advice - relationship with 11yos strained
janddplus5
I am seeking some advice. I am feeling very overwhelmed and lost
with trying to communicate with my son. No matter how I have tried
to approach him about his behavior, it seems to go bad. I feel like
I am furthering the rift in our relationship each time I try to talk
things out with him.
Some of the issues I am trying to deal with are him saying very
hurtful things to siblings and physically hurting them everytime I
turn around. I don't think he means to hurt them physically or
mentally, but when they and myself explain that it is hurting them,
he seems totally unfazed and uncaring. I am struggling with how to
deal with this situation. He has never been a bad kid and with the
exception of a few things that we are constantly dealing with I
don't really have any problems out of him. I am not yelling (yet,
but I feel it coming), trying to point out that it is destructive to
a person's self esteem to be insulted constantly and so forth.
I thought that if I could verbally and physically focus on all he
does that is good might help him to see that kindness is much more
wonderful for all who come in contact with him. But,I must be doing
something wrong because I am making no headway and seem to be making
the problem worse. I asked him why he felt the need to poke his
sister in the head and he just laughed and said because I felt like
it. Even after she was crying he did it again, before she came to
me.
I don't walk around hitting him or anyone else and it seems
especially odd to me that he would do this "just because she was
there and he felt like it". To me it just seems mean and hateful.
He in these ways is behaving like someone I would not want my
children to play with, because of their hostility and meanness.
There are some dynamics to be considered as well. He is the only
boy of 5 children and the oldest. His dad is also getting ready to
deploy again in less than a week to the Persian Gulf again.
However, this behavior has been going on for a long time now and
though I have been trying to be patient and talk it out it has now
gotten to a point where others in the house are miserable. Is this
just a phase that boys go through, or am I being naive. The girls
are not near as difficult to deal with and the issues are a lot
fewer and farther between. The ideas that have worked to solve
situations with my girls are not working with my son. This is
probably a "Well duh, he's not a girl, moment" but I am seriously
worried about the relationship or what seems to be a lack there of
and the fact that it is snowballing fast in a bad direction.
Any thoughts on how to respectfully handle this so that we can work
on rebuilding a happy relationship. I am very okay with being
picked apart, that's why I love this group, it challenges me to
think bigger, deeper and more carefully.
Hoping for something better than this,
Dana
with trying to communicate with my son. No matter how I have tried
to approach him about his behavior, it seems to go bad. I feel like
I am furthering the rift in our relationship each time I try to talk
things out with him.
Some of the issues I am trying to deal with are him saying very
hurtful things to siblings and physically hurting them everytime I
turn around. I don't think he means to hurt them physically or
mentally, but when they and myself explain that it is hurting them,
he seems totally unfazed and uncaring. I am struggling with how to
deal with this situation. He has never been a bad kid and with the
exception of a few things that we are constantly dealing with I
don't really have any problems out of him. I am not yelling (yet,
but I feel it coming), trying to point out that it is destructive to
a person's self esteem to be insulted constantly and so forth.
I thought that if I could verbally and physically focus on all he
does that is good might help him to see that kindness is much more
wonderful for all who come in contact with him. But,I must be doing
something wrong because I am making no headway and seem to be making
the problem worse. I asked him why he felt the need to poke his
sister in the head and he just laughed and said because I felt like
it. Even after she was crying he did it again, before she came to
me.
I don't walk around hitting him or anyone else and it seems
especially odd to me that he would do this "just because she was
there and he felt like it". To me it just seems mean and hateful.
He in these ways is behaving like someone I would not want my
children to play with, because of their hostility and meanness.
There are some dynamics to be considered as well. He is the only
boy of 5 children and the oldest. His dad is also getting ready to
deploy again in less than a week to the Persian Gulf again.
However, this behavior has been going on for a long time now and
though I have been trying to be patient and talk it out it has now
gotten to a point where others in the house are miserable. Is this
just a phase that boys go through, or am I being naive. The girls
are not near as difficult to deal with and the issues are a lot
fewer and farther between. The ideas that have worked to solve
situations with my girls are not working with my son. This is
probably a "Well duh, he's not a girl, moment" but I am seriously
worried about the relationship or what seems to be a lack there of
and the fact that it is snowballing fast in a bad direction.
Any thoughts on how to respectfully handle this so that we can work
on rebuilding a happy relationship. I am very okay with being
picked apart, that's why I love this group, it challenges me to
think bigger, deeper and more carefully.
Hoping for something better than this,
Dana
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 17, 2006, at 12:06 PM, janddplus5 wrote:
That separation from his dad has got to be rough.
When Kirby was that age, Keith was living in Minneapolis, working
"temporarily" (turned into four years before we said "enough). It
wasn't nearly as extreme as a war, so yours will be huge. Kirby and
Keith saw each other once a month and there was resentment and Kirby
was growing fast.
You don't need to answer any of these for the list, but consider for
yourself, at least:
Does your son have enough privacy?
He WILL get better, I think, but I'm guessing he's just at a fast-
growth point of puberty (which is hard under ideal circumstances).
Does he have enough privacy? Are you able to pay special attention
to him, make him foods he likes, spend time with just him?
Are there other families he can spend time with who have boys and
present fathers? Is there an adult male in your lives who could talk
to him gently about the situation?
-=-No matter how I have tried
to approach him about his behavior, it seems to go bad. I feel like
I am furthering the rift in our relationship each time I try to talk
things out with him.
-=-
If talking is making it worse, don't talk then. Address your
daughter instead and maybe say "Are you okay? I'm sorry he's being
that way." And hold her and rock her (or whatever) without any big
anger. Be as calm as you can for her sake so she feels safe with you
instead of part of a storm.
When I was teaching Jr. High a long time ago it seemed the best thing
I could do for a kid who was uncomfortable in his skin and who felt
alone in the crowd and was being irritating to other kids for lack of
a better way to be, I would find a job for that kid, meaning a
responsibility of some sort. I would ask them for help. I would
send them on errands, ask them to help take things out to cars, or
down to the gym, or anything I could find to make them feel more
grown and needed and important.
Speaking as an oldest child, the resentment when other kids come
along can just build up into a screaming fury, especially if the mom
is blaming the oldest for things that go wrong. His piece of the pie
has dwindled to nearly nothing, and now his dad's gone (again).
Don't expect him to help you be emotionally stable. He's probably
worse off than you are.
Not an easy situation. Is there a military support group or any
special-situation therapy available?
Sandra
> There are some dynamics to be considered as well. He is the only-----------------
> boy of 5 children and the oldest. His dad is also getting ready to
> deploy again in less than a week to the Persian Gulf again.
That separation from his dad has got to be rough.
When Kirby was that age, Keith was living in Minneapolis, working
"temporarily" (turned into four years before we said "enough). It
wasn't nearly as extreme as a war, so yours will be huge. Kirby and
Keith saw each other once a month and there was resentment and Kirby
was growing fast.
