Food Issues
[email protected]
Help...
My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table. He's decided
to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't want him to starve
and I don't want to keep preparing or start preparing cereal for dinner every
night and give in... Hubbie thinks we ought to do that for a while and maybe
he'll get bored with the cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting away
in front of my eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin
deficiencies. I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with
your younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was crying
(not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
now...
Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to eat and
wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up like on the list
and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP HELP.....
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table. He's decided
to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't want him to starve
and I don't want to keep preparing or start preparing cereal for dinner every
night and give in... Hubbie thinks we ought to do that for a while and maybe
he'll get bored with the cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting away
in front of my eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin
deficiencies. I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with
your younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was crying
(not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
now...
Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to eat and
wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up like on the list
and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP HELP.....
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
Valerie
Help...
My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table. He's
decided
to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't want him to starve
and I don't want to keep preparing or start preparing cereal for dinner
every
night and give in... Hubbie thinks we ought to do that for a while and maybe
he'll get bored with the cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting away
in front of my eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin
deficiencies. I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with
your younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was crying
(not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
now...
Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to eat and
wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up like on the list
and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP HELP.....
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
Hi Dawn,
I have 4 kids with 4 different appitites. My 3rd is a 4-1/2 yo girl. She's a
very picky eater. Hates vegetables of any kind. Hates anything "different".
Throws a fit if we suggest potatoes are not "yucky and stupid". For awhile I
thought she was living on air itself. Never finished a meal. The ironic
thing is she's built like a brick and is the healthiest of all my kids.
Since she's so healthy I don't cater to her. I prepare what I want for
everyone and let her eat what she'll eat. If she's still hungry she can help
herself to applesauce or cheerios or a piece of bread (those are the 3 main
food groups to her) She gets them herself. I'm not a short-order cook. I
won't fight about it and it's taken my husband awhile to realize it's not
worth fighting about. I don't want them to end up with some weird food
control issue. Someday she'll eat all those yucky things she won't touch
now.
I wouldn't worry about your son starving. As long as you give him healthy
choices he'll be okay.
---Valerie
My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table. He's
decided
to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't want him to starve
and I don't want to keep preparing or start preparing cereal for dinner
every
night and give in... Hubbie thinks we ought to do that for a while and maybe
he'll get bored with the cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting away
in front of my eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin
deficiencies. I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with
your younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was crying
(not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
now...
Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to eat and
wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up like on the list
and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP HELP.....
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
Hi Dawn,
I have 4 kids with 4 different appitites. My 3rd is a 4-1/2 yo girl. She's a
very picky eater. Hates vegetables of any kind. Hates anything "different".
Throws a fit if we suggest potatoes are not "yucky and stupid". For awhile I
thought she was living on air itself. Never finished a meal. The ironic
thing is she's built like a brick and is the healthiest of all my kids.
Since she's so healthy I don't cater to her. I prepare what I want for
everyone and let her eat what she'll eat. If she's still hungry she can help
herself to applesauce or cheerios or a piece of bread (those are the 3 main
food groups to her) She gets them herself. I'm not a short-order cook. I
won't fight about it and it's taken my husband awhile to realize it's not
worth fighting about. I don't want them to end up with some weird food
control issue. Someday she'll eat all those yucky things she won't touch
now.
I wouldn't worry about your son starving. As long as you give him healthy
choices he'll be okay.
---Valerie
Corallyn
--- In [email protected], NumoAstro@a... wrote:
want him to starve and I don't want to keep preparing or start
preparing cereal for dinner every night and give in... Hubbie thinks
we ought to do that for a while and maybe he'll get bored with the
cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting away in front of my
eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin deficiencies.
I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with your
younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was
crying (not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had
something he's eaten many times before in his life. I'm at my wits
end. I dread dinnertimes now...
like on the list and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP
HELP.....
if he was going to eat or not. If he chose not to that was fine but
if he was hungery later guess what he got for bed time. That's right.
His dinner. If he chose to go to bed hungery that was his choice not
mine. I guarenty you he ate a good breakfast the next morning though.
I just made sure to have lots of good snacks in the house and little
junk. If he chose to eat his dinner or any other meal then he got a
treat for snack. If he chose not to eat the meal then he got his left
over meal for snack. There was no barganing bartering or anything
else of the sort. He was in total control of when and if he ate and
somewhat in control of what he ate, by choosing to eat he got the
treat. I didn't make a big deal about it. I just did it. If he
complained that he wanted a treat and had not eaten his meal then I
would explain to him that he had to eat his meal first and then he
could have a treat. I have to tell you also that my son has always
been lean. At 6mo he had a washboard stomach...never had any baby
fat. He is still lean and healthy and all of his 40lb is muscle. If
you make a big deal about it, it will turn into a control issue. DH
would do this when he was home to have dinner with us by not
allowing DS to leave the table until DS had eaten to DH's content.
The next day he would eat less. Just relax and let DS make his own
choices and then be responsible for those choices. Corallyn
> Help...He's decided to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't
>
> My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table.
want him to starve and I don't want to keep preparing or start
preparing cereal for dinner every night and give in... Hubbie thinks
we ought to do that for a while and maybe he'll get bored with the
cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting away in front of my
eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin deficiencies.
I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with your
younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was
crying (not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had
something he's eaten many times before in his life. I'm at my wits
end. I dread dinnertimes now...
>eat and wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up
> Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to
like on the list and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP
HELP.....
>I dealt with this very issue when my now 5yob was 3. I let him decide
> Dawn F
> Tucson, AZ
>
> PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
if he was going to eat or not. If he chose not to that was fine but
if he was hungery later guess what he got for bed time. That's right.
