dating... continued
Alice
Boy, is this topic timely for me...
Coming out of lurkdom... - I have found these lists over the years to
be enormously helpful in sooo many regards; saying yes, bringing food
to busy gamers, not freaking out when 14 yo Rachel is still online
when I get up in the AM (!), just finding ways to help them do what
they want to do. I can honestly say my kids (add 11yo Jake in there)
are _happier_ because of these lists, and our home more joyful.
(thanks!!)
Recently Rachel has told me about a guy (17yo) she met online. (holy
_moly_ how did she get so grown up so quick?!) ("Young Wizards"
Forum - great series by Diane Duane, btw) We have discussed the
slight possibility of him not being who he says he is, etc. (well,
I've discussed, she just says "I know, mom" with a touch of
exasperation :-) ) (he lives in Richmond, VA - we're middle coast NC)
They've talked to each other on the phone a couple of times.
A couple of years ago, when she started going online lots, I was very
apprehensive about her having her own email, using her own name,
saying where she lived, and giving out our phone number. (I went to
google preferences and removed the reverse address look-up thing for
our number, but you can still get it through some company that charges
$15) So that was a coule of years ago. Since then I have relaxed
tons in that regard. Thanks mostly to you guys and the reality of it
being that there are so many people online _I_ would like to meet in
person and I know great relationships (friends or otherwise) start
with knowing someone online. It just makes so much sense to _talk_
about it - talk about the ins and outs, good and bad, precautions,
etc... Definitley _not_ create rules, or put up boundries (making
things more attractive...). She's got her own email addresses, blog,
etc. Apparently, (and unfortunately) though, I didn't talk enough
about relaxing my views on things and wasn't specific in regard to
phone numbers. It seems she hid the fact that she gave him our number
(or at least didn't tell me about it) - I got up in the middle of the
night (dog pestering to go out) and saw that she was talking to him on
the phone. I'm not sure why she did this, we don't "punish",
threaten, even 'scold'. But she did say she wasn't really hiding, but
rather didn't want to wake us up (in a back room - I saw the light
under the door) and they both just happen to be awake at that time of
day...
Rachel has always kept things to herself. Bugs the HECK out of me,
but I just need to see that's how she is. Since she was 7, I'd ask
"what's that book about" she'd say "stuff", "like what?", "a girl",
etc... <sigh> Very hard for me. I am a talker. Dh isn't though,
genetics? lol
I reiterated the fact that I'm here to *help her with what she wants
to do*. I am not an adversary. (not that she thinks that, but just to
make sure...) I was the one who mentioned if they wanted to meet in
person, we would figure a way. Month goes by and she's taking me up
on it. :-) They'd like to meet. I don't have any experience with this
kind of thing. I'd like to hear ideas and what others have done.
Like the "in public first" thing. I'd like to get to know the mom a
bit online or on the phone. (Andrew has done some hs'ing, currently
taking a couple college courses) We go through Richmond a couple
times a year on our way to NY. That might work. (only it's "June's so
far away...") I'd also like to ask them to our house for a bbq or
something... (I think I watch too much horror stuff on tv... great
plot, huh? "mom and dd meet up with online friends only to get
kidnapped by psychos and tortured in dungeon" !!) I _want_ to be a
trusting soul. Why do I have the worst case scenario in the back of
my head?
Any thoughts or experiences to share would be so appreciated.
Oh, and, as an aside -- one of the best ideas from this list that I
put to use -- If there is something that isn't happening in your area
start it yourself. Seems simple enough... There are lots of
homeschool teens in the area, but nowhere for them to get together to
hang out. One woman tries to arrange a monthly activity, usually some
sort of community service. But no hanging out afterwards... So I
started a teen movie night. So far it's worked great. We've only done
it twice so far and had about a dozen kids. I look forward to it as
much as the kids. :-)
Oh and another aside... (probably should have put these 'asides' in a
different email...) Jake is 11 and is just starting to read well.
Paper Mario, Zelda, and Yugioh cards were (are) his "curriculum". How
fun is that? I love telling school at homers that. :-)
Sorry this got so long. I guess that's what happens when I only write
in every three years or so!
Alice
Coming out of lurkdom... - I have found these lists over the years to
be enormously helpful in sooo many regards; saying yes, bringing food
to busy gamers, not freaking out when 14 yo Rachel is still online
when I get up in the AM (!), just finding ways to help them do what
they want to do. I can honestly say my kids (add 11yo Jake in there)
are _happier_ because of these lists, and our home more joyful.