You don't need to answer any of these for the list, but consider for
yourself, at least:
Does your son have enough privacy?
He WILL get better, I think, but I'm guessing he's just at a fast-
growth point of puberty (which is hard under ideal circumstances).
Does he have enough privacy? Are you able to pay special attention
to him, make him foods he likes, spend time with just him?
Are there other families he can spend time with who have boys and
present fathers? Is there an adult male in your lives who could talk
to him gently about the situation?
-=-No matter how I have tried
to approach him about his behavior, it seems to go bad. I feel like
I am furthering the rift in our relationship each time I try to talk
things out with him.
-=-
If talking is making it worse, don't talk then. Address your
daughter instead and maybe say "Are you okay? I'm sorry he's being
that way." And hold her and rock her (or whatever) without any big
anger. Be as calm as you can for her sake so she feels safe with you
instead of part of a storm.
When I was teaching Jr. High a long time ago it seemed the best thing
I could do for a kid who was uncomfortable in his skin and who felt
alone in the crowd and was being irritating to other kids for lack of
a better way to be, I would find a job for that kid, meaning a
responsibility of some sort. I would ask them for help. I would
send them on errands, ask them to help take things out to cars, or
down to the gym, or anything I could find to make them feel more
grown and needed and important.
Speaking as an oldest child, the resentment when other kids come
along can just build up into a screaming fury, especially if the mom
is blaming the oldest for things that go wrong. His piece of the pie
has dwindled to nearly nothing, and now his dad's gone (again).
Don't expect him to help you be emotionally stable. He's probably
worse off than you are.
Not an easy situation. Is there a military support group or any
special-situation therapy available?
Sandra
Betsy Hill
** Some of the issues I am trying to deal with are him saying very
hurtful things to siblings and physically hurting them everytime I
turn around. **
Hi, Dana --
I'm sure you will get some other replies.
The book _Siblings Without Rivalry_ by Faber and Maizlich (?), has been
recommended several times in the past on unschooling lists.
(I've only got one kid, so no practical experience to share. But I
understand that what seems to worry you the most is the lack of visible
empathy.)
Betsy
hurtful things to siblings and physically hurting them everytime I
turn around. **
Hi, Dana --
I'm sure you will get some other replies.
The book _Siblings Without Rivalry_ by Faber and Maizlich (?), has been
recommended several times in the past on unschooling lists.
(I've only got one kid, so no practical experience to share. But I
understand that what seems to worry you the most is the lack of visible
empathy.)
Betsy
Deb
--- In [email protected], "janddplus5"
<janddplus5@b...> wrote:
as he is an oldest boy in a military household. My gut feeling is that
he doesn't know how to express the fear, anger, and such - those
really BIG feelings - that knowing your dad (the only other guy in the
house) is heading off into harms way AGAIN and I'm guessing he's
probably heard a time or two (probably not from you but from others)
about 'being the man of the family' and being tough and all like that.
But he's really a scared kid who might never see his dad again. And
that dichotomy is expressing itself in behaviors that distance him
from others. Are there other boys he knows and is comfortable around
within your military community that he can hang out with some? Are
there get togethers/support for families of deployed personnel where
you are that might help him? It might really help for him to have
someplace and someone who is in his shoes to be able to talk this
stuff out with.
Just my two cents (worth probably way less than that)
--Deb
<janddplus5@b...> wrote:
>Deploy *again* - big red flag jumped up at me on this one, especially
> There are some dynamics to be considered as well. He is the only
> boy of 5 children and the oldest. His dad is also getting ready to
> deploy again in less than a week to the Persian Gulf again.
as he is an oldest boy in a military household. My gut feeling is that
he doesn't know how to express the fear, anger, and such - those
really BIG feelings - that knowing your dad (the only other guy in the
house) is heading off into harms way AGAIN and I'm guessing he's
probably heard a time or two (probably not from you but from others)
about 'being the man of the family' and being tough and all like that.
But he's really a scared kid who might never see his dad again. And
that dichotomy is expressing itself in behaviors that distance him
from others. Are there other boys he knows and is comfortable around
within your military community that he can hang out with some? Are
there get togethers/support for families of deployed personnel where
you are that might help him? It might really help for him to have
someplace and someone who is in his shoes to be able to talk this
stuff out with.
Just my two cents (worth probably way less than that)
--Deb
elizabeth roberts
Dana,
I'm sure that's rough that Dad is leaving again soon. If you haven't yet, try to talk to him about it, and make sure he knows how you plan to keep in touch with Dad while he's gone. If he can spend more one-on-one time with his Dad before he leaves, that might help as well.
Other than that, it sounds like he might have a higher need for physical activity right now. I have noticed with my son (who is only 5, but the only boy and Daddy isn't home much because of his job with the Coast Guard) that when he gets rough with the girls, he hasn't been outside much; so I try to encourage him to get outside to ride his bike or scooter. That seems to help.
I hope that helps!
Beth
Sing, Dance, Laugh...LOVE!
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm sure that's rough that Dad is leaving again soon. If you haven't yet, try to talk to him about it, and make sure he knows how you plan to keep in touch with Dad while he's gone. If he can spend more one-on-one time with his Dad before he leaves, that might help as well.
Other than that, it sounds like he might have a higher need for physical activity right now. I have noticed with my son (who is only 5, but the only boy and Daddy isn't home much because of his job with the Coast Guard) that when he gets rough with the girls, he hasn't been outside much; so I try to encourage him to get outside to ride his bike or scooter. That seems to help.
I hope that helps!
Beth
Sing, Dance, Laugh...LOVE!
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S Drag-teine
I hear a lot of talking from your side but not a lot of listening. I am not
saying that you aren't listening to him only that I don't hear his side of
it. I was the oldest mind you of only two children and all were girls but my
father. Still when he left for Desert Storm - I felt like I became the other
adult and I was still in Middle School. It was rough and my mother really
didn't "get it" and she never asked.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
Did you know?...
--most well-known brands of lipstick contain lead?
--air fresheners have toxic ingredients you aren't supposed to breathe?
--most household cleaners have carcinogens and neurotoxins such as
formaldehyde, phenols and/or phosphates?
--of 2,983 everyday products, 884 have toxic chemicals?
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too. Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact
me directly.
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of janddplus5
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 2:07 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] advice - relationship with 11yos strained
I am seeking some advice. I am feeling very overwhelmed and lost
with trying to communicate with my son. No matter how I have tried
to approach him about his behavior, it seems to go bad. I feel like
I am furthering the rift in our relationship each time I try to talk
things out with him.
