Pamela Sorooshian

Dana - you should write up your story - just take this email and do a
little editing and talk a little more about what you DID that you now
regret. It could be a wonderful warning to others and maybe save a
lot of other families the pain you went through!

-pam

On Nov 10, 2005, at 6:15 AM, Jud and Dana wrote:

> It pains me to say this but 99.9% of the problem was that
> "I" was more concerned about what others thought about him not
> being able to
> read. How can "I" possibly be doing a good job educating my
> children at
> home when my almost 10 year old can't even read simple words like
> an and
> the? Well I found out after the damage was done that my son truly
> does have
> dyslexia, but even with this very real problem learned almost over
> night on
> his own when "he" was truly ready. I didn't know about letting
> learn on his
> own at the time I continued to push and push until our relationship
> was
> seriously damaged. I am still at this point rebuilding that. It's
> not easy
> to fix once it's broken.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

janddplus5

--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
>
> Dana - you should write up your story - just take this email and
do a
> little editing and talk a little more about what you DID that you
now
> regret. It could be a wonderful warning to others and maybe save
a
> lot of other families the pain you went through!
>
> -pam
>


Pam I had actually thought about that this morning. I thought about
putting in my blog for family and friends to read and that maybe it
would help them to see that I don't have a nonchalant attitude about
my kids education, but rather that I have personally seen then
damage that I caused with my children. Especially the relationship
part.

For some reason most of my friends seem to think that if I truly
cared about my kids then I would put them in school and in every
extra-curricular activity. They can't fathom what my kids do all
day as being learning. They simply think I am wasting their lives
away and will regret it later.

My regrets are that I didn't unschool them in all areas of their
lives from the beginning. I hate seeing others do what I have done
in the past. I feel like I can give them insight if I am painfully
honest with the harm I inflicted on my own kids.

Dana

janddplus5

--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
>
> Dana - you should write up your story - just take this email and
do a
> little editing and talk a little more about what you DID that you
now
> regret. It could be a wonderful warning to others and maybe save
a
> lot of other families the pain you went through!
>
> -pam
>


Pam I had actually thought about that this morning. I thought about
putting in my blog for family and friends to read and that maybe it
would help them to see that I don't have a nonchalant attitude about
my kids education, but rather that I have personally seen then
damage that I caused with my children. Especially the relationship
part.

For some reason most of my friends seem to think that if I truly
cared about my kids then I would put them in school and in every
extra-curricular activity. They can't fathom what my kids do all
day as being learning. They simply think I am wasting their lives
away and will regret it later.

My regrets are that I didn't unschool them in all areas of their
lives from the beginning. I hate seeing others do what I have done
in the past. I feel like I can give them insight if I am painfully
honest with the harm I inflicted on my own kids.

Dana

Jud and Dana

I know that learning disorders are for the most part overrated excuses that
teachers give because they can't "teach" kids to read. However, there are
some children who truly do have dyslexia and other processing issues or
disabilities. My son didn't read until he was 9 going on 10. We had more
fights, heated arguments and me accusing that he was being lazy and
uncooperative. It pains me to say this but 99.9% of the problem was that
"I" was more concerned about what others thought about him not being able to
read. How can "I" possibly be doing a good job educating my children at
home when my almost 10 year old can't even read simple words like an and
the? Well I found out after the damage was done that my son truly does have
dyslexia, but even with this very real problem learned almost over night on
his own when "he" was truly ready. I didn't know about letting learn on his
own at the time I continued to push and push until our relationship was
seriously damaged. I am still at this point rebuilding that. It's not easy
to fix once it's broken. By the way this same child, once learning on his
own to read has read somewhere between 400-500 books in the last 1 1/2
years. With comprehension. He can't read aloud very well, but to himself
he reads almost constantly. If I don't get to the library when he has
finished the last of his 12 books for the week he will find something around
the house to read. Heck, I have even caught him reading the dictionary! He
still can't write or spell very well, but I believe that will come in time
because he sees and reads words all the time. And even if he never writes,
well maybe that is not going to be one of the things he pursues in his life
anyway. My point in all of this is that you need to relax. Enjoy reading
to him. Never, never ever ridicule him or compare him to his siblings or
friends. He will get their in his own time. What makes your timetable the
right timetable anyway? I had to ask myself the same questions. Just love
him for all his unique qualities and respect the differences. Help him to
do all the things he wants that require reading. I know when my kids were
younger and I have 5, that when the youngest at the time wanted a drink or a
snack or whatever, they weren't old enough to get it themselves. The needed
help. I didn't get angry with them because they couldn't manage yet, or
force them to climb up on the cabinets to get a cup or whatever. That would
be dangerous and unsafe. I or one of the older siblings would help them.
The dangers are different obviously, but the damage is just as significant
in the long run and even immediately. Don't deprive him of his need and
desire to learn other things because you can't get past the fact that he
can't read yet. It's not about the order in which they learn things it's
helping to foster a love of learning of all sorts of things when they are
ready. Lose the worlds timetable, and devote yourself to loving your son.
And remember the advice you sought out here may sound harsh and go against
your grain, but if you let it sink in and examine yourself and your motives
you will begin to see where the real issues lie. My son now knows more
stuff than I ever hope to know and I am so proud of him. I love to tell
people how he learned to read late and now it doesn't bother him at all. In
fact I read this post to him before I sending it and he said that he hoped
that it helped you and your son. Help and change don't always come easy to
those of us who have spent years doing things differently regardless of the
fact that we were making no real progress. For some reason we just keep
plodding along in the same wrong direction because the world says it is
right so it must be right. Right? WRONG!!!

Good luck,
Dana

katherand2003

And post a link for that, will ya? I would like to read it.

Thanks!
Kathe


--- In [email protected], "janddplus5"
<janddplus5@b...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
> <pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:
> >
> > Dana - you should write up your story - just take this email and
> do a
> > little editing and talk a little more about what you DID that you
> now
> > regret. It could be a wonderful warning to others and maybe save
> a
> > lot of other families the pain you went through!
> >
> > -pam
> >
>
>
> Pam I had actually thought about that this morning. I thought about
> putting in my blog for family and friends to read and that maybe it
> would help them to see that I don't have a nonchalant attitude about
> my kids education, but rather that I have personally seen then
> damage that I caused with my children. Especially the relationship
> part.
>
> For some reason most of my friends seem to think that if I truly
> cared about my kids then I would put them in school and in every
> extra-curricular activity. They can't fathom what my kids do all
> day as being learning. They simply think I am wasting their lives
> away and will regret it later.
>
> My regrets are that I didn't unschool them in all areas of their
> lives from the beginning. I hate seeing others do what I have done
> in the past. I feel like I can give them insight if I am painfully
> honest with the harm I inflicted on my own kids.
>
> Dana
>