other kinds of poisons
[email protected]
"At least that will minimize all the junk...
He likes junk food...
...he is aware of the yuckiness of his choices...
...the over-processed yucky foods..."
That was all from one paragraph.
Whether it's mental health, physical health or spiritual health, individuals
and relationships live not by bread alone.
If your husband is aware of the yuckiness of his choices, he must also be
aware that YOU believe he makes "yucky choices."
Someone who is well loved might live 80 years eating "junk" and someone who
eats all organic might die lonely and young.
Please consider cleaning your system of the terminology/idea of "junk" or at
least extend it to include all negative input.
Junk, junky, yuckiness, yuck.
A lot of negativity for one post.
If a child is eating M&Ms next to a relaxed and smiling mother, that seems
preferable in many ways to eating anything next to a mother who thinks you're
finally not yucky junk because you're eating more expensive candy.
Last night there were five bowls out on the table containing:
pretzel sticks
guacamole flavored corn chips
tangerines
red seedless grapes
pork rinds
This morning, after a dozen teenagers were here for hours, the first two
bowls were still nearly empty. There were two tangerines left (of ten), about
5% of the original two bunches of grapes, and no pork rinds.
I didn't even think about putting candy out.
There was still birthday cake, and someone had put one of the frosting roses
on the tray near the cake, where it sat.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
He likes junk food...
...he is aware of the yuckiness of his choices...
...the over-processed yucky foods..."
That was all from one paragraph.
Whether it's mental health, physical health or spiritual health, individuals
and relationships live not by bread alone.
If your husband is aware of the yuckiness of his choices, he must also be
aware that YOU believe he makes "yucky choices."
Someone who is well loved might live 80 years eating "junk" and someone who
eats all organic might die lonely and young.
Please consider cleaning your system of the terminology/idea of "junk" or at
least extend it to include all negative input.
Junk, junky, yuckiness, yuck.
A lot of negativity for one post.
If a child is eating M&Ms next to a relaxed and smiling mother, that seems
preferable in many ways to eating anything next to a mother who thinks you're
finally not yucky junk because you're eating more expensive candy.
Last night there were five bowls out on the table containing:
pretzel sticks
guacamole flavored corn chips
tangerines
red seedless grapes
pork rinds
This morning, after a dozen teenagers were here for hours, the first two
bowls were still nearly empty. There were two tangerines left (of ten), about
5% of the original two bunches of grapes, and no pork rinds.
I didn't even think about putting candy out.
There was still birthday cake, and someone had put one of the frosting roses
on the tray near the cake, where it sat.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karri Lewis
O.K. that was negative. I must say that you are right that there are no guarantees in life whether one eats healthy 'type' foods or 'junk' foods. However, I am negative about my husband's food choices because I don't want to see him have a heart attack or die young from his choices. I do love him. I must admit that I have a hard time letting go of the bad food/good food issue. Perhaps this is my way of hanging on to some sort of hopeless control in our lives. Hmmm, I have a ways to go, I know, but that's why I'm here;-)
SandraDodd@... wrote:"At least that will minimize all the junk...
He likes junk food...
...he is aware of the yuckiness of his choices...
...the over-processed yucky foods..."
That was all from one paragraph.
Whether it's mental health, physical health or spiritual health, individuals
and relationships live not by bread alone.
If your husband is aware of the yuckiness of his choices, he must also be
aware that YOU believe he makes "yucky choices."
Someone who is well loved might live 80 years eating "junk" and someone who
eats all organic might die lonely and young.
Please consider cleaning your system of the terminology/idea of "junk" or at
least extend it to include all negative input.
Junk, junky, yuckiness, yuck.
A lot of negativity for one post.
If a child is eating M&Ms next to a relaxed and smiling mother, that seems
preferable in many ways to eating anything next to a mother who thinks you're
finally not yucky junk because you're eating more expensive candy.
Last night there were five bowls out on the table containing:
pretzel sticks
guacamole flavored corn chips
tangerines
red seedless grapes
pork rinds
This morning, after a dozen teenagers were here for hours, the first two
bowls were still nearly empty. There were two tangerines left (of ten), about
5% of the original two bunches of grapes, and no pork rinds.
I didn't even think about putting candy out.
There was still birthday cake, and someone had put one of the frosting roses
on the tray near the cake, where it sat.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
---------------------------------
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To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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Karri, Lindsay (4/16/02) and Camden (6/8/04)
Kids who are in school just visit life sometimes, and then they have to stop to do homework or go to sleep early or get to school on time. They're constantly reminded they are preparing "for real life," while being isolated from it.-Sandra Dodd
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... wrote:"At least that will minimize all the junk...