Some of the issues I am trying to deal with are him saying very
hurtful things to siblings and physically hurting them everytime I
turn around. I don't think he means to hurt them physically or
mentally, but when they and myself explain that it is hurting them,
he seems totally unfazed and uncaring. I am struggling with how to
deal with this situation. He has never been a bad kid and with the
exception of a few things that we are constantly dealing with I
don't really have any problems out of him. I am not yelling (yet,
but I feel it coming), trying to point out that it is destructive to
a person's self esteem to be insulted constantly and so forth.
I thought that if I could verbally and physically focus on all he
does that is good might help him to see that kindness is much more
wonderful for all who come in contact with him. But,I must be doing
something wrong because I am making no headway and seem to be making
the problem worse. I asked him why he felt the need to poke his
sister in the head and he just laughed and said because I felt like
it. Even after she was crying he did it again, before she came to
me.
I don't walk around hitting him or anyone else and it seems
especially odd to me that he would do this "just because she was
there and he felt like it". To me it just seems mean and hateful.
He in these ways is behaving like someone I would not want my
children to play with, because of their hostility and meanness.
There are some dynamics to be considered as well. He is the only
boy of 5 children and the oldest. His dad is also getting ready to
deploy again in less than a week to the Persian Gulf again.
However, this behavior has been going on for a long time now and
though I have been trying to be patient and talk it out it has now
gotten to a point where others in the house are miserable. Is this
just a phase that boys go through, or am I being naive. The girls
are not near as difficult to deal with and the issues are a lot
fewer and farther between. The ideas that have worked to solve
situations with my girls are not working with my son. This is
probably a "Well duh, he's not a girl, moment" but I am seriously
worried about the relationship or what seems to be a lack there of
and the fact that it is snowballing fast in a bad direction.
Any thoughts on how to respectfully handle this so that we can work
on rebuilding a happy relationship. I am very okay with being
picked apart, that's why I love this group, it challenges me to
think bigger, deeper and more carefully.
Hoping for something better than this,
Dana
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
saying that you aren't listening to him only that I don't hear his side of
it. I was the oldest mind you of only two children and all were girls but my
father. Still when he left for Desert Storm - I felt like I became the other
adult and I was still in Middle School. It was rough and my mother really
didn't "get it" and she never asked.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
Did you know?...
--most well-known brands of lipstick contain lead?
--air fresheners have toxic ingredients you aren't supposed to breathe?
--most household cleaners have carcinogens and neurotoxins such as
formaldehyde, phenols and/or phosphates?
--of 2,983 everyday products, 884 have toxic chemicals?
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too. Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact
me directly.
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of janddplus5
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 2:07 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] advice - relationship with 11yos strained
I am seeking some advice. I am feeling very overwhelmed and lost
with trying to communicate with my son. No matter how I have tried
to approach him about his behavior, it seems to go bad. I feel like
I am furthering the rift in our relationship each time I try to talk
things out with him.
Some of the issues I am trying to deal with are him saying very
hurtful things to siblings and physically hurting them everytime I
turn around. I don't think he means to hurt them physically or
mentally, but when they and myself explain that it is hurting them,
he seems totally unfazed and uncaring. I am struggling with how to
deal with this situation. He has never been a bad kid and with the
exception of a few things that we are constantly dealing with I
don't really have any problems out of him. I am not yelling (yet,
but I feel it coming), trying to point out that it is destructive to
a person's self esteem to be insulted constantly and so forth.
I thought that if I could verbally and physically focus on all he
does that is good might help him to see that kindness is much more
wonderful for all who come in contact with him. But,I must be doing
something wrong because I am making no headway and seem to be making
the problem worse. I asked him why he felt the need to poke his
sister in the head and he just laughed and said because I felt like
it. Even after she was crying he did it again, before she came to
me.
I don't walk around hitting him or anyone else and it seems
especially odd to me that he would do this "just because she was
there and he felt like it". To me it just seems mean and hateful.
He in these ways is behaving like someone I would not want my
children to play with, because of their hostility and meanness.
There are some dynamics to be considered as well. He is the only
boy of 5 children and the oldest. His dad is also getting ready to
deploy again in less than a week to the Persian Gulf again.
However, this behavior has been going on for a long time now and
though I have been trying to be patient and talk it out it has now
gotten to a point where others in the house are miserable. Is this
just a phase that boys go through, or am I being naive. The girls
are not near as difficult to deal with and the issues are a lot
fewer and farther between. The ideas that have worked to solve
situations with my girls are not working with my son. This is
probably a "Well duh, he's not a girl, moment" but I am seriously
worried about the relationship or what seems to be a lack there of
and the fact that it is snowballing fast in a bad direction.
Any thoughts on how to respectfully handle this so that we can work
on rebuilding a happy relationship. I am very okay with being
picked apart, that's why I love this group, it challenges me to
think bigger, deeper and more carefully.
Hoping for something better than this,
Dana
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
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janddplus5
Well as I figured great and sympathetic advice. I may not know what
to do sometimes, but this list sure is good at helping me to look at
it from a different perspective.
This is not the first deployment for sure, but it has been a pretty
rough year and dad has been gone alot. There isn't much I can do
about that aspect of it, but I can see to it that he has more free
time and more mom time (when and if he wants it). I can only
imagine what it must be like to be the oldest child of five, only
boy, who's dad seems more like a figment of his imagination!
It doesn't help that I had a bunch of surgeries this past summer and
that was a real downer for everyone. I am feeling much better now
and am able to do a lot more that I even thought that I would be by
this time.
I am going to list some activities that he might like to do and then
ask him to add to it, matter of fact while I am at it I can see if
the girls would like to do it as well. One on one time is a little
more difficult, but can be arranged.
My son only has a couple of friends and seems to like it that way.
His favorite friend's parents are WAY strict and don't allow much,
but did finally after 2 years let him sleep over here the other
night and I know that the boys would like to do it again and this
kid is 13 and a really nice kid. They get along great! So that is
a possibility.
I just recently found out about a whole slew of places that I never
knew about that I thought the kids might like to check out and I
don't have any schedule at all especially when hubby is away like
this. It is a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of life and it is
wonderful (except the missing dad part).
I think that Zach does feel that somehow he is responsible to be the
man and that may very well feel overwhelming to him as well.
Something to have dad talk to him about maybe before he leaves. All
my kids hold some frustration towards the military life, because
they didn't ask for this, but were rather born into it.
Anyway, I just had another situation with him and seemed to be able
to diffuse it with separation (just he and I for a few minutes) and
some humor on my part instead of a speech. I guess I will go with
what works, this time he walked away smiling and teasing me and I
still was able to address the issue in a non-confrontational kind of
way. I hope that just made sense!?! Much better none the less.
By the way I mentioned karate to him (it's not the first time we've
talked about it)and he is still not interested at this time and
wonders why I keep suggesting it:) LOL And Sandra, I have found
some great things to re-read on your site addressing siblings!
