Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Sharing (sharing mom)
NANCY OWENS
What I've noticed, though, is that with the range of my kids' ages that
there aren't a whole lot of toys that *everyone* wants to play with,
particularly at the same time. And the older kids have more possessions that
are "theirs."
Kathleen
********
I'm not so worried about my kids sharing, like Kathleen said above is true mostly at our house too.
My problem, if you can call it that, (I'm probably thinking too much about this too soon) is that next April we are going to have another baby, and I am worried about everyone sharing me! This wouldn't have been a 'problem' seven or eight years ago when Jack was two and three, I wouldn't have even given it much thought. Moly and Jack are 11 and 9 and next spring they will be 12 and a month away from 10. They are active, have their own interests and friends and are still at an age where they depend on me to get them here and there. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able spread myself around enough.
I never, EVER expected another child. When Jack was four and we hadn't had another, both Darin and I went to see different doctors and everyone said the same thing. 'Be happy, you have one of each, both healthy... sometimes, for no reason, there is unexplained secondary infertility...' Now we both feel like we are starting a brand new family. I know this is the wrong way to look at it, we are excited. Jack seems to be excited, Moly is ambivalent Darin is excited, I'm all sorts of things, but mostly I'm concerned about Moly and Jack having to share me, my time with them, me shortchanging them... I remember how long it takes to nurse, I remember having to put all sorts of things on hold because certain things just have to come first with a baby. When Moly was two and Jack was a baby Moly was too young to 'explain' to and she was still nursing at that time anyway, there was no sharing problem. I just know things are going to be different and honestly, I just don't know. Like I said at
the beginning, this might be more my problem than anyone else's and I might be obsessing this too much, but I am really worried about this.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
there aren't a whole lot of toys that *everyone* wants to play with,
particularly at the same time. And the older kids have more possessions that
are "theirs."
Kathleen
********
I'm not so worried about my kids sharing, like Kathleen said above is true mostly at our house too.
My problem, if you can call it that, (I'm probably thinking too much about this too soon) is that next April we are going to have another baby, and I am worried about everyone sharing me! This wouldn't have been a 'problem' seven or eight years ago when Jack was two and three, I wouldn't have even given it much thought. Moly and Jack are 11 and 9 and next spring they will be 12 and a month away from 10. They are active, have their own interests and friends and are still at an age where they depend on me to get them here and there. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able spread myself around enough.
I never, EVER expected another child. When Jack was four and we hadn't had another, both Darin and I went to see different doctors and everyone said the same thing. 'Be happy, you have one of each, both healthy... sometimes, for no reason, there is unexplained secondary infertility...' Now we both feel like we are starting a brand new family. I know this is the wrong way to look at it, we are excited. Jack seems to be excited, Moly is ambivalent Darin is excited, I'm all sorts of things, but mostly I'm concerned about Moly and Jack having to share me, my time with them, me shortchanging them... I remember how long it takes to nurse, I remember having to put all sorts of things on hold because certain things just have to come first with a baby. When Moly was two and Jack was a baby Moly was too young to 'explain' to and she was still nursing at that time anyway, there was no sharing problem. I just know things are going to be different and honestly, I just don't know. Like I said at
the beginning, this might be more my problem than anyone else's and I might be obsessing this too much, but I am really worried about this.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/16/05 8:46:55 PM, nancy-owens@... writes:
Think the lovely thoughts!
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=-I might be obsessing this too much, but I am really worried aboutNeither of those is good for pregnancy nor for the mood in your family.
> this.-=-
>
Think the lovely thoughts!
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wifetovegman2002
--- In [email protected], NANCY OWENS
<nancy-owens@s...> wrote:
baby, and I am worried about everyone sharing me! This wouldn't have
been a 'problem' seven or eight years ago when Jack was two and three,
I wouldn't have even given it much thought. Moly and Jack are 11 and 9
and next spring they will be 12 and a month away from 10.
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
The older two are best of friends, and the youngest is growing up with
a much closer relationship to his siblings because we are all
unschooling. They take the time to play with him, and they are often
more patient with him than even I am.
I was told I wouldn't have any more children after Andrew, and then
Aaron came along and he is such an awesome little person.
He has taught the older children things as well, such as patience,
caring for little ones, etc. They absolutely LOVE showing him all the
things they enjoyed when he was little, and it gives them the "excuse"
to relive their own littleness while enjoying his.
Even though my oldest has her own room in the basement, often she will
sleep in the littlest's room on his bunk bed and they will talk until
3am about HomestarRunner or whatever. They often go to park days with
us, and Aaron cheers his sister's volleyball team.
Buy yourself a baby sling, and a good car seat, and take the wee one
with you while you take the olders to their activities. If you are
nursing, then you only need to grab a diaper and some wipes and you
are set for any short outing, and away you all go!