(thanks!!)
Recently Rachel has told me about a guy (17yo) she met online. (holy
_moly_ how did she get so grown up so quick?!) ("Young Wizards"
Forum - great series by Diane Duane, btw) We have discussed the
slight possibility of him not being who he says he is, etc. (well,
I've discussed, she just says "I know, mom" with a touch of
exasperation :-) ) (he lives in Richmond, VA - we're middle coast NC)
They've talked to each other on the phone a couple of times.
A couple of years ago, when she started going online lots, I was very
apprehensive about her having her own email, using her own name,
saying where she lived, and giving out our phone number. (I went to
google preferences and removed the reverse address look-up thing for
our number, but you can still get it through some company that charges
$15) So that was a coule of years ago. Since then I have relaxed
tons in that regard. Thanks mostly to you guys and the reality of it
being that there are so many people online _I_ would like to meet in
person and I know great relationships (friends or otherwise) start
with knowing someone online. It just makes so much sense to _talk_
about it - talk about the ins and outs, good and bad, precautions,
etc... Definitley _not_ create rules, or put up boundries (making
things more attractive...). She's got her own email addresses, blog,
etc. Apparently, (and unfortunately) though, I didn't talk enough
about relaxing my views on things and wasn't specific in regard to
phone numbers. It seems she hid the fact that she gave him our number
(or at least didn't tell me about it) - I got up in the middle of the
night (dog pestering to go out) and saw that she was talking to him on
the phone. I'm not sure why she did this, we don't "punish",
threaten, even 'scold'. But she did say she wasn't really hiding, but
rather didn't want to wake us up (in a back room - I saw the light
under the door) and they both just happen to be awake at that time of
day...
Rachel has always kept things to herself. Bugs the HECK out of me,
but I just need to see that's how she is. Since she was 7, I'd ask
"what's that book about" she'd say "stuff", "like what?", "a girl",
etc... <sigh> Very hard for me. I am a talker. Dh isn't though,
genetics? lol
I reiterated the fact that I'm here to *help her with what she wants
to do*. I am not an adversary. (not that she thinks that, but just to
make sure...) I was the one who mentioned if they wanted to meet in
person, we would figure a way. Month goes by and she's taking me up
on it. :-) They'd like to meet. I don't have any experience with this
kind of thing. I'd like to hear ideas and what others have done.
Like the "in public first" thing. I'd like to get to know the mom a
bit online or on the phone. (Andrew has done some hs'ing, currently
taking a couple college courses) We go through Richmond a couple
times a year on our way to NY. That might work. (only it's "June's so
far away...") I'd also like to ask them to our house for a bbq or
something... (I think I watch too much horror stuff on tv... great
plot, huh? "mom and dd meet up with online friends only to get
kidnapped by psychos and tortured in dungeon" !!) I _want_ to be a
trusting soul. Why do I have the worst case scenario in the back of
my head?
Any thoughts or experiences to share would be so appreciated.
Oh, and, as an aside -- one of the best ideas from this list that I
put to use -- If there is something that isn't happening in your area
start it yourself. Seems simple enough... There are lots of
homeschool teens in the area, but nowhere for them to get together to
hang out. One woman tries to arrange a monthly activity, usually some
sort of community service. But no hanging out afterwards... So I
started a teen movie night. So far it's worked great. We've only done
it twice so far and had about a dozen kids. I look forward to it as
much as the kids. :-)
Oh and another aside... (probably should have put these 'asides' in a
different email...) Jake is 11 and is just starting to read well.
Paper Mario, Zelda, and Yugioh cards were (are) his "curriculum". How
fun is that? I love telling school at homers that. :-)
Sorry this got so long. I guess that's what happens when I only write
in every three years or so!
Alice
Sandra Dodd
On Mar 29, 2006, at 10:24 AM, Alice wrote:
and you could do a family thing one night and let them go to a movie
another night or something.
Sandra
> I was the one who mentioned if they wanted to meet inDoes he drive? Maybe he could come and stay with you for a weekend,
> person, we would figure a way. Month goes by and she's taking me up
> on it. :-) They'd like to meet. I don't have any experience with this
> kind of thing. I'd like to hear ideas and what others have done.
> Like the "in public first" thing. I'd like to get to know the mom a
> bit online or on the phone. (Andrew has done some hs'ing, currently
> taking a couple college courses) We go through Richmond a couple
> times a year on our way to NY. That might work. (only it's "June's so
> far away...")
and you could do a family thing one night and let them go to a movie
another night or something.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
On Mar 29, 2006, at 10:24 AM, Alice wrote:
Sandra
> Oh and another aside... (probably should have put these 'asides' in aLoved this and wanted to let it be up top of an e-mail. <g>
> different email...) Jake is 11 and is just starting to read well.
