eating habits of 5 year old?
[email protected]
To make a long story short, I have a 5 year old nephew whose mother suffers from depression. This affects her lifestyle and habits and therefore her son's habits, etc. (There is no insurance, therefore no medication, but she wouldn't take it properly if there was.)
She eats once a day or so, sometimes not at all, and will literally sleep 20 of 24 hours if she is able. My nephew is in kindergarten now so they feed him lunch and his before-after-care provides snacks, so he does eat something, but his mom doesn't prepare food for him regularly, sometimes just tells him to eat out of the cereal box.
The concern most of the family has is that he is absolutely the pickiest eater any of us have ever seen. If he doesn't want something, he will literally (and *deliberately*) make himself throw up in the middle of the table. Of course, then no one wants to eat any of the food (including me!) He won't try anything new and will go hungry rather than taste something.
(When he was 2, my mother was watching him for a week and by the evening of the 2nd day she was in tears because he *refused* to eat *anything* put in front of him. My mother finally drove by McDonald's one day on the way into town and he said something, so she immediately pulled in and bought him nuggets. He ate NOTHING but nugget happy meals for the entire time my mother had him!!! When his mother got him back, my mom asked her about it and she said that was what she always gave him, even before he could walk.)
He is undersize and wants to do nothing but sit in the house watching tv, but on the upside he seems to be very bright. There are some emotional and behavioral issues stemming (we think) from his life so far (there have been some abusive situations as well as the neglect.)
Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of control over his life? And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be healthy? Any suggestions?
___________________________________________________
Try the New Netscape Mail Today!
Virtually Spam-Free | More Storage | Import Your Contact List
http://mail.netscape.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
She eats once a day or so, sometimes not at all, and will literally sleep 20 of 24 hours if she is able. My nephew is in kindergarten now so they feed him lunch and his before-after-care provides snacks, so he does eat something, but his mom doesn't prepare food for him regularly, sometimes just tells him to eat out of the cereal box.
The concern most of the family has is that he is absolutely the pickiest eater any of us have ever seen. If he doesn't want something, he will literally (and *deliberately*) make himself throw up in the middle of the table. Of course, then no one wants to eat any of the food (including me!) He won't try anything new and will go hungry rather than taste something.
(When he was 2, my mother was watching him for a week and by the evening of the 2nd day she was in tears because he *refused* to eat *anything* put in front of him. My mother finally drove by McDonald's one day on the way into town and he said something, so she immediately pulled in and bought him nuggets. He ate NOTHING but nugget happy meals for the entire time my mother had him!!! When his mother got him back, my mom asked her about it and she said that was what she always gave him, even before he could walk.)
He is undersize and wants to do nothing but sit in the house watching tv, but on the upside he seems to be very bright. There are some emotional and behavioral issues stemming (we think) from his life so far (there have been some abusive situations as well as the neglect.)
Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of control over his life? And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be healthy? Any suggestions?
___________________________________________________
Try the New Netscape Mail Today!
Virtually Spam-Free | More Storage | Import Your Contact List
http://mail.netscape.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Linda Knauff
People on the autistic spectrum often will only tolerate certain foods. Texture can be a big issue. They can and will hold out for what feels comfortable to them. They can also get fixated on the television or computer and have a very difficult time switching gears to another activity. High intelligence is common, but there is usually some type of language issue involved--either with speech or comprehension or both. Depression can be a secondary factor for individuals on the spectrum, and autism can be hereditary. It could be that the mother has some symptoms and your nephew has inherited some, as well.
I could be way off, too. But it is something to consider, and it often goes undiagnosed by teachers and pediatricians. If you can figure out what is going on with him, it will be easier to pinpoint ways of helping him cope. You may, in any case, want to read more about autism and food intolerance/obsessions.
Hope this helps--my daughter is on the spectrum and the rate of autism is quite high.
Linda
I could be way off, too. But it is something to consider, and it often goes undiagnosed by teachers and pediatricians. If you can figure out what is going on with him, it will be easier to pinpoint ways of helping him cope. You may, in any case, want to read more about autism and food intolerance/obsessions.
