RE: Foster parents/adoption
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<<<<<<<(i think i can handle just
knew that I didn't want a child with a life-threatening illness, because I
had lost my only biological child to illness. That was my only caveat. My dh
knew that he didn't want to have a child with limited intelligence,
especially one who would never be able to live an independent life. To make
a very long story as short as possible, that's not what happened. Our second
son has chronic, sometimes severe asthma and almost died from a lung abcess
when he was three. He and I spent many months in the hospital, here and in
Boston, which was a hardship for my husband and oldest son, physically and
emotionally. As he grew older, it became evident that he had many more
issues than just asthma. He has Tourette Disorder, horrible mood swings with
crying jags that last for hours, hypothyroidism, an IQ of 82, is very
anxious and sometimes suicidal. He's very prone to pneumonia and needs
nebulizer treatments every three to four hours most of the time. It's
unlikely that he'll ever be able to live independently and my dh and I are
59 and 54, so we won't be able to take care of him forever. OTOH, he's a
warm, loving, social boy, who is very proud of his accomplishments, which
are many, and as stable and comfortable as he can be within our family and
in our small community. He also has a wonderful Black Lab, who is untrained,
but a therapy dog nonetheless. Anyhow, we wouldn't have chosen to be Mike's
parents, because there's a real possibility that he won't live a long life.
However, shortly after we got him, he had bonded to us and we had bonded to
him and moving him to another foster home would have devastated him and us.
So, knowing what you can handle, telling social workers that, and trusting
them to find a child who isn't out of your comfort zone, is a gamble. Of
course, having birth children is a gamble too, but that wasn't an option for
us. Just my 2 cents and, of course, I can only speak for myself.
Lil
"It's the ones who've cracked that the light shines through." Jeffrey Lewis
> about anything, but there are certain issues i dont *want* to dealI felt the same way when we went into foster care with plans to adopt. I
> with, and so wish to avoid them.)>>>>>>>
knew that I didn't want a child with a life-threatening illness, because I
had lost my only biological child to illness. That was my only caveat. My dh
knew that he didn't want to have a child with limited intelligence,
especially one who would never be able to live an independent life. To make
a very long story as short as possible, that's not what happened. Our second
son has chronic, sometimes severe asthma and almost died from a lung abcess
when he was three. He and I spent many months in the hospital, here and in
Boston, which was a hardship for my husband and oldest son, physically and
emotionally. As he grew older, it became evident that he had many more
issues than just asthma. He has Tourette Disorder, horrible mood swings with
crying jags that last for hours, hypothyroidism, an IQ of 82, is very
anxious and sometimes suicidal. He's very prone to pneumonia and needs
nebulizer treatments every three to four hours most of the time. It's
unlikely that he'll ever be able to live independently and my dh and I are
59 and 54, so we won't be able to take care of him forever. OTOH, he's a
warm, loving, social boy, who is very proud of his accomplishments, which
are many, and as stable and comfortable as he can be within our family and
in our small community. He also has a wonderful Black Lab, who is untrained,
but a therapy dog nonetheless. Anyhow, we wouldn't have chosen to be Mike's
parents, because there's a real possibility that he won't live a long life.
However, shortly after we got him, he had bonded to us and we had bonded to
him and moving him to another foster home would have devastated him and us.
So, knowing what you can handle, telling social workers that, and trusting
them to find a child who isn't out of your comfort zone, is a gamble. Of
course, having birth children is a gamble too, but that wasn't an option for
us. Just my 2 cents and, of course, I can only speak for myself.
Lil
"It's the ones who've cracked that the light shines through." Jeffrey Lewis