His dinner. If he chose to go to bed hungery that was his choice not
mine. I guarenty you he ate a good breakfast the next morning though.
I just made sure to have lots of good snacks in the house and little
junk. If he chose to eat his dinner or any other meal then he got a
treat for snack. If he chose not to eat the meal then he got his left
over meal for snack. There was no barganing bartering or anything
else of the sort. He was in total control of when and if he ate and
somewhat in control of what he ate, by choosing to eat he got the
treat. I didn't make a big deal about it. I just did it. If he
complained that he wanted a treat and had not eaten his meal then I
would explain to him that he had to eat his meal first and then he
could have a treat. I have to tell you also that my son has always
been lean. At 6mo he had a washboard stomach...never had any baby
fat. He is still lean and healthy and all of his 40lb is muscle. If
you make a big deal about it, it will turn into a control issue. DH
would do this when he was home to have dinner with us by not
allowing DS to leave the table until DS had eaten to DH's content.
The next day he would eat less. Just relax and let DS make his own
choices and then be responsible for those choices. Corallyn
Cathie _
I can't help other than to tell you my horror story-maybe you will figure
out a better answer.
My second kid did the same thing-food that was fine the week before, he all
of a sudden hated. I didn't really think much of it at first. He didn't want
the meatloaf, but would still eat the baked potato and the green beans, so
if he had a hot dog with it instead, it was no big deal. It got worse and
worse. Then as the next 3 kids have gotten older they have become just as
picky. They have a very limited menu, I am sick to death of cooking the same
things over and over, so they are all learning to cook themselves. Sometimes
I make 2 complete dinners, sometimes I throw some chicken nuggets in and
they will eat side dishes that we are having, or sometimes they cook for
themselves or have cereal.
My sister was home a couple of weeks ago, and all 3 of us got together and
talked about how all of our children are like this. When we were growing up,
our Dad would make us eat things even if we sat and cried for hours at the
table and eventually vomited. None of us wanted this with our kids, and now
we have picky eaters.
My husband is also picky, but he is a meat and potato guy, and the boys
hardly eat any meat. Cooking here is hell and I hate it. Last year I got to
a point where I was burning everything I touched. I finally said "I quit"
and gave everyone a nite to cook, and I did the clean up instead. We ate
alot of grilled cheese and tomato soup and spaghetti! After a few months I
could cook again, but I don't do it all the time. I still hate it.
If you find an answer, let me know.
Cathie
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out a better answer.
My second kid did the same thing-food that was fine the week before, he all
of a sudden hated. I didn't really think much of it at first. He didn't want
the meatloaf, but would still eat the baked potato and the green beans, so
if he had a hot dog with it instead, it was no big deal. It got worse and
worse. Then as the next 3 kids have gotten older they have become just as
picky. They have a very limited menu, I am sick to death of cooking the same
things over and over, so they are all learning to cook themselves. Sometimes
I make 2 complete dinners, sometimes I throw some chicken nuggets in and
they will eat side dishes that we are having, or sometimes they cook for
themselves or have cereal.
My sister was home a couple of weeks ago, and all 3 of us got together and
talked about how all of our children are like this. When we were growing up,
our Dad would make us eat things even if we sat and cried for hours at the
table and eventually vomited. None of us wanted this with our kids, and now
we have picky eaters.
My husband is also picky, but he is a meat and potato guy, and the boys
hardly eat any meat. Cooking here is hell and I hate it. Last year I got to
a point where I was burning everything I touched. I finally said "I quit"
and gave everyone a nite to cook, and I did the clean up instead. We ate
alot of grilled cheese and tomato soup and spaghetti! After a few months I
could cook again, but I don't do it all the time. I still hate it.
If you find an answer, let me know.
Cathie
>_________________________________________________________________________
>Help...
>
>My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table. He's
>decided
>to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't want him to starve
>and I don't want to keep preparing or start preparing cereal for dinner
>every
>night and give in... Hubbie thinks we ought to do that for a while and
>maybe
>he'll get bored with the cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting
>away
>in front of my eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin
>deficiencies. I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with
>your younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was
>crying
>(not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
>many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
>now...
>
>Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to eat and
>wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up like on the
>list
>and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP HELP.....
>
>Dawn F
>Tucson, AZ
>
>PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
>
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[email protected]
Thanks Corallyn and Cathie:
I get the digest version of unschooling.com but I couldn't wait for answers
so went to the web page to see if anyone was out there to help and I learned
a lot by what you both said.
Dinner was even worse tonight (before I'd read your e-mails) and I came home
from the post office to find Zak in bed at 7pm and sound asleep, with DH
fuming over his behavior. When I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner,
Zak was busy making some kind of ball out of mashed potatoes and broccoli and
smearing them all over himself, the table, chair and the floor. I breathed
very deeply and left it to DH to take care of, which might not have been such
a good idea. I didn't want Zak to have food issues either and the rate we
are going that's exactly what he's going to have.
So tomorrow is another day and when DH get's back from work (power outage so
had to go) we are going to talk about different strategies as suggested... DH
is a very picky eater as well, meat and potatoes guy.... I'll pray for a
better day tomorrow.
Thanks again
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
I get the digest version of unschooling.com but I couldn't wait for answers
so went to the web page to see if anyone was out there to help and I learned
a lot by what you both said.
Dinner was even worse tonight (before I'd read your e-mails) and I came home
from the post office to find Zak in bed at 7pm and sound asleep, with DH
fuming over his behavior. When I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner,
Zak was busy making some kind of ball out of mashed potatoes and broccoli and
smearing them all over himself, the table, chair and the floor. I breathed
very deeply and left it to DH to take care of, which might not have been such
a good idea. I didn't want Zak to have food issues either and the rate we
are going that's exactly what he's going to have.
