djedi

>

Hi Amy,
Seems like a long time ago now - about 9 years! - that my son's father, Ted,
decided to file for divorce. We'd been living separately for over 4 years; my son
was 5. The two had seen each other for a total of about - oh, I'd say 8 to 12
hours in those four years. Ted wanted joint custody because he "wasn't sure"
about "this homeschooling thing". He lived 300 miles away, and didn't want to
take over the parenting or anything, he just wanted to be able to make decisions
about how "his son" should live! He'd pay for the divorce and everything, I
didn't have to worry about that. He'd take care of it all as soon as he got back
from his trip to Hawaii. (Nice of him!) Well, as you can imagine, the next day I
went out and got myself a lawyer and filed for divorce on my terms. His case was
a lost cause from the start, and though the lawyers tried to screw us around and
make it take a lot longer than it should have, and I ended up with a lot less in
child support than I think I should have, I have sole custody of my son, and
we've been homeschooling ever since.

Ted never was able to handle the responsiblilty of fatherhood, and the 6 or 7
years of his life before my son finally divorced his dad were filled with lies
and broken promises on Ted's part, and heartbreak, anger, hatred, guilt, fear and
nightmares for my son. Finally, I don't remember if JL was 6 or 7, at midnight on
New Years Eve, we had a healing circle that included a "funeral" ceremony for the
father that JL never had, and a snuffing of his father's candle. This part was
JL's inclusion, and it turned out to be crucial to the ceremony. In fact it had
to be (rather gleefully) snuffed three times before it was really "done". After
that the intensity went out of his feelings about his father, and they gradually
just faded away. Now, at 14, he has no particular feelings toward his father (not
conscious ones anyway), and there has been almost no contact for years (a 30
second birthday phone call 2 or 3 years ago).

A legally simple situation; his demand for joint custody was laughable. I hope
all goes well in the situation you are thinking of.

djedi

>

> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 14
> Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2000 23:46:01 EDT
> From: AmyKCA@...
> Subject: Re: New to the list
>
> Hi! I am new to the list, my name is Amy, and I am the proud mom of one son.
> My ds is 7 1/2 yo, and we are unschoolers. I also run an award winning
> In-Home Daycare for children, lead a 4-H group, and have started a local
> homeschooling support group. Of course, I could not do all of this without
> the support of my wonderful hubby, he is the best. My son is an Active/Alert
> child, which is sort of a combination of traits from ADD, ADHD, and ODD.
> These children are very bright, but will defy you to the ends of the earth.
> Essentially their main problem is that they have hyper-sensitive sensory
> perceptions, and therefore feel overwhelmed most of the time. This in turn
> creates a fearful child, who tries to control this fear by controlling
> his/her environment (clear as mud?) Anyway, I really look forward to
> exchanging ideas and stories with all of you.
>
> I do have one request: If any of you have been involved in a custody issue
> with an ex-spouse (that involved homeschooling), and if you don't mind
> sharing your story with other homeschoolers, would you please email me
> privately? Thanks so much.
>
> Best wishes,
> Amy Aponte