Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] where's the harmony?
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: christamnt <christa.mente@...>
Thoughts on building family harmony?
-=-=-=-=-=-=
Order Sandra's "Peaceful Parenting" tape. Richard's on there too.
Priceless. ....welll, she DOES charge for it, but it's worth every
penny!
~Kelly
From: christamnt <christa.mente@...>
Thoughts on building family harmony?
-=-=-=-=-=-=
Order Sandra's "Peaceful Parenting" tape. Richard's on there too.
Priceless. ....welll, she DOES charge for it, but it's worth every
penny!
~Kelly
Angela S
<<Thoughts on building family harmony?>>
Be there. It sounds so simple, but many moms get busy and they don't take
the time to really be there with their children to help them work things
out. Moms get busy with cleaning the house or making dinner or whatever.
Take time out of your day to *be with your boys for how ever long it takes
to help them through this frustrating time. Be there to not only help
diffuse the situation, but to prevent it from happening to begin with.
When something happens where one son can't express himself very well or does
something to the other, help him to say what he wants. Help them both to
communicate without hurling insults at each other. It's frustrating and a
lot of work, but it's such a great life skill to give them.
Help them to not make it personal. If one took a toy, he could say, "I
wasn't done with that. Would you please give it back." (instead of "you
moron, I was playing with that. Give it back.) If one boy banged into the
other and the one who was banged was offended, it isn't going to help if he
yells at the one who banged him. You could help him to say, "I don't like
it when you bang into me. Please be more careful." Model saying sorry when
it applies to you. Suggest that a sorry might make the other person feel a
little better when someone's been offended or hurt. (I wouldn't force it
though.) And help them to see things from the other's perspective. (you
wouldn't like it if you were playing with that and he came and took it from
you with no warning, would you?") But not too much preaching.
If you are there for a good part of their interactions you can see where the
problem lies in their communication. Maybe the older one is frustrated
because they younger one is doing something you can't see that isn't very
nice. Maybe he is just in a growth stage and he needs your help to express
himself for now. It can be frustrating but it's worth it. When you see
them working out a deal or working through a problem later on in a mature
and thoughtful way, it'll be so worth it.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Be there. It sounds so simple, but many moms get busy and they don't take
the time to really be there with their children to help them work things
out. Moms get busy with cleaning the house or making dinner or whatever.
Take time out of your day to *be with your boys for how ever long it takes
to help them through this frustrating time. Be there to not only help
diffuse the situation, but to prevent it from happening to begin with.
When something happens where one son can't express himself very well or does
something to the other, help him to say what he wants. Help them both to
communicate without hurling insults at each other. It's frustrating and a
lot of work, but it's such a great life skill to give them.
Help them to not make it personal. If one took a toy, he could say, "I
wasn't done with that. Would you please give it back." (instead of "you
moron, I was playing with that. Give it back.) If one boy banged into the
other and the one who was banged was offended, it isn't going to help if he
yells at the one who banged him. You could help him to say, "I don't like
it when you bang into me. Please be more careful." Model saying sorry when
it applies to you. Suggest that a sorry might make the other person feel a
little better when someone's been offended or hurt. (I wouldn't force it
though.) And help them to see things from the other's perspective. (you
wouldn't like it if you were playing with that and he came and took it from
you with no warning, would you?") But not too much preaching.
If you are there for a good part of their interactions you can see where the
problem lies in their communication. Maybe the older one is frustrated
because they younger one is doing something you can't see that isn't very
nice. Maybe he is just in a growth stage and he needs your help to express
himself for now. It can be frustrating but it's worth it. When you see
them working out a deal or working through a problem later on in a mature
and thoughtful way, it'll be so worth it.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/25/05 9:22:07 PM, christa.mente@... writes:
<< Thoughts on building family harmony? >>
Provide more things to do, either away from the house or in the house.
If you're used to the old way where going out to lunch is for special
occasions and movies are "too expensive" and only for holidays or whatever maybe look
at all the benefits you get from one outing and consider it an expense of
unschooling, instead.
Find things you've had that haven't been out for a while, and bring those
out. Bring something out in one room, and have something that's also interesting
in another. Split the kids up that way, with FUN stuff, instead of boring
same-old stuff.
Make homemade playdough and color it bright colors with Wilton cake-frosting
colors (just a spot about the size of a B-B on the end of a toothpick is
enough for a regular batch of playdough. My kids used to love black and pink.
Put it out with some familiar cutters and rollers, but some new and different
stuff, too. A fork, more toothpicks, a piece of old terrycloth you don't care
a whole lot about. (The color might stain it, but it will make good patterns
on the surface of the playdough, and you can wash it out or throw it away.)
You be with them more yourself, interacting physically and verbally and
emotionally.
If you're spending time doing mom-stuff in the same way you would if they
were off at school, that's not going to work very well when the're stuck inside
from snow or mud.
Bring a happy, surprising little snack once in a while when they don't expect
it. Pineapple chunks on toothpicks. (Toothpicks reminded me.)
Yoghurt-coated raisens. Little tuna sandwiches cut with cookie cutters.
Here's Deb Lewis's super list of things to do in the winter:
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist.html
Sandra
<< Thoughts on building family harmony? >>
Provide more things to do, either away from the house or in the house.
If you're used to the old way where going out to lunch is for special
occasions and movies are "too expensive" and only for holidays or whatever maybe look
at all the benefits you get from one outing and consider it an expense of
unschooling, instead.