So tomorrow is another day and when DH get's back from work (power outage so
had to go) we are going to talk about different strategies as suggested... DH
is a very picky eater as well, meat and potatoes guy.... I'll pray for a
better day tomorrow.
Thanks again
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
Shelley A Stefanic
Hi Dawn,
Ugh, we have the same problem at our house. What I have come up with is
to always make the option of a PB & J sandwich available to Alex if he
doesn't want to eat what is being served. We tried the requirement of at
least tasting the dinner, but that caused way too many fits. At the ripe
old age of 6 now, he occasionally tries dinner, and sometimes he even
likes it. I also make sure there is stuff in the fridge he can get
himself if he is hungry - like yogurt or those little single serve apple
sauce cups. With this system, I know he is eating something and I'm not
feeling like a short order cook. If he wants to eat the same thing every
day - so be it. If he doesn't eat, he can get himself something on his
own later on when he is hungry. Unfortunately, little sister Sean Marie
(almost 3) announces, before she even sees what is on her plate, "that's
yucky". Oh joy.
~Shelley
Ugh, we have the same problem at our house. What I have come up with is
to always make the option of a PB & J sandwich available to Alex if he
doesn't want to eat what is being served. We tried the requirement of at
least tasting the dinner, but that caused way too many fits. At the ripe
old age of 6 now, he occasionally tries dinner, and sometimes he even
likes it. I also make sure there is stuff in the fridge he can get
himself if he is hungry - like yogurt or those little single serve apple
sauce cups. With this system, I know he is eating something and I'm not
feeling like a short order cook. If he wants to eat the same thing every
day - so be it. If he doesn't eat, he can get himself something on his
own later on when he is hungry. Unfortunately, little sister Sean Marie
(almost 3) announces, before she even sees what is on her plate, "that's
yucky". Oh joy.
~Shelley
[email protected]
Dawn,
Your post has me delurking. I have one child who will try most things and
eats whatever we are having. My son has never liked food and finds it
difficult to try new foods-we have had some battles. He has gotten so upset
that he vomited at the table over strong tastes. When this happened, we
immediately stopped pushing him to try new foods. I want our meals to be
peaceful times and I want to enjoy each other.
This is what we do now. We have little junk in the house and we almost never
have desert. I make a normal meal and people choose what they want to eat
from that. I always have some type of protein, a vegetable and a grain or
bread. If my kids don't like it they are welcome to go and make themselves a
peanut butter sandwich or cereal or eat some fruit I do not prepare a second
meal. I may leave sauces off of something and serve it on the side.
I always have a good selection of fruit on hand, whole grain breads and real
cheese/yogurt and when they were smaller I kept a snack plate in the fridge
with cheese and cut up veggies and they were allowed to eat it whenever they
wanted. They do get sweets but not on a regular basis and never as a reward
for eating something else.
It is hard to disengage but we have no battles at the table anymore. I truly
think some individuals are just not that interested in food. My son is one
and he has always had a problem with textures and strong tastes.
I make sure they have a vitamin every day and they both drink lots of
filtered water. They are lean, rarely sick and have incredible energy. Do I
wish my son liked more foods? You bet. But I can't dread each meal. When we
are going somewhere and I know he won't eat I just feed him before hand.
This drives my relatives nuts but hey they are all huge and have eating
issues.
I read some place that, some people live to eat and some eat to live and I
truly believe this. One more thing-this week my son, he's 10, said he is
going to start trying to like/try more foods because his friends do. So,
there is hope.
Rebecca
Your post has me delurking. I have one child who will try most things and
eats whatever we are having. My son has never liked food and finds it
difficult to try new foods-we have had some battles. He has gotten so upset
that he vomited at the table over strong tastes. When this happened, we
immediately stopped pushing him to try new foods. I want our meals to be
peaceful times and I want to enjoy each other.
This is what we do now. We have little junk in the house and we almost never
have desert. I make a normal meal and people choose what they want to eat
from that. I always have some type of protein, a vegetable and a grain or
bread. If my kids don't like it they are welcome to go and make themselves a
peanut butter sandwich or cereal or eat some fruit I do not prepare a second
meal. I may leave sauces off of something and serve it on the side.
I always have a good selection of fruit on hand, whole grain breads and real
cheese/yogurt and when they were smaller I kept a snack plate in the fridge
with cheese and cut up veggies and they were allowed to eat it whenever they
wanted. They do get sweets but not on a regular basis and never as a reward
for eating something else.
It is hard to disengage but we have no battles at the table anymore. I truly
think some individuals are just not that interested in food. My son is one
and he has always had a problem with textures and strong tastes.
I make sure they have a vitamin every day and they both drink lots of
filtered water. They are lean, rarely sick and have incredible energy. Do I
wish my son liked more foods? You bet. But I can't dread each meal. When we
are going somewhere and I know he won't eat I just feed him before hand.
This drives my relatives nuts but hey they are all huge and have eating
issues.
I read some place that, some people live to eat and some eat to live and I
truly believe this. One more thing-this week my son, he's 10, said he is
going to start trying to like/try more foods because his friends do. So,
there is hope.
Rebecca
Corallyn
Something else I do is to let them be part of the decission making on
what we have for dinner. I will ask them, "What shall we have for
dinner tonight?" If they ask for something that I don't have all the
vital ingrediants for I let them know and they choose something else.
Or I will ask, "Would you like _______ for dinner tonight?" If they
don't then I ask for suggestions. This way they can't complain about
what we are having because it is thier choice. Most nights I do this.
