Maria sinding1

My son aged 3 years 2 months has been watching movies on video
endlessly. Today he watched about 5 movies, from approximately 11
in the morning to 7 in the evening, stopping only for a short period
to get in the van to go drop off his sisters somewhere. I have
allowed him to watch all he wants, but to be honest I hate the fact
that he watches so much. So I am wondering, is this normal? Should
I be setting limits? Is this a phase he is going through? Should I
just let him watch all he wants until he eventually gets it out of
his system? Will he ever get it out of his system?

Any advice would be appreciated.

TIA
Maria








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In a message dated 12/14/04 3:27:34 AM, mkeasinding@... writes:

<< Today he watched about 5 movies, from approximately 11
in the morning to 7 in the evening, stopping only for a short period
to get in the van to go drop off his sisters somewhere. I have
allowed him to watch all he wants, but to be honest I hate the fact
that he watches so much. So I am wondering, is this normal? Should
I be setting limits? Is this a phase he is going through? Should I
just let him watch all he wants until he eventually gets it out of
his system? Will he ever get it out of his system? >>

The simple answers are:
yes, normal
no, limits make it worse
maybe a phase
let him watch it
don't assume that "get it out of his system" is desireable.

If you had a three year old reading books, I don't think you would write "but
to be honest I hate the fact that he reads so much."

He's taking in information. He's found a way to get input without leaving
the house.

-=-...stopping only for a short period
to get in the van to go drop off his sisters somewhere.-=-

Could you not have made that a longer outing and taken him somewhere with
just you where he could do something new and interesting? Feed ducks? Play on a
playground?

But honestly, is feeding ducks inherently better than watching a movie? And
if feeding ducks for twenty minutes can be fun, would feeding ducks for two
hours make any sense? Yet watching a movie or reading a book for two hours is
about the only way to really get any benefit from it at all.

Sandra

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In a message dated 12/14/2004 4:27:35 AM Central Standard Time, mkeasin
ding@... writes:

