Latoya

Hello all. We've began a co-op of sorts with a neighbor for her son.
He's been kicked out of school and was being sent to an alternative
school.

Any suggestions on activities that we can do to bring him closer to
wanting to do things? Of course, this is only week 2, but we've spent
more time trying to make sure that he doesn't walk out the door and
just go than anything else (or just walking off, period, when we're
outside the house). I was trying to do a hands off approach, but that
doesn't seem to be working -- yet.

Someone did state that it would take at least a month for him to "come
around."

Any suggestions?

Latoya in Florida

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/14/2005 10:38:07 AM Central Standard Time,
latoyadenise@... writes:

Any suggestions on activities that we can do to bring him closer to
wanting to do things? Of course, this is only week 2, but we've spent
more time trying to make sure that he doesn't walk out the door and
just go than anything else (or just walking off, period, when we're
outside the house). I was trying to do a hands off approach, but that
doesn't seem to be working -- yet.




~~~

I'd leave him alone. After I asked what he'd like to do. He probably has
some very bad memories of group activities. He might say "nothing" and if so,
tha's okay.

I think he probably wants to leave because the group is contrived to 'make"
him do something. He doesn't want to do anything. He doesn't want to be
manipulated or managed or condescended to. Leave him alone.

Why does he have to do anything at all?

Karen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/14/05 10:50:11 AM, tuckervill2@... writes:


> Why does he have to do anything at all?
>

That's what I was wondering.
Let him play video games. Let him watch DVDs.
Let him sleep.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

NANCY OWENS

tuckervill2@... wrote:
I think he probably wants to leave because the group is contrived to 'make"
him do something. He doesn't want to do anything. He doesn't want to be
manipulated or managed or condescended to. Leave him alone.

Why does he have to do anything at all?

Karen


---------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

~~

Exactly! And why can't he leave? Why can't he take a walk by himself? He is 14? Is there something preventing him from having alone time? We all need that down time. Babies get fussy when overstimulated, three year-olds scream at the grocery store when they have been hauled all over, running errands all day, fourteen year-olds need private alone time, so do adults. We can't expect every minute of the 'school' time frame to be filled with 'unschooling' activities, that is not how it works. You aren't replacing one for the other, you are getting rid of one and going on with your life. Two weeks isn't enough time for anyone of any age to 'get it'. He probably isn't going to want to do anything for a time except just be. And a lot of that being is going to be being alone. <g>



~Nancy






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Brandie

--- Latoya <latoyadenise@...> wrote:
> Any suggestions on activities that we can do to
> bring him closer to wanting to do things?

Let him be -- let him decide what he wants to do. I'm
sure he does "do things". He may not "do things" that
you want him to do, but he does "do things". Let him
be.

> Someone did state that it would take at least a
> month for him to "come
> around."

A month per year of schooling.
But....even still....perhaps what you want him to
"come around" to, might be different than what
unschooling is about? Deschooling isn't about getting
to a place where he will be willing do the things you
want him to do (such as co-ops). It's about ridding
him of all his schoolish thinking. About letting him
live and enjoy life. About the both of you learning
to truly trust each other.

And, you need to deschool yourself. Keep reading
everything you can about unschooling.


Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com




__________________________________
Yahoo! Music Unlimited
Access over 1 million songs. Try it free.
http://music.yahoo.com/unlimited/

Denise Thomas

I don't know the book personally, but would the
"teenage liberation handbook" be appropriate for him?
Denise

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0962959170/qid=1129349835/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-1328895-5047356?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

> latoyadenise@... writes:
>
> Any suggestions...


Denise

Please visit Symphony Sam, an exciting upcoming TV show for children about Classical Music that we are creating:
http://www.hotmusic.org/SymphonySam




__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com

Lisa M. Cottrell Bentley

> Hello all. We've began a co-op of sorts with a neighbor for her son.
> He's been kicked out of school and was being sent to an alternative
> school.

This advice is for you or for your neighbor? Are the parents actually
planning on Unschooling the boy? If not, the advice on this list
probably doesn't apply.

> Someone did state that it would take at least a month for him to "come
> around."

Deschooling is often said to take a minimum of one month for every year
that a person is in school. I would guess that the harder school was on
a person, the longer that period of time could be (and being kicked out
would definitely be considered hard on a person). The time starts over
completely whenever any schoolishness is forced on a person (including
co-ops in a lot of cases!). So, for a 14 year old that was having
problems in school, I'd give him at least a year and a half for
deschooling. I'd buy (or rent or borrow) a bunch of videos and books
and games and leave them around the house. I'd spend as many of my
waking hours as possible right with him. I'd talk to him, and leave him
alone if he wanted to be alone (with frequent checking up on him -- to
give him food, mention a cool show on tv, point out the weather, etc. --
just random cool things that would interest a person). I'd stay open
and available to him. I'd apologize to him for all that he has been
through in his years in school. I'd emphasize that he is not a failure!
School failed him, not the other way around.

What are his interests and hobbies? I'm going to stereotype and just
guess that perhaps he likes skateboarding and music and video games?
Help him do those things more. Enjoy him and celebrate his newfound
freedom. Have a party -- a NEVER BACK TO SCHOOL party. Take him
shopping (if he likes that sort of thing).

-Lisa in AZ