Sometimes I don't and I think they enjoy having a "surprise" for
dinner. Sometimes I will also fix breakfast for dinner just to be
different i.e. eggs and pancakes and ham. I figure if it is good
enough to start the day it is good enough to end the day. Fortunately
none of mine are picky eaters. I know 17mo absolutely will not eat
potatoes no matter how they are prepared. He has always disliked them
even in the baby food. And 5yos doesn't like beans, the legume type
not the green type. And I don't think 3yod dislikes anything. She
does love noodles of any type though. I guess these are my
suggestions for those of you whose children just don't want to eat.
For those of you who have picky eaters, I don't know what to say
except that I am glad it isn't me. (Not to be rude) Corallyn
what we have for dinner. I will ask them, "What shall we have for
dinner tonight?" If they ask for something that I don't have all the
vital ingrediants for I let them know and they choose something else.
Or I will ask, "Would you like _______ for dinner tonight?" If they
don't then I ask for suggestions. This way they can't complain about
what we are having because it is thier choice. Most nights I do this.
Sometimes I don't and I think they enjoy having a "surprise" for
dinner. Sometimes I will also fix breakfast for dinner just to be
different i.e. eggs and pancakes and ham. I figure if it is good
enough to start the day it is good enough to end the day. Fortunately
none of mine are picky eaters. I know 17mo absolutely will not eat
potatoes no matter how they are prepared. He has always disliked them
even in the baby food. And 5yos doesn't like beans, the legume type
not the green type. And I don't think 3yod dislikes anything. She
does love noodles of any type though. I guess these are my
suggestions for those of you whose children just don't want to eat.
For those of you who have picky eaters, I don't know what to say
except that I am glad it isn't me. (Not to be rude) Corallyn
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/29/2000 3:22:28 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
NumoAstro@... writes:
some other medical condition. I had a friend who's child did nearly waste
away. It took 2 years of diligence and a lot of luck before the diagnosis
was finally made. She came very close to dying. Once the family knew the
problem, the solution was very easy...she simply had to avoid foods that
contained or caused gluten because the gluten was gumming up her intestines.
If there isn't a medical condition, I would guess this is an issue that your
ds feels strongly enough about that there will be no winning with any methods
of force feeding or coercion. (Been there done that...only I was the child!
I still have some major food aversions due to being force fed as a child.
We had a very picky eater who also ate very small portions. It was very hard
to not make food an issue. Talk about gut wrenching...for all the reasons
you described. Ultimately, we decided to follow the expert's advice of the
time (something I don't do often...LOL) and quit worrying about it. DS was
asked to sit with us for dinner and visit if he didn't feel like eating. I
made a point of including something that was normally tempting to him in
every meal, but not necessarily the entire meal. I figured that way there
would be something there for him to eat if he wanted it. We serve ourselves
because I've seen lots of reports that a parent's idea of normal portion and
the size of a child's stomach are often far apart. So, ds was required to
sit and be polite while we ate. If he didn't like/want what was on the
table, he could get his own of something else. It is hard enough for me to
make one dinner, I don't do duplicates. I kept easy things in the
cupboards/fridge and supervised his efforts when he prepared something
(typically PB&J).
He did get quite skinny, but had lots of energy and at every doctor's appt.
the doc was confident he was developing normally so was not concerned about
his weight. As an infant he was in 90th percentile height/weight ratio. At
age 6 it was 10th. I actually had people stopping us in the grocery store
and asking if I had considered taking him to a doctor to have him checked.
Suddenly, about age 9, he put on weight and quickly. He stopped gaining, but
still hasn't grown into all his weight. He'll be 12 in October.
Another note, we've come to discover that ds does have a physical problem
which gets in the way of eating on our schedule. He has an illness which has
lots of queasy tummy symptoms. It's pretty hard to want to eat when your
stomach is upset. I was already glad we'd avoided power struggles over food,
but doubly so when this came to light!
So, relax. Assuming he is learning and developing normally, is not lethargic
or other health concerns, it is probably a phase which he will eventually
outgrow. One day he'll be a teenager and you won't be able to keep enough
food in the house to satisfy him! I would still have him come to the table
and visit with the rest of the family at meal times, eating or not as he
needs. As for what alternative foods to offer, it is really up to you. I'm
inclined to allow cold cereal, but the expense gets rather high. DH thinks
cereal is for breakfast ONLY and so there have had to be comprises. For
instance, cereal is one of the options, but we don't buy lots of sweetened
stuff. Cheese sticks or slices, carrot/celery sticks, apples and other
fruits, yogurt, crackers (graham, saltine, whole wheat...there's lots of
variety), PB&J sandwiches, eggs already boiled and ready in the fridge,
granola bars. Just a sample list to get your juices going. Help him get
lots of liquids. It's easy for little people to get dehydrated, which can
cause mixed hunger/lack of hunger signals.
DS lived on ramen for a while and mac and cheese quickly became a favorite
when he could fix it with supervision. PB&J is still a staple. Hard boiled
eggs are a hit in spurts (take a pencil and put and X or the date on them so
you know which are hard boiled!) He still likes cold cereal for a bedtime
snack...but then so does his mom!
Eiraul
NumoAstro@... writes:
> Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was cryingThe throwing up part has me concerned. It may be there is a food allergy or
> (not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
> many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
> now...
some other medical condition. I had a friend who's child did nearly waste
away. It took 2 years of diligence and a lot of luck before the diagnosis
was finally made. She came very close to dying. Once the family knew the
problem, the solution was very easy...she simply had to avoid foods that
contained or caused gluten because the gluten was gumming up her intestines.
If there isn't a medical condition, I would guess this is an issue that your
ds feels strongly enough about that there will be no winning with any methods
of force feeding or coercion. (Been there done that...only I was the child!
I still have some major food aversions due to being force fed as a child.
