drive carefully
Beverley Paine
I always say 'drive carefully' or 'be safe' as my now young adult children drive off, and then one day it occured to me that I was kind of making a statement by my consistent insistent behaviour (exhorting my young people to 'do' something I felt to be valuable) that they weren't naturally capable of doing this without a reminder from me! I looked into my need to say these words and realised that I believed that I was warding off potential disaster - indulging in a bit of superstition. I had to smile. I still smile. And I still say 'drive carefully' or 'be safe'.
I personally like the 'be safe' statement better. My children react better to that one. I've also talked to them about why I say it - talked about my fears, my insecurities, the superstition (touch wood) aspect of saying it aloud. They didn't like the thought that I wasn't 100% confident in their driving ability, and I hedged by saying that most accidents are caused by the 'other' guy on the road. The more experienced they get with driving the more they understand that most accidents are really caused by inattentiveness and overconfidence (in ones's driving ability and in the car's ability to perform perfectly in all situations, or to simply hang together).
Whenever I remember I let my kids now why I say or do the things I do. Most of the time most of us simply assume that we know why our family members or friends say and do things, and sometimes this is accurate but sometimes it's not. I find that being clear about motive diffuses a lot of relationship issues based on miscommunication.
wishing you peace and prosperity,
Beverley Paine
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com and
Always Learning Books - www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
PO Box 371, Yankalilla 5203 South Australia
Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a free getting started
with homeschooling information newsletter to the above address.
Read latest Homeschool Australia blog: http://hablog.beverleypaine.com
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com
Receive regular tips about how easy homeschooling can be, as well as book reviews:
email: [email protected]
Last night my nephew called. Holly took the call. He was calling to say
he and his friend were going to drive home (100 miles) instead of coming to our
house to sleep, after Ozzfest. Holly was polite, asked a couple of
questions, and then said "Okay. Bye."
After she hung up I suggested that maybe next time someone said he was going
to drive a hundred miles in the dark she might say "Drive carefully" or "be
safe." I said "What you said was really nice, though."
Just one little coaching moment.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I personally like the 'be safe' statement better. My children react better to that one. I've also talked to them about why I say it - talked about my fears, my insecurities, the superstition (touch wood) aspect of saying it aloud. They didn't like the thought that I wasn't 100% confident in their driving ability, and I hedged by saying that most accidents are caused by the 'other' guy on the road. The more experienced they get with driving the more they understand that most accidents are really caused by inattentiveness and overconfidence (in ones's driving ability and in the car's ability to perform perfectly in all situations, or to simply hang together).
Whenever I remember I let my kids now why I say or do the things I do. Most of the time most of us simply assume that we know why our family members or friends say and do things, and sometimes this is accurate but sometimes it's not. I find that being clear about motive diffuses a lot of relationship issues based on miscommunication.
wishing you peace and prosperity,
Beverley Paine
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com and
Always Learning Books - www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
PO Box 371, Yankalilla 5203 South Australia
Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a free getting started
with homeschooling information newsletter to the above address.
Read latest Homeschool Australia blog: http://hablog.beverleypaine.com
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com
Receive regular tips about how easy homeschooling can be, as well as book reviews:
email: [email protected]
Last night my nephew called. Holly took the call. He was calling to say
he and his friend were going to drive home (100 miles) instead of coming to our
house to sleep, after Ozzfest. Holly was polite, asked a couple of
questions, and then said "Okay. Bye."
After she hung up I suggested that maybe next time someone said he was going
to drive a hundred miles in the dark she might say "Drive carefully" or "be
safe." I said "What you said was really nice, though."
Just one little coaching moment.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/25/2005 8:09:47 PM Central Standard Time,
contact@... writes:
always say 'drive carefully'
~~~
My mother always said, "BE CAREful!" I always found it annoying. So when I
had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I do, most of the
time.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
contact@... writes:
always say 'drive carefully'
~~~
My mother always said, "BE CAREful!" I always found it annoying. So when I
had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I do, most of the
time.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
averyschmidt
> I always say 'drive carefully' or 'be safe' as my now young adultchildren drive off, and then one day it occured to me that I was kind
of making a statement by my consistent insistent behaviour (exhorting
my young people to 'do' something I felt to be valuable) that they
weren't naturally capable of doing this without a reminder from me!
There is something about Jean Liedloff's book The Continuum Concept
that has always stayed with me- that our children, on some level,
respond to our obvious expectations more than they respond to our
explicit requests. In other words "Be Careful!" gives a clear message
that we DON'T expect our child to be careful- which is why we feel
driven to constantly remind or admonish. According to Liedlfoff, the
implicit suggestion to our children that they are not naturally
careful has MORE of an impact than the request itself. I'm lately
thinking (with lots of anecdotal evidence) that she makes a good point.
