how we 'morphed' to unschooling
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/19/2000 4:47:46 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
seamus@... writes:
"IT" doesn't all have to be learned in 8 years or 12 years or 20 years.
Whatever we don't cover while my children are in my care, they will learn on
their own in years to come. I'm still learning about the world around me and
have every reason to expect they will do the same.
You said it yourself...the lessons your son remembers best involve his asking
lots of questions and getting lots of answers. If you didn't know the
answer, you looked for them together. Sounds perfect.
The only basics I want to make certain we cover are reading and math.
Especially the reading. If he has the ability and desire to read, he can
find a resource and learn about anything that interests him. I figure if he
has a good foundation in these two areas, he can find out anything else he
needs to learn when he needs it.
Math also stimulates music, logic, science, art and general thought processes
in addition to helping him figure out taxes, change at the store, or whatever
other math/numbers solutions he'll need in life.
As far as I'm concerned, even more important than these 'disciplines' are the
abilities to be compassionate, polite and considerate to other people while
being true to his own ideals. My job is to help him find those ideals and
learn to put them into honest practice in his own life.
The longer I practice at unschooling, the more excited I become about the
process! It truly amazes me the things we discuss and learn when 'nothing'
is going on.
BTW, my unschooling experiences started with a stubborn teenager who refused
to cooperate with any formal schooling...at home or in a ps setting. At that
point I figured my choices were to protect our relationship and wait for him
to become 'human' again, while giving him opportunities to read, read, read
and explore areas that interested him, or I could beat the living daylights
out of him and 'force him to learn'. Let's just say it quickly became
obvious that 'forced learning' was going to get us no where! (and, just for
the record, I never did get around to the beatings!)
That started when he would have been in 9th grade (we removed him from ps
mid-8th grade because he had figured out how to be lazy and use the
system...wait until mom got a failing notice at mid-term, turn in all
homework, getting straight 'A's on everything for 3 weeks and never turn in
any work again would get him a 'C' grade. He was satisfied with that. It
meant he didn't have to repeat the class and that's all he cared about. He
saw no reason to prove to the teacher that he knew the material nor any
reason to wait around for the rest of the class to catch up to information he
had down already.
I did not want to encourage a beat-the-system attitude, so we withdrew him
from school. Well, that coupled with the fact that the school district and I
didn't see eye to eye on appropriate reasons for him to miss school...ie his
father worked out of town all week, home every other weekend and I wanted to
take the children to visit for a 3 day weekend. The school disapproved and
refused to 'allow' the absence which meant automatic failing marks on any
missed work and no opportunity to make it up or do it in advance. I don't
think it's the school principal's place to decide my family's lifestyle or
what the needs of my children are.
So, for several years, he read, asked questions and explored the world while
I felt I was neglecting his education but could find no way to convince him
that studying would be a good idea. We tried to enroll him in the local
community college at age 16...he was excited and ready. But, the cc insisted
we had to have a letter from the school district stating that he was released
from their education jurisdiction. The school district refused to do any
such thing since he had never been under their umbrella. So, we waited until
he was 18 and he enrolled in community classes, passing all the required
entrance/placement exams with no problems. He took a couple of classes, just
for the heck of it, but still had some authority issues to work out.
Eventually, (age 19) he decided it was time to get married and he wanted to
be an electrician's apprentice. That meant he had to get a GED. Other than
the college classes where he would not crack a book, but would listen to the
lectures, he had done no formal training for several years...5, or so, I
think. I strongly suggested he study before taking the GED test so he would
be prepared. Again, he was not interested. The end result...the stinker
passed with flying colors the first try with no advance preparation!
That started me feeling a little more confident that unschooling would work.
so, with our second child (10 years younger), I've been much more relaxed and
he finds his way to subjects when he's ready or has a need. Some areas it
would seem he is 'behind' peers his age. For instance, today was the first
day he felt confident to declare he was going to go ride his 2 wheel bike on
his own...he's 11 1/2. Works for me. He decided he was ready and set about
the struggle to get the job done. Not at all coordinated about it yet, but
very pleased with himself. I strongly suspect he'll be using his bike quite
a bit in the next few weeks and who knows what will happen from there.
OTOH he has an inate ability to figure out math, science and logic without my
presenting the information to him in a formal way. Out of the blue he will
tell me he has figured out such and so...After listening to some of his
theories and what led to his conclusions, I may give him the formal name of
what it is he's telling me and we talk about it, learning as we go. It is
usually on the algebra, geography, physics or science level. Sometimes he's
on the right track, sometimes not. But by listening to his theories first,
he's ready to listen to what I have to say. When I point out that we are
discussing subjects that I didn't learn about until college, he feels quite
pleased with himself. It is very stimulating to both of us.