Find things you've had that haven't been out for a while, and bring those
out. Bring something out in one room, and have something that's also interesting
in another. Split the kids up that way, with FUN stuff, instead of boring
same-old stuff.
Make homemade playdough and color it bright colors with Wilton cake-frosting
colors (just a spot about the size of a B-B on the end of a toothpick is
enough for a regular batch of playdough. My kids used to love black and pink.
Put it out with some familiar cutters and rollers, but some new and different
stuff, too. A fork, more toothpicks, a piece of old terrycloth you don't care
a whole lot about. (The color might stain it, but it will make good patterns
on the surface of the playdough, and you can wash it out or throw it away.)
You be with them more yourself, interacting physically and verbally and
emotionally.
If you're spending time doing mom-stuff in the same way you would if they
were off at school, that's not going to work very well when the're stuck inside
from snow or mud.
Bring a happy, surprising little snack once in a while when they don't expect
it. Pineapple chunks on toothpicks. (Toothpicks reminded me.)
Yoghurt-coated raisens. Little tuna sandwiches cut with cookie cutters.
Here's Deb Lewis's super list of things to do in the winter:
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist.html
Sandra
David & Annelise Pierce
AMAZING! (Deb¹s list!)
I love the vision it gives me. And stepping past the old fears and
insecurities of what people might think - to embrace the world, the people
in it, and all the wonderful vocations, activities, etc. My parents never
ask anybody questions fortunately my husband has modeled it for me and I
quickly picked it up!! I want my kids to never be hesitant to ask a
question.
Thanks also for the recent discussion on learning vs teaching which was
brought up by my definiton of unschooling. It has really made me think
deeply about how we learn, how my preschooler and toddler are learning, and
how we discuss, approach learning. It¹s been a big positive.
Annelise
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I love the vision it gives me. And stepping past the old fears and
insecurities of what people might think - to embrace the world, the people
in it, and all the wonderful vocations, activities, etc. My parents never
ask anybody questions fortunately my husband has modeled it for me and I
quickly picked it up!! I want my kids to never be hesitant to ask a
question.
Thanks also for the recent discussion on learning vs teaching which was
brought up by my definiton of unschooling. It has really made me think
deeply about how we learn, how my preschooler and toddler are learning, and
how we discuss, approach learning. It¹s been a big positive.
Annelise
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/05 5:09:32 AM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:
<< Order Sandra's "Peaceful Parenting" tape. Richard's on there too.
I was interviewed by an unschooling mom in Canada whose family does an
unschooling radio show. The interview was edited down very tightly (I DO talk fast,
but not quite that unceasingly <g>), and is 30 minutes, wi (LOUD) musical
interludes (sit close to your volume control, or be prepared). The inte
Zrview was 90 minutes, and not all is there but maybe an hours worth was
carefully packed into 30 minutes.
I shouldn't have said "civil war" and when I did think this for me: "oops"
Cavalier is as late as they go (the bootmaking range), and I couldn't think
of the word.
"Civil war" kinda sounds like "Cavalier," doesn't it? (To people who don't
know anything about history, maybe. <g>)
http://www.radio4all.net/proginfo.php?id=11724
Because we have a DSL line now, it loaded very easily here. I was surprised.
And I guess if you know people at any of those other-listed stations there
you could ask them to play it. It seems kind of campus
radio/public-access/online.
It's not specifically about peaceful parenting, but at some level all of
unschooling moves that direction. The topics the interviewer wanted to cover
were strewing and spiritual unschooling.
Sandra
<< Order Sandra's "Peaceful Parenting" tape. Richard's on there too.
>>Probably not as good, but cheaper and quicker if your computer is willing:
I was interviewed by an unschooling mom in Canada whose family does an
unschooling radio show. The interview was edited down very tightly (I DO talk fast,
but not quite that unceasingly <g>), and is 30 minutes, wi (LOUD) musical
interludes (sit close to your volume control, or be prepared). The inte
Zrview was 90 minutes, and not all is there but maybe an hours worth was
carefully packed into 30 minutes.
I shouldn't have said "civil war" and when I did think this for me: "oops"
Cavalier is as late as they go (the bootmaking range), and I couldn't think
of the word.
"Civil war" kinda sounds like "Cavalier," doesn't it? (To people who don't
know anything about history, maybe. <g>)
http://www.radio4all.net/proginfo.php?id=11724
Because we have a DSL line now, it loaded very easily here. I was surprised.
And I guess if you know people at any of those other-listed stations there
you could ask them to play it. It seems kind of campus
radio/public-access/online.
It's not specifically about peaceful parenting, but at some level all of
unschooling moves that direction. The topics the interviewer wanted to cover
were strewing and spiritual unschooling.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/05 5:19:36 AM, game-enthusiast@... writes:
<< Help them to not make it personal. If one took a toy, he could say, "I
wasn't done with that. Would you please give it back." (instead of "you
moron, I was playing with that. Give it back.) >>
We were big into "You can be next."
Another way of saying yes instead of no.
Still works. The kids will say "You're next" or "When I'm done I'll let you
have it" ("IT" recently being the X-Box-Live access) instead of "No, I'm
playing."
Sandra
<< Help them to not make it personal. If one took a toy, he could say, "I
wasn't done with that. Would you please give it back." (instead of "you
moron, I was playing with that. Give it back.) >>
We were big into "You can be next."
Another way of saying yes instead of no.
Still works. The kids will say "You're next" or "When I'm done I'll let you
have it" ("IT" recently being the X-Box-Live access) instead of "No, I'm
playing."
Sandra