new to posting, looking for advice
cslkll
Hi everyone. I've been reading on this group for years.
Dh and I unschool our family (10ds, 7 & 8 dd, 1 baby). My
name is Krista and I have a dilema...and would like other
opinions. I also hope to become an active part of the group ;-)
Our older 3 kids take horseback lessons. Yesterday at their
lesson our 7 year old daughter was having trouble w/the horse
and the trainer yelled at her "Don't be scared, don't be a
chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken!"
That is a quote. Then dd started to ride over towards dh and I
and the trainer told her to listen to her. My dd yelled,
"NO! You're mean!" through her tears and came over to me. I stayed
by my dd's side until we walked the horse back to the barn.
Then my dd got down and started to walk to our truck. The
trainer yelled at her "Don't you walk away from me, don't you
disrespect me like that! You say yes ma'am!" BLah, blah....it's a
long story, I'm
sorry......bottom line is I had to explain to the trainer that
we didn't send our kids to school, partly so they didn't have to
be treated like that and called names. I said especially with our
girls that we want them to be strong and stick up for themselves in
these situations. That went over like a bag of crap w/the trainer.
I was nice at the time, but am steaming mad now that dh and I had
the night to process it. We're new to southern Alabama, and not
used to this kind of "yes ma'am" atmosphere. Obviously we are not
going
to spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/out
an explanation, or tell the owner how uncool our experience with
her employee was? There has been no previous problems there, but I
find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks in
advance "y'all"! ~krista
PS....dh and I are actually proud of dd for not letting someone
talk to her that way. DD is trying to save up for a nintendo ds and
has asked for ways to make extra money so she can get it faster. Dh
told her good job for sticking up for herself and gave her some
money towards her ds. So, we are not upset w/her....at all...just
wanted to clarify that :)
Dh and I unschool our family (10ds, 7 & 8 dd, 1 baby). My
name is Krista and I have a dilema...and would like other
opinions. I also hope to become an active part of the group ;-)
Our older 3 kids take horseback lessons. Yesterday at their
lesson our 7 year old daughter was having trouble w/the horse
and the trainer yelled at her "Don't be scared, don't be a
chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken!"
That is a quote. Then dd started to ride over towards dh and I
and the trainer told her to listen to her. My dd yelled,
"NO! You're mean!" through her tears and came over to me. I stayed
by my dd's side until we walked the horse back to the barn.
Then my dd got down and started to walk to our truck. The
trainer yelled at her "Don't you walk away from me, don't you
disrespect me like that! You say yes ma'am!" BLah, blah....it's a
long story, I'm
sorry......bottom line is I had to explain to the trainer that
we didn't send our kids to school, partly so they didn't have to
be treated like that and called names. I said especially with our
girls that we want them to be strong and stick up for themselves in
these situations. That went over like a bag of crap w/the trainer.
I was nice at the time, but am steaming mad now that dh and I had
the night to process it. We're new to southern Alabama, and not
used to this kind of "yes ma'am" atmosphere. Obviously we are not
going
to spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/out
an explanation, or tell the owner how uncool our experience with
her employee was? There has been no previous problems there, but I
find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks in
advance "y'all"! ~krista
PS....dh and I are actually proud of dd for not letting someone
talk to her that way. DD is trying to save up for a nintendo ds and
has asked for ways to make extra money so she can get it faster. Dh
told her good job for sticking up for herself and gave her some
money towards her ds. So, we are not upset w/her....at all...just
wanted to clarify that :)
Emile Snyder
On Thu, 2005-01-27 at 13:07, cslkll wrote:
they'll even change in the future ;)
Just my $0.02,
-emile
> to spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/outDefinitely tell them! They should know what drove you away; maybe
> an explanation, or tell the owner how uncool our experience with
> her employee was? There has been no previous problems there, but I
> find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks in
> advance "y'all"! ~krista
they'll even change in the future ;)
Just my $0.02,
-emile
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/27/2005 4:07:20 PM Eastern Standard Time, "cslkll" <cslkll@...> writes:
We're new to southern Alabama, and not used to this kind of "yes ma'am" atmosphere. <<<<<
Well, we've had this discussion may times before here and on other e-lists and at .com. I *AM* from the South, so it comes easily to me! <G> You can fight it----or learn to use it to your advantage! When in Rome,....