Thanks to you all,
Dana
to do sometimes, but this list sure is good at helping me to look at
it from a different perspective.
This is not the first deployment for sure, but it has been a pretty
rough year and dad has been gone alot. There isn't much I can do
about that aspect of it, but I can see to it that he has more free
time and more mom time (when and if he wants it). I can only
imagine what it must be like to be the oldest child of five, only
boy, who's dad seems more like a figment of his imagination!
It doesn't help that I had a bunch of surgeries this past summer and
that was a real downer for everyone. I am feeling much better now
and am able to do a lot more that I even thought that I would be by
this time.
I am going to list some activities that he might like to do and then
ask him to add to it, matter of fact while I am at it I can see if
the girls would like to do it as well. One on one time is a little
more difficult, but can be arranged.
My son only has a couple of friends and seems to like it that way.
His favorite friend's parents are WAY strict and don't allow much,
but did finally after 2 years let him sleep over here the other
night and I know that the boys would like to do it again and this
kid is 13 and a really nice kid. They get along great! So that is
a possibility.
I just recently found out about a whole slew of places that I never
knew about that I thought the kids might like to check out and I
don't have any schedule at all especially when hubby is away like
this. It is a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of life and it is
wonderful (except the missing dad part).
I think that Zach does feel that somehow he is responsible to be the
man and that may very well feel overwhelming to him as well.
Something to have dad talk to him about maybe before he leaves. All
my kids hold some frustration towards the military life, because
they didn't ask for this, but were rather born into it.
Anyway, I just had another situation with him and seemed to be able
to diffuse it with separation (just he and I for a few minutes) and
some humor on my part instead of a speech. I guess I will go with
what works, this time he walked away smiling and teasing me and I
still was able to address the issue in a non-confrontational kind of
way. I hope that just made sense!?! Much better none the less.
By the way I mentioned karate to him (it's not the first time we've
talked about it)and he is still not interested at this time and
wonders why I keep suggesting it:) LOL And Sandra, I have found
some great things to re-read on your site addressing siblings!
Thanks to you all,
Dana
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 17, 2006, at 2:57 PM, janddplus5 wrote:
Made sense to me.
Humor, or a short statement without emotion can help. Sometimes I
say "I wish I knew the perfect thing to say" and that's better than
saying a stupid thing, or saying nothing at all which can be really
hostile.
Sandra
> Anyway, I just had another situation with him and seemed to be able---------------
> to diffuse it with separation (just he and I for a few minutes) and
> some humor on my part instead of a speech. I guess I will go with
> what works, this time he walked away smiling and teasing me and I
> still was able to address the issue in a non-confrontational kind of
> way. I hope that just made sense!?!
Made sense to me.
Humor, or a short statement without emotion can help. Sometimes I
say "I wish I knew the perfect thing to say" and that's better than
saying a stupid thing, or saying nothing at all which can be really
hostile.
Sandra
jenstarc4
I don't have a boy that age but a girl. Some of those same things
happen here. For us, it is because of a prepuberty/puberty thing.
Huge emotions and physical changes.
It has a lot to do with the knowing that you are getting older,
wanting more responsibility, and wanting to be a little kid at the
same time. It's very hard! It has come up several times in the
last few months that my dd has had to be the "big" girl and really
wanted and needed to be the "little" girl still. So, when you have
younger siblings that still are and act like the little kids, it
makes it really hard to want the grown up things they desire and all
that comes with it.
Having personal private space is the only thing that has helped us.
Well, being extra nice and making sure she still can be the little
kid sometimes helps too. Having a dog helps too, that unconditional
ear always your friend no matter what thing.
Another aspect that you may want to think about is how much
responsibilty does he have with the younger siblings. I know it can
be really easy to say to your oldest while they are in the kitchen
grabbing something to drink, to grab something for their little
sibling while they are in there. While it never hurts to ask, what
I've been trying to do, is go in and offer to get both for both even
if the older doesn't have a problem getting it herself. It's just a
nice way to DO for someone else, especially a kid that wants to be
big and little at the same time.
If he'll still allow it, hugs help too.
happen here. For us, it is because of a prepuberty/puberty thing.
Huge emotions and physical changes.
It has a lot to do with the knowing that you are getting older,
wanting more responsibility, and wanting to be a little kid at the
same time. It's very hard! It has come up several times in the
last few months that my dd has had to be the "big" girl and really
wanted and needed to be the "little" girl still. So, when you have
younger siblings that still are and act like the little kids, it
makes it really hard to want the grown up things they desire and all
that comes with it.
Having personal private space is the only thing that has helped us.
Well, being extra nice and making sure she still can be the little
kid sometimes helps too. Having a dog helps too, that unconditional
ear always your friend no matter what thing.
Another aspect that you may want to think about is how much
responsibilty does he have with the younger siblings. I know it can
be really easy to say to your oldest while they are in the kitchen
grabbing something to drink, to grab something for their little
sibling while they are in there. While it never hurts to ask, what
I've been trying to do, is go in and offer to get both for both even
if the older doesn't have a problem getting it herself. It's just a
nice way to DO for someone else, especially a kid that wants to be
big and little at the same time.
If he'll still allow it, hugs help too.
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/17/2006 2:35:10 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:
to him gently about the situation?<<
How about a grandfather? He could even go for an extended visit (a couple
of weeks or more) and get a lot of one on one time with him. We have a large
family, and this has always been something we tried very hard to do and it
made each kid feel so special and "singled out" in a positive way.
Can the other kids go to sleep (or their rooms) a little earlier, so he can
have maybe even just and hour or half hour with you alone each evening?
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra@... writes:
>>Are there other families he can spend time with who have boys andpresent fathers? Is there an adult male in your lives who could talk
to him gently about the situation?<<
How about a grandfather? He could even go for an extended visit (a couple
of weeks or more) and get a lot of one on one time with him. We have a large
family, and this has always been something we tried very hard to do and it
made each kid feel so special and "singled out" in a positive way.
Can the other kids go to sleep (or their rooms) a little earlier, so he can
have maybe even just and hour or half hour with you alone each evening?
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/17/2006 4:59:27 PM Eastern Standard Time,
janddplus5@... writes:
wonders why I keep suggesting it:) LOL And Sandra, I have found
some great things to re-read on your site addressing siblings!<<
Could you take him to a class just to watch, and maybe talk to the teacher?
Karate seems like it would be such a big help to him, especially if the
teacher is a male. Can you get ahold of any cool Jackie Chan movies, or Bruce
(or Brandon) Lee? Or even better, how about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or
(isn't there one called) Littlest Ninja, or something like that?
Maybe he just doesn't know enough about it, and he's a little timid about
trying. Would one of his friends maybe want to go with him?
My heart goes out to him...we were former military, not career (my husband)
and before we adopted, my son was the only boy with 3 sisters!