Another big factor to our using an unschooling approach (and another reason
for us to avoid ps) is my health. I have a rather dibilating case of
fibromyalgia. Many days are pretty bad. It's not like I need him to take
care of me, but if I had to stick to a ps schedule and their requirements, it
would be very bad on my health. I simply do not know from day to day how I
will be feeling. It is VERY difficult for me to make a commitment to an
appointment and be confident I can keep it. Takes days of advance planning
and reserving my energy when I know I have something coming up that I MUST
do. So, on good days we do things together, on poor days I help him
self-direct his energies. We couldn't do that with a ps experience.
That's a bit of my experiences. Hope it helps a little. As I see it each
family has a different path and different things work for them. There are
lots of inspiring stories of families out and about doing things every day or
several times a week, learning as they go. I'm jealous of the $$, time and
energy they have to be able to do that. But, no sense dwelling on what
someone else is doing. This is working very well for us. The hard part can
be trying to explain it to others who are really wary or concerned that I'm
neglecting his education. Especially my SIL who is a city cop AND on the
school board. Basically I simply tell them we evaluate him on a regular
basis and he is making satisfactory/excellent progress. That sort of phrase
seems to be enough of a techno-phrase to satisfy most people. (except my
mother, but that's another story!)
He always has a thick book in his hand and his nose in it; doesn't sit still
and do nothing for any length of time at all. He may be watching TV or
playing 'tendo or 'playing' 'puter games, or jumping ont he trampoline or
wrestling with his dad or cousins, but then there is lots of discussion about
what has happened. (he's very verbal!) Which leads to more discussion.
He's learning to train the dogs, which leads to learning about pack behavior
and other animal charactistics which leads to environmental awareness,
ecogoly, weather patterns/systems, astronomy, you name it. It's a cycle we
simply cannot avoid. Good thing, I suppose...BG
One thing I try to do is keep up with what he is reading. He reads on a
college level, which sometimes leaves him interested in books I don't think
he's quite ready for. OTOH sometimes he is reading adult level books I can't
comprehend and he understands profoundly! LOL I learn along the way and it
helps me stay in touch with his interests as well.
FWIW,
Eiraul
seamus@... writes:
>Relaxing enough to trust that we will learn 'enough'! I'm figuring out that
> I'd like to know from people who began as homeschoolers and "morphed" into
> unschoolers: what was the toughest thing about changing?
>
"IT" doesn't all have to be learned in 8 years or 12 years or 20 years.
Whatever we don't cover while my children are in my care, they will learn on
their own in years to come. I'm still learning about the world around me and
have every reason to expect they will do the same.
You said it yourself...the lessons your son remembers best involve his asking
lots of questions and getting lots of answers. If you didn't know the
answer, you looked for them together. Sounds perfect.
The only basics I want to make certain we cover are reading and math.
Especially the reading. If he has the ability and desire to read, he can
find a resource and learn about anything that interests him. I figure if he
has a good foundation in these two areas, he can find out anything else he
needs to learn when he needs it.
Math also stimulates music, logic, science, art and general thought processes
in addition to helping him figure out taxes, change at the store, or whatever
other math/numbers solutions he'll need in life.
As far as I'm concerned, even more important than these 'disciplines' are the
abilities to be compassionate, polite and considerate to other people while
being true to his own ideals. My job is to help him find those ideals and
learn to put them into honest practice in his own life.
The longer I practice at unschooling, the more excited I become about the
process! It truly amazes me the things we discuss and learn when 'nothing'
is going on.
BTW, my unschooling experiences started with a stubborn teenager who refused
to cooperate with any formal schooling...at home or in a ps setting. At that
point I figured my choices were to protect our relationship and wait for him
to become 'human' again, while giving him opportunities to read, read, read
and explore areas that interested him, or I could beat the living daylights
out of him and 'force him to learn'. Let's just say it quickly became
obvious that 'forced learning' was going to get us no where! (and, just for
the record, I never did get around to the beatings!)
That started when he would have been in 9th grade (we removed him from ps
mid-8th grade because he had figured out how to be lazy and use the
system...wait until mom got a failing notice at mid-term, turn in all
homework, getting straight 'A's on everything for 3 weeks and never turn in
any work again would get him a 'C' grade. He was satisfied with that. It
meant he didn't have to repeat the class and that's all he cared about. He
saw no reason to prove to the teacher that he knew the material nor any
reason to wait around for the rest of the class to catch up to information he
had down already.
I did not want to encourage a beat-the-system attitude, so we withdrew him
from school. Well, that coupled with the fact that the school district and I
didn't see eye to eye on appropriate reasons for him to miss school...ie his
father worked out of town all week, home every other weekend and I wanted to
take the children to visit for a 3 day weekend. The school disapproved and
refused to 'allow' the absence which meant automatic failing marks on any
missed work and no opportunity to make it up or do it in advance. I don't
think it's the school principal's place to decide my family's lifestyle or
what the needs of my children are.