> Paper Mario, Zelda, and Yugioh cards were (are) his "curriculum". How
> fun is that? I love telling school at homers that. :-)
Sandra
Rocki Lee
Hi,
I'm Rocki with three boys 13, 12, & 10. I have taken the 2 week lurking
suggestion to 2 months, give or take!
I have to comment on Jake's "curriculum", we use it too! <g> My 10yo has
always loved books on tape and for me to read to him, but not until he found
Yugioh did he see a need to read for himself. I do spend quite a bit of time
reading the cards with him and he spends even more time explaining to me
exactly what I just read!
Rocki
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 12:06 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Reading!
I'm Rocki with three boys 13, 12, & 10. I have taken the 2 week lurking
suggestion to 2 months, give or take!
I have to comment on Jake's "curriculum", we use it too! <g> My 10yo has
always loved books on tape and for me to read to him, but not until he found
Yugioh did he see a need to read for himself. I do spend quite a bit of time
reading the cards with him and he spends even more time explaining to me
exactly what I just read!
Rocki
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 12:06 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Reading!
On Mar 29, 2006, at 10:24 AM, Alice wrote:
> Oh and another aside... (probably should have put these 'asides' in a
> different email...) Jake is 11 and is just starting to read well.
> Paper Mario, Zelda, and Yugioh cards were (are) his "curriculum". How
> fun is that? I love telling school at homers that. :-)
Loved this and wanted to let it be up top of an e-mail. <g>
Sandra
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Alice
>>I do spend quite a bit of timereading the cards with him and he spends even more time explaining to me
exactly what I just read!<<
Isn't _that_ the truth! LOL They are sooo complicated! (_I_ think,
anyway) But he loves them, knows them quite well and will go on and
on (and on...) :-) about them.
Alice
Alice
> Does he drive? Maybe he could come and stay with you for a weekend,Geez is it that simple? I guess it is. I'm wondering why I'm making
> and you could do a family thing one night and let them go to a movie
> another night or something.
>
> Sandra
>
such a big deal out of it. I suppose if I talk to his mom over the
phone that would help. I would be _super_ cautious if _my_ son (or
daughter) wanted to drive 5-6 hours to meet someone he met online.
But that's all besides the point, since according to Rachel, he's not
driving yet. East coast NC is very touristy. I suggested his family
come for a weekend for a touristy thing (as in hotel...). I have no
idea how this will all pan out, but I find the whole thing to be very
cool.
Thanks,
Alice
Pamela Sorooshian
On Mar 30, 2006, at 3:50 PM, Alice wrote:
one-day stay. Find a place about halfway - someplace touristy that'll
be fun for both families. You can each drive 3 hours and still spend
half the day together, but not make it an overnighter. We've done
that. This isn't uncommon, Alice, and so you probably ARE making way
too big a deal out of it. Maybe just pretend she met him at some camp
or when visiting a friend in his area. I'm thinking you're freaking
out a little just because they met "on the internet." No need.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Geez is it that simple? I guess it is. I'm wondering why I'm makingFive or six hours is a long time for him to get a ride - more than a
> such a big deal out of it.
one-day stay. Find a place about halfway - someplace touristy that'll
be fun for both families. You can each drive 3 hours and still spend
half the day together, but not make it an overnighter. We've done
that. This isn't uncommon, Alice, and so you probably ARE making way
too big a deal out of it. Maybe just pretend she met him at some camp
or when visiting a friend in his area. I'm thinking you're freaking
out a little just because they met "on the internet." No need.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Mar 30, 2006, at 4:50 PM, Alice wrote:
someone they met online.
It seems requiring the family with parents (even suggesting) to get a
nearby hotel room is WAY too much unless the kids were engaged. It's
too big, for teens. And most families can't afford it. It sounds
too much to me like formal courtship, or a summons.
Sandra
> would be _super_ cautious if _my_ son (orMy son or daughter would be super cautious if they wanted to meet
> daughter) wanted to drive 5-6 hours to meet someone he met online.
someone they met online.
It seems requiring the family with parents (even suggesting) to get a
nearby hotel room is WAY too much unless the kids were engaged. It's
too big, for teens. And most families can't afford it. It sounds
too much to me like formal courtship, or a summons.
Sandra