what if only one parent wants to unschool - more
Amy
This is my situation also. My dh has many concerns about our
children's education, most of which we don't talk about much, without
distress on both our parts. We are not the great communicators that
so many unschooling parents seem to be on these lists. In fact, my dh
would move us to another state if his job necessitated it, so he says.
He would buy a new or new-used car if he wanted to, and while he
might like for me to appreciate it, it is his deal, not mine. However
if I thought we needed one, he wouldn't buy one. (Both our cars are 15
years old, and running pretty well because of the endless amount of
maintenance he does on them) I homeschooled the curriculum way for
ten years, with sorry results. Coming back to unschooling has been
happening since January '05...too soon for dh to see any great
results. (I'm not sure if anything impresses him except for doing well
on standardized tests, ACT, SAT, etc. and so far the kids do well on
them until 6th grade, when they start falling behind, until the ACT
comes and then they are in the bottom 5%) He wasn't impressed with how
our kids have done in our old way of homeschooling, but since that was
closest to what he thought of as "school", he accepted it. If this
sounds really depressing, sorry. He is pretty hard on them, hard on
me, and hard on himself. I personally feel badly for my oldest, who is
now trying to get into the Coast Guard, and will soon be taking the
military's test that determines where one can be placed, or accepted
at all (the CG has the strictest admittance requirements for
enlistees)...he seems to have no idea how to study for it, or for
anything. None or almost none of the math he struggled through in
home high school stuck, to his dismay, and his dad's almost dispair. I
put in my bits of "It (algebra) doesn't matter as much as you think",
which he doesn't believe. He (dh) believes you have to go along with
what "they" say is required, in order to get along in life. I used to
believe that, but I don't anymore. I think that doing what one loves
to do, and what brings one joy is what will make one happy &
successful, and one's corner of the world a better place. Dh thinks
that's unrealistic. So, as you all in unschooling land can see, dh &
I have a lot to work on, and mean while, I want to let our children be
free to learn what they want, when they want. I've tried "making"
them learn stuff - it's what I did for years! They, surprise, have
forgotten almost all of it! Sorry if I went on and on and all over the
place as well.
children's education, most of which we don't talk about much, without
distress on both our parts. We are not the great communicators that
so many unschooling parents seem to be on these lists. In fact, my dh
would move us to another state if his job necessitated it, so he says.
He would buy a new or new-used car if he wanted to, and while he
might like for me to appreciate it, it is his deal, not mine. However
if I thought we needed one, he wouldn't buy one. (Both our cars are 15
years old, and running pretty well because of the endless amount of
maintenance he does on them) I homeschooled the curriculum way for
ten years, with sorry results. Coming back to unschooling has been
happening since January '05...too soon for dh to see any great
results. (I'm not sure if anything impresses him except for doing well
on standardized tests, ACT, SAT, etc. and so far the kids do well on
them until 6th grade, when they start falling behind, until the ACT
comes and then they are in the bottom 5%) He wasn't impressed with how
our kids have done in our old way of homeschooling, but since that was
closest to what he thought of as "school", he accepted it. If this
sounds really depressing, sorry. He is pretty hard on them, hard on
me, and hard on himself. I personally feel badly for my oldest, who is
now trying to get into the Coast Guard, and will soon be taking the
military's test that determines where one can be placed, or accepted
at all (the CG has the strictest admittance requirements for
enlistees)...he seems to have no idea how to study for it, or for
anything. None or almost none of the math he struggled through in
home high school stuck, to his dismay, and his dad's almost dispair. I
put in my bits of "It (algebra) doesn't matter as much as you think",
which he doesn't believe. He (dh) believes you have to go along with
what "they" say is required, in order to get along in life. I used to
believe that, but I don't anymore. I think that doing what one loves
to do, and what brings one joy is what will make one happy &
successful, and one's corner of the world a better place. Dh thinks
that's unrealistic. So, as you all in unschooling land can see, dh &
I have a lot to work on, and mean while, I want to let our children be
free to learn what they want, when they want. I've tried "making"
them learn stuff - it's what I did for years! They, surprise, have
forgotten almost all of it! Sorry if I went on and on and all over the
place as well.
