Attending to our children directly and fully
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In a message dated 3/26/2005 10:18:55 AM Mountain Standard Time,
lovelifenyc@... writes:
I'm not out saving the world and not my family........they are
my very first priority, but I think it's wrong to live in a bubble.
====================
Keep thinking about that as your child gets older.
How much of the outside world will BE in your immediate moment-to-moment
realm?
There is enough unhappiness in the world that will happen in the next sixty
seconds to make us all suicidal. We HAVE to tune a lot of it out. Six
billion people aren't all having a good, peaceful time while you read this. And
that's just the people. You seem to be putting a lot of healing energy
toward chickens you've never met and cows you heard or read about.
You ARE in a bubble, with your baby. And you should be. She should have
ALL of you.
Wouldn't it be nice if all babies had their mother's full attention?
If you spend much time thinking about that, your baby doesn't have your full
attention.
-=-We have to
think about how our actions affect others but not neglect ourselves in the
process.
I grew up in a family like this. I fell by the wayside while my mom was
"doing good" for others. She was always nasty at home........much like
living with
an alcoholic.
-=-
Not only are some things genetic, but living with an alcoholic or anyone
LIKE an alcoholic creates behaviors in the children that affect the
grandchildren. People have documented the heck out of this. Even if the offspring
didn't ever drink, they act like people whose parents drank, and their children
(NOT the children of alcoholics) can be affected by inexplicable controlling
and distracted behaviors. The purpose of Adult Children of Alcoholics is to
help people get past those problems. It helped me a lot. Now there are
websites and people don't even have to go to a meeting to get some of the
benefits.
Four of us stopped on a road trip to visit a friend of mine who reads tarot
cards. We'd stopped just to visit, but she offered readings. Cool! One of
the four of us was newish to the group, and the girlfriend of the only male.
As we sat through her reading, the other three of us glanced at each other
several times with big eyes, and took in our breath at how bang on the reading
was. (Having known each other a long time, what I described above sounds
blatant, but we were really subtle, and the subject is NOT good at social
clues, so she probably wasn't noticing us at all anyway.) The reader asked at
the end if any of it had seemed right or useful (don't remember how she asked),
and the new friend said "No, it sounded as though you were reading for
someone else, not me."
This is not a defense of tarot cards. I have no strong feelings one way or
another about that. It's about people not seeing traits in themselves that
others clearly see. Our reader-friend did another reading, which was quick,
bland, and sounded like it was about someone else, or no one. The first one
had been "the right one," the right first impressions of someone used to
denying her own projections and reflections.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lovelifenyc@... writes:
I'm not out saving the world and not my family........they are
my very first priority, but I think it's wrong to live in a bubble.
====================
Keep thinking about that as your child gets older.
How much of the outside world will BE in your immediate moment-to-moment
realm?
There is enough unhappiness in the world that will happen in the next sixty
seconds to make us all suicidal. We HAVE to tune a lot of it out. Six
billion people aren't all having a good, peaceful time while you read this. And
that's just the people. You seem to be putting a lot of healing energy
toward chickens you've never met and cows you heard or read about.
You ARE in a bubble, with your baby. And you should be. She should have
ALL of you.
Wouldn't it be nice if all babies had their mother's full attention?
If you spend much time thinking about that, your baby doesn't have your full
attention.
-=-We have to
think about how our actions affect others but not neglect ourselves in the
process.
I grew up in a family like this. I fell by the wayside while my mom was
"doing good" for others. She was always nasty at home........much like
living with
an alcoholic.
-=-
Not only are some things genetic, but living with an alcoholic or anyone
LIKE an alcoholic creates behaviors in the children that affect the
grandchildren. People have documented the heck out of this. Even if the offspring
didn't ever drink, they act like people whose parents drank, and their children
(NOT the children of alcoholics) can be affected by inexplicable controlling
and distracted behaviors. The purpose of Adult Children of Alcoholics is to
help people get past those problems. It helped me a lot. Now there are
websites and people don't even have to go to a meeting to get some of the
benefits.
Four of us stopped on a road trip to visit a friend of mine who reads tarot
cards. We'd stopped just to visit, but she offered readings. Cool! One of
the four of us was newish to the group, and the girlfriend of the only male.
As we sat through her reading, the other three of us glanced at each other
several times with big eyes, and took in our breath at how bang on the reading
was. (Having known each other a long time, what I described above sounds
blatant, but we were really subtle, and the subject is NOT good at social
clues, so she probably wasn't noticing us at all anyway.) The reader asked at
the end if any of it had seemed right or useful (don't remember how she asked),
and the new friend said "No, it sounded as though you were reading for
someone else, not me."
This is not a defense of tarot cards. I have no strong feelings one way or
another about that. It's about people not seeing traits in themselves that
others clearly see. Our reader-friend did another reading, which was quick,
bland, and sounded like it was about someone else, or no one. The first one
had been "the right one," the right first impressions of someone used to
denying her own projections and reflections.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]