Ren moved to Florida from Alaska and hit some MAJOR culture shock! <G> Her kids have figured it out---the M'am-ing, I mean. I think Ren still has trouble with it! <bwg>
>>>>>Obviously we are not goingto spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/out
The owner may support the trainer completely, but this could be what causes some changes to occur.
I'd say something.
And I'm sorry for your daughter. She seemed to handle it well though! And people ask what will unschooled children do when faced with a situation with an asshole....
~Kelly
We're new to southern Alabama, and not used to this kind of "yes ma'am" atmosphere. <<<<<
Well, we've had this discussion may times before here and on other e-lists and at .com. I *AM* from the South, so it comes easily to me! <G> You can fight it----or learn to use it to your advantage! When in Rome,....
Ren moved to Florida from Alaska and hit some MAJOR culture shock! <G> Her kids have figured it out---the M'am-ing, I mean. I think Ren still has trouble with it! <bwg>
>>>>>Obviously we are not goingto spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/out
>an explanation, or tell the owner how uncool our experience withI would CERTAINLY say something to the owner. She needs to know why the trainer is losing her clients! You may find that the trainer is fired for that *one last transgression* (it could be the last straw she was looking for). Or not. But I think the owner would appreciate knowing about your experience.
>her employee was? There has been no previous problems there, but I
>find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks in
>advance "y'all"! <<<<<
The owner may support the trainer completely, but this could be what causes some changes to occur.
I'd say something.
And I'm sorry for your daughter. She seemed to handle it well though! And people ask what will unschooled children do when faced with a situation with an asshole....
~Kelly
Angela S
I would definitely speak to the barn owner and tell her why you are not
coming back. Are there other trainers at the barn to choose from? I'll bet
there are other barns within driving distance that are much more
professional. It isn't worth putting up with that and if you leave without
telling them why, the woman isn't going to learn anything from it. My
girls' instructor is just great. She is gentle yet straight forward. She
is always respectful of the girls. She pushes them just the right amount,
based on how they respond to her. They have learned so much from her. I
hope you can find another instructor who will be respectful of your
children. We used to go to another barn and the instructor was very nice,
but I didn't know what we were missing until we switched barns. The owner
at the barn we go to know really knows her stuff and she asks a lot of the
kids but within the limits that they can handle it. Sounds like it's time
to move on.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
coming back. Are there other trainers at the barn to choose from? I'll bet
there are other barns within driving distance that are much more
professional. It isn't worth putting up with that and if you leave without
telling them why, the woman isn't going to learn anything from it. My
girls' instructor is just great. She is gentle yet straight forward. She
is always respectful of the girls. She pushes them just the right amount,
based on how they respond to her. They have learned so much from her. I
hope you can find another instructor who will be respectful of your
children. We used to go to another barn and the instructor was very nice,
but I didn't know what we were missing until we switched barns. The owner
at the barn we go to know really knows her stuff and she asks a lot of the
kids but within the limits that they can handle it. Sounds like it's time
to move on.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie Anderson
Hey there.. I'm also hoping to become a more 'active' part of this group,
plus I'm also a horse owner and trainer.. so can really relate to your
experience.. I say.. 'loudly' get another instructor! If you were in my area
I would gladly give your kids a few lessons.. this is no way to treat a
beginner rider.. makes me wonder how she takes care of her horses too!
Julie in MO
Dh and I unschool our family (10ds, 7 & 8 dd, 1 baby). My
name is Krista and I have a dilema...and would like other
opinions. I also hope to become an active part of the group ;-)
Our older 3 kids take horseback lessons. Yesterday at their
lesson our 7 year old daughter was having trouble w/the horse
and the trainer yelled at her "Don't be scared, don't be a
chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken!"
That is a quote. Then dd started to ride over towards dh and I
and the trainer told her to listen to her. My dd yelled,
"NO! You're mean!" through her tears and came over to me. I stayed
by my dd's side until we walked the horse back to the barn.