[email protected]
Wes Beach has a list of Traits for Success. Algebra is NOT among them!
Maybe hit his site for some answers. I was VERY impressed with his talk at the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference last weekend!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
-----Original Message-----
From: Amy wagner@...
He (dh) believes you have to go along with
what "they" say is required, in order to get along in life. I used to
believe that, but I don't anymore. I think that doing what one loves
to do, and what brings one joy is what will make one happy &
successful, and one's corner of the world a better place. Dh thinks
that's unrealistic.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe hit his site for some answers. I was VERY impressed with his talk at the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference last weekend!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
-----Original Message-----
From: Amy wagner@...
He (dh) believes you have to go along with
what "they" say is required, in order to get along in life. I used to
believe that, but I don't anymore. I think that doing what one loves
to do, and what brings one joy is what will make one happy &
successful, and one's corner of the world a better place. Dh thinks
that's unrealistic.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aplan4life
Amy, you have no idea how much your email helped me this morning.
It's nice to know that I'm not alone here.
"This is my situation also. My dh has many concerns about our
children's education, most of which we don't talk about much,
without distress on both our parts. We are not the great
communicators that so many unschooling parents seem to be on these
lists. "
My hubby read and said that he understands the benefits of
unschooling, however, I already see his problems. He never reads
anything about it though, whereas I've been studying philosophies of
HS for 3 years.
"He is pretty hard on them, hard on
me, and hard on himself."
Mine is hard also in certain areas. Like cleaning, tv/video games.
Yesterday we went bowling and after one game ds asked if he could
play arcade games. My husband about came unglued (sarcastic, loud
voice).."Why? Why do you want to play video games? It's all you do
at home and now you want to play video games here too? No, I don't
get it, we're bowling." DH was very stern and his anger was
apparent to the kids and I, ds and dd both got tear filled eyes.
Yes, my husband overreacted. I got things calmed down but the words
and attitude couldn't be taken back. DS just sat out the next game
(he wanted to). Things had eased back before we left.
We play and laugh together and the kids have a ball with DH and most
of the time, it's a very peaceful and happy home. However, there
are certain things that set DH off and my son with tv/video games
has been a huge issue in this house for years. DS hardly ever plays
outdoors and when you take him somewhere, even a short walk damn
near does him in.
Thanks for sharing Amy and I didn't find what you had to say
depressing either, not every family is the same...no matter what
their lifestyle is.
~Sandy
It's nice to know that I'm not alone here.
"This is my situation also. My dh has many concerns about our
children's education, most of which we don't talk about much,
without distress on both our parts. We are not the great
communicators that so many unschooling parents seem to be on these
lists. "
My hubby read and said that he understands the benefits of
unschooling, however, I already see his problems. He never reads
anything about it though, whereas I've been studying philosophies of
HS for 3 years.
"He is pretty hard on them, hard on
me, and hard on himself."
Mine is hard also in certain areas. Like cleaning, tv/video games.
Yesterday we went bowling and after one game ds asked if he could
play arcade games. My husband about came unglued (sarcastic, loud
voice).."Why? Why do you want to play video games? It's all you do
at home and now you want to play video games here too? No, I don't
get it, we're bowling." DH was very stern and his anger was
apparent to the kids and I, ds and dd both got tear filled eyes.
Yes, my husband overreacted. I got things calmed down but the words
and attitude couldn't be taken back. DS just sat out the next game
(he wanted to). Things had eased back before we left.
We play and laugh together and the kids have a ball with DH and most
of the time, it's a very peaceful and happy home. However, there
are certain things that set DH off and my son with tv/video games
has been a huge issue in this house for years. DS hardly ever plays
outdoors and when you take him somewhere, even a short walk damn
near does him in.