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
janddplus5@... writes:
>>By the way I mentioned karate to him (it's not the first time we'vetalked about it)and he is still not interested at this time and
wonders why I keep suggesting it:) LOL And Sandra, I have found
some great things to re-read on your site addressing siblings!<<
Could you take him to a class just to watch, and maybe talk to the teacher?
Karate seems like it would be such a big help to him, especially if the
teacher is a male. Can you get ahold of any cool Jackie Chan movies, or Bruce
(or Brandon) Lee? Or even better, how about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or
(isn't there one called) Littlest Ninja, or something like that?
Maybe he just doesn't know enough about it, and he's a little timid about
trying. Would one of his friends maybe want to go with him?
My heart goes out to him...we were former military, not career (my husband)
and before we adopted, my son was the only boy with 3 sisters!
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
> Or even better, how about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles orThree Ninjas was one Kirby liked a lot. <g>
> (isn't there one called) Littlest Ninja, or something like that?
janddplus5
> Could you take him to a class just to watch, and maybe talk tothe teacher?
> Karate seems like it would be such a big help to him, especiallyif the
> teacher is a male. Can you get ahold of any cool Jackie Chanmovies, or Bruce
> (or Brandon) Lee? Or even better, how about Teenage Mutant NinjaTurtles or
> (isn't there one called) Littlest Ninja, or something like that?timid about
>
> Maybe he just doesn't know enough about it, and he's a little
> trying. Would one of his friends maybe want to go with him?***this is another really great idea. I can do this on the sly in a
few days or so and just watch for myself and I am sure that he'll if
nothing else be happy to watch the movies. I wonder if there is
anything karate-ish that also has to do with swords or fencing. He
really loves medieval, knights and chivalry time frame. I wonder if
I could find him something more along those lines??? Any ideas???
Ya'll are so wonderful! I am getting so excited about my time with
him...I guess I had better not get ahead of myself, but just enjoy
each moment as we are in it and look forward to more joy in the
future. This day has ended better than most have in the last month
or more!
Thank you all for taking time to post your suggestions.
Dana
janddplus5
> Could you take him to a class just to watch, and maybe talk tothe teacher?
> Karate seems like it would be such a big help to him, especiallyif the
> teacher is a male. Can you get ahold of any cool Jackie Chanmovies, or Bruce
> (or Brandon) Lee? Or even better, how about Teenage Mutant NinjaTurtles or
> (isn't there one called) Littlest Ninja, or something like that?timid about
>
> Maybe he just doesn't know enough about it, and he's a little
> trying. Would one of his friends maybe want to go with him?***this is another really great idea. I can do this on the sly in a
few days or so and just watch for myself and I am sure that he'll if
nothing else be happy to watch the movies. I wonder if there is
anything karate-ish that also has to do with swords or fencing. He
really loves medieval, knights and chivalry time frame. I wonder if
I could find him something more along those lines??? Any ideas???
Ya'll are so wonderful! I am getting so excited about my time with
him...I guess I had better not get ahead of myself, but just enjoy
each moment as we are in it and look forward to more joy in the
future. This day has ended better than most have in the last month
or more!
Thank you all for taking time to post your suggestions.
Dana
jenstarc4
I wonder if there is
daughter really wants to do something involving swords, but fencing is
out and so is the japanese sword fighting, because the first doesn't
look at all like sword fighting to her and the latter is too martial
arts for her. She wants broad swords, and it just doesn't exist that
I can see. Then would she even be able to pick one up?! Those swords
are soooo heavy!
> anything karate-ish that also has to do with swords or fencing. HeWell, good luck with that one! I'd love to hear responses, because my
> really loves medieval, knights and chivalry time frame. I wonder if
> I could find him something more along those lines??? Any ideas???
daughter really wants to do something involving swords, but fencing is
out and so is the japanese sword fighting, because the first doesn't
look at all like sword fighting to her and the latter is too martial
arts for her. She wants broad swords, and it just doesn't exist that
I can see. Then would she even be able to pick one up?! Those swords
are soooo heavy!
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 18, 2006, at 10:42 AM, jenstarc4 wrote:
All sword stuff is martial arts.
You can buy a sword for less than $100 I'm sure if you want and let
her just own a sword.
Check e-bay or reproduction sword companies online.
> I'd love to hear responses, because my================
> daughter really wants to do something involving swords, but fencing is
> out and so is the japanese sword fighting, because the first doesn't
> look at all like sword fighting to her and the latter is too martial
> arts for her.
All sword stuff is martial arts.
You can buy a sword for less than $100 I'm sure if you want and let
her just own a sword.
Check e-bay or reproduction sword companies online.
queenjane555
> All sword stuff is martial arts.I was driving down the street one day, and passed a garage sale with a
>
> You can buy a sword for less than $100 I'm sure if you want and let
> her just own a sword.
> Check e-bay or reproduction sword companies online.
>
big ol' dragon statue on a table in the driveway. I made a quick u-
turn, and discovered that the sale was actually by a guy who owned a
store that had to go out of business. I got this cool dragon-holding-a-
crystal-ball statue (its about a foot high or taller, and heavy), the
ball lights up for about $40, and a cool long sword (the kind you
might use to slay a dragon) for less than $20. I also got a couple
more sword-y type instruments (daggers, i guess)...anyhow thats a very
late update to my post about whether it would be safe to get my son a
sword, months and months ago.
If you do a search on swords there are tons of online swords selling
reproductions for way less than $100. My son's sword isnt heavy, came
with a leather scabbard, and isnt that sharp.
Katherine
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/18/2006 6:05:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,
queenjane555@... writes:
wooden handle, but still really cool.
We have a couple of them we use for Highland dancing. Not a lot of sword
fighting :o) but we use swords to dance!
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
queenjane555@... writes:
> All sword stuff is martial arts.My son found one when we were dumpster diving once! It was homemade, with a
>
> You can buy a sword for less than $100 I'm sure if you want and let
> her just own a sword.
> Check e-bay or reproduction sword companies online.
wooden handle, but still really cool.
We have a couple of them we use for Highland dancing. Not a lot of sword
fighting :o) but we use swords to dance!
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Tellew
<<
wonders why I keep suggesting it:) <<
How about a mini trampoline indoors for exercise? My kids have always
bounced on everything, but this has been great for them. They just get on
it for a minute or two when the impulse strikes. I got it after people
here were extolling its virtues for mom exercise. (I've been using it
before they wake up with some good dance music...)
Another thing that has been fun for them is bouncing on an exercise
ball. But they can pop. Ours always seems to find its way to the floor
heater too. Suicidal ball.
Pam
>>By the way I mentioned karate to him (it's not the first time we'vetalked about it)and he is still not interested at this time and
wonders why I keep suggesting it:) <<
How about a mini trampoline indoors for exercise? My kids have always
bounced on everything, but this has been great for them. They just get on
it for a minute or two when the impulse strikes. I got it after people
here were extolling its virtues for mom exercise. (I've been using it
before they wake up with some good dance music...)