He likes junk food...
...he is aware of the yuckiness of his choices...
...the over-processed yucky foods..."
That was all from one paragraph.
Whether it's mental health, physical health or spiritual health, individuals
and relationships live not by bread alone.
If your husband is aware of the yuckiness of his choices, he must also be
aware that YOU believe he makes "yucky choices."
Someone who is well loved might live 80 years eating "junk" and someone who
eats all organic might die lonely and young.
Please consider cleaning your system of the terminology/idea of "junk" or at
least extend it to include all negative input.
Junk, junky, yuckiness, yuck.
A lot of negativity for one post.
If a child is eating M&Ms next to a relaxed and smiling mother, that seems
preferable in many ways to eating anything next to a mother who thinks you're
finally not yucky junk because you're eating more expensive candy.
Last night there were five bowls out on the table containing:
pretzel sticks
guacamole flavored corn chips
tangerines
red seedless grapes
pork rinds
This morning, after a dozen teenagers were here for hours, the first two
bowls were still nearly empty. There were two tangerines left (of ten), about
5% of the original two bunches of grapes, and no pork rinds.
I didn't even think about putting candy out.
There was still birthday cake, and someone had put one of the frosting roses
on the tray near the cake, where it sat.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
Karri, Lindsay (4/16/02) and Camden (6/8/04)
Kids who are in school just visit life sometimes, and then they have to stop to do homework or go to sleep early or get to school on time. They're constantly reminded they are preparing "for real life," while being isolated from it.-Sandra Dodd
---------------------------------
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Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Get it on your mobile phone.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/14/2005 7:57:12 P.M. Mountain Standard Time,
karri_a_lewis@... writes:
-=-However, I am negative about my husband's food choices because I don't
want to see him have a heart attack or die young from his choices. I do love
him. -=--
======================
Stress is known to cause heart attacks.
Maybe you could love him enough to be calm even if he's eating corn chips or
whatever it might be, and he could live more happily.
Maybe if you drop the struggle, he could make healthier choices on his own.
With the struggle intact, he can't make any choice except to let you win by
not having his way, or to "win" by doing what you don't want. Either way is
bad, and you set up the options yourself.
If you see it work with your husband, you'll have a clearer belief that it
will work with your children (or vice versa).
-=- Perhaps this is my way of hanging on to some sort of hopeless control in
our lives. -=-
Your life?
Can you practice controlling your own choice of words and thoughts about
"junk"?
Or try to control how you express it?
We really can't control other people without some risk and cost. The best
we can aim for is to control our selves.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
karri_a_lewis@... writes:
-=-However, I am negative about my husband's food choices because I don't
want to see him have a heart attack or die young from his choices. I do love
him. -=--
======================
Stress is known to cause heart attacks.
Maybe you could love him enough to be calm even if he's eating corn chips or
whatever it might be, and he could live more happily.
Maybe if you drop the struggle, he could make healthier choices on his own.
With the struggle intact, he can't make any choice except to let you win by
not having his way, or to "win" by doing what you don't want. Either way is
bad, and you set up the options yourself.
If you see it work with your husband, you'll have a clearer belief that it
will work with your children (or vice versa).
-=- Perhaps this is my way of hanging on to some sort of hopeless control in
our lives. -=-
Your life?
Can you practice controlling your own choice of words and thoughts about
"junk"?
Or try to control how you express it?
We really can't control other people without some risk and cost. The best
we can aim for is to control our selves.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karri Lewis
SandraDodd@... wrote:
<<<<<Stress is known to cause heart attacks.
Maybe you could love him enough to be calm even if he's eating corn chips or
whatever it might be, and he could live more happily.>>>>>
Honestly, I don't give him a hard time or hassle him when he is eating corn chips or anything else for that matter. I just have in the past had conversations with him about both of us making healthier food choices. Hmmm, I don't think that it is wrong to express concern over someone's choices. I don't sit there and nag him about his food choices or anything.
<<<<<<<Maybe if you drop the struggle, he could make healthier choices on his own.
With the struggle intact, he can't make any choice except to let you win by
not having his way, or to "win" by doing what you don't want. Either way is
bad, and you set up the options yourself.>>>>>>
Hmmm, see I don't really feel that there is a big struggle. I have just expressed to him that there is so much "junk" in regular food and he has agreed with me. He still makes the choice to eat a lot of unhealthy food. I honestly leave him alone about it. He knows what I think. Again, I don't nag him about it.