Then my dd got down and started to walk to our truck. The
trainer yelled at her "Don't you walk away from me, don't you
disrespect me like that! You say yes ma'am!" BLah, blah....it's a
long story, I'm
sorry......bottom line is I had to explain to the trainer that
we didn't send our kids to school, partly so they didn't have to
be treated like that and called names. I said especially with our
girls that we want them to be strong and stick up for themselves in
these situations. That went over like a bag of crap w/the trainer.
I was nice at the time, but am steaming mad now that dh and I had
the night to process it. We're new to southern Alabama, and not
used to this kind of "yes ma'am" atmosphere. Obviously we are not
going
to spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/out
an explanation, or tell the owner how uncool our experience with
her employee was? There has been no previous problems there, but I
find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks in
advance "y'all"! ~krista
PS....dh and I are actually proud of dd for not letting someone
talk to her that way. DD is trying to save up for a nintendo ds and
has asked for ways to make extra money so she can get it faster. Dh
told her good job for sticking up for herself and gave her some
money towards her ds. So, we are not upset w/her....at all...just
wanted to clarify that :)<<<<<<
plus I'm also a horse owner and trainer.. so can really relate to your
experience.. I say.. 'loudly' get another instructor! If you were in my area
I would gladly give your kids a few lessons.. this is no way to treat a
beginner rider.. makes me wonder how she takes care of her horses too!
Julie in MO
>>>Subject: new to posting, looking for adviceHi everyone. I've been reading on this group for years.
Dh and I unschool our family (10ds, 7 & 8 dd, 1 baby). My
name is Krista and I have a dilema...and would like other
opinions. I also hope to become an active part of the group ;-)
Our older 3 kids take horseback lessons. Yesterday at their
lesson our 7 year old daughter was having trouble w/the horse
and the trainer yelled at her "Don't be scared, don't be a
chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken! Chicken, chicken!"
That is a quote. Then dd started to ride over towards dh and I
and the trainer told her to listen to her. My dd yelled,
"NO! You're mean!" through her tears and came over to me. I stayed
by my dd's side until we walked the horse back to the barn.
Then my dd got down and started to walk to our truck. The
trainer yelled at her "Don't you walk away from me, don't you
disrespect me like that! You say yes ma'am!" BLah, blah....it's a
long story, I'm
sorry......bottom line is I had to explain to the trainer that
we didn't send our kids to school, partly so they didn't have to
be treated like that and called names. I said especially with our
girls that we want them to be strong and stick up for themselves in
these situations. That went over like a bag of crap w/the trainer.
I was nice at the time, but am steaming mad now that dh and I had
the night to process it. We're new to southern Alabama, and not
used to this kind of "yes ma'am" atmosphere. Obviously we are not
going
to spend our money at their barn anymore......should we leave w/out
an explanation, or tell the owner how uncool our experience with
her employee was? There has been no previous problems there, but I
find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks in
advance "y'all"! ~krista
PS....dh and I are actually proud of dd for not letting someone
talk to her that way. DD is trying to save up for a nintendo ds and
has asked for ways to make extra money so she can get it faster. Dh
told her good job for sticking up for herself and gave her some
money towards her ds. So, we are not upset w/her....at all...just
wanted to clarify that :)<<<<<<
deirdreaycock
--- In [email protected], "cslkll" <cslkll@h...>
wrote:
Krista - I am in Alabama and was raised here. This isn't about
respecting the trainer, it's about letting your daughter abuse her.
I would be very proud of my daughter, too! This is exactly what i
want for my kids! By the way, my children have never been asked to
say Yes ma'am to me or my husband. But lately, Nola (dd10) has
started saying it in just the right circumstances. I think she
likes the effect it has on older people and other "authority
figures." Also, they yell this at their "sensei" in karate. Maybe
that's where she got the idea. But back to the horseback lessons,
Krista... I agree with you that's the last time I'd let that foul
woman near my kids. She's got big problems and I'd let her employer
know. Deirdre
wrote:
Krista - I am in Alabama and was raised here. This isn't about
respecting the trainer, it's about letting your daughter abuse her.