Hope this helps--my daughter is on the spectrum and the rate of autism is quite high.
Linda
----- Original Message -----
From: leobellalace@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, November 21, 2005 8:45 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] eating habits of 5 year old?
To make a long story short, I have a 5 year old nephew whose mother suffers from depression. This affects her lifestyle and habits and therefore her son's habits, etc. (There is no insurance, therefore no medication, but she wouldn't take it properly if there was.)
She eats once a day or so, sometimes not at all, and will literally sleep 20 of 24 hours if she is able. My nephew is in kindergarten now so they feed him lunch and his before-after-care provides snacks, so he does eat something, but his mom doesn't prepare food for him regularly, sometimes just tells him to eat out of the cereal box.
The concern most of the family has is that he is absolutely the pickiest eater any of us have ever seen. If he doesn't want something, he will literally (and *deliberately*) make himself throw up in the middle of the table. Of course, then no one wants to eat any of the food (including me!) He won't try anything new and will go hungry rather than taste something.
(When he was 2, my mother was watching him for a week and by the evening of the 2nd day she was in tears because he *refused* to eat *anything* put in front of him. My mother finally drove by McDonald's one day on the way into town and he said something, so she immediately pulled in and bought him nuggets. He ate NOTHING but nugget happy meals for the entire time my mother had him!!! When his mother got him back, my mom asked her about it and she said that was what she always gave him, even before he could walk.)
He is undersize and wants to do nothing but sit in the house watching tv, but on the upside he seems to be very bright. There are some emotional and behavioral issues stemming (we think) from his life so far (there have been some abusive situations as well as the neglect.)
Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of control over his life? And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be healthy? Any suggestions?
___________________________________________________
Try the New Netscape Mail Today!
Virtually Spam-Free | More Storage | Import Your Contact List
http://mail.netscape.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: <http://www.unschooling.info>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
a.. Visit your group "UnschoolingDiscussion" on the web.
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wifetovegman2002
--- In [email protected], leobellalace@n... wrote:
healthy? Any suggestions?
Of course! And the best way to help him is to give him total control
over it. He *should* have total control over it. It is his.
The best way to ensure he is eating enough is to stop trying to make
him eat stuff he doesn't want, and give him what he likes. Ask him
what he would like to eat, and fix it for him. If he loves bagel
bites or pb&j or cheese on crackers or ice cream sundaes, let him have
them.
If eating at the table is too stressful, let him eat in front of the
tv or while playing video games or while taking a bath or wherever.
Often when my little guy is too busy playing a game to stop to eat,
I'll say, "Hey, that looks like fun. How about if I watch you play,
and I can hold your slice of pizza for you, too?" After about two or
three bites, his stomach wakes up and suddenly the game is paused and
he eats, or he likes my holding it and he leans over for a bite every
few minutes.
Make sure there are always snacks he can get himself when he is home.
Send him home with peanut butter crackers and cheese sticks and juice
boxes and milk boxes and cookies and chips and lunchables and anything
else a 5 year old can fix for himself.
It sounds like the relatives all pitch in to care for this little boy,
and it is great that he is loved by you all. Going a bit further and
giving him joy at the table instead of "clean your plate" demands will
help him much more than counting calories and worried faces whenever
he doesn't finish his broccoli.
~Susan M. in VA
wifetovegman
>over his life? And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be
> Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of control
healthy? Any suggestions?
Of course! And the best way to help him is to give him total control
over it. He *should* have total control over it. It is his.
The best way to ensure he is eating enough is to stop trying to make
him eat stuff he doesn't want, and give him what he likes. Ask him
what he would like to eat, and fix it for him. If he loves bagel
bites or pb&j or cheese on crackers or ice cream sundaes, let him have
them.
If eating at the table is too stressful, let him eat in front of the
tv or while playing video games or while taking a bath or wherever.
