emonade8

Hi my name is Jenn, mom to Emelynn(6) and Adrienne (4). We have been
unschooling (in the strictly educational sense) and I am trying to
apply the principles of unschooling to our lifestyle as well.

Today I took the plunge and did away with food controls. And my kids
promptly binged on a half a bag of Hershey Miniatures. Of course they
also ate grapes and apples and yogurt and tomatoes and turkey. I'm
sure they just don't think that the limits are *really* gone and at
any time I might start restricting them again. I'm sure they just need
time to trust that they are *really* able to make their own choices.

I am trying not to overreact and revert back to the way things have
always been. This is all normal, right? Will things level out after a
while? Thanx for listening to my mini panic attack and any
reassurance/advice/opinions are appreciated.

Jenn

soggyboysmom

--- In [email protected], "emonade8"
<emonade8@y...> wrote:
> Hi my name is Jenn, mom to Emelynn(6) and Adrienne (4). We have
been
> unschooling (in the strictly educational sense) and I am trying to
> apply the principles of unschooling to our lifestyle as well.
>
> Today I took the plunge and did away with food controls. And my
>kids
> promptly binged on a half a bag of Hershey Miniatures. Of course
>they
> also ate grapes and apples and yogurt and tomatoes and turkey. I'm
> sure they just don't think that the limits are *really* gone and at
> any time I might start restricting them again. I'm sure they just
>need
> time to trust that they are *really* able to make their own
>choices.
>
> I am trying not to overreact and revert back to the way things have
> always been. This is all normal, right? Will things level out
>after a
> while? Thanx for listening to my mini panic attack and any
> reassurance/advice/opinions are appreciated.
>
> Jenn
Ah, so you likely said something to the effect "I'm not going to
limit you any more. Eat whatever you want". Now, they're uncertain
about when their 'real mom' is coming back (lol) so they're going
all out and you're getting nervous. Yes, what they are doing is
common. And what you're doing is common. If you look at the
archives, most folks usually say instead of summarily dismissing
controls, just say Yes a lot. "can I have a miniature?" yes "Can I
have another miniature?" Yes. The panic will recede as they come to
see that the miniatures and whatever else will be available (of
course, if they're all eaten, might have to wait until grocery day
for more - that's just a real life budget issue)

BTW also notice that they have eaten fruit, veggies, dairy and
protein in the process.

--Deb

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/17/05 3:04:47 PM, emonade8@... writes:


> Today I took the plunge and did away with food controls. And my kids
> promptly binged on a half a bag of Hershey Miniatures.
>
The subject isn't getting old, but I wish you had read enough to find
someone's advice to ease up gradually so that you could say "Yes" 300 happy little
times instead of one big baffling "whatever."

It might have been happier for them and easier for you.

I don't think it will hurt in the longrun, but when you're in a discussion
later and someone's asking about it, maybe pass on the idea of just saying yes,
not forcing kids to take a taste or finishing the plate, letting them have
more than two cookies, saying "Okay" if they only want dessert, saying "Sure" if
they ask you to buy a pink-sprinkled donut.

-=-I am trying not to overreact and revert back to the way things have
always been. This is all normal, right?-=-

If you do revert, you'll cause more problems. You know that.

-=-Will things level out after a while?-=-

If the answer to that was "no," why would anyone be living without
restrictions? (Although it IS easier to start lives without restrictions than to go
back on all the blah-blah justifications a mom had been using to say no,
probably. )

Here's my hierarchy of the moment on what the best situations are:
child making choices from birth, nursing when he wishes, no schedule, no
forced foods
child gradually allowed to make more choices
child suddenly allowed to make choices
child allowed, then disallowed, then allowed kind of, then mom freaks, then
SAYS he's allowed but doesn't really allow
child never allowed to make choices until he's old enough to sneak around and
choose behind his mom's back (or later)

Sandra



>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

emonade8

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:

> The subject isn't getting old, but I wish you had read enough to
find
> someone's advice to ease up gradually so that you could say "Yes"
300 happy little
> times instead of one big baffling "whatever."
>
> It might have been happier for them and easier for you.
>
> I don't think it will hurt in the longrun, but when you're in a
discussion
> later and someone's asking about it, maybe pass on the idea of just
saying yes,
> not forcing kids to take a taste or finishing the plate, letting
them have
> more than two cookies, saying "Okay" if they only want dessert,
saying "Sure" if
> they ask you to buy a pink-sprinkled donut.

It really isn't as sudden as it seems. I do try to say yes most of the
time. I never make them eat anything they don't want and I offer
alternatives. I just have a tendency to kind of jump in and say,
"That's enough," when they ask for (what I consider) a lot of sweets.
I thought if I could let go of that control, then I could eliminate
the feeling of, "I want it because I'm not allowed to have it," and it
would become just another kind of food like everything else they eat.

Jenn

emonade8

--- In [email protected], "soggyboysmom"
<debra.rossing@m...> wrote:

BTW also notice that they have eaten fruit, veggies, dairy and
> protein in the process.
>
> --Deb

Yes, they do choose a lot of fruits and dairy as a main part of their
diet. I think they would be happy to eat nothing but apples and
mozzarella cheese for the rest of their lives lol.