Patti
Katy Jennings
<<<<My mother always said, "BE CAREful!" I always found it annoying. So when I
had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I do, most of the
time.
Karen>>>>
I always say "have fun" when I drop my son off anywhere, it is because I HATE hearing parents telling their kids to "BE GOOD!" when they drop them off. That just drives me crazy, so I always say "have fun" or "have a great time!"
When my son rides off on his bike though, I say "have fun and be safe!"
Katy J.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I do, most of the
time.
Karen>>>>
I always say "have fun" when I drop my son off anywhere, it is because I HATE hearing parents telling their kids to "BE GOOD!" when they drop them off. That just drives me crazy, so I always say "have fun" or "have a great time!"
When my son rides off on his bike though, I say "have fun and be safe!"
Katy J.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-=-I looked into my need to say these words and realised that I believed that
I was warding off potential disaster - indulging in a bit of superstition. I
had to smile. I still smile. And I still say 'drive carefully' or 'be
safe'.-=-
It's a blessing. It's "I want you to come home safely because I love you."
"Be safe" is good, but it seems to absolve the driver of responsibility.
Even though not all accidents are the fault of the driver, that whole
super-alert defensive-driving stuff saves lives. Driving safely involves watching out
for crazy drunken reckless other drivers too.
-=- They didn't like the thought that I wasn't 100% confident in their
driving ability, and I hedged by saying that most accidents are caused by the
'other' guy on the road.-=-
Kirby has never had brakes fail. He's overconfident in the magic of a brake
pedal. I was only 15 the first time a brake pedal didn't do me any good,
and my mom was in the car, and I had to throw a U-turn in two lanes (or blast
into an intersection with cars, through a red light, which I was interested in
avoiding). VW bug. Didn't flip over. My mom was just still and quiet,
and acted like she knew I'd save her and wasn't too scared.
I remind Kirby once in a while that brakes can fail.
-=- I find that being clear about motive diffuses a lot of relationship
issues based on miscommunication.-=-
Marty left yesterday afternoon to housesit for four days in Glorieta, a
little town maybe 80 miles away in the middle of basically nowhere, without even a
grocery store. He can drive to Pecos to get groceries (Pecos, New Mexico).
He was looking forward to it. He's an introvert who'll have a good time
alone. He took a book, a DVD, bunch of CDs, a digital camera with three cards,
there's a computer he can use there and a phone and two big dogs who know and
like him. Yet I was treating him like he was going ice climbing alone
without a jacket. I told him it was uncontrollable mom-urge and to give me a
break. I made sure he took a flashlight in case the electricity went out. He
laughed. I said just because Albuquerque has backup systems doesn't mean rural
areas do. He let me help him checklist his packing.
As to the other judgment/coaching topic, I suggested he strip the bed and
wash the sheets Sunday morning, and maybe make the bed, but at least have the
sheets clean and available for the owner.
My worry is out of proportion, but at least I can see that. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I was warding off potential disaster - indulging in a bit of superstition. I
had to smile. I still smile. And I still say 'drive carefully' or 'be
safe'.-=-
It's a blessing. It's "I want you to come home safely because I love you."
"Be safe" is good, but it seems to absolve the driver of responsibility.
Even though not all accidents are the fault of the driver, that whole
super-alert defensive-driving stuff saves lives. Driving safely involves watching out
for crazy drunken reckless other drivers too.
-=- They didn't like the thought that I wasn't 100% confident in their
driving ability, and I hedged by saying that most accidents are caused by the
'other' guy on the road.-=-
Kirby has never had brakes fail. He's overconfident in the magic of a brake
pedal. I was only 15 the first time a brake pedal didn't do me any good,
and my mom was in the car, and I had to throw a U-turn in two lanes (or blast
into an intersection with cars, through a red light, which I was interested in
avoiding). VW bug. Didn't flip over. My mom was just still and quiet,
and acted like she knew I'd save her and wasn't too scared.
I remind Kirby once in a while that brakes can fail.
-=- I find that being clear about motive diffuses a lot of relationship
issues based on miscommunication.-=-
Marty left yesterday afternoon to housesit for four days in Glorieta, a
little town maybe 80 miles away in the middle of basically nowhere, without even a
grocery store. He can drive to Pecos to get groceries (Pecos, New Mexico).
He was looking forward to it. He's an introvert who'll have a good time
alone. He took a book, a DVD, bunch of CDs, a digital camera with three cards,
there's a computer he can use there and a phone and two big dogs who know and
like him. Yet I was treating him like he was going ice climbing alone
without a jacket. I told him it was uncontrollable mom-urge and to give me a
break. I made sure he took a flashlight in case the electricity went out. He
laughed. I said just because Albuquerque has backup systems doesn't mean rural
areas do. He let me help him checklist his packing.
As to the other judgment/coaching topic, I suggested he strip the bed and
wash the sheets Sunday morning, and maybe make the bed, but at least have the
sheets clean and available for the owner.
