Heidi Crane

Robyn,

Writing about it is exactly what I did, when my daddy died in November. I
have more to pour out still, but sitting down and detailing the events of
his illness and death (he got sick on October 18, and died on November
5...three weeks) and crying my eyes out over the death, and the bits of
life, helped tremendously.

blessings, HeidiC


>Message: 16
> Date: Tue, 7 Jun 2005 01:41:57 -0700
> From: "Robyn Coburn" <dezigna@...>
>Subject: RE: Need help/advice for someone I don't really know at all
>
><<<<I am involved in a cancer-related e-board and a woman
>whose mother died 7 weeks ago has begun posting about
>her 16 year-old son who has started cutting school. >>>>
>
>I am sure that parents of teens will have better suggestions for her and
>her
>son than I will have - or better ways of expressing the idea of letting him
>be and letting him also mourn.
>
>However as someone whose mother died of cancer this last January I do have
>a
>suggestion that helped me with my mourning. I felt very "blocked" and heavy
>and was having trouble thinking or communicating clearly - either on line
>or
>to the people in my life.
>
>I found that I gained great sense of relief and release by sitting down for
>a long uninterrupted session with my laptop and writing all I could
>remember
>about my mother's life and my own childhood with her.
>
>In my case it was a process of getting rid of a lot of negativity and
>releasing anger and resentments. However recording joys and recollections
>of
>closeness might also be as freeing.
>
>For me it was a case of getting this stuff out of my head, and onto
>"paper",
>so that my thinking was released - my brain ceased feeling like it was
>stuffed with marshmallow the second I hit the final period. I was able to
>start talking to others, and thinking logically again.
>
>If this lady is mourning and is as blocked as I was, she may be relying on
>old routines and conventions to help her feel secure. She may be simply
>unable, yet, to accept new ideas of any sort. Her son needs his time to
>mourn also, including being angry and going through a period of questioning
>or feeling everything is "pointless".
>
>If she is trying to force him to be "normal" because of her need for
>normalcy, his mourning may last longer (like short circuiting deschooling
>with "suggestions"). I think he will fight for autonomy because of his need
>to mourn in his own way. However perhaps they both feel if they can just
>hold on in their different ways until the summer break, that may provide an
>anticipated and comfortable change in routine that will let them both mourn
>fully.
>
>Robyn L. Coburn
>
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