So, for several years, he read, asked questions and explored the world while
I felt I was neglecting his education but could find no way to convince him
that studying would be a good idea. We tried to enroll him in the local
community college at age 16...he was excited and ready. But, the cc insisted
we had to have a letter from the school district stating that he was released
from their education jurisdiction. The school district refused to do any
such thing since he had never been under their umbrella. So, we waited until
he was 18 and he enrolled in community classes, passing all the required
entrance/placement exams with no problems. He took a couple of classes, just
for the heck of it, but still had some authority issues to work out.
Eventually, (age 19) he decided it was time to get married and he wanted to
be an electrician's apprentice. That meant he had to get a GED. Other than
the college classes where he would not crack a book, but would listen to the
lectures, he had done no formal training for several years...5, or so, I
think. I strongly suggested he study before taking the GED test so he would
be prepared. Again, he was not interested. The end result...the stinker
passed with flying colors the first try with no advance preparation!
That started me feeling a little more confident that unschooling would work.
so, with our second child (10 years younger), I've been much more relaxed and
he finds his way to subjects when he's ready or has a need. Some areas it
would seem he is 'behind' peers his age. For instance, today was the first
day he felt confident to declare he was going to go ride his 2 wheel bike on
his own...he's 11 1/2. Works for me. He decided he was ready and set about
the struggle to get the job done. Not at all coordinated about it yet, but
very pleased with himself. I strongly suspect he'll be using his bike quite
a bit in the next few weeks and who knows what will happen from there.
OTOH he has an inate ability to figure out math, science and logic without my
presenting the information to him in a formal way. Out of the blue he will
tell me he has figured out such and so...After listening to some of his
theories and what led to his conclusions, I may give him the formal name of
what it is he's telling me and we talk about it, learning as we go. It is
usually on the algebra, geography, physics or science level. Sometimes he's
on the right track, sometimes not. But by listening to his theories first,
he's ready to listen to what I have to say. When I point out that we are
discussing subjects that I didn't learn about until college, he feels quite
pleased with himself. It is very stimulating to both of us.
Another big factor to our using an unschooling approach (and another reason
for us to avoid ps) is my health. I have a rather dibilating case of
fibromyalgia. Many days are pretty bad. It's not like I need him to take
care of me, but if I had to stick to a ps schedule and their requirements, it
would be very bad on my health. I simply do not know from day to day how I
will be feeling. It is VERY difficult for me to make a commitment to an
appointment and be confident I can keep it. Takes days of advance planning
and reserving my energy when I know I have something coming up that I MUST
do. So, on good days we do things together, on poor days I help him
self-direct his energies. We couldn't do that with a ps experience.
That's a bit of my experiences. Hope it helps a little. As I see it each
family has a different path and different things work for them. There are
lots of inspiring stories of families out and about doing things every day or
several times a week, learning as they go. I'm jealous of the $$, time and
energy they have to be able to do that. But, no sense dwelling on what
someone else is doing. This is working very well for us. The hard part can
be trying to explain it to others who are really wary or concerned that I'm
neglecting his education. Especially my SIL who is a city cop AND on the
school board. Basically I simply tell them we evaluate him on a regular
basis and he is making satisfactory/excellent progress. That sort of phrase
seems to be enough of a techno-phrase to satisfy most people. (except my
mother, but that's another story!)
He always has a thick book in his hand and his nose in it; doesn't sit still
and do nothing for any length of time at all. He may be watching TV or
playing 'tendo or 'playing' 'puter games, or jumping ont he trampoline or
wrestling with his dad or cousins, but then there is lots of discussion about
what has happened. (he's very verbal!) Which leads to more discussion.
He's learning to train the dogs, which leads to learning about pack behavior
and other animal charactistics which leads to environmental awareness,
ecogoly, weather patterns/systems, astronomy, you name it. It's a cycle we
simply cannot avoid. Good thing, I suppose...BG
One thing I try to do is keep up with what he is reading. He reads on a
college level, which sometimes leaves him interested in books I don't think
he's quite ready for. OTOH sometimes he is reading adult level books I can't
comprehend and he understands profoundly! LOL I learn along the way and it
helps me stay in touch with his interests as well.