My worry is out of proportion, but at least I can see that. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/26/2005 12:10:41 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
tuckervill2@... writes:
My mother always said, "BE CAREful!" I always found it annoying. So when
I
had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I do, most of the
time.
Karen
I say both, but not all the time. Not all events are meant to be "fun"
outings, but if they are, I say "have fun and be careful". Unfortunately we've
had lots of instances of teen deaths in car accidents in the last while.
Kids that we knew and saw daily, and my children know how terrible that can be.
BUT it did open up discussions about how much they mean to me and how
devastated I would be if something ever happened to them.
So, they don't mind the "be careful" part, they understand it means so much
more than those words.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tuckervill2@... writes:
My mother always said, "BE CAREful!" I always found it annoying. So when
I
had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I do, most of the
time.
Karen
I say both, but not all the time. Not all events are meant to be "fun"
outings, but if they are, I say "have fun and be careful". Unfortunately we've
had lots of instances of teen deaths in car accidents in the last while.
Kids that we knew and saw daily, and my children know how terrible that can be.
BUT it did open up discussions about how much they mean to me and how
devastated I would be if something ever happened to them.
So, they don't mind the "be careful" part, they understand it means so much
more than those words.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***So when I had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" and I
do, most of the
time.***
Dylan isn't driving legally yet but when we're seeing someone off
(friends, family, people who know us and like us anyway) we say, "Drive
fast, take a lot of chances."
We're so sick.
Deb L
do, most of the
time.***
Dylan isn't driving legally yet but when we're seeing someone off
(friends, family, people who know us and like us anyway) we say, "Drive
fast, take a lot of chances."
We're so sick.
Deb L
soggyboysmom
--- In [email protected], Deb Lewis
<ddzimlew@j...> wrote:
--Deb R
<ddzimlew@j...> wrote:
> ***So when I had kids I decided I was going to say, "HAVE FUN!" andWe usually just say "Have fun stormin' the castle!" LOL
>I
> do, most of the
> time.***
> Dylan isn't driving legally yet but when we're seeing someone off
> (friends, family, people who know us and like us anyway) we
>say, "Drive
> fast, take a lot of chances."
>
> We're so sick.
>
> Deb L
--Deb R
Danielle Conger
soggyboysmom wrote:
Platt says, "Come, D'Artagnon, we're storming the castle!" with such
genuine eagerness.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (6), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"With our thoughts, we make the world." ~~Buddha
> We usually just say "Have fun stormin' the castle!" LOLOne of my favorite lines from The Three Muskateers movie is when Oliver
> --Deb R
>
Platt says, "Come, D'Artagnon, we're storming the castle!" with such
genuine eagerness.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (6), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"With our thoughts, we make the world." ~~Buddha
Deb Lewis
***We usually just say "Have fun stormin' the castle!" LOL***
Think it'll woik? <g>
We quote Miracle Max around here, too. <g>
Deb L
Think it'll woik? <g>
We quote Miracle Max around here, too. <g>
Deb L
Gerard & Leonie Westenberg
<<<When my son rides off on his bike though, I say "have fun and be safe!">>
My kids always say to me, when I am going out alone - "Make good choices!". Its one of our favourite lines from the movie Freaky Friday ( as is "psycho-control freak! ":-) )
Leonie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My kids always say to me, when I am going out alone - "Make good choices!". Its one of our favourite lines from the movie Freaky Friday ( as is "psycho-control freak! ":-) )
Leonie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
**Dylan isn't driving legally yet but when we're seeing someone off
(friends, family, people who know us and like us anyway) we say, "Drive
fast, take a lot of chances." **
:-D
My standard goodbye is "Watch out for idiots."
We live in the outer reaches of a huge metropolitan area (chicago). There are
a lot of idiots out there to be watched for. Especially on the interstates,
which we've counseled our kids to drive at the prevailing speed, regardless of
the posted speed limit. There are sections of those roads where you're
courting disaster to drive the speed limit. :(
Deborah in IL
(friends, family, people who know us and like us anyway) we say, "Drive
fast, take a lot of chances." **
:-D
My standard goodbye is "Watch out for idiots."
We live in the outer reaches of a huge metropolitan area (chicago). There are
a lot of idiots out there to be watched for. Especially on the interstates,
which we've counseled our kids to drive at the prevailing speed, regardless of
the posted speed limit. There are sections of those roads where you're
courting disaster to drive the speed limit. :(
Deborah in IL
[email protected]
Dh likes to say, "Stay miles away from all the other cars."
diana jenner
Deb Lewis wrote:
:)
~diana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>when we're seeing someone off (friends, family, people who know us and like us anyway) we say, "DriveI feel so much better about my "If you can't be good, be careful" saying
>fast, take a lot of chances."
>
>We're so sick.
>
>
:)
~diana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]