~Susan M., VA
<nancy-owens@s...> wrote:
> My problem, if you can call it that, (I'm probably thinking too muchabout this too soon) is that next April we are going to have another
baby, and I am worried about everyone sharing me! This wouldn't have
been a 'problem' seven or eight years ago when Jack was two and three,
I wouldn't have even given it much thought. Moly and Jack are 11 and 9
and next spring they will be 12 and a month away from 10.
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
The older two are best of friends, and the youngest is growing up with
a much closer relationship to his siblings because we are all
unschooling. They take the time to play with him, and they are often
more patient with him than even I am.
I was told I wouldn't have any more children after Andrew, and then
Aaron came along and he is such an awesome little person.
He has taught the older children things as well, such as patience,
caring for little ones, etc. They absolutely LOVE showing him all the
things they enjoyed when he was little, and it gives them the "excuse"
to relive their own littleness while enjoying his.
Even though my oldest has her own room in the basement, often she will
sleep in the littlest's room on his bunk bed and they will talk until
3am about HomestarRunner or whatever. They often go to park days with
us, and Aaron cheers his sister's volleyball team.
Buy yourself a baby sling, and a good car seat, and take the wee one
with you while you take the olders to their activities. If you are
nursing, then you only need to grab a diaper and some wipes and you
are set for any short outing, and away you all go!
~Susan M., VA
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/19/2005 1:15:13 AM Central Standard Time,
wifetovegman2002@... writes:
baby, and I am worried about everyone sharing me! This wouldn't have
been a 'problem' seven or eight years ago when Jack was two and three,
I wouldn't have even given it much thought. Moly and Jack are 11 and 9
and next spring they will be 12 and a month away from 10.
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
~~~
Ditto that. Nine years between my last two children. The olders were 11
and 9 when the baby was born.
The baby has benefitted so much from hanging with his brothers. It's hard
when you have 3 any time. But your baby is going to grow up basically in a
house full of adults. That will make it easier on you as far as the
practicalities. Babies are so portable. My youngest grew up at the baseball fields
while his brothers played...so now he's the biggest baseball freak of them all.
Susan, what you said about your oldest and your youngest staying up all
night...reminds me of my oldest and youngest, 11 years apart. They are the best
of buds. They spend their time wrestling, of all things, and now that Will
is almost 12 they share music and video games. It's a very sweet relationship.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wifetovegman2002@... writes:
> My problem, if you can call it that, (I'm probably thinking too muchabout this too soon) is that next April we are going to have another
baby, and I am worried about everyone sharing me! This wouldn't have
been a 'problem' seven or eight years ago when Jack was two and three,
I wouldn't have even given it much thought. Moly and Jack are 11 and 9
and next spring they will be 12 and a month away from 10.
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
~~~
Ditto that. Nine years between my last two children. The olders were 11
and 9 when the baby was born.
The baby has benefitted so much from hanging with his brothers. It's hard
when you have 3 any time. But your baby is going to grow up basically in a
house full of adults. That will make it easier on you as far as the
practicalities. Babies are so portable. My youngest grew up at the baseball fields
while his brothers played...so now he's the biggest baseball freak of them all.
Susan, what you said about your oldest and your youngest staying up all
night...reminds me of my oldest and youngest, 11 years apart. They are the best
of buds. They spend their time wrestling, of all things, and now that Will
is almost 12 they share music and video games. It's a very sweet relationship.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
NANCY OWENS
wifetovegman2002 <wifetovegman2002@...> wrote:
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
The older two are best of friends, and the youngest is growing up with
a much closer relationship to his siblings because we are all
unschooling. They take the time to play with him, and they are often
more patient with him than even I am.
***Oh! I so needed to hear things like this! I'm the oldest, my sister is 6 1/2 years and my brother is 8 years younger than me. My parents didn't plan it that way, it just happened. They are semi close, and I didn't like either of them until they became adults and I think the same is true for them. We all enjoy each others company now, but as children, not at all. I think that is where some of my worries come from.
I was told I wouldn't have any more children after Andrew, and then
Aaron came along and he is such an awesome little person.
He has taught the older children things as well, such as patience,
caring for little ones, etc. They absolutely LOVE showing him all the
things they enjoyed when he was little, and it gives them the "excuse"
to relive their own littleness while enjoying his.
Even though my oldest has her own room in the basement, often she will
sleep in the littlest's room on his bunk bed and they will talk until
3am about HomestarRunner or whatever. They often go to park days with
us, and Aaron cheers his sister's volleyball team.
Buy yourself a baby sling, and a good car seat, and take the wee one
with you while you take the olders to their activities. If you are
nursing, then you only need to grab a diaper and some wipes and you
are set for any short outing, and away you all go!