Another thing that has been fun for them is bouncing on an exercise
ball. But they can pop. Ours always seems to find its way to the floor
heater too. Suicidal ball.
Pam
janddplus5
--- In [email protected], "S Drag-teine"
<dragteine@s...> wrote:
had to stop and ask myself why I was feeling this way. I think it
is because I have tried to talk and listen, but he doesn't really
want to discuss anything. It is as if he knows things are not okay,
but either doesn't want to talk about it and/or work to try and come
up with a better solution OR that maybe he feels overwhelmed and
doesn't even know where to start to really express himself.
When I was initially writing the post to ask for advice, I didn't
really know where to start or how to communicate my thoughts and
needs to you all so that what I wrote would give you a clear picture
of what was going on and what I was asking you for. There have also
been many times in my life where I have been unsure why I felt or
acted a particular way, but whatever brought out the reaction in me
was strong enough to evoke it so it must have been real, at least to
me. So I can only believe that whatever is stirring this up in him
is real to him too.
I don't have all the answers and I can't change my husband's career
choice. Although, I do have many misgivings about it and have
voiced these concerns to my spouse. I am trying to work with what I
can change and go from there. I want my children to be happy, feel
loved, be kind and patient, while at the same time I want to
personally be happy, loving towards others (especially my children),
to be able to show kindness and patience and a lot more.
I am trying to understand where all this behavior is coming from,
not just focus on the behavior itself. In the past when dad has
gone away there have been things that the kids felt responsible for
because my health had been poor. This time I am doing so much
better and they haven't had to feel responsible for so much. I hope
to continue on this path. This deployment may bring back memories
of how hard things were last time for him (all of them for that
matter). We also dealt with a lot of hurricanes here in Florida
during the last 6 month deployment - that was no fun and doesn't
have good memories attached to that either.
Anyway, that to say that there were some icky memories associated
with the last long deployment and that could be some of it. The
point is, that I am trying to make some sense of it so that I can
hopefully help all the people in our family to cope better and to
have other outlets for their emotions rather than be directed
hurtfully at each other.
I have never been in my kids' shoes. I never had a father deploy, I
was never the oldest of 5 children, I never lived away from extended
family, I always went to public school. On the other hand I never
was respected, never allowed to have opinions that didn't line up
with my parents, I was raised with discipline and punishment for
stepping out of their (my parents)lines. I don't want this for my
children. I don't want to coerce them into being nice, well
behaved, soft spoken little puppets.
On the other hand, I do want to respect my children for who they
are, what their needs, hopes, dreams and desires are even if they
don't line up with mine. I want this because I love them and I want
them to be happy and partly as well because they are going to be my
grandchildren's parents one day;-) I want these things because I
believe it is right that they have it and my hope is that they will
in turn grow understand the benefit of extending these same
principles and emotional behaviors towards others in their lives.
I just want a joy filled home, to the best that I can give my
children. Sometimes shouldering the responsibility for my family
and trying to be a good mother and wife gets a little overwhelming
for me. That is why I love this list. It helps me to write it
down, try to step back from the situation and allow others help me
see the things I might be missing or at least see them from another
perspective.
After re-reading your post and thinking about what it really said, I
feel like you were trying to tell me that you felt that I was
analyizing this so much that I wasn't really listening to my son in
either actions and words. You have helped me to see that sometimes
maybe I just need to stop talking altogether and just listen.
Thanks in a odd sort of way for helping me to get my emotions a
little stirred up. I feel very challenged to make things better and
will try whatever will work to have all the members of this family
be happy both inside and out.
Dana
<dragteine@s...> wrote:
>I am not
> I hear a lot of talking from your side but not a lot of listening.
> saying that you aren't listening to him only that I don't hear hisside of
> it. I was the oldest mind you of only two children and all weregirls but my
> father. Still when he left for Desert Storm - I felt like I becamethe other
> adult and I was still in Middle School. It was rough and my motherreally
> didn't "get it" and she never asked.***I found myself getting a little defensive at your post and then I
>
>
>
> Shannon
>
had to stop and ask myself why I was feeling this way. I think it
is because I have tried to talk and listen, but he doesn't really
want to discuss anything. It is as if he knows things are not okay,
but either doesn't want to talk about it and/or work to try and come
up with a better solution OR that maybe he feels overwhelmed and
doesn't even know where to start to really express himself.
When I was initially writing the post to ask for advice, I didn't
really know where to start or how to communicate my thoughts and
needs to you all so that what I wrote would give you a clear picture
of what was going on and what I was asking you for. There have also
been many times in my life where I have been unsure why I felt or
acted a particular way, but whatever brought out the reaction in me
was strong enough to evoke it so it must have been real, at least to
me. So I can only believe that whatever is stirring this up in him
is real to him too.
I don't have all the answers and I can't change my husband's career
choice. Although, I do have many misgivings about it and have
voiced these concerns to my spouse. I am trying to work with what I
can change and go from there. I want my children to be happy, feel
loved, be kind and patient, while at the same time I want to
personally be happy, loving towards others (especially my children),
to be able to show kindness and patience and a lot more.
I am trying to understand where all this behavior is coming from,
not just focus on the behavior itself. In the past when dad has
gone away there have been things that the kids felt responsible for
because my health had been poor. This time I am doing so much
better and they haven't had to feel responsible for so much. I hope
to continue on this path. This deployment may bring back memories
of how hard things were last time for him (all of them for that
matter). We also dealt with a lot of hurricanes here in Florida
during the last 6 month deployment - that was no fun and doesn't
have good memories attached to that either.
Anyway, that to say that there were some icky memories associated
with the last long deployment and that could be some of it. The
point is, that I am trying to make some sense of it so that I can
hopefully help all the people in our family to cope better and to
have other outlets for their emotions rather than be directed
hurtfully at each other.
I have never been in my kids' shoes. I never had a father deploy, I
was never the oldest of 5 children, I never lived away from extended
family, I always went to public school. On the other hand I never
was respected, never allowed to have opinions that didn't line up
with my parents, I was raised with discipline and punishment for
stepping out of their (my parents)lines. I don't want this for my
children. I don't want to coerce them into being nice, well
behaved, soft spoken little puppets.
On the other hand, I do want to respect my children for who they
are, what their needs, hopes, dreams and desires are even if they
don't line up with mine. I want this because I love them and I want
them to be happy and partly as well because they are going to be my
grandchildren's parents one day;-) I want these things because I
believe it is right that they have it and my hope is that they will
in turn grow understand the benefit of extending these same
principles and emotional behaviors towards others in their lives.
