Elisa Tauraso

Hi, my situation is not so different than yours and I've just picked up on these postings of e-mails. I'll comment when I have a bit more time to the group but if you want to e-mail me off the list I'd be happy to brainstorm and chat with you about what I've been through personally as well with my husband - a very difficult man to be around and not at all happy in general no matter what I seem to do. I too am balancing how to keep the kids well adjusted and happy and have wondered wether or not they might be better off if we split as when he's working things seem so much more tranquil around here. And there is much more...So, I'll put it out there, elisatauraso@..., and if you want to e-mail me I'd love to hear from you.

Elisa

----- Original Message -----
From: steffieb28
Sent: Monday, December 27, 2004 10:10 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: a difficult problem (Resolved, thank you all!!! )



I have a few minutes that are free and not going to interrupted since my sister has my kids, :-) So I am going to take a few moments to explain myself a little better. First off when I sent the second message, my husband was in another room yelling profanities so I was a little distracted and came off somewhat pathetic..

I appreciate all that has been suggested. It has helped put things in perspective. The last thing I am going to do is get divorced. It would be different if I didn't have feelings for him, but I love this man even though he is a complete and total Jerk most of the time. He does suffer from depression, and he does feel inadequate most of the time. There are so many more issues than just the homeschooling. You have to understand after 11 years of marriage and 15 years together I know he will always find something to be mad about. It has nothing to do with me or my kids, its just how he is. He is in a perpetual bad mood. He rarely smiles and he nags us about everything. This is something though that we have learned to live with. Last week he was on vacation so it was magnified by 100%. The kids and I can normally fall under the radar most of time because he is at work. So what I have come to realize is I need to find ways to cope while he is here. If it means taking the kids to the
park or over to a friends house, or just out shopping, we just need to leave when he gets in his moods. I want you all to know that I don't blame him for our difficulties. I take full responsibility for my actions. Believe me I know I am not perfect. I don't claim to be a victim, because I am far from that. The last thing I need is people saying "Oh you poor thing". I wake up everyday fully aware of my choices and the consequences of those choices. It is not all his fault, and yes he could be a heck of a lot nicer but thats just not realistic. So for now until the kids grow up I just don't see much point in uprooting the family, and causing a battle between he and I.

The kids are wonderful well rounded people. They are compassionate, loving, and they are not violent individuals. They are smart and know how to stand up for themselves. At times they show signs of sadness but who doesn't. Overall this situation isn't any worse than putting them in school and watching them disappear into robots. I chose to home school because I am their mother. I have raised them, I love them, and I know whats best for them. I don't need my husbands permission to home school, or to buy a coat. I am an intelligent woman and can make good decisions without having to bounce it off my irrational, unrealistic husband. He would put them in school simply because he wants them on honor roll and to be popular. Its not about education its about appearances and who you know. For him that works and it is fine with me if that is what he likes, but bottom line is I asked my kids if they wanted to be home schooled, and they all said yes. It is their choice not mine or his. They
choose their education. That is how we ended up homeschooling.

What I was wanting was advice from people who had been through a similar situation and that could give me coping mechanisms. I am fully aware of what I am doing, I, just like other people, get down at times and need some help getting back up. You all did well at jerking me right back where I needed to be and for that I am grateful. You all have a lot of great points and I am truly thankful that I have a place I can go to for advice. This was an exceptional experience. I have never posted to a big group like this before and got so many responses, its been truly amazing. Wonderful people!! Keep it up!! :-)



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