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Hi there


> Shannon typed...
> His mother and I have decided that unless one of them is bleeding, broken
> or
> unconscious that we don't really want to hear - he did this, he did that
> but
> I don't know that it is the best way to handle it.


I have a (home schooling, with school each day) friend who I talk to on
the phone.

One time over a year ago, we were chatting away, and her kids came to her
crying, and she said ,"Unless you're bleeding, or something is broken, I
don't want to hear it."

At the time, I htought that was hilarious. Now I'm disgusted at my
reaction. I said it to my own chidlren the next day, and it was just
gross. Really? I'm only interested if they're bleeding?

The doesn't sound like the kind of parent I would like to be.

In the battle situation...I'm not entirely sure what I would do, having
not really come up against this before. I think there is a big difference
between a 5 year old and a 10 year old, in regard to size, strength and
maturity (amongst other things).

I would probably discuss with both children about the need to keep each
other safe, while still having fun...such as, drawing back before the
point of contact.

I would also let my little son know that whatever problem, or joy he wants
to share with me is important to me, a lot more so than chatting with a
friend.

If my children are hurting (or ecstatic), then they want me, and I want to
be available to them...no matter what.

Shell (in NZ)
DS (7) and DD (3)

Sandra Dodd

Don't forget, those on digest, to change the subject line from Digest
#233509813240293841029384 to something better. <g>
On Feb 27, 2006, at 11:42 AM, deyoung@... wrote:

> ne time over a year ago, we were chatting away, and her kids came
> to her
> crying, and she said ,"Unless you're bleeding, or something is
> broken, I
> don't want to hear it."
>
> At the time, I htought that was hilarious. Now I'm disgusted at my
> reaction. I said it to my own chidlren the next day, and it was just
> gross. Really? I'm only interested if they're bleeding?

----------------------------

Holly has a piercing scream that disturbs all adults within hearing
range. She's had it since birth. When she was little we would
always run in when she screamed, expecting something HORRIBLE to be
happening. We didn't want to tell her "never scream," because if
she's being attacked or abducted, that scream by itself could save
her, and because it was SO effective getting attention, we had to ask
her to limit it to REAL emergencies. We said "If someone's hurt
badly, or bleeding, scream." But we would say "not cool" about
screams involving frustration about another child not giving her a
toy, or anything like just screaming for fun on the swingset.

My mom had a policy that if someone tattled and the other kid got a
spanking, the tattler got one swat for tattling. It didn't last
long, because we talked to her and said that wasn't fair. You might
think "duh!" but she had grown to adulthood having not tattled on her
brother who raped her and the died of a fever not long after, and it
warped her view of the virtue of not tattling, I think. We were
also being punished for disturbing her from whatever she was doing
and having to deal with children. None of that showed much compassion.

Sandra