grandparents time again
[email protected]
Every spring my ex-in-laws who are wonderful people as well as grandparents
drive more than 2000 miles from New Mexico to Florida to see us. Grandmama is
an ex-schoolteacher who has been supportive of homeschooling but since we
started unschooling has not been getting the feedback she is comfortable with.
During the year, I can usually answer her questions on the phone with the
activites the kids are involved with and move on to the weather. I had to smile
when I heard Brenna (15) respond on the phone yesterday, "No grandmama I'm
not taking any classes but I was reading "The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
today. It"s an inquiry into values. How are you and Grandad doing? We are
really looking forward to your visit." She can just nail it sometimes. I
often give too much information instead of changing the subject.
I've tried different approaches but I really don't want Logan (11) to feel
uncomfortable this year with her questioning of his "schoolwork". At the same
time, I don't want to make any waves with her. We have been able to
maintain a close relationship in these 8 years since her son and I were divorced.
They are only here for 3 days. Right now, Logan spends most of his time on
the computer with an occasional video game or TV show thrown in. He's very
involved in some complex games online. How can I avoid or redirect the
questions I'm anticipating about math, writing etc. in a positive way while they are
visiting.
Some of my thoughts have been to just "strew" things around Logan has
created...robots,
electrical creations etc. In years past, I used to just show her the
portfolios of all their "work" which she loved! All those worksheets and writing
samples in these creative books. How could a former 2nd grade teacher not love
that? My mistake!! :-) Now I have boxes of pictures and "stuff" thrown
into boxes. We're so busy doing things we enjoy that I don't want to spend the
time on making a book to show other people.
They'll be here in 3 weeks...Ideas please?
Gail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
drive more than 2000 miles from New Mexico to Florida to see us. Grandmama is
an ex-schoolteacher who has been supportive of homeschooling but since we
started unschooling has not been getting the feedback she is comfortable with.
During the year, I can usually answer her questions on the phone with the
activites the kids are involved with and move on to the weather. I had to smile
when I heard Brenna (15) respond on the phone yesterday, "No grandmama I'm
not taking any classes but I was reading "The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
today. It"s an inquiry into values. How are you and Grandad doing? We are
really looking forward to your visit." She can just nail it sometimes. I
often give too much information instead of changing the subject.
I've tried different approaches but I really don't want Logan (11) to feel
uncomfortable this year with her questioning of his "schoolwork". At the same
time, I don't want to make any waves with her. We have been able to
maintain a close relationship in these 8 years since her son and I were divorced.
They are only here for 3 days. Right now, Logan spends most of his time on
the computer with an occasional video game or TV show thrown in. He's very
involved in some complex games online. How can I avoid or redirect the
questions I'm anticipating about math, writing etc. in a positive way while they are
visiting.
Some of my thoughts have been to just "strew" things around Logan has
created...robots,
electrical creations etc. In years past, I used to just show her the
portfolios of all their "work" which she loved! All those worksheets and writing
samples in these creative books. How could a former 2nd grade teacher not love
that? My mistake!! :-) Now I have boxes of pictures and "stuff" thrown
into boxes. We're so busy doing things we enjoy that I don't want to spend the
time on making a book to show other people.
They'll be here in 3 weeks...Ideas please?
Gail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
soggyboysmom
Maybe let her know in advance that since it's such a short visit
(only 3 days) that you are declaring a vacation from all "school"
talk and you're just going to simply have your own vacation so the
kids can enjoy their time with her. It wouldn't hurt, if you've got
something handy in sight - put the stack of library books on the end
table "to remind you to take them back". But mostly I'd plan lots of
cool stuff to keep her occupied - what are your kids' favorite
places to go or things to do - the skate park, the library, a
restaurant or cafe, an amazing craft supply 'warehouse', a cool
ethnic market, rent a favorite movie she might not have seen,
whatever - go there/do that so they can show grandma something they
specially like and want to share with her.
(only 3 days) that you are declaring a vacation from all "school"
talk and you're just going to simply have your own vacation so the
kids can enjoy their time with her. It wouldn't hurt, if you've got
something handy in sight - put the stack of library books on the end
table "to remind you to take them back". But mostly I'd plan lots of
cool stuff to keep her occupied - what are your kids' favorite
places to go or things to do - the skate park, the library, a
restaurant or cafe, an amazing craft supply 'warehouse', a cool
ethnic market, rent a favorite movie she might not have seen,
whatever - go there/do that so they can show grandma something they
specially like and want to share with her.
