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As I was typing the paragraphs off the letter to my sister (which I only
saved on paper), I was thinking back to other people I might have reproduced with.
Only one, of all the serious boyfriends back to the age of 14, was NOT the
child of an alcoholic parent. One had both parents alcoholic (though the dad
had run a truck off the road or into a tree and died before he was born).
Keith's parents aren't alcoholic. My dad wasn't. My kids are less at
risk than some.

On Halloween all my kids went to a party--the same party. Holly's nearly-15
year old friend was here and she went too. There was drinking, and I
learned in bits and pieces without really asking anyone to tell me everything, that
Marty and another mid-teen, Julie, were the only two not to drink at all.
That left Holly and Jasmine in the "drank some" category. Jasmine was staying
at our house for several days, and when her mom called I let her know. I
knew the mom wouldn't be upset, but I did tell her I was going to bring it up
and talk to them a bit about it, and she said fine.

So when we were out in the car on the way somewhere, so that it wasn't an
awkward "We must talk about alcohol now," I said to Holly only (leaving Jasmine
out and not asking her) "I heard you drank a little at the party."

"More than a little," she said.

I told her that I wanted to remind her that there seems to be a genetic
component, and that with only one alcoholic grandparent her risk was lower, she
still might inherit that alcoholism, and so she should be careful and aware
around alcohol.

She said, "Okay. Thanks."

Jasmine said, "Yes, thank you. I hadn't heard that it might be genetic."

I know all of Jasmine's grandparents, and as far as I know only her maternal
grandmother is alcoholic. I mentioned that. I said "Both you and Holly
have one maternal grandmother." So that was a little bonding
second-and-a-half, and I still didn't ask Jasmine if she drank or how much.

So because Holly said "more than a little" I was picturing the worst, but
still it didn't matter in the context of all of it.

A week or so later it came up again, with only me and Holly there, and I
asked if she had gotten drunk or sick, and she said no, neither, and in describing
what she tasted and drank, I don't think it was over three or four ounces.
So her "more than a little" meant "more than a sip" but to me, growing up and
seeing people REALLY drink, I had imagined her to have been sloshed.

And to the issue of people having trouble with older relatives changing
behaviors, it might be worth considering substances too. If they've just gone on
or off a drug is one possibility, but if they used to drink too much or abuse
something else, or if they've just stopped smoking, those things are almost
guaranteed to make them mean. <g> It takes a while to stabilize.

Sandra





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