[email protected]

This came to me instead of the list. If that was an error, I've corrected
it. If that was on purpose, please keep the discussion on the list.

=================================================

Sandra,

We don't know the runaway boy is rebelling.  You suspect he is from the
letter his father wrote, but there is nothing at all concrete that proves this is
true.  Yes, you and I think he has reason to rebel, from the indicators in the
father's letter, but that is all, a suspicion.  Your emails suggest that you
have tried and convicted this family based on an internet posted letter.  

Your example in your final paragraph below lays out just one possible
scenario of what might happen that might cause one of your children to run away.  I
don't believe in putting energy into imagining worst case scenarios by any
means, but thank you for at least opening your mind to the (remote and highly
unlikely) possibility.

I have read thousands of auto/biographies and learned enough to say that
there is no recipe for getting to that place known as a great life.  However, if I
could name just one common thread I have discovered in my reading and
observing people for the last 40 years that contributes to that notion of "a good
life" I would say it is the ability to achieve a self-taught, self-directed life,
what ever it turns out to be, no matter how many times it changes form,
regardless of how much income is involved.  This is what gives me the courage and
satisfaction every day to be an unschooler and support my children in their own
efforts to achieve whatever they have a notion to do.

Here is the part of Ren's email I agreed was true and would always be true:
 "Running away is an ESCAPE. It's getting out of a situation you don't feel
 you have control over."

I am enjoying this discussion.  

Barb
E-mail: barb.lundgren@...

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.  Boldness
has genius, power, and magic in it."   Goethe




From: SandraDodd@...
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 22:00:44 EST
To: barb.lundgren@..., [email protected]
Subject: why might unschoolers run away?





In a message dated 11/22/05 7:47:21 PM, barb.lundgren@... writes:


Certainly true, and will always be true... but things can change, sometimes
in ways we cannot predict, given outside circumstances, mental illnesses,
new influences, etc.  Who is to say?  I am confident I can adapt to
anything, and offer a safe haven for my kids under all circumstances, but I
have seen enough and read enough biography and autobiography over the years
to know that shit happens.

Have you read much biography and autobiography of unschoolers or people whose
childhoods weren't controlled and limited?   Shit happens, but it doesn't
turn a safe, peaceful home into a controlling, disrespectful-of-children home all
of a sudden.

I don't know which part of Ren's post you thought was certainly true and
always would be true, because the rest of your writing seems to suggest there are
no solid principles to depend on.

New influences won't keep my children from using good judgment after their
whole lifetimes of making decisions based on the best of what they know at the
time.   If they go nuts and join cults, they still won't have to run away.
  They can say "I'm going to join this cult.   See ya."

In the absence of controls, how could a child rebell?   In the absence of
being kept in the house, given freedom to go on road trips when they want to, and
to stay overnight with friends when they want to, what would running away
accomplish?

Maybe if Keith or I left or died and the other married someone creepy and
controlling, that might be worth running away from.   That would mean that the
contract had changed, though, the nest was broken, and the child wasn't really
leaving his home, but leaving the home of the new stepparent.

Sandra




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