We had a very picky eater who also ate very small portions. It was very hard
to not make food an issue. Talk about gut wrenching...for all the reasons
you described. Ultimately, we decided to follow the expert's advice of the
time (something I don't do often...LOL) and quit worrying about it. DS was
asked to sit with us for dinner and visit if he didn't feel like eating. I
made a point of including something that was normally tempting to him in
every meal, but not necessarily the entire meal. I figured that way there
would be something there for him to eat if he wanted it. We serve ourselves
because I've seen lots of reports that a parent's idea of normal portion and
the size of a child's stomach are often far apart. So, ds was required to
sit and be polite while we ate. If he didn't like/want what was on the
table, he could get his own of something else. It is hard enough for me to
make one dinner, I don't do duplicates. I kept easy things in the
cupboards/fridge and supervised his efforts when he prepared something
(typically PB&J).
He did get quite skinny, but had lots of energy and at every doctor's appt.
the doc was confident he was developing normally so was not concerned about
his weight. As an infant he was in 90th percentile height/weight ratio. At
age 6 it was 10th. I actually had people stopping us in the grocery store
and asking if I had considered taking him to a doctor to have him checked.
Suddenly, about age 9, he put on weight and quickly. He stopped gaining, but
still hasn't grown into all his weight. He'll be 12 in October.
Another note, we've come to discover that ds does have a physical problem
which gets in the way of eating on our schedule. He has an illness which has
lots of queasy tummy symptoms. It's pretty hard to want to eat when your
stomach is upset. I was already glad we'd avoided power struggles over food,
but doubly so when this came to light!
So, relax. Assuming he is learning and developing normally, is not lethargic
or other health concerns, it is probably a phase which he will eventually
outgrow. One day he'll be a teenager and you won't be able to keep enough
food in the house to satisfy him! I would still have him come to the table
and visit with the rest of the family at meal times, eating or not as he
needs. As for what alternative foods to offer, it is really up to you. I'm
inclined to allow cold cereal, but the expense gets rather high. DH thinks
cereal is for breakfast ONLY and so there have had to be comprises. For
instance, cereal is one of the options, but we don't buy lots of sweetened
stuff. Cheese sticks or slices, carrot/celery sticks, apples and other
fruits, yogurt, crackers (graham, saltine, whole wheat...there's lots of
variety), PB&J sandwiches, eggs already boiled and ready in the fridge,
granola bars. Just a sample list to get your juices going. Help him get
lots of liquids. It's easy for little people to get dehydrated, which can
cause mixed hunger/lack of hunger signals.
DS lived on ramen for a while and mac and cheese quickly became a favorite
when he could fix it with supervision. PB&J is still a staple. Hard boiled
eggs are a hit in spurts (take a pencil and put and X or the date on them so
you know which are hard boiled!) He still likes cold cereal for a bedtime
snack...but then so does his mom!
Eiraul
[email protected]
oh Dawn,
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time....
We are in the begin stages of pickiness with Ali (3), I try to make one thing
that I think she will eat to go (I usually ask her right before dinner what
she would enjoy as a side dish because her taste change from day to day) with
the new stuff or stuff she doesn't care for. Then her options are to eat or
be hungry until breakfast.....she has choices. If she doesn't eat, she gets
dinner as bedtime snack. If she does, she gets a treat.
hope this helps,
Julie
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time....
We are in the begin stages of pickiness with Ali (3), I try to make one thing
that I think she will eat to go (I usually ask her right before dinner what
she would enjoy as a side dish because her taste change from day to day) with
the new stuff or stuff she doesn't care for. Then her options are to eat or
be hungry until breakfast.....she has choices. If she doesn't eat, she gets
dinner as bedtime snack. If she does, she gets a treat.
hope this helps,
Julie
[email protected]
Thank you all so much for your help with this... Read this digest to DH and
we are going to try what the majority suggested... He has healthy foods to
each when he does eat and I have applesauce, cheese, whole wheat bread
(Weetabix is the cereal of choice in our house, but I didn't say that as I
didn't think anyone would know what it was - Marianne)., bananas, soy
burgers, etc . We talked last night about all the things he does eat and
that this has just become another battle lately and we don't want to fight
with him... The whole point of this unschooling for us was in lots of
areas... So this is about our own control issues and he seems to be winning.
No he doesn't have a food allergy... He puts so much food in his mouth that
he vomits because it's touching the back of his throat, that was he's sick
and then he doesn't have to eat it... He's also very bright as you can see by
this demonstration of will.
So today is a new day and I'm willing to give this a try and see if I can
come out unfrazzled at the end of the day.
thanks again all of you
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
we are going to try what the majority suggested... He has healthy foods to
each when he does eat and I have applesauce, cheese, whole wheat bread
(Weetabix is the cereal of choice in our house, but I didn't say that as I
didn't think anyone would know what it was - Marianne)., bananas, soy
burgers, etc . We talked last night about all the things he does eat and
that this has just become another battle lately and we don't want to fight
with him... The whole point of this unschooling for us was in lots of
areas... So this is about our own control issues and he seems to be winning.
No he doesn't have a food allergy... He puts so much food in his mouth that
he vomits because it's touching the back of his throat, that was he's sick
and then he doesn't have to eat it... He's also very bright as you can see by
this demonstration of will.
So today is a new day and I'm willing to give this a try and see if I can
come out unfrazzled at the end of the day.
thanks again all of you
Dawn F
Tucson, AZ
Susan (mother to 5 in Fla)
Everyone in the group gave such great advice to Dawn F on food issues. Now
I could use some help myself.
