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tn-k4of5@... writes:

> Thomas snatches a toy away from another child and the child begins to cry.
> "Thomas, that was not a very nice thing to do. Look how sad (so-and-so)
is.
> They would like to finish their turn with that toy"

I say, "NO GRABBING!" The grabber never gets the toy. I put my hand on the
toy and try to exert the self control not to grab it myself. But since the
toy is immobilized, it usually is no fun and the grabber lets go.

> He is exceptionally stubborn, spirited and hyperactive. HE screams and
> kicks for all he's worth when he needs a diaper changed or it's time to get
> ready for bed. All our calm but firm insistence is for naught. It seems
to
> make no difference to him.

I don't change diapers on someone over 18 months that's fighting me. (Unless
we're going out somewhere for ME--if they want to mess up a trip to the park
or somewhere, that's their business) Then I immobilize one foot between my
knees and get the job done.

> On the other hand, my younger child, Alex (just 15 months younger than
> Thomas) is a piece of cake sompared to his brother. He is easy going,
gentle,
> easy to reason with, etc. It is VERY hard not to play favorites when
Thomas
> is having one of his difficult days and it is time to choose who gets to go
> with Mom or Dad to run an errand, or whatever.

If it's only on his difficult days, not all the time, I wouldn't take him if
he's being difficult.

> Some of the time, when Thomas is being mean and nasty to his brother (
> pushing, yelling, taking things) I tell tearful Alex just not to play with
> him for a while and try to get him interested in something else. But it
> hardly seems fair to punish Alex for his brother's actions by taking him
away
> from the activity in question. The other half of the time, I have to send
> Thomas to his room to be alone, as he is just not fit company for other
human
> beings. He plays quiety in there and often emerges in a better humor.
> Sometimes he refuses to come out again, prefering to play by himself after
> being over-stimulated and over-emotional.

I would tend to remove the aggressor from the action, rather than the victim.
I've also heard that you can get good results by removing both.

:-) Diane

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In a message dated 7/7/2000 6:19:10 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
cen46624@... writes:

<< > They would like to finish their turn with that toy" >>

something I just remembered... a friend of mine uses a timer for toys when
there are a couple of kids... We set the timer for 2 mins. When the bell
goes of it's time for the other person to have the toy. I used this a lot
when Zak was about 3 and don't need to use it very often. The other thing
someone told me, and this will probably work better with older kids is the
dividing up of anything such as pizza. You let one person cut the pizza and
the other person choose what they want.. This prevents the cutter for cutting
big slices for themself because the other might choose those pieces. I think
that's a great idea and we did it will a birthday cake recently...

Dawn F

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NumoAstro@... writes:

> The other thing
> someone told me, and this will probably work better with older kids is the
> dividing up of anything such as pizza. You let one person cut the pizza
and
> the other person choose what they want.. This prevents the cutter for
> cutting
> big slices for themself because the other might choose those pieces. I
> think
> that's a great idea and we did it will a birthday cake recently...

We always did this growing up, "I'll cut, you choose," still comes easily to
my tongue.

:-) Diane