<<<<<If you see it work with your husband, you'll have a clearer belief that it
will work with your children (or vice versa).>>>>
I pretty much let Lindsay eat whatever she wants and whenever she wants. However, in the past I have said that candy is not good for us because it has very little nutritional value vs. other foods. I told her in two-year old terms by saying that it sometimes makes us tired, sluggish and can hurt our teeth, if we eat too much/too often. I told her that, not while she was eating it, but a little bit after. I have also, told her fruit, vegies and protein give us energy and help her grow. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that.
<<<<<Can you practice controlling your own choice of words and thoughts about
"junk"?
Or try to control how you express it?>>>>>
Oh sure, I know this is my issue.
<<<<<<We really can't control other people without some risk and cost. The best
we can aim for is to control our selves.>>>>>
Yes, that I know is true.
Karri, Lindsay (4/16/02) and Camden (6/8/04)
Kids who are in school just visit life sometimes, and then they have to stop to do homework or go to sleep early or get to school on time. They're constantly reminded they are preparing "for real life," while being isolated from it.-Sandra Dodd
__________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<<<<Stress is known to cause heart attacks.
Maybe you could love him enough to be calm even if he's eating corn chips or
whatever it might be, and he could live more happily.>>>>>
Honestly, I don't give him a hard time or hassle him when he is eating corn chips or anything else for that matter. I just have in the past had conversations with him about both of us making healthier food choices. Hmmm, I don't think that it is wrong to express concern over someone's choices. I don't sit there and nag him about his food choices or anything.
<<<<<<<Maybe if you drop the struggle, he could make healthier choices on his own.
With the struggle intact, he can't make any choice except to let you win by
not having his way, or to "win" by doing what you don't want. Either way is
bad, and you set up the options yourself.>>>>>>
Hmmm, see I don't really feel that there is a big struggle. I have just expressed to him that there is so much "junk" in regular food and he has agreed with me. He still makes the choice to eat a lot of unhealthy food. I honestly leave him alone about it. He knows what I think. Again, I don't nag him about it.
<<<<<If you see it work with your husband, you'll have a clearer belief that it
will work with your children (or vice versa).>>>>
I pretty much let Lindsay eat whatever she wants and whenever she wants. However, in the past I have said that candy is not good for us because it has very little nutritional value vs. other foods. I told her in two-year old terms by saying that it sometimes makes us tired, sluggish and can hurt our teeth, if we eat too much/too often. I told her that, not while she was eating it, but a little bit after. I have also, told her fruit, vegies and protein give us energy and help her grow. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that.
<<<<<Can you practice controlling your own choice of words and thoughts about
"junk"?
Or try to control how you express it?>>>>>
Oh sure, I know this is my issue.
<<<<<<We really can't control other people without some risk and cost. The best
we can aim for is to control our selves.>>>>>
Yes, that I know is true.
Karri, Lindsay (4/16/02) and Camden (6/8/04)
Kids who are in school just visit life sometimes, and then they have to stop to do homework or go to sleep early or get to school on time. They're constantly reminded they are preparing "for real life," while being isolated from it.-Sandra Dodd
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
My husband watched sports on tv - by the hour. I hated it. It took him
away from us, it kept him sitting on the couch, it was annoying noise
in the house, and I just had NO interest and it bugged me.
I bugged HIM - not constantly, because I'm not a nag, but he KNEW that
I disapproved. For one thing, he wanted to spend his bonus on a
big-screen tv and I made it very clear I was NOT going for that. He
knew I thought his choice to watch all that tv was a bad choice.
One day I had an AHA moment. He LOVED watching tv - especially sports.
Why would I not support him in doing something that gave him such
pleasure. So I suggested that the next bonus go for a big-screen. I
reminded him when sporting events were going to be on tv. I arranged
our schedule, to the degree I could, around his favorite sports events.
Just did what I'd do for the kids, if they had a big interest.
Guess what? Over time he started being more discriminating about what
he chose to watch. He started being FAR more willing to tape sports
shows and watch them delayed (he'd always insisted that it was no fun
to watch sports that weren't "live.") He actually watches FAR less now
than he did then - and enjoys what he watches far more. I really truly
think that my change of attitude released him from feeling like he had
to insist on watching.
-pam
away from us, it kept him sitting on the couch, it was annoying noise
in the house, and I just had NO interest and it bugged me.
I bugged HIM - not constantly, because I'm not a nag, but he KNEW that
I disapproved. For one thing, he wanted to spend his bonus on a
big-screen tv and I made it very clear I was NOT going for that. He
knew I thought his choice to watch all that tv was a bad choice.
One day I had an AHA moment. He LOVED watching tv - especially sports.
