the "rough hump"
averyschmidt
Sandra,
I read your Living Unschooling interview today in Life Learning, and
what you said about 9-12yo unschoolers going through a "rough hump"
where they can appear to be behind their schooled peers jumped out
at me. My middle son (10) seems to be going through this right
now. I'm not at all worried about how things will turn out in the
end- I couldn't be more proud of my children or more confident about
the future. But I *am* a little concerned about getting through
awkward moments in the meantime.
For example... one thing that all three of my boys, but my 10yo in
particular, would be considered "behind" in is
handwriting/spelling. I hesitate to use that word, even in quotes,
but sometimes it's unexpectedly glaring. For example... he was sick
with chicken pox not long ago, and his dear schooled friend from
down the street, knowing my son was cooped up and itchy, came over
with Mad Libs to cheer him up. Mad Libs are nothing new here, but
when we're playing amongst ourselves I generally do the writing,
which is the way my kids prefer it. When they *do* write they
almost always ask me how to spell the words. Anyway, when our
little friend (9) was doing the writing and my son was choosing the
words, the friend dashed the words off quickly and effortlessly. I
could see the tension in my son's face because he knew what was
coming was "now you write for me," and those obvious comparisons
(even if they're just in his own mind) make him uncomfortable.
To my son's relief, I suggested doing the writing myself so that
both boys could come up with funny words together. But lately he's
spending more and more time going off with other families and doing
sleepovers and such, and I won't always be there to "cover" for him
this way. Similar situations have happened with reading as he's not
yet fluent and virtually all of his schooled friends are, even those
considerably younger than him. The worst part is that *he* feels
inferior when these situations come up, despite the fact that he's
got all sorts of knowledge and experience and perspective that
others his age don't have, and he knows it, and I know it, and we've
talked about it all before. I honestly never expected my
unschooled son to care so deeply about such comparisons, and I'm
trying to strike a balance between wanting him to *not* care about
what others think and at the same time wanting to honor and validate
his feelings whatever they are.
It also bothers me on some level that there are many people in our
lives who would jump on such "evidence" (seen through their school
glasses) to conclude that our unconventional choices don't "work."
I know that the answer, both for my son and vicariously for me, is
patience and clarity. It's just hard sometimes, this hump...
at least when it comes to Mad Libs and such. It's so much easier to
see the bigger picture when he's playing his guitar, or surfing, or
doing one of the many other things that make him gloriously himself.
Patti
I read your Living Unschooling interview today in Life Learning, and
what you said about 9-12yo unschoolers going through a "rough hump"
where they can appear to be behind their schooled peers jumped out
at me. My middle son (10) seems to be going through this right
now. I'm not at all worried about how things will turn out in the
end- I couldn't be more proud of my children or more confident about
the future. But I *am* a little concerned about getting through
awkward moments in the meantime.
For example... one thing that all three of my boys, but my 10yo in
particular, would be considered "behind" in is
handwriting/spelling. I hesitate to use that word, even in quotes,
but sometimes it's unexpectedly glaring. For example... he was sick
with chicken pox not long ago, and his dear schooled friend from
down the street, knowing my son was cooped up and itchy, came over
with Mad Libs to cheer him up. Mad Libs are nothing new here, but
when we're playing amongst ourselves I generally do the writing,
which is the way my kids prefer it. When they *do* write they
almost always ask me how to spell the words. Anyway, when our
little friend (9) was doing the writing and my son was choosing the
words, the friend dashed the words off quickly and effortlessly. I
could see the tension in my son's face because he knew what was
coming was "now you write for me," and those obvious comparisons
(even if they're just in his own mind) make him uncomfortable.
To my son's relief, I suggested doing the writing myself so that
both boys could come up with funny words together. But lately he's
spending more and more time going off with other families and doing
sleepovers and such, and I won't always be there to "cover" for him
this way. Similar situations have happened with reading as he's not
yet fluent and virtually all of his schooled friends are, even those
considerably younger than him. The worst part is that *he* feels
inferior when these situations come up, despite the fact that he's
got all sorts of knowledge and experience and perspective that
others his age don't have, and he knows it, and I know it, and we've
talked about it all before. I honestly never expected my
unschooled son to care so deeply about such comparisons, and I'm
trying to strike a balance between wanting him to *not* care about
what others think and at the same time wanting to honor and validate
his feelings whatever they are.
