[Unschooling-dotcom] thought provoking debate vs. fighting
Kathryn McGowan
Hi everyone,
Maybe we can shift some of the way we pursue the threads to be more positive and
productive. My idea is to say what we have found helpful to us in our lives and
experiences without criticizing or negative comments about how anyone else does
things. I am not suggesting we stick our heads in the sand, but that we elevate
our input to constructive rather than destructive. The reason we like this list
is to connect and learn from others. I'm not saying we cannot speak of anything
negative. I am saying that if we say what works for us and why, no one can argue
or feel hurt by that. We can keep the traffic to helping each other rather than
hurting each other. I don't expect everyone to agree. I think people can learn
more by positive example than by feeling defensive. I hope that the positive
environment can encourage others to contribute as well beyond the cast of
regulars. Of course life is made of serious emotionally charged issues that we
don't want to ignore. I would love to explore all these on a "what works for my
family" basis without any "and others are wrong because...".
So am I full of it?
Kathy in Avon
Maybe we can shift some of the way we pursue the threads to be more positive and
productive. My idea is to say what we have found helpful to us in our lives and
experiences without criticizing or negative comments about how anyone else does
things. I am not suggesting we stick our heads in the sand, but that we elevate
our input to constructive rather than destructive. The reason we like this list
is to connect and learn from others. I'm not saying we cannot speak of anything
negative. I am saying that if we say what works for us and why, no one can argue
or feel hurt by that. We can keep the traffic to helping each other rather than
hurting each other. I don't expect everyone to agree. I think people can learn
more by positive example than by feeling defensive. I hope that the positive
environment can encourage others to contribute as well beyond the cast of
regulars. Of course life is made of serious emotionally charged issues that we
don't want to ignore. I would love to explore all these on a "what works for my
family" basis without any "and others are wrong because...".
So am I full of it?
Kathy in Avon
[email protected]
No, i think you're right on... but i do have to say that after 6 years on the
internet i find that tone is often read into things where none was
intended... people have often been put off and even incensed by things i've
said... i think sometimes they are coming into the conversation with their
own personal baggage, if you will, that can trigger defensive emotional
response... it's a hard one... happens all the time in email groups from my
own personal experience... usually it ends up with "rules" which i am averse
to, or it ends up with someone "unsubscribing," which is of course their
choice... i opt for neither... and i think you suggestion of sharing personal
experiences is a good one... i find that when i am offering my opinion and i
make it about "me" rather than attacking someone, that it communicates my
intent far better... unfortunately, some of us over identify with our
opinions on an emotional level and respond inappropriately... although, as
yet, i haven't really seen any of this in the unschooling list... maybe i
should read on...
<< Hi everyone,
Maybe we can shift some of the way we pursue the threads to be more positive
and
productive. My idea is to say what we have found helpful to us in our lives
and
experiences without criticizing or negative comments about how anyone else
does
things. I am not suggesting we stick our heads in the sand, but that we
elevate
our input to constructive rather than destructive. The reason we like this
list
is to connect and learn from others. I'm not saying we cannot speak of
anything
negative. I am saying that if we say what works for us and why, no one can
argue
or feel hurt by that. We can keep the traffic to helping each other rather
than
hurting each other. I don't expect everyone to agree. I think people can
learn
more by positive example than by feeling defensive. I hope that the positive
environment can encourage others to contribute as well beyond the cast of
regulars. Of course life is made of serious emotionally charged issues that
we
don't want to ignore. I would love to explore all these on a "what works for
my
family" basis without any "and others are wrong because...".
So am I full of it?
Kathy in Avon >>
internet i find that tone is often read into things where none was
intended... people have often been put off and even incensed by things i've
said... i think sometimes they are coming into the conversation with their
own personal baggage, if you will, that can trigger defensive emotional
response... it's a hard one... happens all the time in email groups from my
own personal experience... usually it ends up with "rules" which i am averse
to, or it ends up with someone "unsubscribing," which is of course their
choice... i opt for neither... and i think you suggestion of sharing personal
experiences is a good one... i find that when i am offering my opinion and i
make it about "me" rather than attacking someone, that it communicates my
intent far better... unfortunately, some of us over identify with our
opinions on an emotional level and respond inappropriately... although, as
yet, i haven't really seen any of this in the unschooling list... maybe i
should read on...