Jenn

soggyboysmom

--- In [email protected], "emonade8"
<emonade8@y...> wrote:

> Yes, they do choose a lot of fruits and dairy as a main part of their
> diet. I think they would be happy to eat nothing but apples and
> mozzarella cheese for the rest of their lives lol.
>
> Jenn
By nature, kids will gravitate to what they need at the time - unless
it becomes part of a sneaky power struggle thing. One thing to maybe
remind yourself over and over is that kids tend to balance out over a
long stretch - a month or so - rather than the "3 square meals, food
pyramid every day" that we've been taught is "the right way to eat".
It's actually better to have 4 to 6 smaller "meals" than 3 squares.
And sometimes a body needs a particular thing more than other stuff
and it will look for it wherever it can - and that can also go way out
of whack if it can't get/doesn't get it - it kind of gets 'stuck'
in 'need pizza' mode ;-) One of the draws (among several) of
typical "snack foods" (cookies, chips, etc) is that it is designed to
be easily accessible - no prep time, no plates, silverware, etc. So,
especially for kids who are in the "I'll do it myself" mode, that is
attractive. Proactively providing what Sandra has called a 'monkey
platter' (pre sliced fruits, veggies, cheeses, et al) can help some -
food is handy right there when they want it. Things like string cheese
and baby belle cheese are self-contained, easy open and portable (DS
is a cheese lover too!)

--Deb

mamaaj2000

--- In [email protected], "emonade8"
<emonade8@y...> wrote:
> I just have a tendency to kind of jump in and say,
> "That's enough," when they ask for (what I consider) a lot of sweets.
> I thought if I could let go of that control, then I could eliminate
> the feeling of, "I want it because I'm not allowed to have it," and
it
> would become just another kind of food like everything else they eat.

I don't eat candy. Barely any. My kids like candy--just like dh. It
was hard for me when I stopped stopping them from eating as much candy
as they like. They will eat sooo much more than I ever would. I don't
even like watching anyone else eat a lot of candy! Makes my teeth
hurt, lol.

At first they ate tons because they could. Now, some days they have
none, some days a little and some days a lot. But when I shared some
chocolates with them, they didn't even finish 2 little pieces!

They eat differently than I would choose to feed them. More candy,
less chocolate and a lot more fruit and sweet veggies like corn and
carrots. Popsicles when there's perfectly good chocolate ice cream
available. Weird. But just fine.

So yeh, they probably won't binge everyday for the rest of their
lives, but it may not look like *your* idea of normal.

--aj, who is pretty sure the kids are related to me, despite their
bizzare views on chocolate

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/18/05 6:38:48 AM, debra.rossing@... writes:


> Proactively providing what Sandra has called a 'monkey
> platter' (pre sliced fruits, veggies, cheeses, et al) can help some -
> food is handy right there when they want it.
>

I called it that because one day we were at the zoo when they fed the
monkeys, and that's what they had put down--Trays with little cubes and chops of
finger-food. Each piece was one bite, or two or three. There was so much they
didn't need to fight over it. It looked good! <g> (Didn't have cheese...)

So that day when we got back I made Kirby and Marty "a monkey platter," and
often thereafter they'd ask for one and sometimes still when there are other
kids over and they're busy, I'll make one up. If more artsily presented, it's
hors d'oeuvres. Instead of building fancy combos, though, I pile the foods
separately (kid-style) and stick toothpicks in the pineapple chunks (or cheese
cubes if there's no pineapple that day) and they can spear whatever else they
want with that or eat with their fingers. I make one plate (or big platter)
for however many kids there are, or if they're scattered and can't reach one,
I've made two (like for movie-watching in the den).

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

mchl_cnkln

--- In [email protected], "emonade8"
<emonade8@y...> wrote:
> Hi my name is Jenn, mom to Emelynn(6) and Adrienne (4). We have been
> unschooling (in the strictly educational sense) and I am trying to
> apply the principles of unschooling to our lifestyle as well.
>

I started off in the opposite way, lived the "unschooling" lifestyle
as far as regulations on food, etc (only restrictions we had were due
to having a school schedule) eventually coming around to unschooling
in education.

Anyhow, don't worry your kids are young and will come around, I have
here on a usual summer day, my 2 kids and at least 5 extra kids (aged
1-14) the extra kids are all non unschooled. At the beginging of
summer it takes them a few weeks or so to realize they can eat when
and what they want. (If we have it) And they go crazy they go so far
my boys and I will occasionally hide our favorite treats for after
everyone (or most of them) have left.

But usually by mid July they calm down a bit and through it all, they
always seem to get plenty of dairy ( 2 gallons of milk somedays) and
protein and all that "good" stufff and most of the stuff they pick
out of the Garden doesn't make it into the house.

Good luck and have fun

Michele

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-----Original Message-----
From: mchl_cnkln <mchl_cnkln@...>

Anyhow, don't worry your kids are young and will come around, I have
here on a usual summer day, my 2 kids and at least 5 extra kids (aged
1-14) the extra kids are all non unschooled.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Non unschooled! <g>

~Kelly