speaking for children (was: He's confident in his skin)
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In a message dated 5/19/05 1:30:38 PM, SandraDodd@... writes:
<< So Holly, who still often will say "You talk, mom," is at HesFes
interacting
like CRAZY with lots of people she's never met before. It will be
interesting to see if she's more likely to do her own talking without even
glancing
back at me (as Kirby does) when she's home. >>
Update, on kid-confidence.
Holly had a problem she wanted my help with before she'd been home half a
day. A little neighbor had come over to see her (he's maybe 8 or 9, and she's
known him a long time), and I told him she was in England and wouldn't be back
until the next day. He came back. She doesn't want to get involved with him
(or his family) again, and though she sent him away, he lurked in the front
yard, hiding, waiting for her to come out. (He wanted her to go to the park
where the free lunch is and she said she would be there after a while.)
She cried, though, after he had gone (she thought), because she has tried in
the past to tell him no, don't come over; no, I don't want to hang out. She
said "I wish Zeke (not his real name) didn't even know where I lived." I said
it might be a better wish to wish Zeke had some friends." She said "Zeke
needs a family that knows his name."
She feels he's just neglected and ignored bigtime at home. She's been there
lots, and would know.
We discussed strategies and the briefest, strongest things she might say
without being cruel. She can't figure out a way that won't make her seem like a
horrible person. She cried some more. I asked if she wanted me to talk to
him if he comes back and she seemed really relieved. It will make me seem mean
too, but Holly doesn't have an obligation to make him happy, and I do have
some obligation to help Holly live in peace.
When she found out he was hiding in the bushes out front and had never left,
she was less sympathetic, but she went with him to the park and then hung out
with another family when they got there.
One reason he doesn't understand "no" is that he hears it too much at home.
He has to remain hopeful in the face of "no." This is hard for Holly all
kinds of ways.
Sandra
<< So Holly, who still often will say "You talk, mom," is at HesFes
interacting
like CRAZY with lots of people she's never met before. It will be
interesting to see if she's more likely to do her own talking without even
glancing
back at me (as Kirby does) when she's home. >>
Update, on kid-confidence.
Holly had a problem she wanted my help with before she'd been home half a
day. A little neighbor had come over to see her (he's maybe 8 or 9, and she's
known him a long time), and I told him she was in England and wouldn't be back
until the next day. He came back. She doesn't want to get involved with him
(or his family) again, and though she sent him away, he lurked in the front
yard, hiding, waiting for her to come out. (He wanted her to go to the park
where the free lunch is and she said she would be there after a while.)
She cried, though, after he had gone (she thought), because she has tried in
the past to tell him no, don't come over; no, I don't want to hang out. She
said "I wish Zeke (not his real name) didn't even know where I lived." I said
it might be a better wish to wish Zeke had some friends." She said "Zeke
needs a family that knows his name."
She feels he's just neglected and ignored bigtime at home. She's been there
lots, and would know.
We discussed strategies and the briefest, strongest things she might say
without being cruel. She can't figure out a way that won't make her seem like a
horrible person. She cried some more. I asked if she wanted me to talk to
him if he comes back and she seemed really relieved. It will make me seem mean
too, but Holly doesn't have an obligation to make him happy, and I do have
some obligation to help Holly live in peace.
When she found out he was hiding in the bushes out front and had never left,
she was less sympathetic, but she went with him to the park and then hung out
with another family when they got there.
One reason he doesn't understand "no" is that he hears it too much at home.
He has to remain hopeful in the face of "no." This is hard for Holly all
kinds of ways.
Sandra