~Susan M., VA
***Thank you Susan, I needed a good, sweet story about this. I was laying in bed this am and Jack had come in for a snuggle. I was thinking about how I didn't want this baby to be the end of Jack doing that. He still climbs in bed a few times a week. Moly just every so often and I miss her doing it. I'm glad for my still time with Jack. And
I was thinking about how Sandra had said I needed to think happy thoughts, how right she was, and how I wished it was that simple for me.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
The older two are best of friends, and the youngest is growing up with
a much closer relationship to his siblings because we are all
unschooling. They take the time to play with him, and they are often
more patient with him than even I am.
***Oh! I so needed to hear things like this! I'm the oldest, my sister is 6 1/2 years and my brother is 8 years younger than me. My parents didn't plan it that way, it just happened. They are semi close, and I didn't like either of them until they became adults and I think the same is true for them. We all enjoy each others company now, but as children, not at all. I think that is where some of my worries come from.
I was told I wouldn't have any more children after Andrew, and then
Aaron came along and he is such an awesome little person.
He has taught the older children things as well, such as patience,
caring for little ones, etc. They absolutely LOVE showing him all the
things they enjoyed when he was little, and it gives them the "excuse"
to relive their own littleness while enjoying his.
Even though my oldest has her own room in the basement, often she will
sleep in the littlest's room on his bunk bed and they will talk until
3am about HomestarRunner or whatever. They often go to park days with
us, and Aaron cheers his sister's volleyball team.
Buy yourself a baby sling, and a good car seat, and take the wee one
with you while you take the olders to their activities. If you are
nursing, then you only need to grab a diaper and some wipes and you
are set for any short outing, and away you all go!
~Susan M., VA
***Thank you Susan, I needed a good, sweet story about this. I was laying in bed this am and Jack had come in for a snuggle. I was thinking about how I didn't want this baby to be the end of Jack doing that. He still climbs in bed a few times a week. Moly just every so often and I miss her doing it. I'm glad for my still time with Jack. And
I was thinking about how Sandra had said I needed to think happy thoughts, how right she was, and how I wished it was that simple for me.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
NANCY OWENS
tuckervill2@... wrote:
In a message dated 10/19/2005 1:15:13 AM Central Standard Time,
wifetovegman2002@... writes:
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
~~~
Ditto that. Nine years between my last two children. The olders were 11
and 9 when the baby was born.
The baby has benefitted so much from hanging with his brothers. It's hard
when you have 3 any time. But your baby is going to grow up basically in a
house full of adults. That will make it easier on you as far as the
practicalities. Babies are so portable. My youngest grew up at the baseball fields
while his brothers played...so now he's the biggest baseball freak of them all.
Susan, what you said about your oldest and your youngest staying up all
night...reminds me of my oldest and youngest, 11 years apart. They are the best
of buds. They spend their time wrestling, of all things, and now that Will
is almost 12 they share music and video games. It's a very sweet relationship.
Karen
*****Thank you both! I really needed to hear things like this. I guess since I had such an adversarial relationship with my sister and brother, I was transferring those feelings onto this pregnancy. I have even thought of going to see someone about the way I am feeling. It has eaten away at me. I tell Darin everything, and I've told him nothing about how I feel about this baby. For all he knows I'm just happy and excited, and I am, on one side. Its this other thing that keeps creeping in. Thank you.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
In a message dated 10/19/2005 1:15:13 AM Central Standard Time,
wifetovegman2002@... writes:
Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! My children are almost-16,
14, and 7.
~~~
Ditto that. Nine years between my last two children. The olders were 11
and 9 when the baby was born.
The baby has benefitted so much from hanging with his brothers. It's hard
when you have 3 any time. But your baby is going to grow up basically in a
house full of adults. That will make it easier on you as far as the
practicalities. Babies are so portable. My youngest grew up at the baseball fields
while his brothers played...so now he's the biggest baseball freak of them all.
Susan, what you said about your oldest and your youngest staying up all
night...reminds me of my oldest and youngest, 11 years apart. They are the best
of buds. They spend their time wrestling, of all things, and now that Will
is almost 12 they share music and video games. It's a very sweet relationship.
Karen
*****Thank you both! I really needed to hear things like this. I guess since I had such an adversarial relationship with my sister and brother, I was transferring those feelings onto this pregnancy. I have even thought of going to see someone about the way I am feeling. It has eaten away at me. I tell Darin everything, and I've told him nothing about how I feel about this baby. For all he knows I'm just happy and excited, and I am, on one side. Its this other thing that keeps creeping in. Thank you.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kornelia Mitchell
At 08:25 AM 10/19/05 -0700, NANCY OWENS <nancy-owens@...> wrote:
relationships are different. My sister is 16 months older than I am. We are
very different and never really saw eye to eye while we were growing up
(we're close now, even though we live far apart). And my brother is 10-1/2
years younger than me. I was so ready to have a close connection with a
sibling, that I could hardly wait for him to be born. He was my little
buddy and we did everything together. He hardly talked before he was 3,
partially because he didn't have to... he had 4 "grown ups" in the house to
attend to his needs! It was really hard on both of us when I went away to
college at 18 (he was 7), but I know we both treasure those wonderful years
we had together while he was little.