First I'm really a good mom. Yesterday drove me to the brink of "send hem
to school quick! I thought we were having a great day, dd making Barbie
clothes from felt & staples (interesting look), painting, reading books,
etc. The kids were having fun. My ds (4) was participating with great
enthusiasm. He did have a few spats late afternoon with ds (2) over toys
which I thought they'd settled very well.
Then like a switch he was playing with his brother his brother (2) in their
bedroom. DS (2) came out to me after awhile & said bo bo & pulled me into
their room. DS (4) was under the crib & after some time I was able to get
him out. His first comment was "do you forgive me?" so he knew he'd done
something wrong. I sent him back thinking he'd pulled an arm off one of the
Barbies only to have him present me with a tape, or at least its remains.
He'd pulled it out, stretched & had knotted the rest into a mess. No real
problem I thought he'll just loose one of his tapes. WRONG, it was a
library tape dd had checked out. The more I saw the madder I got. All I
could hear from ds was "I won't do it again." He got a spanking in spite of
his promise, as he makes them too readily & doesn't remember them the next
time.
I took the tape into the living room to see if I could recover the mess back
into the tape box when I noticed he'd snapped the tape. I put it on the
table to show dh later & left the room. I was mad about the tape & knew it
wasn't the time to confront him any further. I gave him time out. After he
was up from time out I thought he was playing well with the other two.
WRONG dd came in & said "you have to come see what Gegory did." I go in &
find he's again pulled the tape out & now has it all over the living room.
I couldn't believe it. He got another timeout. I didn't trust myself to
spank.
The kids have a tape player in their room (have since birth) & the tapes sit
next to it on a chest of drawers. We've never had a problem from any of the
kids doing this. When dh had been home for a bit I showed him the problem
tape. He talked with the ds. By this time I got a call to pickup dd (16) &
I jumped at the chance to leave the house to cool off. When I returned I
saw my sweet sweet son standing in the kitchen smiling up at me with a huge
chunk of his hair missing right in the middle. Not just cut short but cut
at down to the scalp about the size of a half dollar.
Now I know that years from now we'll remember this day & laugh. But that
doesn't help me now. Am I just over reacting or how do I get a handle on
this before it gets any worse. I know he's interested in how things work,
right now he's checking out a staple remover & picking up colored pencils.
It's really strange, he is really such a sweet child most of the time but
there are times (weeks in between thank goodness), without warning that a
switch flips & he's a nightmare. Most of these times he'll start screaming
& you can't communicate with him at all. Then the experience ends without
any causal connection & it's like it never happened. His doctor says he's
healthy, he was 2 months premature, in the ICU for 4 wks for lung
development. When he was 1-2 he'd pitch a tantrum throughing himself to the
floor hitting his head on the floor. But these disappeared before he was
2.5. When he's in trouble he hids & goes into a fetal position.
Has anyone else encountered anything like this? anyone survived anything
like this? Sorry for the depressing note but I need help before I ship him
off to the military or the French Foreign Legion. Or is this all normal
behavior for a boy? Help please.
I could use some help myself.
First I'm really a good mom. Yesterday drove me to the brink of "send hem
to school quick! I thought we were having a great day, dd making Barbie
clothes from felt & staples (interesting look), painting, reading books,
etc. The kids were having fun. My ds (4) was participating with great
enthusiasm. He did have a few spats late afternoon with ds (2) over toys
which I thought they'd settled very well.
Then like a switch he was playing with his brother his brother (2) in their
bedroom. DS (2) came out to me after awhile & said bo bo & pulled me into
their room. DS (4) was under the crib & after some time I was able to get
him out. His first comment was "do you forgive me?" so he knew he'd done
something wrong. I sent him back thinking he'd pulled an arm off one of the
Barbies only to have him present me with a tape, or at least its remains.
He'd pulled it out, stretched & had knotted the rest into a mess. No real
problem I thought he'll just loose one of his tapes. WRONG, it was a
library tape dd had checked out. The more I saw the madder I got. All I
could hear from ds was "I won't do it again." He got a spanking in spite of
his promise, as he makes them too readily & doesn't remember them the next
time.
I took the tape into the living room to see if I could recover the mess back
into the tape box when I noticed he'd snapped the tape. I put it on the
table to show dh later & left the room. I was mad about the tape & knew it
wasn't the time to confront him any further. I gave him time out. After he
was up from time out I thought he was playing well with the other two.
WRONG dd came in & said "you have to come see what Gegory did." I go in &
find he's again pulled the tape out & now has it all over the living room.
I couldn't believe it. He got another timeout. I didn't trust myself to
spank.
The kids have a tape player in their room (have since birth) & the tapes sit
next to it on a chest of drawers. We've never had a problem from any of the
kids doing this. When dh had been home for a bit I showed him the problem
tape. He talked with the ds. By this time I got a call to pickup dd (16) &
I jumped at the chance to leave the house to cool off. When I returned I
saw my sweet sweet son standing in the kitchen smiling up at me with a huge
chunk of his hair missing right in the middle. Not just cut short but cut
at down to the scalp about the size of a half dollar.
Now I know that years from now we'll remember this day & laugh. But that
doesn't help me now. Am I just over reacting or how do I get a handle on
this before it gets any worse. I know he's interested in how things work,
right now he's checking out a staple remover & picking up colored pencils.
It's really strange, he is really such a sweet child most of the time but
there are times (weeks in between thank goodness), without warning that a
switch flips & he's a nightmare. Most of these times he'll start screaming
& you can't communicate with him at all. Then the experience ends without
any causal connection & it's like it never happened. His doctor says he's
healthy, he was 2 months premature, in the ICU for 4 wks for lung
development. When he was 1-2 he'd pitch a tantrum throughing himself to the
floor hitting his head on the floor. But these disappeared before he was
2.5. When he's in trouble he hids & goes into a fetal position.
Has anyone else encountered anything like this? anyone survived anything
like this? Sorry for the depressing note but I need help before I ship him
off to the military or the French Foreign Legion. Or is this all normal
behavior for a boy? Help please.
