Re: Fighting Kids
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One thing I have found that works with little kids when they're upset or
angry enough to hit: Tell them that they may not hit, but that they can squeeze
your thumb or finger as hard as they want to/need to and as long as they want.
It can get out some of that physical feeling of anger, but they can't hurt
you.
I've also found that if you have to remove a child from a conflict, it's
better to remove the victim than the aggressor when that's clear. Makes it much
less gratifying to be the aggressor. If you have one child who is consistently
the aggressor, however, you have to assume there are bigger issues than just
occasionally being really angry at the other child.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
angry enough to hit: Tell them that they may not hit, but that they can squeeze
your thumb or finger as hard as they want to/need to and as long as they want.
It can get out some of that physical feeling of anger, but they can't hurt
you.
I've also found that if you have to remove a child from a conflict, it's
better to remove the victim than the aggressor when that's clear. Makes it much
less gratifying to be the aggressor. If you have one child who is consistently
the aggressor, however, you have to assume there are bigger issues than just
occasionally being really angry at the other child.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/25/05 1:33:15 PM, KathrynJB@... writes:
Removing the apparent victim, when "removal" means being with mom and not alone
can be an advantage to the removee. It also sets the example of walking
away from a dangerous situation instead of hanging in there until you're rescued.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I've also found that if you have to remove a child from a conflict, it'sThe agressor might have more adrenaline and be more difficult to remove.
> better to remove the victim than the aggressor when that's clear. Makes it
> much
> less gratifying to be the aggressor.
>
Removing the apparent victim, when "removal" means being with mom and not alone
can be an advantage to the removee. It also sets the example of walking
away from a dangerous situation instead of hanging in there until you're rescued.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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In all of this conversation about fighting kids and how to parent through
that, I thought of a family that I used to know. They never, ever hit their
kids, and their two sons went through a few months where they were at each other
constantly. The parents would break it up, help the kids get rid of some of
the anger, and process the situation with them.
Finally the oldest, who was about 9, said, "FINE! I just won't hit him
anymore! Sometimes I wish you'd just spank us and be done with it so we just
didn't have to keep talking about it." Then he went off in a huff. And he never
hit his brother again, even when provoked.
Processing can be a bigger deterrent than anything else.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that, I thought of a family that I used to know. They never, ever hit their
kids, and their two sons went through a few months where they were at each other
constantly. The parents would break it up, help the kids get rid of some of
the anger, and process the situation with them.
Finally the oldest, who was about 9, said, "FINE! I just won't hit him
anymore! Sometimes I wish you'd just spank us and be done with it so we just
didn't have to keep talking about it." Then he went off in a huff. And he never
hit his brother again, even when provoked.
Processing can be a bigger deterrent than anything else.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/26/05 7:25:10 AM, KathrynJB@... writes:
the anger, and process the situation with them.
The phrase "process the situation" sounds horrible to me.
-=-Processing can be a bigger deterrent than anything else.-=-
There are big processing plants that make noise and spew out smoke, and I
don't want to process my kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> The parents would break it up, help the kids get rid of some ofThe parents would break it up, help the kids get rid of some of
> the anger, and process the situation with them.
>
>
the anger, and process the situation with them.
The phrase "process the situation" sounds horrible to me.
-=-Processing can be a bigger deterrent than anything else.-=-
There are big processing plants that make noise and spew out smoke, and I
don't want to process my kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]