I would be very proud of my daughter, too! This is exactly what i
want for my kids! By the way, my children have never been asked to
say Yes ma'am to me or my husband. But lately, Nola (dd10) has
started saying it in just the right circumstances. I think she
likes the effect it has on older people and other "authority
figures." Also, they yell this at their "sensei" in karate. Maybe
that's where she got the idea. But back to the horseback lessons,
Krista... I agree with you that's the last time I'd let that foul
woman near my kids. She's got big problems and I'd let her employer
know. Deirdre
>Krista wrote: There has been no previous problems there, but I
> find this verbal abuse of my child 100% unacceptable. Thanks inand
> advance "y'all"! ~krista
>
> PS....dh and I are actually proud of dd for not letting someone
> talk to her that way. DD is trying to save up for a nintendo ds
> has asked for ways to make extra money so she can get it faster.Dh
> told her good job for sticking up for herself and gave her some
> money towards her ds. So, we are not upset w/her....at all...just
> wanted to clarify that :)
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/28/05 7:56:31 AM, aycock@... writes:
<< This isn't about
respecting the trainer, it's about letting your daughter abuse her.
I would be very proud of my daughter, too! This is exactly what i
want for my kids! >>
=========
I'm guessing (kinda hoping) you meant to say "letting her abuse your
daughter."
<< This isn't about
respecting the trainer, it's about letting your daughter abuse her.
I would be very proud of my daughter, too! This is exactly what i
want for my kids! >>
=========
I'm guessing (kinda hoping) you meant to say "letting her abuse your
daughter."
cslkll
Thank you everyone for your replies.
Our plan is for my dh to leave a message(they never answer
their phones) when he comes home tonight saying that they
do not need to plan on us for lessons anymore, as we will
not pay to have our daughter called names. If Miss Mimi(the owner)
would like to discuss this further, she can call us when
we return from a few days away next week. That is what dh
said he would say. It will be interesting to see if she calls
or not. I'll bet not.
I am just happy that dd has gone from "I'm never horsing again mom!"
to "I really do want to continue horsing, just not w/miss amy mom."
The baby is running a fever today and just wants to be held, so
I'm going to have to sign off. Thanks ladies and I'll be back
soon :) krista
Our plan is for my dh to leave a message(they never answer
their phones) when he comes home tonight saying that they
do not need to plan on us for lessons anymore, as we will
not pay to have our daughter called names. If Miss Mimi(the owner)
would like to discuss this further, she can call us when
we return from a few days away next week. That is what dh
said he would say. It will be interesting to see if she calls
or not. I'll bet not.
I am just happy that dd has gone from "I'm never horsing again mom!"
to "I really do want to continue horsing, just not w/miss amy mom."
The baby is running a fever today and just wants to be held, so
I'm going to have to sign off. Thanks ladies and I'll be back
soon :) krista
Ren Allen
"Ren moved to Florida from Alaska and hit some MAJOR culture shock!
<G> Her kids
have figured it out---the M'am-ing, I mean. I think Ren still has
trouble with
it! <bwg>"
Well...actually Ren moved from Washington state (across the bridge
from Portland OR) to Florida. Alaska was about 10 years earlier.:)
It was still culture shock!! My kids call everyone "miss" so-and-so
now. A lot of their friends will "Mam" me...and no, I still am not
used to it after 7 years. I DO say y'all though. ugh.
I haven't read much, so I don't know who posted the original message
about being new to Southern Alabama, but if you're anywhere in the
Gulf Shores area, my unschooling support group isn't far from you!
We have an active and healthy unschooling community here, and it's
growing by the day it seems. So if you'd like to meet some other
unschoolers, just write me off list...Pensacola is only about an
hour away from Gulf Shores, which is as Southern as it gets in AL.:)
Ren
<G> Her kids
have figured it out---the M'am-ing, I mean. I think Ren still has
trouble with
it! <bwg>"
Well...actually Ren moved from Washington state (across the bridge
from Portland OR) to Florida. Alaska was about 10 years earlier.:)
It was still culture shock!! My kids call everyone "miss" so-and-so
now. A lot of their friends will "Mam" me...and no, I still am not
used to it after 7 years. I DO say y'all though. ugh.