Often when my little guy is too busy playing a game to stop to eat,
I'll say, "Hey, that looks like fun. How about if I watch you play,
and I can hold your slice of pizza for you, too?" After about two or
three bites, his stomach wakes up and suddenly the game is paused and
he eats, or he likes my holding it and he leans over for a bite every
few minutes.
Make sure there are always snacks he can get himself when he is home.
Send him home with peanut butter crackers and cheese sticks and juice
boxes and milk boxes and cookies and chips and lunchables and anything
else a 5 year old can fix for himself.
It sounds like the relatives all pitch in to care for this little boy,
and it is great that he is loved by you all. Going a bit further and
giving him joy at the table instead of "clean your plate" demands will
help him much more than counting calories and worried faces whenever
he doesn't finish his broccoli.
~Susan M. in VA
wifetovegman
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/21/05 7:13:48 PM, leobellalace@... writes:
father? Large uncles and aunts? Some people are smaller than others
naturally.
Watching TV might not be a downside. It might be the safest possible
escape, and the kindest source of input and stimuli.
-=-Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of control over his
life?-=-
Absolutely.
-=-And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be healthy?-=-
Can you take him out from time to time? Might he go for milkshakes? Maybe
mailshakes with bananas? Fruit smoothies? Protein drinks? (If not don't
push it, but if he's never had them you might find he likes them. Carnation
Instant Breakfast put into a homemade milkshake has been useful here when
kids were on liquid diet after dental work.)
But past the offer of other foods, or just forget about foods and just amuse
and entertain him, so that he likes and trusts you and would come to you if he
wanted help, you don't need to (nor CAN you) "ensure" him anything.
Make the offer. If he's hungry he'll take you up on it. Maybe he's just
honestly, truly not hungry.
I had a friend who lived on almost nothing but pastries throughout her teen
years. Donuts and sweetrolls. She was healthy and fine and when she got
into her 20s and away from her parents, she started eating all KINDS of gourmet
foods even the most adventurous of us probably wouldn't have tried. She
knows all about Middle Eastern foods in detail and sauces and goat vs. lamb; she
knows Japanese, Chinese, Korean, VietNamese foods... The donuts didn't kill
her. Probably everyone who ever razzed or pressured her to eat something
else just made her that more determined to have SOME say over her life by
choosing pastries.
She was never the least bit pudgy either--always skinny and always healthy.
I would say smile at your nephew, be sweet to him, don't pressure him, don't
alarm him, help his life feel safer and larger instead of smaller and scarier.
Help him feel right instead of wrong, and whole instead of partial.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>"Undersize" might not be a downside. Does he have a very large mother or
> -=-He is undersize and wants to do nothing but sit in the house watching tv,
> but on the upside he seems to be very bright.-=-
>
father? Large uncles and aunts? Some people are smaller than others
naturally.
Watching TV might not be a downside. It might be the safest possible
escape, and the kindest source of input and stimuli.
-=-Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of control over his
life?-=-
Absolutely.
-=-And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be healthy?-=-
Can you take him out from time to time? Might he go for milkshakes? Maybe
mailshakes with bananas? Fruit smoothies? Protein drinks? (If not don't
push it, but if he's never had them you might find he likes them. Carnation
Instant Breakfast put into a homemade milkshake has been useful here when
kids were on liquid diet after dental work.)
But past the offer of other foods, or just forget about foods and just amuse
and entertain him, so that he likes and trusts you and would come to you if he
wanted help, you don't need to (nor CAN you) "ensure" him anything.
Make the offer. If he's hungry he'll take you up on it. Maybe he's just
honestly, truly not hungry.
I had a friend who lived on almost nothing but pastries throughout her teen
years. Donuts and sweetrolls. She was healthy and fine and when she got
into her 20s and away from her parents, she started eating all KINDS of gourmet
foods even the most adventurous of us probably wouldn't have tried. She
knows all about Middle Eastern foods in detail and sauces and goat vs. lamb; she
knows Japanese, Chinese, Korean, VietNamese foods... The donuts didn't kill
her. Probably everyone who ever razzed or pressured her to eat something
else just made her that more determined to have SOME say over her life by
choosing pastries.