Bonnie Painter
Dawn,
He will not waste away. Instinct will take over and he will eat. The human
body does not need three meals a day to survive. My 5 yo son also has
stopped eating vegetables at dinner and does eat some fruit, but not that
frequently. He usually will only eat whatever meat I have made for dinner
and sometimes if there is a starch or carbo he will eat it. I don't think
he has touched a vegetable in months. Actually, that isn't entirely true.
He likes raw vegetables.
I'm sure he will eat them cooked again eventually. It is just another way
of asserting his independence right now. Gook luck!
Bonnie
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He will not waste away. Instinct will take over and he will eat. The human
body does not need three meals a day to survive. My 5 yo son also has
stopped eating vegetables at dinner and does eat some fruit, but not that
frequently. He usually will only eat whatever meat I have made for dinner
and sometimes if there is a starch or carbo he will eat it. I don't think
he has touched a vegetable in months. Actually, that isn't entirely true.
He likes raw vegetables.
I'm sure he will eat them cooked again eventually. It is just another way
of asserting his independence right now. Gook luck!
Bonnie
>From: NumoAstro@..._________________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Food Issues
>Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 18:21:03 EDT
>
>Help...
>
>My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table. He's
>decided
>to hardly eat anything I put in front of him... I don't want him to starve
>and I don't want to keep preparing or start preparing cereal for dinner
>every
>night and give in... Hubbie thinks we ought to do that for a while and
>maybe
>he'll get bored with the cereal... I have terrible fears of him wasting
>away
>in front of my eyes, with scurvey and zits and all kinds of vitamin
>deficiencies. I'd love to hear how many of you handle the food issues with
>your younger kids. Last night hubbie ended up feeding him and he was
>crying
>(not my hubbie) and then threw up, even though we had something he's eaten
>many times before in his life. I'm at my wits end. I dread dinnertimes
>now...
>
>Hubbie and he made a list of fruits and vegetables that he likes to eat and
>wrote out which days he would eat them. I'm serving them up like on the
>list
>and he's not honoring his part... HELP HELP HELP.....
>
>Dawn F
>Tucson, AZ
>
>PS the baby 11 months old eats anything and everything....
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[email protected]
In a message dated 8/30/2000 4:44:35 AM, sveetp@... writes:
<<At the ripe
old age of 6 now, he occasionally tries dinner, and sometimes he even
likes it. >>
My son is six and a fraction and recently became much, much less picky and
much more willing to try what the grown-ups are eating. (He had been a
fairly reasonable toddler that got unreasonable at age 3.) I didn't push him
for the last few years, and during that time he ate a pretty limited diet,
with almost no vegetables, and far, far too many cookies. We are seizing
this window of opportunity to improve everyone's diet.
Betsy
<<At the ripe
old age of 6 now, he occasionally tries dinner, and sometimes he even
likes it. >>
My son is six and a fraction and recently became much, much less picky and
much more willing to try what the grown-ups are eating. (He had been a
fairly reasonable toddler that got unreasonable at age 3.) I didn't push him
for the last few years, and during that time he ate a pretty limited diet,
with almost no vegetables, and far, far too many cookies. We are seizing
this window of opportunity to improve everyone's diet.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/29/2000 5:22:38 PM Central Daylight Time,
NumoAstro@... writes:
Zack would eat was macaroni and cheese and yogurt. So, every day he had
macaroni and cheese and yogurt. Next I thought he'd turn into a chicken
nugget. Zack's likes are still more limited than I'd like, but he's really
branching out.
I bought a recipe book on working with kids in the kitchen, cause I thought
maybe the kids would be more interested in dinner (and more appreciative) if
they knew what goes into making it. The other night when Zack was making the
bread, I was making a tuna ring. He's never wanted tuna, and he absolutely
insisted that he wouldn't eat it. Tuna is for cats, he said. Well, the
policy in our house is that you have to try it, but you don't have to eat it
if you don't like it. He was so funny. At the table, he complained that I
put that cat food on his plate. He was not being disrespectful, he was
laughing, actually. Then he picked up his plate and licked the tuna. Then,
he picked up his fork and gobbled up the tuna ring!
This is happening more and more. We also have a policy in our house that if
you don't like the dinner, there's no complaining. You can have a sandwich
or cereal or anything that doesn't require mom and dad to make any extra
effort in the kitchen. If that isn't acceptable, there's always breakfast in
the morning.
Carron
NumoAstro@... writes:
> Help...I'd relax. It's perfectly normal, and he won't starve. At that age, all my
>
> My 5 year old Zak is becomming a nightmare at the dinner table.
Zack would eat was macaroni and cheese and yogurt. So, every day he had
macaroni and cheese and yogurt. Next I thought he'd turn into a chicken
nugget. Zack's likes are still more limited than I'd like, but he's really
branching out.
I bought a recipe book on working with kids in the kitchen, cause I thought
maybe the kids would be more interested in dinner (and more appreciative) if
they knew what goes into making it. The other night when Zack was making the
bread, I was making a tuna ring. He's never wanted tuna, and he absolutely
insisted that he wouldn't eat it. Tuna is for cats, he said. Well, the
policy in our house is that you have to try it, but you don't have to eat it
if you don't like it. He was so funny. At the table, he complained that I
put that cat food on his plate. He was not being disrespectful, he was
laughing, actually. Then he picked up his plate and licked the tuna. Then,
he picked up his fork and gobbled up the tuna ring!