Thanks for sharing Amy and I didn't find what you had to say
depressing either, not every family is the same...no matter what
their lifestyle is.
~Sandy
Debi
One sentence Amy wrote:
"I think that doing what one loves
to do, and what brings one joy is what will make one happy &
successful, and one's corner of the world a better place. Dh thinks
that's unrealistic. "
reminded me of something else I had read recently. I know this group is
not really big on "God", but I just read a column from a rabbi that
addresses much of this. He has reprinted a sermon he gave about doing
what you love; doing what God made you good at. He says some really wise
things.
I know Amy is looking at compromising with her husband in a lot of
different areas surrounding unschooling, but I thought some of the words
in the article might make it more possible for her and her children to
have something else to hold on to while her husband makes his way.
Like La Leche League, take what works for you and leave the rest behind.
He is not (and neither am I) trying to convert anyone to Judaism, just
talk about the importance of not betraying yourself by only looking at
your job or whatever as your life. Feel free to replace "God" with "the
Universe" or "your inner child" or whatever your personal theology is. I
suspect even atheists could glean much from this article. The last few
paragraphs get a little "church-y" ("synagogue-y", I guess), but you can
skip those.
The first paragraph reads, "Oct. 12, 2005 - On Rosh Hashana, I preached
about the first secret of life which is also the most frequent
commandment in both the Hebrew Bible and New Testaments: “Be not
afraid.” This week, my Yom Kippur sermon is about another secret of
life: “Do what you love.” This is some of what I said. To know the rest
you had to be sleeping next to my congregants …"
As you can see, Rabbi Gellman has a sense of humor, and a sense of how
to make life worth living. If you are interested, you can read the rest
here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9676590/site/newsweek
Hope this helps, and does not offend.
Debi, open to help from whatever sources are out there
"I think that doing what one loves
to do, and what brings one joy is what will make one happy &
successful, and one's corner of the world a better place. Dh thinks
that's unrealistic. "
reminded me of something else I had read recently. I know this group is
not really big on "God", but I just read a column from a rabbi that
addresses much of this. He has reprinted a sermon he gave about doing
what you love; doing what God made you good at. He says some really wise
things.
I know Amy is looking at compromising with her husband in a lot of
different areas surrounding unschooling, but I thought some of the words
in the article might make it more possible for her and her children to
have something else to hold on to while her husband makes his way.
Like La Leche League, take what works for you and leave the rest behind.
He is not (and neither am I) trying to convert anyone to Judaism, just
talk about the importance of not betraying yourself by only looking at
your job or whatever as your life. Feel free to replace "God" with "the
Universe" or "your inner child" or whatever your personal theology is. I
suspect even atheists could glean much from this article. The last few
paragraphs get a little "church-y" ("synagogue-y", I guess), but you can
skip those.
The first paragraph reads, "Oct. 12, 2005 - On Rosh Hashana, I preached
about the first secret of life which is also the most frequent
commandment in both the Hebrew Bible and New Testaments: “Be not
afraid.” This week, my Yom Kippur sermon is about another secret of
life: “Do what you love.” This is some of what I said. To know the rest
you had to be sleeping next to my congregants …"
As you can see, Rabbi Gellman has a sense of humor, and a sense of how
to make life worth living. If you are interested, you can read the rest
here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9676590/site/newsweek
Hope this helps, and does not offend.
Debi, open to help from whatever sources are out there
nellebelle
>>>>>>>>>>>DS hardly ever playsoutdoors and when you take him somewhere, even a short walk damn
near does him in.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Jackie has not yet found much joy in taking walks. Can't even get around the block without complaining that her legs hurt, too tired, etc.
However, when we have gone on hikes she is usually the one leading the way and rarely says anything about being tired. She just got a bigger bike and has been riding all over the neighborhood. Can't seem to get enough. She also enjoys scootering.
It might be that your child hasn't found an outdoor activitiy that he enjoys, not that he is pathetically out of shape.
Mary Ellen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]