FWIW,
Eiraul
M & J Welch
From Eiraul:
and general thought processes...<<
This is my whole schtick with my husband. He gets nervous about our 7 yob
not doing busy work. He likes to see proof, but just the other day I heard
him talking to his mom (she's been against us from the start but is too
polite to lecture us. She hides her disagreement in the form of questions
"So, how's Seamus doing? What did he do today? Have you started _______(fill
in blank)yet?") My husband told his mom "Oh we're going to teach him the
basics, and he'll have the tools he needs to learn independently. Then we'll
just encourage him when he needs it.". I felt really happy to hear my
husband "preaching" about this. Pretty cool. :-)
abilities to be compassionate, polite and considerate to other people while
being true to his own ideals...<<
This is so true. Children are being sent to school at younger and younger
ages, before they even know what family means, before they even know who
they are. If I could change only one thing about compulsory education, I
would change the age children are required to begin school from 6 or 7 to 12
or 13. Then they would have a better chance at figuring out who *they are*
before the system decides for them.
is going on.<<
Agreed-this is a huge motivator for me. I love that feeling I get when my
son, Seamus, and I are talking about a subject (we don't even discuss-we
just gab ;-) and I see that little lightbulb click on over his head-then he
starts yakking nonstop about it and I am quickly overwhelmed. I can
practically see the grey matter in his head making new folds-the neuro
transmitters lighting up like holiday lights or the 4th of July.
When you shared this about your son:
system...wait until mom got a failing notice at mid-term, turn in all
homework, getting straight 'A's on everything for 3 weeks and never turn in
any work again would get him a 'C' grade. He was satisfied with that. It
meant he didn't have to repeat the class and that's all he cared about. He
saw no reason to prove to the teacher that he knew the material nor any
reason to wait around for the rest of the class to catch up to information
he
had down already...<<
--I knew you have sharp witted and insightful young man on your hands.
Learning to consciously "work the system" at this early age is a great
indicator of a depth of intelligence and personality. A lot of folks don't
learn this useful skill until they are forced to due to misfortune. Don't
worry about encouraging the "beat-the-system" attitude-it's a necessity of
life to know how to get what you need when you need it. Having this skill
before being faced with a crisis is invaluable.
Thanks for telling us about your experiences-it does really help. My 3 month
old is HUNGRY, or I would swap stories right now. What you wrote is very
encouraging. Thanks!
Lee
>>The only basics I want to make certain we cover are reading and math.Especially the reading....Math also stimulates music, logic, science, art
and general thought processes...<<
This is my whole schtick with my husband. He gets nervous about our 7 yob
not doing busy work. He likes to see proof, but just the other day I heard
him talking to his mom (she's been against us from the start but is too
polite to lecture us. She hides her disagreement in the form of questions
"So, how's Seamus doing? What did he do today? Have you started _______(fill
in blank)yet?") My husband told his mom "Oh we're going to teach him the
basics, and he'll have the tools he needs to learn independently. Then we'll
just encourage him when he needs it.". I felt really happy to hear my
husband "preaching" about this. Pretty cool. :-)
>>As far as I'm concerned, even more important than these 'disciplines' arethe
abilities to be compassionate, polite and considerate to other people while
being true to his own ideals...<<
This is so true. Children are being sent to school at younger and younger
ages, before they even know what family means, before they even know who
they are. If I could change only one thing about compulsory education, I
would change the age children are required to begin school from 6 or 7 to 12
or 13. Then they would have a better chance at figuring out who *they are*
before the system decides for them.
>>The longer I practice at unschooling, the more excited I become about theprocess! It truly amazes me the things we discuss and learn when 'nothing'
is going on.<<
Agreed-this is a huge motivator for me. I love that feeling I get when my
son, Seamus, and I are talking about a subject (we don't even discuss-we
just gab ;-) and I see that little lightbulb click on over his head-then he
starts yakking nonstop about it and I am quickly overwhelmed. I can
practically see the grey matter in his head making new folds-the neuro
transmitters lighting up like holiday lights or the 4th of July.
When you shared this about your son:
>>...we removed him from ps mid-8th grade because he had figured out how tobe lazy and use the
system...wait until mom got a failing notice at mid-term, turn in all
homework, getting straight 'A's on everything for 3 weeks and never turn in
any work again would get him a 'C' grade. He was satisfied with that. It
meant he didn't have to repeat the class and that's all he cared about. He
saw no reason to prove to the teacher that he knew the material nor any
reason to wait around for the rest of the class to catch up to information
he
had down already...<<
--I knew you have sharp witted and insightful young man on your hands.
Learning to consciously "work the system" at this early age is a great
indicator of a depth of intelligence and personality. A lot of folks don't
learn this useful skill until they are forced to due to misfortune. Don't
worry about encouraging the "beat-the-system" attitude-it's a necessity of
life to know how to get what you need when you need it. Having this skill
before being faced with a crisis is invaluable.
Thanks for telling us about your experiences-it does really help. My 3 month
old is HUNGRY, or I would swap stories right now. What you wrote is very
encouraging. Thanks!
Lee