And I know my mom was a different mom with my brother than she had been
with my sister and me. She was so much more relaxed because she had been
through it before and knew most of what to expect. Also, our financial
situation was better and she had more help and support. She was determined
to "spoil" her youngest, regardless of how others perceived it. I hope
you're able to do the same for your babe :-)
Make it a great day!
Kornelia
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>*****Thank you both! I really needed to hear things like this. I guessI agree that it's best to keep your thoughts positive. All sibling
>since I had such an adversarial relationship with my sister and brother, I
>was transferring those feelings onto this pregnancy.
>
relationships are different. My sister is 16 months older than I am. We are
very different and never really saw eye to eye while we were growing up
(we're close now, even though we live far apart). And my brother is 10-1/2
years younger than me. I was so ready to have a close connection with a
sibling, that I could hardly wait for him to be born. He was my little
buddy and we did everything together. He hardly talked before he was 3,
partially because he didn't have to... he had 4 "grown ups" in the house to
attend to his needs! It was really hard on both of us when I went away to
college at 18 (he was 7), but I know we both treasure those wonderful years
we had together while he was little.
And I know my mom was a different mom with my brother than she had been
with my sister and me. She was so much more relaxed because she had been
through it before and knew most of what to expect. Also, our financial
situation was better and she had more help and support. She was determined
to "spoil" her youngest, regardless of how others perceived it. I hope
you're able to do the same for your babe :-)
Make it a great day!
Kornelia
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.11.14/131 - Release Date: 10/12/05
Mercedes
Susan wrote:
<<<<< Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! >>>>>
Yes! My children are 24, 20 and 14.
With unschooling AND a new baby, your family is in for a treat!
Karen wrote:
<<<<< My youngest grew up at the baseball fields while his brothers
played...so now he's the biggest baseball freak of them all. >>>>>
Cause and effect? <g>
Madelyn intimately knew "every" baseball diamond, soccer field, and
basketball court in Northwest Washington.
She detests all team sports.
If we'd been whole-life unschooling at the time, I would've made
sure she wasn't dragged to all those games. But either way, I think
she probably still wouldn't like them.
Nancy wrote:
<<<<< Oh! I so needed to hear things like this! I'm the oldest, my
sister is 6 1/2 years and my brother is 8 years younger than me. My
parents didn't plan it that way, it just happened. They are semi
close, and I didn't like either of them until they became adults and
I think the same is true for them. We all enjoy each others company
now, but as children, not at all. I think that is where some of my
worries come from. >>>>>
Even though my children were older and got along pretty well, I
read "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber because it was
recommended so often on various unschooling lists. It turned out
that the best thing about the book for me was reading how the
sibling relationships in our families of origin can affect our
parenting. I think the last chapter of the book is dedicated to how
parents who used the ideas in the book had healing experiences with
siblings/parents/selves.
Mercedes
whose very glad to have dd14 here to reap the full benefits of
unschooling. . . .
<<<<< Don't be sad or worried! It is WONDERFUL! >>>>>
Yes! My children are 24, 20 and 14.
With unschooling AND a new baby, your family is in for a treat!
Karen wrote:
<<<<< My youngest grew up at the baseball fields while his brothers
played...so now he's the biggest baseball freak of them all. >>>>>
Cause and effect? <g>
Madelyn intimately knew "every" baseball diamond, soccer field, and
basketball court in Northwest Washington.
She detests all team sports.
If we'd been whole-life unschooling at the time, I would've made
sure she wasn't dragged to all those games. But either way, I think
she probably still wouldn't like them.
Nancy wrote:
<<<<< Oh! I so needed to hear things like this! I'm the oldest, my
sister is 6 1/2 years and my brother is 8 years younger than me. My
parents didn't plan it that way, it just happened. They are semi
close, and I didn't like either of them until they became adults and
I think the same is true for them. We all enjoy each others company
now, but as children, not at all. I think that is where some of my
worries come from. >>>>>
Even though my children were older and got along pretty well, I
read "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber because it was
recommended so often on various unschooling lists. It turned out
that the best thing about the book for me was reading how the
sibling relationships in our families of origin can affect our
parenting. I think the last chapter of the book is dedicated to how
parents who used the ideas in the book had healing experiences with
siblings/parents/selves.
Mercedes
whose very glad to have dd14 here to reap the full benefits of
unschooling. . . .