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In a message dated 8/28/2000 8:24:37 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
hape2day@... writes:

> I guess what I want
> to know is this type of behavior normal for a 5yob. This is not the
> first time he has had a fit over loosing a game and lately he seems
> to be doing things that he knows he is not supposed to and then gets
> angery with me when I disapline him. It has been going on for about a
> month now and I'm really getting tired of it.

My almost 6 yr old niece has been behaving in a very similar manner for a
while now, so I would guess it is pretty normal.

I would keep reminding him that HIS behavior is making it impossible for him
to continue playing the game. As in "You won't let yourself enjoy the game.
It is up to you how you behave", or something to that effect. I would avoid
an open contradiction because it is an invitation to a fight/power struggle;
saying it is not your fault, but his, for instance. Just keep repeating that
it is his responsibility to behave properly.

(My SIL tries to win with a power play. It does not work. She ends up
forcibly putting her 6 yr old in her room for a time out or removing her from
the game physically. Sooner or later mom gets tired and the child 'wins'.
IMO everyone loses in a power struggle. So, try to stay detached enough to
not take it personally...or at least fake well enough to not let on.)

FWIW,
Eiraul

Cathie _

I guess what I want
>to know is this type of behavior normal for a 5yob. This is not the
>first time he has had a fit over loosing a game and lately he seems
>to be doing things that he knows he is not supposed to and then gets
>angery with me when I disapline him. It has been going on for about a
>month now and I'm really getting tired of it. I just don't know if it
>is a phase he is going through or if I should be wondering if
>something else is on his mind. Any suggestion? Corallyn

I seem to remember reading that this is a perfectly normal stage of
development. Mine have sure gone through it. The natural consequence is that
no one wants to play with you, so they do get it eventually.

Cathie
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Shirley A Richardson-McCourt

Corallyn:

Can you say "testing the envelope"?? Bet your son can. And yes, as nearly as
I can tell from personal experience with my two kids, it is normal 5 yo
behavior to be a poor loser. That's one of the many reasons why God sents
kids to PARENTS instead of just releasing them into the wild!! Hang in
there! You're doing fine!

Shirley
----- Original Message -----
From: Corallyn <hape2day@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 29, 2000 12:23 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Sportsmanship


> My two oldest children, 3 and 5, have recently discovered games such
> as Go Fish, Old Maid, Memory (the card game) and such. Since this
> time my 5yos has started to display poor loosing manners. If it looks
> like he is loosing the game or will loose the game he will have a
> fit, throw his cards down and sit and pout. I finally told him that
> the behavior was not appropriate and that everyone wins sometimes and
> everyone looses sometimes. Tonight I ended up sending him to bed
> early because he would not sit still during the game of Memory we
> were playing and he kept messing up the cards we had laid on the
> floor. Finally, after telling him repeatedly that he needed to sit
> still and quit jumping around I made him sit out of the game. He sat
> on the opposate side of the room while DD and I finished the game. At
> the start of the next game I told him that if he would sit still then
> he could come and join the game with us which he decided not to. And
> that was fine except that he kept complaining that he wanted to play
> the game but "Mommy won't let me." I repeated that he could play with
> us, and that we wanted him to play with us, and that he would have to
> sit still and that all his jumping around was messing up the cards.
> Anyway, after his repeated complaining I finally sent him to bed. I
> know a lot of his problem was that he was tired. I guess what I want
> to know is this type of behavior normal for a 5yob. This is not the
> first time he has had a fit over loosing a game and lately he seems
> to be doing things that he knows he is not supposed to and then gets
> angery with me when I disapline him. It has been going on for about a
> month now and I'm really getting tired of it. I just don't know if it
> is a phase he is going through or if I should be wondering if
> something else is on his mind. Any suggestion? Corallyn
>
>
>
>
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In a message dated 08/29/2000 3:24:31 AM !!!First Boot!!!, hape2day@...
writes:

<< I guess what I want
to know is this type of behavior normal for a 5yob. >>


Yes. Perfectly normal. IMO

Learning to lose is part of learning the game and he hasn't learned that yet.

And, as you say, he was tired. I have to admit, even tho I know all the
world says we should read to the kids at bedtime, we are all too tired and
cranky even for that, let alone a game.

And I have also discovered that if I lose (and moan & groan a little but not
too much and hate losing but don't take it too seriously and immediately
challenge them to a rematch and threaten that I am going to get them this
time!!) my kids are starting to get the hang of losing.

But, I'd say, it's pretty normal sounding!!

Nance

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Hi Corallyn,

What a cool name! I love it.

Gee, your 5 yo's behavior sounds pretty normal to me. That's exactly what
mine did at that age (which was only 2 years ago). I thought he'd never grow
out of it, but somehow, all of a sudden, he just snapped out of it. Now, he
cheers the winner. Last weekend the family played an extended game of
Monopoly, and I won. I wondered if some of that old disappointment would
rear it's ugly head, but he just said, Well, Mom, I'll get you next time.
How about a game of Sorry?

I like the way you're handling his behavior. I would step in as soon as
things started to break down and give him choices: either sit quietly and
enjoy the game, or go somewhere else, or you might try telling him, People
who sit quietly get to play.

Carron

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In a message dated 8/29/2000 3:24:24 AM, hape2day@... writes:

<<I guess what I want
to know is this type of behavior normal for a 5yob. >>

It sounds pretty familiar to me. When my son was 5 he would always insist on
quitting if he fell behind in a board game and it looked like he would lose.
For awhile, we avoided playing games with guests, and sometimes I stepped in
and finished playing his player with a guest, so as not to leave that person
hanging due to poor sportsmanship. My son's almost 6 and a half now, and
this isn't an issue any more, (although he still likes to win). We do some
handicapping in some games to keep the adults from having a major advantage.
Other games, like Uno, we play on an even footing.

Betsy