Why would I not support him in doing something that gave him such
pleasure. So I suggested that the next bonus go for a big-screen. I
reminded him when sporting events were going to be on tv. I arranged
our schedule, to the degree I could, around his favorite sports events.
Just did what I'd do for the kids, if they had a big interest.
Guess what? Over time he started being more discriminating about what
he chose to watch. He started being FAR more willing to tape sports
shows and watch them delayed (he'd always insisted that it was no fun
to watch sports that weren't "live.") He actually watches FAR less now
than he did then - and enjoys what he watches far more. I really truly
think that my change of attitude released him from feeling like he had
to insist on watching.
-pam
On Jan 14, 2005, at 9:47 PM, Karri Lewis wrote:
>
> Hmmm, see I don't really feel that there is a big struggle. I have
> just expressed to him that there is so much "junk" in regular food and
> he has agreed with me. He still makes the choice to eat a lot of
> unhealthy food. I honestly leave him alone about it. He knows what I
> think. Again, I don't nag him about it.
Fetteroll
on 1/15/05 12:47 AM, Karri Lewis at karri_a_lewis@... wrote:
Now if you were talking about *you* making healthier choices, then you'd be
leaving the choice up to him.
surrounded by those who love and support you, then knowing that someone
disapproves -- even silently -- of what you're doing is like a discordant
note. It makes home a less pleasant place to retreat to.
Maybe try picturing something you love but something he doesn't think much
of. Like reading romance novels or science fiction, or a favorite TV show,
or your favorite chocolates. And think of the feeling you get when you do
something you love. And imagine a voice intruding on your relaxation that
says "You shouldn't be doing that. There are better things you could be
doing." And the thing is that even if you only say something occasionally
just your presence when he's eating something "junky" is a reminder of your
words and your disapproval.
I suspect he's well aware of what are healthy foods and what aren't. What
you're saying isn't news to him. What he's hearing is disapproval.
If you want him to eat healthier, rather than trying to get him to change,
you change. Make things he loves that are healthy. Make lunches and snacks
that are healthy. Ask him for feedback on what you're making.
Joyce
> I just have in the past hadThe only one we have power to change is ourselves.
> conversations with him about both of us making healthier food choices.
Now if you were talking about *you* making healthier choices, then you'd be
leaving the choice up to him.
> Hmmm,If you picture home as a haven from pressures, a place to be who you are,
> I don't think that it is wrong to express concern over someone's choices. I
> don't sit there and nag him about his food choices or anything.
surrounded by those who love and support you, then knowing that someone
disapproves -- even silently -- of what you're doing is like a discordant
note. It makes home a less pleasant place to retreat to.
Maybe try picturing something you love but something he doesn't think much
of. Like reading romance novels or science fiction, or a favorite TV show,
or your favorite chocolates. And think of the feeling you get when you do
something you love. And imagine a voice intruding on your relaxation that
says "You shouldn't be doing that. There are better things you could be
doing." And the thing is that even if you only say something occasionally
just your presence when he's eating something "junky" is a reminder of your
words and your disapproval.
I suspect he's well aware of what are healthy foods and what aren't. What
you're saying isn't news to him. What he's hearing is disapproval.
If you want him to eat healthier, rather than trying to get him to change,
you change. Make things he loves that are healthy. Make lunches and snacks
that are healthy. Ask him for feedback on what you're making.
Joyce
soggyboysmom
My DH already has hypertension - partially familial (his mom, dad,
and grandparents all were hypertensive), and partially from
lifestyle (relatively sedentary, food choices, etc). He also has a
severly damaged arthritic hip joint (or what's left of the hip
joint) which makes even walking painful often (try walking a long
distance with one leg on a curb and you begin to approach what he
lives with) so while movement is good for him it is also painful and
while excess weight exacerbates the problem, it is hard to shed when
moving is painful. When HE chose to start moving more, changing his
eating, etc, I researched health clubs, water aerobics, treadmills,
found lower sodium or fat versions of favorites, looked up recipes
for him, etc - he's the head chef in our house so my task was to
make sure the resources were available for him to do stuff like
perfect his really tasty low sodium heart healthy vegetarian chili.
