JennK

Hi, I'm Jenn. I've been lurking for a couple weeks, but this is my first
post here. My 10yo boy/girl twins have been homeschooling for almost three
years. We've been gradually evolving to an unschooling environment, with a
big leap over the past month or two. We're all more relaxed, enjoying each
other's company, and exploring many new interests together. DH and I are
also finding that we're starting to naturally ease up on non-homeschool
rules because they just don't seem to apply anymore. Bedtime has become much
more relaxed -- I'll remind the kids if we have obligations the next day
that might prevent them from sneaking in a mid-day nap, but I leave the
decision of when to go to sleep to them. Tonight, they're sleeping in the
family room with the dogs because they wanted to have a "slumber party"
together. Meals have become a more cooperative effort, and the kids are
taking more interest in learning about nutrition as we give them a voice in
choosing what we're going to make for dinner and so on.

I do have a question, though. My daughter and I were discussing The Giver
last night. She loves that book, and we've talked about it many times over
the past year or so. Last night, I shared a viewpoint that was different
from hers, and she immediately said she agreed with me. When I asked why she
didn't maintain her position, as the story could easily be interpreted
either way, she said she didn't like disagreeing with me because I'm an
authority figure. This shocked me. DH and I have never been the sort of
parents who demand unwavering discipline or agreement. My mother lives
nearby and is often here for dinner, so the kids see a living,
multi-generational example of how we can respectfully debate and
occasionally disagree with each other, especially as we all love to discuss
current events and books and whatnot.

Can anyone offer advice on how we can encourage our daughter to stand up for
herself and feel free to question without turning this into a "lesson" and
making a big deal of it with her? I don't want to make her even more
self-conscious about it.

Thanks!
Jenn

[email protected]

> -=-she said she didn't like disagreeing with me because I'm an
> authority figure. This shocked me.-=-
>
She's only ten. That's really young to stick to literary analysis.

Maybe she really liked your theory better. Maybe she could see the value in
both.
Maybe she just really LIKES you and wants to hear your theories and agree
with them. Holly went through a phase of thinking my ideas were always great.
It's fading. Enjoy it while you can!

Accepting her ideas as valid is better than pressing her to disagre with
people, I think. It's just another kind of pressure if you're going to reward
her (however subtly) for disagreeing with you.

Sandra



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diana jenner

JennK wrote:

>Last night, I shared a viewpoint that was different
>from hers, and she immediately said she agreed with me. When I asked why she
>didn't maintain her position, as the story could easily be interpreted
>either way, she said she didn't like disagreeing with me because I'm an
>authority figure. This shocked me. DH and I have never been the sort of
>parents who demand unwavering discipline or agreement. My mother lives
>nearby and is often here for dinner, so the kids see a living,
>multi-generational example of how we can respectfully debate and
>occasionally disagree with each other, especially as we all love to discuss
>current events and books and whatnot.
>
This isn't going to answer your question, but in the same vein...
Last night my housemates found some furs in an old trunk. I happen to
be a *huge* fan of animal fur, so I tried on the brown mink stole (it
had a clippy under the mouth so it could 'bite itself' to stay in
place!) and a beautiful white mink coat. I walked around for a while
just petting myself; I was incredibly gleeful when they said I could
have the coat!!! I asked Hannah, 9, to bring it downstairs for me, she
refused to touch the fur (agreed to transport it by touching only the
satin lining), and gave me a huge opposing spiel on fur. She's seen me
ooohing and aaaahing over vintage furs many times, but we had never had
a discussion. It was *SO* cool to debate purposefulness after death (my
justification) and animal cruelty. She wouldn't buy my "but this is
their purpose in life and I'd hate to deny them their one true purpose"
and she came back with if one were to eat the animal, it would be right
and proper to use the fur and the other parts as needed, as in leather.
I so enjoyed the exchange and am so impressed with her ability to hold
her own opinions in the face of mine. I realized too, that although I
want my kids to think for themselves, I had always assumed they would
come to the same (highly logical <g>) conclusions as me -- it's so cool
that she didn't/doesn't and even cooler that she didn't/doesn't feel she
*has to*!!
This original discussion resurfaced a few hours later as we talked about
our aging kitty and my desire to tan her hide and create a wall hanging
out of her (or a muff, or a hat, or slippers <bg>), which led to a talk
about cremation and her desire to add Patches' ashes to her 'collection'
(she has some of her dad's ashes) and some to sprinkle at the cat's
birth home, which led to talking about Mitch and what his perceptions
would be of our life right now, which led to a discussion on my dad and
his relationship with Mitch, which led to a discussion on grieving ("I
really like talking to you about daddy when you aren't crying about
it"), which led to plans for our Death Day celebration (ala Nearly
Headless Nick) this coming Saturday... We went to bed at midnight, but
fell asleep sometime after 3:00 <vbg>

~diana :) who knows fur is politically incorrect, but danggummit, I sure
wish I was furrier on days like today with all the snow and wind, as I'm
not, I'll happily repurpose someone else's <bg>


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