I just want a joy filled home, to the best that I can give my
children. Sometimes shouldering the responsibility for my family
and trying to be a good mother and wife gets a little overwhelming
for me. That is why I love this list. It helps me to write it
down, try to step back from the situation and allow others help me
see the things I might be missing or at least see them from another
perspective.
After re-reading your post and thinking about what it really said, I
feel like you were trying to tell me that you felt that I was
analyizing this so much that I wasn't really listening to my son in
either actions and words. You have helped me to see that sometimes
maybe I just need to stop talking altogether and just listen.
Thanks in a odd sort of way for helping me to get my emotions a
little stirred up. I feel very challenged to make things better and
will try whatever will work to have all the members of this family
be happy both inside and out.
Dana
umsouhaib
I have a 13 year old who went through a similar problem. I found
getting him to write about his feelings helped. He is a person who
hates to write. It's to laborious for him, but he did do it and he
did find it helpful. You may want to ask someone else to listen to
him too. Does he do sports or physical activities with other boys?
This is important. I had trouble finding this for my son because all
the neighbours etc were in school and had homework etc. We've found
Karate and soccer to be helpful. It teaches discipline while giving
them an opportunity to relieve stress. Drawing and painting feelings
can also be useful in revealing and releasing pent up emotions that
kids have difficulty expressing.
Carolynn readinghelper.net
--- In [email protected], "janddplus5"
<janddplus5@b...> wrote:
getting him to write about his feelings helped. He is a person who
hates to write. It's to laborious for him, but he did do it and he
did find it helpful. You may want to ask someone else to listen to
him too. Does he do sports or physical activities with other boys?
This is important. I had trouble finding this for my son because all
the neighbours etc were in school and had homework etc. We've found
Karate and soccer to be helpful. It teaches discipline while giving
them an opportunity to relieve stress. Drawing and painting feelings
can also be useful in revealing and releasing pent up emotions that
kids have difficulty expressing.
Carolynn readinghelper.net
--- In [email protected], "janddplus5"
<janddplus5@b...> wrote:
>listening.
> --- In [email protected], "S Drag-teine"
> <dragteine@s...> wrote:
> >
> > I hear a lot of talking from your side but not a lot of
> I am nothis
> > saying that you aren't listening to him only that I don't hear
> side ofbecame
> > it. I was the oldest mind you of only two children and all were
> girls but my
> > father. Still when he left for Desert Storm - I felt like I
> the othermother
> > adult and I was still in Middle School. It was rough and my
> reallyI
> > didn't "get it" and she never asked.
> >
> >
> >
> > Shannon
> >
>
>
> ***I found myself getting a little defensive at your post and then
> had to stop and ask myself why I was feeling this way. I think itokay,
> is because I have tried to talk and listen, but he doesn't really
> want to discuss anything. It is as if he knows things are not
> but either doesn't want to talk about it and/or work to try andcome
> up with a better solution OR that maybe he feels overwhelmed andpicture
> doesn't even know where to start to really express himself.
>
> When I was initially writing the post to ask for advice, I didn't
> really know where to start or how to communicate my thoughts and
> needs to you all so that what I wrote would give you a clear
> of what was going on and what I was asking you for. There havealso
> been many times in my life where I have been unsure why I felt orme
> acted a particular way, but whatever brought out the reaction in
> was strong enough to evoke it so it must have been real, at leastto
> me. So I can only believe that whatever is stirring this up inhim
> is real to him too.career
>
> I don't have all the answers and I can't change my husband's
> choice. Although, I do have many misgivings about it and haveI
> voiced these concerns to my spouse. I am trying to work with what
> can change and go from there. I want my children to be happy,feel
> loved, be kind and patient, while at the same time I want tochildren),
> personally be happy, loving towards others (especially my
> to be able to show kindness and patience and a lot more.for
>
> I am trying to understand where all this behavior is coming from,
> not just focus on the behavior itself. In the past when dad has
> gone away there have been things that the kids felt responsible
> because my health had been poor. This time I am doing so muchhope
> better and they haven't had to feel responsible for so much. I
> to continue on this path. This deployment may bring back memoriesI
> of how hard things were last time for him (all of them for that
> matter). We also dealt with a lot of hurricanes here in Florida
> during the last 6 month deployment - that was no fun and doesn't
> have good memories attached to that either.
>
> Anyway, that to say that there were some icky memories associated
> with the last long deployment and that could be some of it. The
> point is, that I am trying to make some sense of it so that I can
> hopefully help all the people in our family to cope better and to
> have other outlets for their emotions rather than be directed
> hurtfully at each other.
>
> I have never been in my kids' shoes. I never had a father deploy,
> was never the oldest of 5 children, I never lived away fromextended
> family, I always went to public school. On the other hand I neverwant
> was respected, never allowed to have opinions that didn't line up
> with my parents, I was raised with discipline and punishment for
> stepping out of their (my parents)lines. I don't want this for my
> children. I don't want to coerce them into being nice, well
> behaved, soft spoken little puppets.
>
> On the other hand, I do want to respect my children for who they
> are, what their needs, hopes, dreams and desires are even if they
> don't line up with mine. I want this because I love them and I
> them to be happy and partly as well because they are going to bemy
> grandchildren's parents one day;-) I want these things because Iwill
> believe it is right that they have it and my hope is that they
> in turn grow understand the benefit of extending these sameanother
> principles and emotional behaviors towards others in their lives.
>
> I just want a joy filled home, to the best that I can give my
> children. Sometimes shouldering the responsibility for my family
> and trying to be a good mother and wife gets a little overwhelming
> for me. That is why I love this list. It helps me to write it
> down, try to step back from the situation and allow others help me
> see the things I might be missing or at least see them from
> perspective.I
>
> After re-reading your post and thinking about what it really said,
> feel like you were trying to tell me that you felt that I wasin
> analyizing this so much that I wasn't really listening to my son
> either actions and words. You have helped me to see thatsometimes
> maybe I just need to stop talking altogether and just listen.and
> Thanks in a odd sort of way for helping me to get my emotions a
> little stirred up. I feel very challenged to make things better
> will try whatever will work to have all the members of this family
> be happy both inside and out.
>
> Dana
>
Gwen McCrea
> *** I wonder if there isI was recently doing a lot of looking around for different martial
> anything karate-ish that also has to do with swords or fencing. He
> really loves medieval, knights and chivalry time frame. I wonder if
> I could find him something more along those lines??? Any ideas???
arts schools for my 9yo. I found a couple of sites that had really
good explanations of the different kinds of martial arts, whether they
used weapons, etc. some of them also had links to international
associations, with some lists of schools by area (didn't seem like
complete lists, but a place to start, anyway) I don't know if I still
have the sites bookmarked; I'll check when I get back to my own
computer and post them on this thread.