She was never the least bit pudgy either--always skinny and always healthy.
I would say smile at your nephew, be sweet to him, don't pressure him, don't
alarm him, help his life feel safer and larger instead of smaller and scarier.
Help him feel right instead of wrong, and whole instead of partial.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/21/2005 9:18:18 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
I would say smile at your nephew, be sweet to him, don't pressure him, don't
alarm him, help his life feel safer and larger instead of smaller and
scarier.
Help him feel right instead of wrong, and whole instead of partial.
~~~
I'd say do that, too, and get his MOTHER some help. If she doesn't have
insurance and can't afford to get meds, then perhaps she could get government
help. Maybe she needs to be committed. Is there a father in the picture?
I think it's misplaced to focus on the child's eating habits when it is
obvious he is neglected in lots of other more important ways. Wonder if he feels
loved at all?
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
I would say smile at your nephew, be sweet to him, don't pressure him, don't
alarm him, help his life feel safer and larger instead of smaller and
scarier.
Help him feel right instead of wrong, and whole instead of partial.
~~~
I'd say do that, too, and get his MOTHER some help. If she doesn't have
insurance and can't afford to get meds, then perhaps she could get government
help. Maybe she needs to be committed. Is there a father in the picture?
I think it's misplaced to focus on the child's eating habits when it is
obvious he is neglected in lots of other more important ways. Wonder if he feels
loved at all?
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nrskay
--- In [email protected], leobellalace@n...
wrote:
kindergarten now so they feed him lunch and his before-after-care
provides snacks, so he does eat something, but his mom doesn't
prepare food for him regularly, sometimes just tells him to eat out
of the cereal box.
She is a danger to others (her son), and herself for not seeking
medical attention. More than likely her depression will continue to
worsen and what if she becomes so depressed that life is not worth
living anymore and she takes her sons life and her own. I don't
know what state she's in but Medical or Medicade can help her with
treatment.****
are some emotional and behavioral issues stemming (we think) from
his life so far (there have been some abusive situations as well as
the neglect.)
***Of course he is having problems, he has a mother who essentially
ignores him on all levels and as you put it there is possible
abuse. This child needs someone who will give him the love and
attention he needs. If as a family you can have her observed under
a 51/50 (3 day psychiatric hold for danger to self or others) I
would. This child needs someone to be his advocate and protect him
from this neglect and abuse. My hope is that someone will step in
soon before it is too late.*****
healthy? Any suggestions?
***Yes, refusing to eat, eating too much or to little is his way of
having control over his life. Chicken nuggets are high in fat, but
they are protein and that is essential. If possible try and find
out if there is any fruit that he likes and try to provide him with
that. That way he can at least get some nutrients from a fruit.
Veggies maybe pushing it so try to add a fruit to his diet if you
can. I don't know if he'll like the vitamins that taste like gummy
bears. I'm told they taste pretty good.
I know that I am coming off strong but you must understand that I
have a long history of depression myself. I don't like that I have
to take my medication everyday, but if I didn't I would be where
this young women is today. The only reason she doesn't want help is
because depression gives you a feeling of hopelesness, fatigue and
can cloud judgement. She will need family intervention to get that
help. My prayers are with you and yours.
Kay
wrote:
>>literally sleep 20 of 24 hours if she is able. My nephew is in
> She eats once a day or so, sometimes not at all, and will
kindergarten now so they feed him lunch and his before-after-care
provides snacks, so he does eat something, but his mom doesn't
prepare food for him regularly, sometimes just tells him to eat out
of the cereal box.
>****As a nurse and concerned parent I feel this is pure neglect.
She is a danger to others (her son), and herself for not seeking
medical attention. More than likely her depression will continue to
worsen and what if she becomes so depressed that life is not worth
living anymore and she takes her sons life and her own. I don't
know what state she's in but Medical or Medicade can help her with
treatment.****
> He is undersize and wants to do nothing but sit in the housewatching tv, but on the upside he seems to be very bright. There
are some emotional and behavioral issues stemming (we think) from
his life so far (there have been some abusive situations as well as
the neglect.)
