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In a message dated 12/12/2004 5:13:33 PM Mountain Standard Time,
ddzimlew@... writes:
Children are people we should be spending a lot of time talking to,
listening to and helping because they're new here. Instead it's standard
operating procedure to be short with them, shush them and limit them.
We make them small.
-------------------------------

Lately I've watched Mork and Mindy (the first season is on DVD now) and Henry
V, and this Deb's quote above reminded me of both. Mork needs lots of
feedback about how to act, because he just got here (in the story, at that point, I
mean), and the feedback he gets from people who know he's alien is much kinder
than from those who have no idea. And from Henry V, I'm reminded that "to
enlarge" used to mean "to set free," as from prison. We still have "at
large," but the king says "We will yet enlarge that man who railed against our
person. . ." [WAIT. Google will quote it for me]:

. . .Uncle of Exeter,
Enlarge the man committed yesterday
That railed against our person. We consider
It was the heat of wine that set him on,
And on his more advice we pardon him.. ..
[. . .highest quality blah blah blah. . .]
We'll yet enlarge that man,
Though Cambridge, Scroop, and Grey, in their dear care
And tender preservation of our person
Would have him punished.

==================

When we make our children small we also imprison them in an unhappy childhood.
We can enlarge them in more ways than one.

The decisions Keith and I have made over the years have enlarged us too. We
are free from the rule making and enforcing treadmill so many parents are on.
We are free from the frustration and alienation the larger culture would
swear MUST come with teenagers, that they think is natural with teens.

We are freer and we are bigger people, and our relationships are freer and
bigger two.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

myfunny4

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> We
> are free from the rule making and enforcing treadmill so many
parents are on.
> We are free from the frustration and alienation the larger culture
would
> swear MUST come with teenagers, that they think is natural with
teens.
>

Hi Sandra,

I'm glad you commented on this. When my kids were two years old, I
kept waiting for the "terrible two's" which everyone assured me were
just a forerunner of the "terrible teens". The "terrible two's"
never materialized, and neither did the "terrible teens". I loved
having a two-year old and I love having teens.

My 19-year old will spontaneously hug me, and tell me I'm her
favorite person in the world; my 15-year old asks me to go shopping
with her (which, I'm told, is unheard of among parents of teen
girls...); and my 12-year old will tell me, with great enthusiasm
(picture a lanky pre-teen whirling and jumping around the kitchen)
and in great detail <g>, about his improving skills in playing
Budokai 3, before he calls his friends to give them the good news.

Debbie

Elizabeth Hill

** I'm glad you commented on this. When my kids were two years old, I
kept waiting for the "terrible two's" which everyone assured me were
just a forerunner of the "terrible teens". The "terrible two's"
never materialized, and neither did the "terrible teens". I loved
having a two-year old and I love having teens.**

My story is not quite as all-out positive as yours, but it makes a good
cautionary tale.

When my extra-cute son was 18 months old, my mom started telling me how
"terrible" I had been at that age. So, being a worrier, I started to
worry about my son going through a terrible phase. Right before he
turned three he had some symptoms that kind of matched the classic
"terrible two" stage. These only lasted a few weeks. I waited and
worried for 17 months before this happened. It was SOOO ridiculous.

The teen years are a few years away for us. I try not to worry. :-)

Betsy