I haven't read much, so I don't know who posted the original message
about being new to Southern Alabama, but if you're anywhere in the
Gulf Shores area, my unschooling support group isn't far from you!
We have an active and healthy unschooling community here, and it's
growing by the day it seems. So if you'd like to meet some other
unschoolers, just write me off list...Pensacola is only about an
hour away from Gulf Shores, which is as Southern as it gets in AL.:)
Ren
Nisha
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
I would CERTAINLY say something to the owner. She needs to know why
the trainer is losing her clients! You may find that the trainer is
fired for that *one last transgression* (it could be the last straw
she was looking for). Or not. But I think the owner would appreciate
knowing about your experience.
>
I agree. You are leaving because of this person's rudeness to your
daughter. If they don't know there is a problem, they can't fix it.
I'd write it down in a letter if it was me, as well as ask for a
response, in writing. I tend to get flustered in person, and on the
phone, so I like to do things in writing. That way everything is
said exactly how I want it to be said.
ALso, the response you get is a better measure of the place than
when everything is going hunky dory.
About the ma'am thing. I've lived with a career military man for the
last 15 years. ANd I was raised in the south, by someone who was
raised in a military family. The ma'am thing is just ingrained in
me. I can't NOT do it. LOL I can't call someone who is considerably
older than me by just thier first name either. Cultural things. I
don't "require" my kids to say ma'am and sir, but they seem to do
it, mostly because they hear it, I think. Same with please and thank
you. I say them, and I like to hear them, and the kids use them. I
do have a personal bias against yeah, yep, nah and nope. I just
don't like how they sound.
Nisha
Nisha
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
I don't know who posted the original message
in March. Its our 15th anniversary, and I'm not sure I want to go to
a camping event for it. LOL
nisha
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
I don't know who posted the original message
> about being new to Southern Alabama, but if you're anywhere in theWe are possibly going to be going to Gulf Wars in that general area
> Gulf Shores area, my unschooling support group isn't far from you!
in March. Its our 15th anniversary, and I'm not sure I want to go to
a camping event for it. LOL
nisha
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/29/2005 12:12:13 A.M. Mountain Standard Time,
nishamartin@... writes:
-=-Same with please and thank
you. I say them, and I like to hear them, and the kids use them. I
do have a personal bias against yeah, yep, nah and nope. I just
don't like how they sound. -=-
My kids say please and thank you, and no thanks, and Thanks!
My husband and I say please and thank you and did before we ever had kids,
and still will when they're gone.
It's not just one or another. They rarely say sir or ma'am, but they rarely
say "nope" or "yeah" either.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nishamartin@... writes:
-=-Same with please and thank
you. I say them, and I like to hear them, and the kids use them. I
do have a personal bias against yeah, yep, nah and nope. I just
don't like how they sound. -=-
My kids say please and thank you, and no thanks, and Thanks!
My husband and I say please and thank you and did before we ever had kids,
and still will when they're gone.
It's not just one or another. They rarely say sir or ma'am, but they rarely
say "nope" or "yeah" either.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Leah
I'm an SCA member too. Where are you? We play with Darkyard in Warren,
MI.
Leah
-----Original Message-----
From: Nisha [mailto:nishamartin@...]
Sent: Saturday, January 29, 2005 1:55 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: new to posting, looking for advice
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
I don't know who posted the original message
in March. Its our 15th anniversary, and I'm not sure I want to go to
a camping event for it. LOL
nisha
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
_____
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubs
cribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> .
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
MI.
Leah
-----Original Message-----
From: Nisha [mailto:nishamartin@...]
Sent: Saturday, January 29, 2005 1:55 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: new to posting, looking for advice
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
I don't know who posted the original message
> about being new to Southern Alabama, but if you're anywhere in theWe are possibly going to be going to Gulf Wars in that general area
> Gulf Shores area, my unschooling support group isn't far from you!
in March. Its our 15th anniversary, and I'm not sure I want to go to
a camping event for it. LOL
nisha
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
_____
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubs
cribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> .
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]