should was Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Great Backyard Bird Count
Andy Holly Clarke
certainly not picking on anyone or trying to direct this at one person
(don't even remember who said it)...
but from personal experience - it really irks me when people tell me i
should do things. i have had way too much of that in my life. of course,
out of habit, i still occasionally say should to someone else or myself,
when i really mean could or (when talking to someone else) that i would do
things a certain way. i'm working on changing how i say it so it comes off
as more a suggestion or my opinion.
i probably wouldn't even mention it, but i just had it out with my mom over
her telling me how i should be raising my kids. ugh.
holly
(don't even remember who said it)...
but from personal experience - it really irks me when people tell me i
should do things. i have had way too much of that in my life. of course,
out of habit, i still occasionally say should to someone else or myself,
when i really mean could or (when talking to someone else) that i would do
things a certain way. i'm working on changing how i say it so it comes off
as more a suggestion or my opinion.
i probably wouldn't even mention it, but i just had it out with my mom over
her telling me how i should be raising my kids. ugh.
holly
----- Original Message -----
From: "TreeGoddess" <treegoddess@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 01, 2005 9:41 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Great Backyard Bird Count
>
>
> On Feb 1, 2005, at 8:07 PM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
> -=-You *SHOULD* do it if it sounds like fun! That's that
> modelling part of unschooling (and living) that's sooooo
> important!!-=-
>
> LOL I actually wrote "should" first, but then wrote "could" instead.
> I didn't want to give anyone a "have to" in my post. ;') But, yeah,
> if it sounds fun . . . do it for YOU! :)
>
> -Tracy-
>
> "Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of
> happiness lost." -- Leo Buscaglia
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Fetteroll
on 2/5/05 8:24 PM, Andy Holly Clarke at ahclarke@... wrote:
get a bunch of replies. Not all of the replies will be useful to you. But
they might be useful to someone else who has the same problem. To tailor the
list specifically to you would make it less useful to someone else. So you
skip the sites that aren't useful to and concentrate on the ones that are.
In other words, though the suggestions someone receives to a posted problem
are tailored to the specifics in a post it's best to see that the replies
are general in nature and aimed at helping anyone in a similar situation.
The way to get the most from the list is to assume everyone is giving the
best they can. And to read as though something is said by the nicest person
we know in the most helpful voice.
So skip the ones that aren't reaching you. Or find a way to read past the
shoulds.
Take what you can use. Leave the rest.
because you had a problem with your mom, it might be understood by others
why that happened but there are much better choices. Expending frustration
on a child spreads frustration and whittles away at the relationship. Same
with expending it towards 1600 people.
This list is about the better choices we can make.
Joyce
> but from personal experience - it really irks me when people tell me iThink of the list like a request to Google. You type in your problem and you
> should do things. i have had way too much of that in my life.
get a bunch of replies. Not all of the replies will be useful to you. But
they might be useful to someone else who has the same problem. To tailor the
list specifically to you would make it less useful to someone else. So you
skip the sites that aren't useful to and concentrate on the ones that are.
In other words, though the suggestions someone receives to a posted problem
are tailored to the specifics in a post it's best to see that the replies
are general in nature and aimed at helping anyone in a similar situation.
The way to get the most from the list is to assume everyone is giving the
best they can. And to read as though something is said by the nicest person
we know in the most helpful voice.
So skip the ones that aren't reaching you. Or find a way to read past the
shoulds.
Take what you can use. Leave the rest.
> i probably wouldn't even mention it, but i just had it out with my mom overSorry about your relationship with your mom. But if you yell at your child
> her telling me how i should be raising my kids. ugh.
because you had a problem with your mom, it might be understood by others
why that happened but there are much better choices. Expending frustration
on a child spreads frustration and whittles away at the relationship. Same
with expending it towards 1600 people.
This list is about the better choices we can make.
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/5/05 6:37:35 PM, ahclarke@... writes:
<< i'm working on changing how i say it so it comes off
as more a suggestion or my opinion. >>
How can it be more than a suggestion or an opinion in a forum like this?
If I'm standing next to someone who's about to burn butter or meat and I say
"Take the pan off the burner!" that might be more than a suggestion or an
opinion, but if your pan is thousands of miles from me, and I can't smell your
butter burning, but you say "It seems the butter's burning" and I say "Take the
pan off the burner," what I mean is this:
"If it seems to you that the butter is burning, you could just turn the heat
down, but the burner will still be hot. So IF you don't want the butter to
burn, pick the pan up."
Nobody has come to anyone else's house and knocked on the door and told them
what to do. Every single person who is on this list came here by choice and
free will, and then either posted or didn't, and read or didn't.
Sandra
<< i'm working on changing how i say it so it comes off
as more a suggestion or my opinion. >>
How can it be more than a suggestion or an opinion in a forum like this?
If I'm standing next to someone who's about to burn butter or meat and I say
"Take the pan off the burner!" that might be more than a suggestion or an
opinion, but if your pan is thousands of miles from me, and I can't smell your
butter burning, but you say "It seems the butter's burning" and I say "Take the
pan off the burner," what I mean is this:
"If it seems to you that the butter is burning, you could just turn the heat
down, but the burner will still be hot. So IF you don't want the butter to
burn, pick the pan up."
Nobody has come to anyone else's house and knocked on the door and told them
what to do. Every single person who is on this list came here by choice and
free will, and then either posted or didn't, and read or didn't.
Sandra