one more Bailey bit.
Kiersten Pasciak
One other idea I took from the Bailey book was this...
When one child hurts another (or takes something) and they do not
resolve it on their own, ask the one who is upset "Did you like
that?". This allows them to focus on themselves and how thay are
feeling. When they say "no", listen to the strength of their voice
and use this information to help them tell the other kid what they
feel/what they want. If the response is loud and forceful, they are
probably fine going over there and telling the other child on their
own. If they sound timid, you can offer to go along or do it for
them.
Example from our household.
One takes something from the other, let's say Jacob does the taking.
I will say "Emma, did you like that?"
"No"
"Tell Jacob "I'm not ready, I'm taking my turn""
(Which she generally does with glee. Sometimes she will ask me to
tell him, which I do)
I will generally add "Jacob when she is done, she will let you know"
"Emma, please let Jacob know when you are done"
Hitting examples, assuming Emma is the one hitting.
After the "No"
Tell her...
"That hurts, Emma. I'm not for hitting."
"Gentle please. That's too rough."
"I don't like that. Stop!"
etc.
After about 2 weeks of "feeding them words" and encouraging them to
be bold and tell the other child what they want, they are beginning
to do it by themselves more and more (and I am getting the luxury of
being kept out of their fights)
I think it has given them more power to hear the words come out of
their own mouths. It is also helping them play more easily with
other kids in group situations.
It is working for us.
Maybe it isn't ideal for other families, but I am impressed at how
much Emma can work out fights on her own (and stand up for herself).
She turned 2 in June.
That will conclude my Bailey thoughts too...
Kiersten
When one child hurts another (or takes something) and they do not
resolve it on their own, ask the one who is upset "Did you like
that?". This allows them to focus on themselves and how thay are
feeling. When they say "no", listen to the strength of their voice
and use this information to help them tell the other kid what they
feel/what they want. If the response is loud and forceful, they are
probably fine going over there and telling the other child on their
own. If they sound timid, you can offer to go along or do it for
them.
Example from our household.
One takes something from the other, let's say Jacob does the taking.
I will say "Emma, did you like that?"
"No"
"Tell Jacob "I'm not ready, I'm taking my turn""
(Which she generally does with glee. Sometimes she will ask me to
tell him, which I do)
I will generally add "Jacob when she is done, she will let you know"
"Emma, please let Jacob know when you are done"
Hitting examples, assuming Emma is the one hitting.
After the "No"
Tell her...
"That hurts, Emma. I'm not for hitting."
"Gentle please. That's too rough."
"I don't like that. Stop!"
etc.
After about 2 weeks of "feeding them words" and encouraging them to
be bold and tell the other child what they want, they are beginning
to do it by themselves more and more (and I am getting the luxury of
being kept out of their fights)
I think it has given them more power to hear the words come out of
their own mouths. It is also helping them play more easily with
other kids in group situations.
It is working for us.
Maybe it isn't ideal for other families, but I am impressed at how
much Emma can work out fights on her own (and stand up for herself).
She turned 2 in June.
That will conclude my Bailey thoughts too...
Kiersten
Pam Sorooshian
On Aug 5, 2005, at 6:21 PM, Kiersten Pasciak wrote:
books, too, that help parents help their kids develop vocabulary for
feelings and needs. "I Can Problem Solve," by Myrna Shure is useful
for this purpose, too.
For parents who don't do this easily and naturally, because of their
own limits when it comes to vocabulary for feelings, these books can
really help. But, be careful of thinking of them as a recipe - don't
get too attached to the particulars. What you really want is to be
authentic - and people can get so devoted to the approach of
particular books that they lose authenticity.
-pam
> Maybe it isn't ideal for other families, but I am impressed at howShe's developing language skills - that's great. There are other
> much Emma can work out fights on her own (and stand up for herself).
> She turned 2 in June.
books, too, that help parents help their kids develop vocabulary for
feelings and needs. "I Can Problem Solve," by Myrna Shure is useful
for this purpose, too.
For parents who don't do this easily and naturally, because of their
own limits when it comes to vocabulary for feelings, these books can
really help. But, be careful of thinking of them as a recipe - don't
get too attached to the particulars. What you really want is to be
authentic - and people can get so devoted to the approach of
particular books that they lose authenticity.
-pam