moderating desires, and limits, and all that
Sandra Dodd
Maya9 wrote:
-=-I have spent my whole adult life
moderating my desire for, say, junk food, tv, spending too much on
books, spending too much in general, chocolate, etc. -=-
WHY do you have those desires?
Did your parents limit your access? Did they make you eat what was
on your plate?
If you think back through how you experienced those things as a
child, and your attitudes and behaviors now, that might help you see
it not as a fact of life, but as a response to environment.
Most people have never met anyone who wasn't raised with various
levels of limits, requirements, shaming messages and control.
I have three children who were not so limited, and they are all teens
(14, 17, 19). They have NO problem spending too much on their
hobbies, they don't eat too much chocolate or junk food (hardly any,
honestly). They don't watch TV as much as their critics predicted
they would. They COULD, but they don't.
Their choices are made in whole new ways�in thoughtful ways, and
mature ways, and rational ways. I eat for comfort; they don't. I
spend money because it makes me feel better; they don't. They aren't
needy.
-=-and here in this unschooling life it would seem that such
restraints are not encouraged.-=-
In the face of wide-open choices, decisions are made differently.
They never have to think "What can I get away with before the jailer
returns?" or "How much chocolate can my id stuff in before my super
ego starts reciting the rules about the evils of chocolate, and
before my guilt kicks in?"
Here are some good things from past discussions:
Joyce, of food, wrote
-=-When there are controls on food and then you let go of the
controls, the kids will want lots of things. It's like being on a
strict book ration and then let loose in a book store with $1000 ;-)
But once they realize they can have anything they want, they don't
want just for the sake of being able to have it. They just ask for
what they want.-=-
http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/influencing%20kid%
20behavior/food/food.html
Robyn Coburn wrote something pretty clear on the effects of
restrictions too, and it's here:
http://www.sandradodd.com/choicerobyn.html
"Food Freedoms" (a short one):
http://www.sandradodd.com/eating/idea.html
"True Tales of Kids Turning Down Sweets" (several short happy
stories, by different parents)
http://www.sandradodd.com/eating/sweets.html
Holly has twice in the past week turned down offers of purchases.
She's careful with her own money and careful with other people's
too. She's not needy. This writing, on being respectful of
children, addresses that:
http://sandradodd.com/respect
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-I have spent my whole adult life
moderating my desire for, say, junk food, tv, spending too much on
books, spending too much in general, chocolate, etc. -=-
WHY do you have those desires?
Did your parents limit your access? Did they make you eat what was
on your plate?
If you think back through how you experienced those things as a
child, and your attitudes and behaviors now, that might help you see
it not as a fact of life, but as a response to environment.
Most people have never met anyone who wasn't raised with various
levels of limits, requirements, shaming messages and control.
I have three children who were not so limited, and they are all teens
(14, 17, 19). They have NO problem spending too much on their
hobbies, they don't eat too much chocolate or junk food (hardly any,
honestly). They don't watch TV as much as their critics predicted
they would. They COULD, but they don't.
Their choices are made in whole new ways�in thoughtful ways, and
mature ways, and rational ways. I eat for comfort; they don't. I
spend money because it makes me feel better; they don't. They aren't
needy.
-=-and here in this unschooling life it would seem that such
restraints are not encouraged.-=-
In the face of wide-open choices, decisions are made differently.
They never have to think "What can I get away with before the jailer
returns?" or "How much chocolate can my id stuff in before my super
ego starts reciting the rules about the evils of chocolate, and
before my guilt kicks in?"
Here are some good things from past discussions:
Joyce, of food, wrote
-=-When there are controls on food and then you let go of the
controls, the kids will want lots of things. It's like being on a
strict book ration and then let loose in a book store with $1000 ;-)
But once they realize they can have anything they want, they don't
want just for the sake of being able to have it. They just ask for
what they want.-=-
http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/influencing%20kid%
20behavior/food/food.html
Robyn Coburn wrote something pretty clear on the effects of
restrictions too, and it's here:
http://www.sandradodd.com/choicerobyn.html
"Food Freedoms" (a short one):
http://www.sandradodd.com/eating/idea.html
"True Tales of Kids Turning Down Sweets" (several short happy
stories, by different parents)
http://www.sandradodd.com/eating/sweets.html
Holly has twice in the past week turned down offers of purchases.
She's careful with her own money and careful with other people's
too. She's not needy. This writing, on being respectful of
children, addresses that:
http://sandradodd.com/respect
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]