Karate usually doesn't use weapons (I guess "karate" means "open hand"
or "empty hand" in Japanese) but there are others that do. Gabriel
ended up going to a Tae Kwon Do class, because some unschooling
friends of ours were going, plus the master teaches a small class just
for homeschoolers in the middle of the day. In Tae Kwon Do they use
nun-chucks, eventually, maybe other weapons too.
Also, when I first read your question, I thought you were referring
only to the movies, and I thought of Shanghai Noon and Shanghai
Knights with Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson. Not midieval, but Victorian,
and fun. they have some sexual innuendo/humor in them, but my 9yo
watched them with us, and it was no big deal for him.
Also, we really love movies like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Hero;
and The House of Flying Daggers. While they're not European midieval
type movies, they are in that heroic/epic vein, plus they're
beautifully filmed and have awesome fight scenes. My son's favorite
one is The House of Flying Daggers.
Gwen
Marin
My husband teaches at a medieval martial arts school here in the
Raleigh, NC area (www.emaaknights.com) and he says there are schools
like this popping up all over the country. Maybe you can do an on-
line search to see if there is one in your area. Kids start out using
foam safety swords and then they progress to live steel. Perhaps this
would be a way for your son to participate in martial arts.
Marin
Raleigh, NC area (www.emaaknights.com) and he says there are schools
like this popping up all over the country. Maybe you can do an on-
line search to see if there is one in your area. Kids start out using
foam safety swords and then they progress to live steel. Perhaps this
would be a way for your son to participate in martial arts.
Marin
janddplus5
--- In [email protected], "Marin" <rinnyboo@y...>
wrote:
Thank you for the web addy. I will do some investigating about this.
Dana
wrote:
>using
> My husband teaches at a medieval martial arts school here in the
> Raleigh, NC area (www.emaaknights.com) and he says there are schools
> like this popping up all over the country. Maybe you can do an on-
> line search to see if there is one in your area. Kids start out
> foam safety swords and then they progress to live steel. Perhapsthis
> would be a way for your son to participate in martial arts.***Marin,
>
> Marin
>
Thank you for the web addy. I will do some investigating about this.
Dana
Pamela Sorooshian
Home-schooled until he was nine, Ansel Adams resisted formal
education. After he had difficulties in a string of San Francisco
schools, Adams' parents decided enrolling him anywhere else would be
futile. He received the rest of his education from his father,
tutors, the Panama Pacific Exhibition, and the world around him.
An enthusiastic beachcomber and insect collector, young Ansel lived
in acute awareness of nature. Adams would later credit his father for
tolerating his unusual path, saying, "I am certain he established the
positive direction of my life."
In School
...Each day was a severe test for me, sitting in a dreadful classroom
while the sun and fog played outside. Most of the information
received meant absolutely nothing to me. For example, I was chastised
for not being able to remember what states border Nebraska and what
are the states of the Gulf Coast. It was simply a matter of
memorizing the names, nothing about the process of memorizing or any
reason to memorize. Education without either meaning or excitement is
impossible. I longed for the outdoors, leaving only a small part of
my conscious self to pay attention to schoolwork... (p. 17)
****
I got this from a PBS website.
Excerpts are from Ansel Adams, An Autobiography. With Mary Street
Alinder. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1985. I haven't read it,
just ran across this bit.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
education. After he had difficulties in a string of San Francisco
schools, Adams' parents decided enrolling him anywhere else would be
futile. He received the rest of his education from his father,
tutors, the Panama Pacific Exhibition, and the world around him.
An enthusiastic beachcomber and insect collector, young Ansel lived
in acute awareness of nature. Adams would later credit his father for
tolerating his unusual path, saying, "I am certain he established the
positive direction of my life."
In School
...Each day was a severe test for me, sitting in a dreadful classroom
while the sun and fog played outside. Most of the information
received meant absolutely nothing to me. For example, I was chastised
for not being able to remember what states border Nebraska and what
are the states of the Gulf Coast. It was simply a matter of
memorizing the names, nothing about the process of memorizing or any
reason to memorize. Education without either meaning or excitement is
impossible. I longed for the outdoors, leaving only a small part of
my conscious self to pay attention to schoolwork... (p. 17)
****
I got this from a PBS website.
Excerpts are from Ansel Adams, An Autobiography. With Mary Street
Alinder. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1985. I haven't read it,
just ran across this bit.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 22, 2006, at 9:39 AM, Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
One of his Ansel Adams' most famous photos was taken within a mile
of the house of my first boyfriend, who lived in Hernandez, which is
the first town NW of Espanola. It's not a "town" in the legal sense,
but is an area that's had a placename for over 100 years and probably
had a post office at one time.
Keith was in an airport in California Friday morning, with a Mormon
co-worker who has five children, all in public school (his wife works
full time). Keith didn't tell me exactly what brought it up (I think
they were overhearing someone else's complaints about kids and
school), but Keith told him something like "I have to try hard not to
proselytize about unschooling, because it just works."
That's pretty cool.
Sandra
> Education without either meaning or excitement isI wish he'd said "learning" but other that that... great quote of his!
> impossible.
One of his Ansel Adams' most famous photos was taken within a mile
of the house of my first boyfriend, who lived in Hernandez, which is
the first town NW of Espanola. It's not a "town" in the legal sense,
but is an area that's had a placename for over 100 years and probably
had a post office at one time.
Keith was in an airport in California Friday morning, with a Mormon
co-worker who has five children, all in public school (his wife works
full time). Keith didn't tell me exactly what brought it up (I think
they were overhearing someone else's complaints about kids and
school), but Keith told him something like "I have to try hard not to
proselytize about unschooling, because it just works."
That's pretty cool.
Sandra
elainegh8
Hi
who is Ansel Adams?
BWs Elaine (in the UK)
who is Ansel Adams?
BWs Elaine (in the UK)
Pamela Sorooshian
You have a treat in store for you.
Go to Google. Put in "Ansel Adams" and click return - and then when
the search list comes up, click on "images" up above the search box.
-pam
Go to Google. Put in "Ansel Adams" and click return - and then when
the search list comes up, click on "images" up above the search box.
-pam
On Jan 22, 2006, at 9:39 AM, elainegh8 wrote:
> Hi
> who is Ansel Adams?
>
>
> BWs Elaine (in the UK)
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
Thanks, Pam for that excerpt -- now another book to add to my library list. I liked the quote, especially this part -- Education without either meaning or excitement is impossible.
Sylvia
who has always loved Ansel Adams' art
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia
who has always loved Ansel Adams' art
---------------------------------
What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
Keith told him something like "I have to try hard not to
proselytize about unschooling, because it just works."
*****
a great quote in its own right. I love to hear unschooling Dads sold the concept!
Sylvia
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
proselytize about unschooling, because it just works."
*****
a great quote in its own right. I love to hear unschooling Dads sold the concept!
Sylvia
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]