In the process, we talked about things like sodium, protein, fat,
etc. Since DS (6 1/2) is living life right alongside us, he learned
about what sodium and potassium do, what fat/cholesterol do, etc. He
can read and make sense of label packaging and he requested we post
lists of protein foods and potassium foods (since potassium is the
balance to sodium). I also asked him one time when he was bouncing
off the walls and getting in my face if he wanted a PBJ or some
cheese because I had noticed that having some protein snack helped
him keep his own self more comfortable (he said when asked to stop
what he was doing that he -couldn't stop himself-). He asked for PBJ
and now he regularly goes in and makes himself something or asks for
us to help him with something (and we propose something if we know
its been a while - like I'm heading to the kitchen, want me to bring
you some cheese slices?). And lately I've been hoist on my own
petard so to speak - I started back up on the treadmill a few weeks
ago for my own self. DS likes to come and walk with me or he'll
bounce on his mini-trampoline or whatever. Well, last night I wasn't
going to head down to the treadmill (it had been a long day) but DS
said "Are you going down to the treadmill?" and I said No, he got
sad - he wanted to go down and walk with me. What could I do - I
went (lol)! And felt better myself after a nice walk.
Long story short - cheery example beats disapproval hands down.
and grandparents all were hypertensive), and partially from
lifestyle (relatively sedentary, food choices, etc). He also has a
severly damaged arthritic hip joint (or what's left of the hip
joint) which makes even walking painful often (try walking a long
distance with one leg on a curb and you begin to approach what he
lives with) so while movement is good for him it is also painful and
while excess weight exacerbates the problem, it is hard to shed when
moving is painful. When HE chose to start moving more, changing his
eating, etc, I researched health clubs, water aerobics, treadmills,
found lower sodium or fat versions of favorites, looked up recipes
for him, etc - he's the head chef in our house so my task was to
make sure the resources were available for him to do stuff like
perfect his really tasty low sodium heart healthy vegetarian chili.
In the process, we talked about things like sodium, protein, fat,
etc. Since DS (6 1/2) is living life right alongside us, he learned
about what sodium and potassium do, what fat/cholesterol do, etc. He
can read and make sense of label packaging and he requested we post
lists of protein foods and potassium foods (since potassium is the
balance to sodium). I also asked him one time when he was bouncing
off the walls and getting in my face if he wanted a PBJ or some
cheese because I had noticed that having some protein snack helped
him keep his own self more comfortable (he said when asked to stop
what he was doing that he -couldn't stop himself-). He asked for PBJ
and now he regularly goes in and makes himself something or asks for
us to help him with something (and we propose something if we know
its been a while - like I'm heading to the kitchen, want me to bring
you some cheese slices?). And lately I've been hoist on my own
petard so to speak - I started back up on the treadmill a few weeks
ago for my own self. DS likes to come and walk with me or he'll
bounce on his mini-trampoline or whatever. Well, last night I wasn't
going to head down to the treadmill (it had been a long day) but DS
said "Are you going down to the treadmill?" and I said No, he got
sad - he wanted to go down and walk with me. What could I do - I
went (lol)! And felt better myself after a nice walk.
Long story short - cheery example beats disapproval hands down.
Karri Lewis
Thanks for this Pam! I think I get 'it' now. Joy is so important in life. I haven't been online much because I'm sick so this is why I took so long to respond. ttyl
pam sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
My husband watched sports on tv - by the hour. I hated it.
I bugged HIM - not constantly, because I'm not a nag, but he KNEW that
I disapproved.
One day I had an AHA moment. He LOVED watching tv - especially sports.
Why would I not support him in doing something that gave him such
pleasure. So I suggested that the next bonus go for a big-screen. I
reminded him when sporting events were going to be on tv. I arranged
our schedule, to the degree I could, around his favorite sports events.
Just did what I'd do for the kids, if they had a big interest.
Karri, Lindsay (4/16/02) and Camden (6/8/04)
Kids who are in school just visit life sometimes, and then they have to stop to do homework or go to sleep early or get to school on time. They're constantly reminded they are preparing "for real life," while being isolated from it.-Sandra Dodd
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail - now with 250MB free storage. Learn more.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
My husband watched sports on tv - by the hour. I hated it.
I bugged HIM - not constantly, because I'm not a nag, but he KNEW that
I disapproved.
One day I had an AHA moment. He LOVED watching tv - especially sports.
Why would I not support him in doing something that gave him such
pleasure. So I suggested that the next bonus go for a big-screen. I
reminded him when sporting events were going to be on tv. I arranged
our schedule, to the degree I could, around his favorite sports events.
Just did what I'd do for the kids, if they had a big interest.
Karri, Lindsay (4/16/02) and Camden (6/8/04)
Kids who are in school just visit life sometimes, and then they have to stop to do homework or go to sleep early or get to school on time. They're constantly reminded they are preparing "for real life," while being isolated from it.-Sandra Dodd
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail - now with 250MB free storage. Learn more.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]