My son aged 3 years 2 months has been watching movies on video
endlessly. Today he watched about 5 movies, from approximately 11
in the morning to 7 in the evening


~~~

I just can't imagine a 3 yo sitting still on the sofa through 5 movies. My
last 3 yo was always doing something else AND watching movies. He always had
a toy in his hand or something spread out on the floor. He listened to the
moview with one ear while he made noises with his airplanes, or he glanced at
the screen while he drew a picture, until his favorite part came on.

So is your son just sitting there doing nothing else but watching a movie,
or is there something else he's doing, too?

Karen


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Seth W Bartels

>I just can't imagine a 3 yo sitting still on the sofa through 5 movies.
My
>last 3 yo was always doing something else AND watching movies. He
always had >a toy in his hand or something spread out on the floor. He
listened to the
>moview with one ear while he made noises with his airplanes, or he
glanced at >the screen while he drew a picture, until his favorite part
came on.

my kids did exactly this when we first moved here in the middle of august
and we got cable for the very first time (previously, we'd gotten 2-3
channels in on our antenna at our old house and there were rarely shows
of interest to them.) they were now exposed to cartoons 24/7 (heaven of
heavens to them!) and sometimes would even stay in front of the tv not
only all day, but most of the night as well, only to wake again in the
morning and ask first thing, *can i watch tv?* it really irritated me.
i worried for their health and my sanity.

i tried play doh, new art supplies, going for a walk, playing outside,
offering to take them to the park, everything i could think of, and it
didn't let up any. i started just leaving it be and trying to trust that
they were digesting it as they needed to and all was well. i brought
their food to them instead of griping about them not coming to the table
(though i still miss our table time) and i sat with them while they
watched some shows that i thought at first glance were asinine...turns
out they're really funny! beyond that, it was clear that they were
getting plenty out of what they were watching...it was sparking them in
ways that surprised, amazed and even sometimes embarrassed me.

now that some time has passed, i see them doing stuff while they watch
like karen was talking about...playing with blocks, dough, trains, dolls,
drawing, stuff like that. and they're spending less time watching...some
days not at all and other days it seems like they rarely leave it. the
only thing that bothers me about it now is that on those days when they
are sitting for the majority of their awake time, they're usually jumping
around and bouncing off the walls at night. we talk about how there's
all this extra energy in them and how can we get it out so we can wind
down and stuff...that helps.

i've had to let go of what seems to have value to me and let my children
find value in their own lives and their own experiences...that's so huge.
i always thought i was doing them a favor by first not having a tv and
then later, restricting their watching time. it seemed unhealthy. my
perspective has shifted so that i can honor my babies in each of their
worlds and be amazed at how happy they can be about things i would never
have dreamed for them. i learned to truly trust them to be whole and i
became more of partner in crime with them rather than a dictator over
them. i learned that sometimes they do know better than me and that they
are perfectly competent beings.

so anyhow...know that this is definitely normal. it may or may not go
away. and that's ok. there is plenty of value in tv/movies. it's as
much of a dream world for kids as books (if not more). i know it can be
frustrating when its all new to you...i can't tell you how many times i
wondered if i wasn't doing something horrible my letting my children
watch as much tv as they wanted. i was sure it would backfire and that
it would make my kids passive. they're still lovely and beautiful and
full of life....driven from the inside instead of following my lead so
much.

relax and enjoy the wonder of your child. :)

all is well...
love,
lisa

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jenneferh2000

I see you have also posted about this topic on AlwaysUnschooled, and
you seem to be getting a lot of good advice. I especially like what
Sandra Dodd posted below.

I wasn't going to post on this topic until a conversation I had with
my chiropractor's secretary inspired me to share...

(Preface: my 17month old head-butted me in the nose yesterday
afternoon and after hearing a crunch and looking in the mirror to
find my nose having shifted a good few centimeters to the right, we
rushed off to the chiropractor's convinced my nose was broken!!
Fortunately it was not and this saved me a trip to the hospital. Woo-
hoo!)

Anyhow, after having my nose inspected, the secretary commented on my
3 year old saying that he was such a beautiful child and was just
shining with a glow on his face. She asked me, "He doesn't watch any
television does he?" This made be laugh inside because what I really
wanted to say was something like, well, you have no idea how much tv
he watches! Quite an addict my partner would say! I came close to
saying, actually I let him watch as much tv as he wants! And, boy,
is it alot! When in fact what I did say was that no, he doesn't
watch television because we don't get cable, and thus no channels,
but he does like to watch quite a few vidoes! More than my partner
prefers, but I am much more flexible about it.

It was an interesting conversation, and she was suprised that
Sebastian watched any tv at all, because she said it seemed like
children who watch a lot of tv don't have a glow like my child does.
Perhaps his glow comes from the fact that we let him watch whatever
he wants whenever he wants, and respect his desires and interests.

Sebastian started watching tv (back when we had cable- gotta love The
Croc Hunter and Nick Jr.!) towards the end of my pregnancy with his
brother (they're 22 1/2 months apart). Then, we let the cable go
(due to finances) and soon he was a video junkie. His video watching
escalated to a good 5 videos a day easily, and at times I did
feel 'concerned', but this was something I had to process myself. He
wouldn't play, or do something else while watching a video. He
literally did just sit on the couch and watch. He was concentrating.

I'm not concerned anymore, and he still loves to watch. He's
learning from them.

Good luck finding a place you feel comfortable about your child's
video watching!

-Jennefer



*********************************************************
> If you had a three year old reading books, I don't think you would
write "but
> to be honest I hate the fact that he reads so much."
>
> He's taking in information. He's found a way to get input without
leaving
> the house.
>
> -=-...stopping only for a short period
> to get in the van to go drop off his sisters somewhere.-=-
>
> Could you not have made that a longer outing and taken him
somewhere with
> just you where he could do something new and interesting? Feed
ducks? Play on a
> playground?
>
> But honestly, is feeding ducks inherently better than watching a
movie? And
> if feeding ducks for twenty minutes can be fun, would feeding ducks
for two
> hours make any sense? Yet watching a movie or reading a book for
two hours is
> about the only way to really get any benefit from it at all.
>
> Sandra

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In a message dated 12/15/2004 4:55:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
jenneferh2000@... writes:

and she was suprised that
Sebastian watched any tv at all, because she said it seemed like
children who watch a lot of tv don't have a glow like my child does.<<<

Perhaps his glow comes from being respected and trusted as the beautiful
individual he is. My guess is that the 99% of kids she sees that DON'T glow are
*schooled*, not tv watchers.

~Kelly


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Me, veering off topic as usual:

In a message dated 12/15/04 2:54:57 PM, jenneferh2000@... writes:

<< It was an interesting conversation, and she was suprised that

Sebastian watched any tv at all, because she said it seemed like

children who watch a lot of tv don't have a glow like my child does.

Perhaps his glow comes from the fact that we let him watch whatever

he wants whenever he wants, and respect his desires and interests. >>

One of the officers who ran a junior police academy in which Marty
participated said afterward that Marty was wonderful, and he said "You can always tell a
kid who comes from a family with discipline, with rules."

Maybe Sebastian glows and TV has nothing to do with it.
Maybe lots of kids who don't glow also watch a lot of TV.

It would be nice if people in medical offices were a little more scientific
about what they state as fact, even receptionists. I could extrapolate from
that story and a few others that people who work in the medical field consider
correlation to be the same as cause and effect, that they're not very
scientific. More likely, those who work with people who think their pronouncements
carry truth just because they're professionals have some of that rub off on
them. Maybe that's why secretaries at schools seem to think they know all
about homeschooling laws, because the administrators they work for think they know
all about education.

Sandra