just because I spank my children does not make me abusive.relief
> What Valerie just described as the form of spanking she uses is the
> same form that I normally use. It is not abuse. A big sigh of
> for Valerie's post.
>
> Corallyn
>
Corallyn
--- In [email protected], "Dawn Falbe" <NumoAstro@a...>
wrote:
greater HOusotn area. DH is employed by the county in Houston.
Corallyn
wrote:
> Have to say it as it's on my mind... But I must assume you andActually, I was raised since age 4 in Houston, Tx and live in the
> Valerie live in the backwaters of Tennessee, or some hick mountain
> top in West Virginia and not in the modern world where people don't
> treat their children as objects to be controlled.
greater HOusotn area. DH is employed by the county in Houston.
Corallyn
Corallyn
Which, by the way and again as stated and noticed by few, the
original post was NOT about spanking, although it was mentioned. It
was about dealing with differences with DH just as the subject line
stated. IMO the majority of people here have shown much
shortsitedness and lack of respect toward the my views as a parent
and really offered little support toward what was really rather hard
to bring up, Differentces with DH. What have I learned from all this?
This list really isn't about what everyone thinks about. This list is
about aproximately 400 unschoolers who discuss unschooling and have a
general respect of those who do unschool unless they have ever laid a
hand on thier child. Then it is about casting out those who are
deemed abusive and shoving your opinions down their throught with the
intent, IMO, to remove them from the list. Simply because they "don't
fit the mold". Sounds pretty PS to me. Oh and by the way you wouldn't
believe who has posted to me off list to offer support and agree with
my views. I won't mention who they are simply because they don't want
the same to happen to them. I guess my point in saying that is to let
you all know that your all "mighty correctness" in the issue is not
as agreed upon as you would like to think. Corallyn.
--- In [email protected], Cindy Ferguson <crma@i...>
wrote:
be precise) I have *never* seen a productive discussion on the topic
of spanking. Never once has someone who is against spanking decided
that it was okay for *anyone* to spank their child. I haven't seen
anyone who is for spanking decide that perhaps their method of
discipline needed changing. Instead what I have seen is what
happened here, the original poster felt misunderstood, and usually
gets defensive. Others get angry at the thought of a child being
hurt or at the thought of someone judging their parenting techniques.
Emotions run high on both sides of the issue. When it all dies down,
people are hurt, their feelings of trust in each other has been
eroded. Some people leave the list in hurt and/or anger. Others
decide it is best if they become lurkers. The end result is the
wisdom that each of us can gain from this list is diminished.
original post was NOT about spanking, although it was mentioned. It
was about dealing with differences with DH just as the subject line
stated. IMO the majority of people here have shown much
shortsitedness and lack of respect toward the my views as a parent
and really offered little support toward what was really rather hard
to bring up, Differentces with DH. What have I learned from all this?
This list really isn't about what everyone thinks about. This list is
about aproximately 400 unschoolers who discuss unschooling and have a
general respect of those who do unschool unless they have ever laid a
hand on thier child. Then it is about casting out those who are
deemed abusive and shoving your opinions down their throught with the
intent, IMO, to remove them from the list. Simply because they "don't
fit the mold". Sounds pretty PS to me. Oh and by the way you wouldn't
believe who has posted to me off list to offer support and agree with
my views. I won't mention who they are simply because they don't want
the same to happen to them. I guess my point in saying that is to let
you all know that your all "mighty correctness" in the issue is not
as agreed upon as you would like to think. Corallyn.
--- In [email protected], Cindy Ferguson <crma@i...>
wrote:
> Sonia Ulan wrote: I've come in on this discussion late. But I justwanted to add this : In all my years on the Internet (since 1987 to
be precise) I have *never* seen a productive discussion on the topic
of spanking. Never once has someone who is against spanking decided
that it was okay for *anyone* to spank their child. I haven't seen
anyone who is for spanking decide that perhaps their method of
discipline needed changing. Instead what I have seen is what
happened here, the original poster felt misunderstood, and usually
gets defensive. Others get angry at the thought of a child being
hurt or at the thought of someone judging their parenting techniques.
Emotions run high on both sides of the issue. When it all dies down,
people are hurt, their feelings of trust in each other has been
eroded. Some people leave the list in hurt and/or anger. Others
decide it is best if they become lurkers. The end result is the
wisdom that each of us can gain from this list is diminished.
>discussion.
> This is why Lynda and others were hesitant to continue this
>
> --
>
> Cindy Ferguson
> crma@i...
Kim
Thanks! Now I can say anything!!! JK (just
kidding)
Kim
<<<g> handing Kim a magic table to protect
her!>>
Lynda