Question about socialization
luv_my_three_kids
I'm sure this has been beaten to death. We just moved from an
apartment complex where there were lots of kids my kids ages, so they
had lots of friends. My kids are 7,5, and 3. Now we live in a house in
a neighborhood where there really aren't any kids, at least not little
kids like mine. I recently lost my vehicle so we haven't been able to
do lots of outside activites. There is a park around the corner from
us so we do walk to the park often, but its usually just the 4 of us.
My kids don't seem unhappy and play with each other, building tents
and "houses" outside, making up games. I can't help feeling like I'm
not doing all I can to socialize them, especially when I hear of all
these other parents who's children are taking various classes and
such. I am in the process of arranging it so we can go to the
library's and museums. I feel so weird being worried that they don't
have outside friends when all DH and I would do most of the time at
our previous home would be complain to each other about our kids
friends and our own kids behavior from their friends influence. I
don't know, am I over reacting? or do I really have a reason to worry?
apartment complex where there were lots of kids my kids ages, so they
had lots of friends. My kids are 7,5, and 3. Now we live in a house in
a neighborhood where there really aren't any kids, at least not little
kids like mine. I recently lost my vehicle so we haven't been able to
do lots of outside activites. There is a park around the corner from
us so we do walk to the park often, but its usually just the 4 of us.
My kids don't seem unhappy and play with each other, building tents
and "houses" outside, making up games. I can't help feeling like I'm
not doing all I can to socialize them, especially when I hear of all
these other parents who's children are taking various classes and
such. I am in the process of arranging it so we can go to the
library's and museums. I feel so weird being worried that they don't
have outside friends when all DH and I would do most of the time at
our previous home would be complain to each other about our kids
friends and our own kids behavior from their friends influence. I
don't know, am I over reacting? or do I really have a reason to worry?
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/9/2005 5:47:36 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
elaina.morrison@... writes:
-=-its usually just the 4 of us.
My kids don't seem unhappy and play with each other, building tents
and "houses" outside, making up games. -=-
If they're happy then they are!
-=-I can't help feeling like I'm
not doing all I can to socialize them-=-
If you break "socialize" down into all its elements and look at them
separately, it won't seem so much like a monolithic thing. The bad parts can be
discarded, and the good parts can come in all kinds of different ways.
-=- other parents who's children are taking various classes and
such.-=-
I've taken a lot of classes in my life. Sometimes I was told "You're not
here to socialize." Most of the good socialization took place before and after
things like girl scouts and 4-H, not during the meetings.
-=-I feel so weird being worried that they don't
have outside friends when all DH and I would do most of the time at
our previous home would be complain to each other about our kids
friends and our own kids behavior from their friends influence. -=-
School friends are like prison cellmates or co-workers or platoon buddies.
It's often a temporary relationship, not based on choice and common
interests. Occasionally one will last years, but longterm friendships seem to do
better when the people met in a place they had both chosen to be. As your kids
get older they'll want to be doing and being outside and with others, so let
their desires and requests be more important to you than your vague fears.
When they let you know they want out more, then help them find outside people
and experiences.
Are there a few kids from the apartments you could invite over, maybe? Can
you go back to that neighborhood to let the kids play with the other kids
sometimes, or arrange trade-off playdates?
When we moved, we stayed in touch with some of the kid-neighbors for a
while. It eased the transition.
-=- I don't know, am I over reacting? or do I really have a reason to
worry?
-=-
The fears are natural, but try to look at your kids needs of the moment
instead of looking at it through the lens of "truisms" like "they need to
socialize." If this moment is good, it's easier for the next moment to be good. If
you have three or four really good moments in a day, people can go to bed
happier, sleep better, and wake up happy. In as many small ways as you can,
create a peaceful and interesting nest for your children and they'll leave it
as happy, interesting people someday.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
elaina.morrison@... writes:
-=-its usually just the 4 of us.
My kids don't seem unhappy and play with each other, building tents
and "houses" outside, making up games. -=-
If they're happy then they are!