***Of course he is having problems, he has a mother who essentially
ignores him on all levels and as you put it there is possible
abuse. This child needs someone who will give him the love and
attention he needs. If as a family you can have her observed under
a 51/50 (3 day psychiatric hold for danger to self or others) I
would. This child needs someone to be his advocate and protect him
from this neglect and abuse. My hope is that someone will step in
soon before it is too late.*****
> Could refusing to eat be a way he maintains some sort of controlover his life? And how do we ensure he is eating enough to be
healthy? Any suggestions?
***Yes, refusing to eat, eating too much or to little is his way of
having control over his life. Chicken nuggets are high in fat, but
they are protein and that is essential. If possible try and find
out if there is any fruit that he likes and try to provide him with
that. That way he can at least get some nutrients from a fruit.
Veggies maybe pushing it so try to add a fruit to his diet if you
can. I don't know if he'll like the vitamins that taste like gummy
bears. I'm told they taste pretty good.
I know that I am coming off strong but you must understand that I
have a long history of depression myself. I don't like that I have
to take my medication everyday, but if I didn't I would be where
this young women is today. The only reason she doesn't want help is
because depression gives you a feeling of hopelesness, fatigue and
can cloud judgement. She will need family intervention to get that
help. My prayers are with you and yours.
Kay
> ___________________________________________________
> Try the New Netscape Mail Today!
> Virtually Spam-Free | More Storage | Import Your Contact List
> http://mail.netscape.com
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
nrskay
I wanted to add a couple of things to my previous post. Her
unwillingness to seek treatment is also due to apathy, which is also a
symptom of depression.
My reasoning behind a having her under a 3 day hold is so that she can
have contact with a psychiatrist and begin treatment. Often these
meds take a few weeks to kick in, but the medical staff would work
with her to see beyond herself and give her some hope. Also, this
would give this poor child some attention and love from family while
his mother is beginning treatment.
I have many days where I just want to veg out because of my depression
and fibromyalgia, but I choose to be there for my 11 you dd and guide
her through her life while she is home and learning. That is where
the meds have helped, they help me to stay on a steady course and keep
me going. It hasn't been easy for myself, my dh or dd, but we take it
one day at a time.
Ok, I'll get off my soap box,
Kay
unwillingness to seek treatment is also due to apathy, which is also a
symptom of depression.
My reasoning behind a having her under a 3 day hold is so that she can
have contact with a psychiatrist and begin treatment. Often these
meds take a few weeks to kick in, but the medical staff would work
with her to see beyond herself and give her some hope. Also, this
would give this poor child some attention and love from family while
his mother is beginning treatment.
I have many days where I just want to veg out because of my depression
and fibromyalgia, but I choose to be there for my 11 you dd and guide
her through her life while she is home and learning. That is where
the meds have helped, they help me to stay on a steady course and keep
me going. It hasn't been easy for myself, my dh or dd, but we take it
one day at a time.
Ok, I'll get off my soap box,
Kay
k
>> Her unwillingness to seek treatment is also due to apathy, which isalso a
>> symptom of depression.Which to the "right" audience can garner some criticism and raise the
level of guilt she may already be experiencing. I guess I'm cautioning
against the mother being pre-emptively diagnosed and falling into the
cracks of the system. Not out of the question if she's low income,
gov't assisted or uninsured. She sounds too depressed to seek
competent
help within her means (a daunting task for anybody). Maybe the family
can assist her to seek the best possible care.
For some reason I had the idea (incorrect maybe) that it's not really
known if one or both the parents are abusive. Difficult to get to the
bottom of. The boy is likely to avoid an unknown future with the
sudden
loss of both parents, and so can probably be counted on to distrust
others about anything (food, facts about who's abusing him, etc.) It
wasn't clear to me, but if the mother is abusive, that's a very
different situation, and the boy could definitely be in danger with
this
level of depression.
Kathe, not a professional
__________________________________________
Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about.
Just $16.99/mo. or less.
dsl.yahoo.com