[email protected]
I think leaving projects out would be useful, but another idea might be to ask the kids to show the grandparents what they're doing online or with games. And for us, we get along with grandparents WAY better in public places than at the house. Maybe use the grandparents as excuses to go to museums or miniature golf or movies or restaurants.
Sandra
Sandra
xochitl24
Maybe gramma can make a book of her life and times to give to your
children. She can write about how she grew up and whatnot. She
prolly could get very creative about it. I bet she would like that,
and I bet your kids will like receiving it.
Jen
--- In [email protected], Elizabeth Hill
<ecsamhill@e...> wrote:
I don't want to spend the
children. She can write about how she grew up and whatnot. She
prolly could get very creative about it. I bet she would like that,
and I bet your kids will like receiving it.
Jen
--- In [email protected], Elizabeth Hill
<ecsamhill@e...> wrote:
I don't want to spend the
> time on making a book to show other people.**
>
> I agree, don't make her a book.
Elizabeth Hill
**
I've tried different approaches but I really don't want Logan (11) to feel
uncomfortable this year with her questioning of his "schoolwork". At the same
time, I don't want to make any waves with her.**
*IF* one of them has to be upset, would you rather it be Logan or grandma?
All I can think of that might work without ruffling either of them is approaching one or both of them beforehand in a gentle way.
In hindsight, (sorry), the end of last year's visit might have been a good time to bring this up. If grandma got riled, you wouldn't have to endure it (face to face) for long.
Maybe you could teach Logan some good evasive maneuvers for this visit and then have a heartfelt discussion with grandma at the end of this visit? If it just doesn't seem feasible for you to talk to grandma right up front.
And learning the nonviolent communication techniques (people have posted about here) can possibly help you express yourself to grandma in a non threatening way. (I keep meaning to do that myself.)
Betsy
PS Tell grandma that her visit is a very important event and a school holiday.
** We're so busy doing things we enjoy that I don't want to spend the
time on making a book to show other people.**
I agree, don't make her a book. She's not your boss. She's not the inspector general for the school district. But on the flip side I'm sure she wants to feel that you haven't divorced her and that you still accept that she has a valuable role as the kids grandma. (Being grandma is not a license to be mom's biggest critic!)
I've tried different approaches but I really don't want Logan (11) to feel
uncomfortable this year with her questioning of his "schoolwork". At the same
time, I don't want to make any waves with her.**
*IF* one of them has to be upset, would you rather it be Logan or grandma?
All I can think of that might work without ruffling either of them is approaching one or both of them beforehand in a gentle way.
In hindsight, (sorry), the end of last year's visit might have been a good time to bring this up. If grandma got riled, you wouldn't have to endure it (face to face) for long.
Maybe you could teach Logan some good evasive maneuvers for this visit and then have a heartfelt discussion with grandma at the end of this visit? If it just doesn't seem feasible for you to talk to grandma right up front.
And learning the nonviolent communication techniques (people have posted about here) can possibly help you express yourself to grandma in a non threatening way. (I keep meaning to do that myself.)
Betsy
PS Tell grandma that her visit is a very important event and a school holiday.
** We're so busy doing things we enjoy that I don't want to spend the
time on making a book to show other people.**
I agree, don't make her a book. She's not your boss. She's not the inspector general for the school district. But on the flip side I'm sure she wants to feel that you haven't divorced her and that you still accept that she has a valuable role as the kids grandma. (Being grandma is not a license to be mom's biggest critic!)
Barbara Chase
I don't know if this fits your situation at all... but I got to thinking
what it would be like if my own Mom (my dd's only living grandparent) only
got to see her grandchild once a year or so. I think she'd probably want
to catch up on everything that she missed -- so looking at past "school
work" would certainly fit the bill. But really, a more meaningful way for
everyone to spend the short amount of time together is not to review the
past but to really enjoy what's happening right now. I don't have any
specific ideas (though I do really like the one about declaring a school
holiday.) But if you can help them each connect with what your kids are
really interested in right now, that's what I would try to do.
Barbara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
what it would be like if my own Mom (my dd's only living grandparent) only
got to see her grandchild once a year or so. I think she'd probably want
to catch up on everything that she missed -- so looking at past "school
work" would certainly fit the bill. But really, a more meaningful way for
everyone to spend the short amount of time together is not to review the
past but to really enjoy what's happening right now. I don't have any
specific ideas (though I do really like the one about declaring a school
holiday.) But if you can help them each connect with what your kids are
really interested in right now, that's what I would try to do.
Barbara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]