-=-I can't help feeling like I'm
not doing all I can to socialize them-=-
If you break "socialize" down into all its elements and look at them
separately, it won't seem so much like a monolithic thing. The bad parts can be
discarded, and the good parts can come in all kinds of different ways.
-=- other parents who's children are taking various classes and
such.-=-
I've taken a lot of classes in my life. Sometimes I was told "You're not
here to socialize." Most of the good socialization took place before and after
things like girl scouts and 4-H, not during the meetings.
-=-I feel so weird being worried that they don't
have outside friends when all DH and I would do most of the time at
our previous home would be complain to each other about our kids
friends and our own kids behavior from their friends influence. -=-
School friends are like prison cellmates or co-workers or platoon buddies.
It's often a temporary relationship, not based on choice and common
interests. Occasionally one will last years, but longterm friendships seem to do
better when the people met in a place they had both chosen to be. As your kids
get older they'll want to be doing and being outside and with others, so let
their desires and requests be more important to you than your vague fears.
When they let you know they want out more, then help them find outside people
and experiences.
Are there a few kids from the apartments you could invite over, maybe? Can
you go back to that neighborhood to let the kids play with the other kids
sometimes, or arrange trade-off playdates?
When we moved, we stayed in touch with some of the kid-neighbors for a
while. It eased the transition.
-=- I don't know, am I over reacting? or do I really have a reason to
worry?
-=-
The fears are natural, but try to look at your kids needs of the moment
instead of looking at it through the lens of "truisms" like "they need to
socialize." If this moment is good, it's easier for the next moment to be good. If
you have three or four really good moments in a day, people can go to bed
happier, sleep better, and wake up happy. In as many small ways as you can,
create a peaceful and interesting nest for your children and they'll leave it
as happy, interesting people someday.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: "luv_my_three_kids" <elaina.morrison@...>
snipped <<My kids don't seem unhappy and play with each other, building
tents
and "houses" outside, making up games. I can't help feeling like I'm
not doing all I can to socialize them, especially when I hear of all
these other parents who's children are taking various classes and
such.>>
If your kids seem fine with what they have right now then you have no need
to worry. I know with my 3 youngest, there was quite awhile when they were
perfectly happy to play with each other when we went out to parks. They were
even happy staying home at a younger age too. Your kids are still young and
a lot of times they don't have the desire for friends until they get older.
It wasn't until my 2 middle kids were around 7 and 8 that they wanted
friends. And even at that, they were perfectly happy with just one friend
coming over to the house. Now at 9 and 10, they enjoy our weekly get
togethers with a group. But they still aren't the kind of kids that want to
go out every day.
Now my youngest at 4 loves going out, even to the grocery store. So for her,
she takes quick trips out with me, her dad, my oldest daughter (19) and also
with her grandma. So it all depends on the child too and what they want and
need for them to be happy. Go with their needs and don't worry about what
others are doing. Your kids aren't their kids.
Mary B
snipped <<My kids don't seem unhappy and play with each other, building
tents
and "houses" outside, making up games. I can't help feeling like I'm
not doing all I can to socialize them, especially when I hear of all
these other parents who's children are taking various classes and
such.>>
If your kids seem fine with what they have right now then you have no need
to worry. I know with my 3 youngest, there was quite awhile when they were
perfectly happy to play with each other when we went out to parks. They were
even happy staying home at a younger age too. Your kids are still young and
a lot of times they don't have the desire for friends until they get older.
It wasn't until my 2 middle kids were around 7 and 8 that they wanted
friends. And even at that, they were perfectly happy with just one friend
coming over to the house. Now at 9 and 10, they enjoy our weekly get
togethers with a group. But they still aren't the kind of kids that want to
go out every day.
Now my youngest at 4 loves going out, even to the grocery store. So for her,
she takes quick trips out with me, her dad, my oldest daughter (19) and also
with her grandma. So it all depends on the child too and what they want and
need for them to be happy. Go with their needs and don't worry about what
others are doing. Your kids aren't their kids.
Mary B