It also bothers me on some level that there are many people in our
lives who would jump on such "evidence" (seen through their school
glasses) to conclude that our unconventional choices don't "work."
I know that the answer, both for my son and vicariously for me, is
patience and clarity. It's just hard sometimes, this hump...
at least when it comes to Mad Libs and such. It's so much easier to
see the bigger picture when he's playing his guitar, or surfing, or
doing one of the many other things that make him gloriously himself.
Patti
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/25/05 10:12:48 PM, patti.schmidt2@... writes:
In any classroom in any school there are kids who are behind the others, who
don't feel they can do what the others can do (or who have been tested and
tutored and certified "not able to do"), but they blend into the wallpaper of
school, at least in the perceptions of others. And school has a constant "If
you just work harder, " and "maybe next year" so there's no one big examination
by which the outside judges a schoolkid in the way that someone meeting
his/her first unschooled kid will form an impression for all time from one meeting.
It's a problem, but there's not a lot we can do, except maybe be calmer by
not being surprised and by knowing others have been there, and will be there.
I think some people's rough place comes from late puberty, or not finding a
job when their other young-adult friends do, or not being married when their
friends are, etc. It's just that those things are government mandated, as
"education" is. And really, lots of states revised their wording so it's no
longer compulsory education, but compulsory attendance. I guess some were
sued for having failed to educate. Now the compulsion is on the families and
children, not on the state.
But as to learning curves, few have "the perfect curve" with no slumps their
whole lives.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I read your Living Unschooling interview today in Life Learning, andMine all did, too.
> what you said about 9-12yo unschoolers going through a "rough hump"
> where they can appear to be behind their schooled peers jumped out
> at me. My middle son (10) seems to be going through this right
> now.
>
In any classroom in any school there are kids who are behind the others, who
don't feel they can do what the others can do (or who have been tested and
tutored and certified "not able to do"), but they blend into the wallpaper of
school, at least in the perceptions of others. And school has a constant "If
you just work harder, " and "maybe next year" so there's no one big examination
by which the outside judges a schoolkid in the way that someone meeting
his/her first unschooled kid will form an impression for all time from one meeting.
It's a problem, but there's not a lot we can do, except maybe be calmer by
not being surprised and by knowing others have been there, and will be there.
I think some people's rough place comes from late puberty, or not finding a
job when their other young-adult friends do, or not being married when their
friends are, etc. It's just that those things are government mandated, as
"education" is. And really, lots of states revised their wording so it's no
longer compulsory education, but compulsory attendance. I guess some were
sued for having failed to educate. Now the compulsion is on the families and
children, not on the state.
But as to learning curves, few have "the perfect curve" with no slumps their
whole lives.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Hill
**I read your Living Unschooling interview today in Life Learning, and
what you said about 9-12yo unschoolers going through a "rough hump"
where they can appear to be behind their schooled peers jumped out at
me. My middle son (10) seems to be going through this right now.**
My eleven year old (boy) would be very behind schooled kids his age in
writing, and probably has holes in what he knows about math, but I think
would "catch up" to math very quickly. Although he reads mostly only
cartoon books, he has an impressive vocabulary from spending so much
time with talkative adults and sophisticated TV and movies. He's
interested in "science" and has lots of points of contact with "history"
to hang future information on. It's possible to imagine him becoming
deeply informed about other pieces of history and science, even though
he doesn't learn about them formally.
His negotiation skills are highly advanced. <g>
Betsy
what you said about 9-12yo unschoolers going through a "rough hump"
where they can appear to be behind their schooled peers jumped out at
me. My middle son (10) seems to be going through this right now.**
My eleven year old (boy) would be very behind schooled kids his age in
writing, and probably has holes in what he knows about math, but I think
would "catch up" to math very quickly. Although he reads mostly only
cartoon books, he has an impressive vocabulary from spending so much
time with talkative adults and sophisticated TV and movies. He's
interested in "science" and has lots of points of contact with "history"
to hang future information on. It's possible to imagine him becoming
deeply informed about other pieces of history and science, even though
he doesn't learn about them formally.
His negotiation skills are highly advanced. <g>
Betsy