This is happening more and more. We also have a policy in our house that if
you don't like the dinner, there's no complaining. You can have a sandwich
or cereal or anything that doesn't require mom and dad to make any extra
effort in the kitchen. If that isn't acceptable, there's always breakfast in
the morning.
Carron
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/30/00 9:00:33 AM Pacific Daylight Time, Cararmst@...
writes:
<< This is happening more and more. We also have a policy in our house that
if
you don't like the dinner, there's no complaining. You can have a sandwich
or cereal or anything that doesn't require mom and dad to make any extra
effort in the kitchen. If that isn't acceptable, there's always breakfast
in
the morning. >>
We hae a similar policy. When my husband and I first met (both already having
children) he firmly believed that kids should eat what they were served
whether they liked it or not. I had never forced my then 6 year old daughter
to eat anything she didn't like or to clean her plate. He grudgingly
respected my position.
His perspective changed a lot when his then 7 year old son came to stay with
us. He was so accustomed to being forced to eat food, he would make up all
kinds of excuses to avoid eating what he didn't like. He would "accidentally"
spill or drop the food. He would all of a sudden come down with a stomach
ache or go to the bathroom and come back and say "I just threw up. Even after
I explained to him that he didn't have to eat anything he didn't like and
could be finished when he was satisfied, he continued to lie and try to sneak
out of eating things. Eventually he came to see that it really didn't matter.
Dh also learned another valuable lesson from my daugthter. Always save room
for dessert. He was raised to clean his plate to get dessert, so he was in
the habit of basically filling himself and then stuffing in dessert. He
finally said one day that it made more sense to leave a few bites of meat
and potatoes on the plate and really enjoy the ice cream without being
stuffed.
candice
writes:
<< This is happening more and more. We also have a policy in our house that
if
you don't like the dinner, there's no complaining. You can have a sandwich
or cereal or anything that doesn't require mom and dad to make any extra
effort in the kitchen. If that isn't acceptable, there's always breakfast
in
the morning. >>
We hae a similar policy. When my husband and I first met (both already having
children) he firmly believed that kids should eat what they were served
whether they liked it or not. I had never forced my then 6 year old daughter
to eat anything she didn't like or to clean her plate. He grudgingly
respected my position.
His perspective changed a lot when his then 7 year old son came to stay with
us. He was so accustomed to being forced to eat food, he would make up all
kinds of excuses to avoid eating what he didn't like. He would "accidentally"
spill or drop the food. He would all of a sudden come down with a stomach
ache or go to the bathroom and come back and say "I just threw up. Even after
I explained to him that he didn't have to eat anything he didn't like and
could be finished when he was satisfied, he continued to lie and try to sneak
out of eating things. Eventually he came to see that it really didn't matter.
Dh also learned another valuable lesson from my daugthter. Always save room
for dessert. He was raised to clean his plate to get dessert, so he was in
the habit of basically filling himself and then stuffing in dessert. He
finally said one day that it made more sense to leave a few bites of meat
and potatoes on the plate and really enjoy the ice cream without being
stuffed.
candice
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/30/2000 9:00:38 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
Cararmst@... writes:
who complains, cooks!' This is so instinctive, I totally forgot we even use
it!
It made a difference. It was harder to get dinner on the table when the 5 yr
old was in charge, but it made a difference and my kids can cook.
Picky son, age 12, now expresses a desire to try new things when eating out
or visiting relatives. I never thought I'd live to see THAT day.
Eiraul
Cararmst@... writes:
> We also have a policy in our house that ifOh, yeah! <see the lightbulb over my head?!> The motto we went with is 'He
> you don't like the dinner, there's no complaining.
who complains, cooks!' This is so instinctive, I totally forgot we even use
it!
It made a difference. It was harder to get dinner on the table when the 5 yr
old was in charge, but it made a difference and my kids can cook.
Picky son, age 12, now expresses a desire to try new things when eating out
or visiting relatives. I never thought I'd live to see THAT day.
Eiraul
[email protected]
I have brought my kids up to have a choice to eat what is on thier plates. I
will not cook anyone thier own plate of food. I have 4 kids, so no way will
I end up with all that mess. I do let them snake on vegs adn dip before bed
if they so choose or something else. I have made it a rule that if you are
not going to eat anything on the plate goto your room til we are done, this
is because they keep saying they don't like the food and end up fighting with
the other ones at the table. Siince I have this rule they can't "snack" for
an hour or two after dinner. They now all sit at the table and eat what is
there. But everyone has thier way of doiing things. I can't afford to have
4 full different meals at the same time either. I also have where I ask one
of them to pick out what they want for dinner that night like corn or peas,
mashed potatoes or mac and cheese. This has helped by rotating who gets to
pick each night and they also get to help me cook what they choose.
will not cook anyone thier own plate of food. I have 4 kids, so no way will
I end up with all that mess. I do let them snake on vegs adn dip before bed
if they so choose or something else. I have made it a rule that if you are
not going to eat anything on the plate goto your room til we are done, this
is because they keep saying they don't like the food and end up fighting with
the other ones at the table. Siince I have this rule they can't "snack" for
an hour or two after dinner. They now all sit at the table and eat what is
there. But everyone has thier way of doiing things. I can't afford to have
4 full different meals at the same time either. I also have where I ask one
of them to pick out what they want for dinner that night like corn or peas,
mashed potatoes or mac and cheese. This has helped by rotating who gets to
pick each night and they also get to help me cook what they choose.
Kim
And a bonus, raw vegetables are healthier than cooked, save for carrots, the only vegetable my DD would eat at that age!
<<He likes raw vegetables.
I'm sure he will eat them cooked
again eventually. It is just another way
of asserting his independence
right now. Gook luck>>