<< Hi everyone,
Maybe we can shift some of the way we pursue the threads to be more positive
and
productive. My idea is to say what we have found helpful to us in our lives
and
experiences without criticizing or negative comments about how anyone else
does
things. I am not suggesting we stick our heads in the sand, but that we
elevate
our input to constructive rather than destructive. The reason we like this
list
is to connect and learn from others. I'm not saying we cannot speak of
anything
negative. I am saying that if we say what works for us and why, no one can
argue
or feel hurt by that. We can keep the traffic to helping each other rather
than
hurting each other. I don't expect everyone to agree. I think people can
learn
more by positive example than by feeling defensive. I hope that the positive
environment can encourage others to contribute as well beyond the cast of
regulars. Of course life is made of serious emotionally charged issues that
we
don't want to ignore. I would love to explore all these on a "what works for
my
family" basis without any "and others are wrong because...".
So am I full of it?
Kathy in Avon >>
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/29/00 10:22:50 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
kbmimac@... writes:
<< I would love to explore all these on a "what works for my
family" basis without any "and others are wrong because...".
So am I full of it?
Kathy in Avon
lot of sense because I think a lot of discussions in person are like that.
We relate our experiences, problems, successes, and so forth, and we all
learn from one another about life. I am sorry if I sounded too argumentive
myself in my posts.
I thought about some of these issues during the past couple of days
while I was gone and I think I realized what my feelings are. I believe it
is normal and appropriate for people to have strong convictions about certain
issues. I believe it is far better and more constructive to explain, even
strongly, why one believes a certain thing is wrong without attacking the
people themselves or their characters. This can be so painful (I've
experienced some of it myself in years gone by) and either makes the person
feel even more down about him/herself or evokes a defensive, angry reaction.
I don't believe we should judge or categorize people themselves as
selfish, stupid, losers, whatever labels. We don't know what is in their
hearts and it is so easy to then pat ourselves on the back for being BETTER
than those people.
In thinking about what has worked for myself and my family, I can say
that a simple lifestyle, more time than money, days full of learning and
growing for every person (including adults) according to his/her passions at
the time, helping others in whatever ways we can, and communicating with many
different people...these are all things that have made our lives so much
better. I feel that there is still so much to learn and so much room for
improvement for myself.
Anyway, hope these thoughts aren't too random to be cohesive....
Lucy in Calif.
kbmimac@... writes:
<< I would love to explore all these on a "what works for my
family" basis without any "and others are wrong because...".
So am I full of it?
Kathy in Avon
>>No, Kathy, you're definitely not full of it! What you're saying makes a
lot of sense because I think a lot of discussions in person are like that.
We relate our experiences, problems, successes, and so forth, and we all
learn from one another about life. I am sorry if I sounded too argumentive
myself in my posts.
I thought about some of these issues during the past couple of days
while I was gone and I think I realized what my feelings are. I believe it
is normal and appropriate for people to have strong convictions about certain
issues. I believe it is far better and more constructive to explain, even
strongly, why one believes a certain thing is wrong without attacking the
people themselves or their characters. This can be so painful (I've
experienced some of it myself in years gone by) and either makes the person
feel even more down about him/herself or evokes a defensive, angry reaction.
I don't believe we should judge or categorize people themselves as
selfish, stupid, losers, whatever labels. We don't know what is in their
hearts and it is so easy to then pat ourselves on the back for being BETTER
than those people.
In thinking about what has worked for myself and my family, I can say
that a simple lifestyle, more time than money, days full of learning and
growing for every person (including adults) according to his/her passions at
the time, helping others in whatever ways we can, and communicating with many
different people...these are all things that have made our lives so much
better. I feel that there is still so much to learn and so much room for
improvement for myself.
Anyway, hope these thoughts aren't too random to be cohesive....
Lucy in Calif.